Thank you to all my lovely kind reviewers. And now, here is your reward: chapter three. More reviews still very welcome! Thank you for you time, and here we go...
The More You Know the Less You Feel.
"The more you see, the less you know
Unless you find out as you go"
U2 - City Of Blinding Lights
A week passed by and although questions and confusion still ravaged their minds, Mac and Caroline no longer let their hearts ruler their heads. Life slipped back in to it's quirky rhythm. Mac and Caroline got by on stolen glances, brief exchanges of words, flitting smiles and double meanings with the occasional brush of fingers as they busied themselves with distractions. Mac kept on in his calm in the storm manner, going back to the time before confusion when he was just Mac and happy to be so. Caroline meanwhile, continued on in her haphazard manner, suppressing her feelings and returning to the normal confusions she suffered from the eccentricities of her life. The oddity and absurdity of normal life also returned to Sue and Guy. Sue, still happy to insult, scare, mock and blatantly ignore all who entered her office. And as for Guy, he returned to boasting, belittling and bickering. Work in this hospital: humdrum of the extraordinary kind which made the worries of the last week fade to grey.
And now, Caroline leant against the counter chewing her pencil and smiling lightly to herself. She was content...in a weird incomplete kind of way. She stared down at the papers in front of her but she didn't focus on the words on the page. She focused on the word she could hear coming from the corridor. "...yeah, I'll be there in a minute. I've just got to quickly go and see someone."
She knew Mac's voice anywhere and a part of her silently hoped it was her he had to quickly come and see. She turned as he appeared in the doorway and made his way over to her.
"Morning" he smiled politely with a little nod at her.
"Hi Mac" she said, returning his smile.
"So, not to question my luck, but what brings you here? You're rushed off your feet this week"
"I'm here because of Guy...well, sort of. Actually, it's you I need" Mac said.
"Really? Well then, what can I do for you"
"I wonder if you could give this to Guy for me. Internal mail, got sent to me by mistake. I don't have time to go and search for him and I knew you would be here and that you'll be seeing him at some point today. So, I was hoping I could leave it with you and you could pass it on to him when you see him" Mac asked, holding out an envelope to her. Her face felt hot from his gaze.
"Certainly. Simple enough really, not even I can screw that up" she smiled.
"Well, that's what I thought" he smiled playfully and she laughed. As she took the letter, their fingers touched, brushing each other slightly. Both of them smiled, looking at each other, glancing away and then they turned back to each other again. Their smiles widened briefly, before slowly and reluctantly they withdrew their hands.
"Right, well. Thank you. Try not to mess it up" Mac said with a wink.
"I'll try not to" she replied, smirking.
"I'd best be off then. Bye" Mac said, starting to turn.
"See you later then"
"It's very likely you will" Mac grinned, looking back and flashing her another wink before hurrying off. Caroline smiled softly to herself, then put the envelope down and returned to her papers.
"You really like Mac don't you" said a voice to her side. She jumped slightly and looked down.
"Oh Martin, it's you. You scared me"
"Sorry...but it's true though isn't it"
"Martin I"
"I knew it"
"What's true, what did you know"
"Never mind" Martin said.
"Tell me"
"It's just, I've seen the way you two look at each other. And I've seen the way you look at him as he's walking away. You're both my friends, and I can see what you're both doing to each other" Martin said quietly. Caroline let her jaw drop a little then finally she found words.
"Since when were you so bright?" she asked. Martin just smiled.
"Just think about it Caroline. You don't have to be a genius to understand, you just have to have a different perspective."
Caroline was a little taken aback by Martin's insight.
"Morning Fartin...and the other one" came a voice from over by the fridge.
"I see you've been taking lessons in charm from Mac. Although I even get a warmer welcome from him these days" Caroline sighed.
"Is that so, he must be up to something" Guy sneered coming over to her and Martin.
"If you say so. Anyway speaking of Mac; he just dropped this off for you" Caroline said, handing him the envelope. Guy frowned as he took it.
"Why?" he asked.
"I'm no expert, but I presume he just wanted it to get to you as quick as possible"
"But why didn't he just give it to me"
"Well, we both know he's been unbelievably busy recently. He probably thought I would see you first"
"Yeah, but he didn't did he. We spoke when he was coming in here. I was right outside the door"
"Getting your different perspective yet?" Martin asked, gathering his many folders and books and walking off. Caroline blinked trying to sort out her thoughts.
"But, if he knew he could have just given it to you then why did he go out of his way to make sure I got it?" Caroline wondered aloud. But she got no answer, as Guy was already heading off to get some answers of his own. After what he'd seen last week, he knew he should really at least try and do something.
----------
Mac turned the corner, smiling to himself. Ok, so his life was hectic at work right now and emotionally he was kind of mixed up but he was ok with it. Work kept him away from and close to Caroline in a strange balance that worked for him. And judging by her smile, it worked for her too. He glanced at his watch. He wasn't running late for a change. In fact, he had plenty of time to spare.
"Mac" someone called. Good job he had time on his hands. He turned to see Angela.
"Yes, I am Mac. What can I do for you?" he asked.
"I've got some...awkward news" Angela replied.
"Really. Why do I get the feeling the name Holly is about to be mentioned"
"Oh please don't be like that"
"Like what? It's the truth isn't it"
"Well...yes but"
"But nothing. No, come on tell me. What awkward news of Holly have you brought for me today"
"She's called off her engagement" Angela said, wincing in advance. That showed how little she really knew Mac. He rarely lost his cool, although there had been two occasions where anger had gotten the better of him. But Guy had deserved what he got, both times. The scalpel and the cereal were just punishments. Usually Mac dealt with his emotions inwardly, quietly.
"She called it off" he said slowly.
"Yes...because she thought she might"
"She thought she might"
"She thought she might still love you."
Mac closed his eyes and shook his head.
"Unbelievable" he muttered.
"I'm sorry Mac"
"No, no, it's ok. It's fine"
"You don't mean that"
"No, you're right I don't. But I have things to do, so if you'll just excuse me"
"Are you sure you don't want to talk"
"Yup"
"Yes as in yes you wanna talk"
"No, yes as in I'm sure I don't want to talk"
"Is that wise"
"Probably not, but I have a job to do"
"Oh, but Mac I"
"Angela, stop. Just, let me walk away. Let me at least try and forget her"
"But how would you do that if she, say, I don't know, turned up here"
"If she wants to come and talk to me, she can. But she has to come to me. I stopped following her around a while ago now."
----------
"So"
"So"
"About Mac"
"This is about Mac you say"
"Yes"
"Ah...I see. What about him"
"I think he's...under some emotional strain. You know, wussy type stuff" Guy replied.
Sue and Guy sat in silence. It was the third silence that had descended upon them since Guy had got here.
"He's in...y'know" Guy looked at the floor and then mumbled "love"
"With Caroline"
"How'd you know that!" Guy exclaimed, looking around for hidden cameras. Sue looked smug and tapped her nose. She folded her arms and leant back. Guy followed suite and they stared at each other across the desk.
"Do you want this to turn nasty Mr.Secretan"
"Bitch"
"Wanker."
Silence fell on the room once more. Sue leant forward again, still eyeing Guy over.
"Do you think we should do something?" Sue asked.
"What? Here? Now"
"Not that something you twat"
"Oh...what then"
"About Mac and Caroline"
"Oh...like what"
"I don't know"
"But you're supposed to aren't you? Being like a counsellor type person or something"
"I don't feel sympathy Mr.Secretan. I just pretend to listen and sometimes, when I can be bothered, I pretend to care"
"Ah."
Silence.
"We could be friends to them" Guy said at last. Sue raised an eyebrow.
"Yes"
"We'd be acting, obviously but"
"Obviously, but"
"It might"
"I could"
"It could perhaps, maybe, perhaps work. Yes."
More silence.
"There is a sexual tension in this room that is preventing me from leaving" Guy said.
"Right...and would you like to explore that"
"No, not really"
"Another time maybe"
"Yes"
"Well then, off you go"
"I can't"
"Ok then...well. We'll just sit here until you can move"
"Right. Ok."
Silence again. Then eventually, Guy left.
----------
Martin was proud to be friends with Mac. It was elevating somehow. He was friends with one of the most popular people in the hospital. Ok, so there were people with a higher social status than Mac. But Mac was up there. And to Martin's mind, that meant he was up there too. Martin was also proud to be friends with Caroline. It was motivational somehow that he was friends with the girl Mac and Guy were rivals for. Although truly there was no competition. Guy's brief stay in her heart was bought with lies. But Martin was already close to her. Before either of them had even given her a kind word.
He glanced over at Mac, who was searching through some files. He glanced over at Guy who was lying on the table attempting to win over some woman. He glanced over at Caroline who was sat staring at Mac, distractedly eating her pen. He willed Mac to look up and smile at her. He willed Guy to go away. He willed Caroline to get up her courage and go over to Mac. Maybe he was prying, or overly hopeful. Or maybe he was right.
Mac looked up from his papers. He smiled at Caroline who hurriedly attempted to act like she hadn't been staring at him for the past ten minutes.
"Have you seen the Jenkins file?" he asked, walking over to her.
"No, I thought you collected it" Caroline said.
"Ah...yeah...I just didn't have time this morning sorry" Mac said.
"Oh it's ok. I know how busy you are"
"But you do realise this means one of us has to go and find Dr.Statham"
"Shit" Caroline said bluntly. Mac smirked.
"Here, we'll sort this fairly" he said, holding out one hand.
"Rock paper scissors?" she asked, raising a eyebrow.
"I said fairly, I never mentioned anything about maturely" he smiled. She laughed.
"One, two, three" he counted. They revealed their hand. Mac had paper. Caroline had rock.
"Paper covers rock" he said slowly, softly, placing his hand over hers. She smiled, and they remained frozen like that for a few lingering moments. Then they stepped back.
"I'd better go and find him then" she sighed.
"Good luck" he said, and she walked away.
She didn't mind losing, it had definitely had its reward. She was new to this love thing, but she was finding out as she went. Finding secrets and snatched moments everywhere you look. Knowing and feeling are two very different things and perhaps that was why all this was so confusing. But the more you see of someone, the less you know and the more you feel and the less you know. Confusing? Then it must be something. And that's what she kept whispering to herself: it must be something.