A/N: *dodges flying geisha* I updated! Stop the assaults! Actually, Saitoh's tale is divided in about 3 scenes so...uhh..yay? Or not...Anyhow, I'm soooo close to 100 reviews! My first fic over a hundred! Unless I get another 11 on my J&D fic in the next couple've hours...
Gah, anyhoo, Phoe-chan just turned 18! It's scary! I'm a legal adult! And still not brighter! O_o;; Oh, yes..if you like parodies, I am teaming up with a friend of mine to do an InuYasha parody of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. If you're interested, lurk about for when we post the prologue!
Disclaimer: I have not gained copyright-ship of RK or MP. I'd have to be japanese to own RK and kinda..old to own MP. All I own is what's left of my baby blanket and a chocolate brownie. *eats* ...Okay, a now-being-digested brownie. ^______^;
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Rurouni Kenshin and the Holy Sakabato
Scene 14
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PHOE-CHAN: The Tale of Sir Saitoh. [Coughs at cigarette smoke]
KONDO: One day, lad, all this will be yours!
OKITA: What, the shoji?
KONDO: No. Not the shoji, boy. All that you can see, stretched out over the hills and valleys of this land! This'll be your army, lad.
OKITA: But Aunt Rei--
KONDO: Leader, boy. Leader.
OKITA: B-- b-- but Leader, I don't want any of that.
KONDO: Listen, lad. I built this army up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was farmers. Other samurai said I was daft to make an army out of farmers, but I did it all the same, just to show 'em. They died. By falling on their pitchforks. So, I made a second one. They died by choking on crops. So, I made a third one. They raced into battle, forgot their swords and were killed by a little red-haired girl with a ponytail, but the fourth army hasn't died! And that's what you're gonna get, lad: the strongest army in all of Japan.
OKITA: But I don't want those men. I'd rather--
KONDO: Rather what?!
OKITA: I'd rather... [music] ...just... cough!
KONDO: Stop that! Stop that! You're not going to have TB while I'm here. Now listen, boy. In twenty minutes, you're getting married to a girl whose father owns the biggest army in all of Hokkaido.
OKITA: B-- but I don't want an army.
KONDO: Listen, Kaoru,--
OKITA: Okita. Souji Okita.
KONDO: Soushi. We're losing to a girl with red hair. We need all the men we can get.
OKITA: But-- but I don't like her.
KONDO: Don't like her?! Well, Duh! She's killing all our men by squeaking "Ryu Tsui Sen!"
OKITA: No, not her. The other her.
KONDO: What's wrong with her?! She's beautiful. She's rich. She's got huge... armies of men!
OKITA: I know, but I want the-- the girl that I marry to have... [music] ... an authentic...Japanese..look! [cough, hack, wheeze]
KONDO: Cut that out! Cut that out! Look, you're marrying the Moon Princess, so you'd better get used to the idea! [smack] Guards! Make sure the boy doesn't kill anyone until I come and get him.
GUARD #1: Not to kill anyone even if you come and get him.
GUARD #2: Hic!
KONDO: No, no. Until I come and get him.
GUARD #1: Until you come and get him, we're not to kill him.
KONDO: No, no. No. You can kill whoever. Just make sure he doesn't kill.
GUARD #1: And you'll come and get him.
GUARD #2: Hic!
KONDO: Right.
GUARD #1: We don't need to do anything apart from just stop him from commiting suicide.
KONDO: And killing.
GUARD #1: Killing. Yes. [sniff]
KONDO: All right?
GUARD #1: Right.
GUARD #2: Hic!
KONDO: Right.
GUARD #1: Oh, if-- if-- if, uhh-- if-- if-- w-- ehh-- i-- if-- if we--
KONDO: Yes? What is it?
GUARD #1: Oh, i-- if-- i-- oh--
KONDO: Look, it's quite simple.
GUARD #1: Uh...
KONDO: You just stay here and make sure 'e doesn't kill anyone. All right?
GUARD #2: Hic!
KONDO: Right.
GUARD #1: Oh, I remember. Uhh, can he kill us?
KONDO: N-- no, no. No. You can kill but he can't--
GUARD #1: Oh, yes. We'll kill, obviously, but if he had to kill us, because we tried to maul him--
KONDO: No, no, no, no. Don't kill him and he can't kill you--
GUARD #1: Until you or anyone else--
KONDO: No, not anyone else. Just me.
GUARD #1: Just you.
GUARD #2: Hic!
KONDO: Get back.
GUARD #1: Get back.
KONDO: All right?
GUARD #1: Right. We'll stay here until you get back.
GUARD #2: Hic!
KONDO: And, uh, make sure he doesn't kill.
GUARD #1: What?
KONDO: Make sure 'e doesn't kill.
GUARD #1: Okita?
KONDO: Yes. Make sure 'e doesn't kill..or die.
GUARD #1: Oh, yes, of course.
GUARD #2: Hic!
GUARD #1: Ah. I thought you meant him. You know, it seemed a bit daft me havin' to keep him from killing when we're in a war and such.
KONDO: Is that clear?
GUARD #2: Hic!
GUARD #1: Oh, quite clear. No problems.
KONDO: Right. Where are you going?
GUARD #1: We're coming with you.
KONDO: No, no. I want you to stay here and make sure 'e doesn't kill.
GUARD #1: Oh, I see. Right.
OKITA: But Sempai!
KONDO: Shut your noise, you! And get that kimono on! [hack, cough] And no tuberculosis!
GUARD #2: Hic!
KONDO: And stay out of the sake! [clank]
OKITA: [writing] [scribble scribble scribble fold fold] [grabs arrow and bow, shoots] [twong]
End Scene
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A/N: -_-; Is it just me or is this getting beyond the point of stupidity?
Uh huh...
No individual thanks this time, but I do muchly appreciate your reviews!! ^_^
OI! This fic also got nominated for the RKRC awards for best Humour story for 2002. yay me! ^^; I highly doubt I stand a chance against some of those awesome works out there like Gochan's "A Rurouni's Guide to Idiocy" But it's nice to know some of ya'll thought I was worthy enough to be nominated. *hugs and doughnuts to all* Anywho, I'm rambling. I'll try to have the next scene out soon!
Now be ever so kind and leave me a reviews. I love them. They're like virtual cookies. You can't have just one.
**Ignore the grammar, I do**
Phoe-chan
Gah, anyhoo, Phoe-chan just turned 18! It's scary! I'm a legal adult! And still not brighter! O_o;; Oh, yes..if you like parodies, I am teaming up with a friend of mine to do an InuYasha parody of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. If you're interested, lurk about for when we post the prologue!
Disclaimer: I have not gained copyright-ship of RK or MP. I'd have to be japanese to own RK and kinda..old to own MP. All I own is what's left of my baby blanket and a chocolate brownie. *eats* ...Okay, a now-being-digested brownie. ^______^;
----------
Rurouni Kenshin and the Holy Sakabato
Scene 14
----------
PHOE-CHAN: The Tale of Sir Saitoh. [Coughs at cigarette smoke]
KONDO: One day, lad, all this will be yours!
OKITA: What, the shoji?
KONDO: No. Not the shoji, boy. All that you can see, stretched out over the hills and valleys of this land! This'll be your army, lad.
OKITA: But Aunt Rei--
KONDO: Leader, boy. Leader.
OKITA: B-- b-- but Leader, I don't want any of that.
KONDO: Listen, lad. I built this army up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was farmers. Other samurai said I was daft to make an army out of farmers, but I did it all the same, just to show 'em. They died. By falling on their pitchforks. So, I made a second one. They died by choking on crops. So, I made a third one. They raced into battle, forgot their swords and were killed by a little red-haired girl with a ponytail, but the fourth army hasn't died! And that's what you're gonna get, lad: the strongest army in all of Japan.
OKITA: But I don't want those men. I'd rather--
KONDO: Rather what?!
OKITA: I'd rather... [music] ...just... cough!
KONDO: Stop that! Stop that! You're not going to have TB while I'm here. Now listen, boy. In twenty minutes, you're getting married to a girl whose father owns the biggest army in all of Hokkaido.
OKITA: B-- but I don't want an army.
KONDO: Listen, Kaoru,--
OKITA: Okita. Souji Okita.
KONDO: Soushi. We're losing to a girl with red hair. We need all the men we can get.
OKITA: But-- but I don't like her.
KONDO: Don't like her?! Well, Duh! She's killing all our men by squeaking "Ryu Tsui Sen!"
OKITA: No, not her. The other her.
KONDO: What's wrong with her?! She's beautiful. She's rich. She's got huge... armies of men!
OKITA: I know, but I want the-- the girl that I marry to have... [music] ... an authentic...Japanese..look! [cough, hack, wheeze]
KONDO: Cut that out! Cut that out! Look, you're marrying the Moon Princess, so you'd better get used to the idea! [smack] Guards! Make sure the boy doesn't kill anyone until I come and get him.
GUARD #1: Not to kill anyone even if you come and get him.
GUARD #2: Hic!
KONDO: No, no. Until I come and get him.
GUARD #1: Until you come and get him, we're not to kill him.
KONDO: No, no. No. You can kill whoever. Just make sure he doesn't kill.
GUARD #1: And you'll come and get him.
GUARD #2: Hic!
KONDO: Right.
GUARD #1: We don't need to do anything apart from just stop him from commiting suicide.
KONDO: And killing.
GUARD #1: Killing. Yes. [sniff]
KONDO: All right?
GUARD #1: Right.
GUARD #2: Hic!
KONDO: Right.
GUARD #1: Oh, if-- if-- if, uhh-- if-- if-- w-- ehh-- i-- if-- if we--
KONDO: Yes? What is it?
GUARD #1: Oh, i-- if-- i-- oh--
KONDO: Look, it's quite simple.
GUARD #1: Uh...
KONDO: You just stay here and make sure 'e doesn't kill anyone. All right?
GUARD #2: Hic!
KONDO: Right.
GUARD #1: Oh, I remember. Uhh, can he kill us?
KONDO: N-- no, no. No. You can kill but he can't--
GUARD #1: Oh, yes. We'll kill, obviously, but if he had to kill us, because we tried to maul him--
KONDO: No, no, no, no. Don't kill him and he can't kill you--
GUARD #1: Until you or anyone else--
KONDO: No, not anyone else. Just me.
GUARD #1: Just you.
GUARD #2: Hic!
KONDO: Get back.
GUARD #1: Get back.
KONDO: All right?
GUARD #1: Right. We'll stay here until you get back.
GUARD #2: Hic!
KONDO: And, uh, make sure he doesn't kill.
GUARD #1: What?
KONDO: Make sure 'e doesn't kill.
GUARD #1: Okita?
KONDO: Yes. Make sure 'e doesn't kill..or die.
GUARD #1: Oh, yes, of course.
GUARD #2: Hic!
GUARD #1: Ah. I thought you meant him. You know, it seemed a bit daft me havin' to keep him from killing when we're in a war and such.
KONDO: Is that clear?
GUARD #2: Hic!
GUARD #1: Oh, quite clear. No problems.
KONDO: Right. Where are you going?
GUARD #1: We're coming with you.
KONDO: No, no. I want you to stay here and make sure 'e doesn't kill.
GUARD #1: Oh, I see. Right.
OKITA: But Sempai!
KONDO: Shut your noise, you! And get that kimono on! [hack, cough] And no tuberculosis!
GUARD #2: Hic!
KONDO: And stay out of the sake! [clank]
OKITA: [writing] [scribble scribble scribble fold fold] [grabs arrow and bow, shoots] [twong]
End Scene
----------
A/N: -_-; Is it just me or is this getting beyond the point of stupidity?
Uh huh...
No individual thanks this time, but I do muchly appreciate your reviews!! ^_^
OI! This fic also got nominated for the RKRC awards for best Humour story for 2002. yay me! ^^; I highly doubt I stand a chance against some of those awesome works out there like Gochan's "A Rurouni's Guide to Idiocy" But it's nice to know some of ya'll thought I was worthy enough to be nominated. *hugs and doughnuts to all* Anywho, I'm rambling. I'll try to have the next scene out soon!
Now be ever so kind and leave me a reviews. I love them. They're like virtual cookies. You can't have just one.
**Ignore the grammar, I do**
Phoe-chan