Disclaimer: I disclaim.
Rurouni Kenshin and the Holy Sakabato
Scene 19: Megumi - the Next American Idol
KENSHIN: (Covered in blood, guts, and lipstick while Aoshi is amazingly spotless, but missing his shirt and underpants. Not that we can tell.) O Geisha of Mou, we have brought the... ...(sigh) Yaoicon tickets, de gozaru. Can we go now?
HEAD GEISHA: Oh, these are nice tickets. They're seasonal tickets. I didn't even know there was a such thing as season Yaoicon tickets!
(AOSHI and KENSHIN exchange uneasy glances)
HEAD GEISHA: However, there is one small, itty bitty problem.
KENSHIN: What is that?
HEAD GEISHA: We are now... no longer the Geisha Who Say 'Mou'.
RANDOM GEISHA: Mou!
RANDOM GEISHA 2: OK, new rule. She's not allowed to speak anymore.
HEAD GEISHA: Shh! We are now the Geisha Who Say 'Ooo Eee Ooo Aah Aah Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing Bang.' We also sing it in G minor and folk dance to it.
RANDOM GEISHA: Mou!
HEAD GEISHA: Therefore, we must give you a test.
KENSHIN: What is this test, O Geisha of-- Geisha who till recently said 'Mou'?
HEAD GEISHA: Firstly, you must find... another batch of Yaoicon tickets! (dramatic chord)
KENSHIN: ...I can't believe this.
AOSHI: (Elbows KENSHIN)
KENSHIN: ...de gozaru yo.
HEAD GEISHA: Then, when you have found the tickets, you must reserve us hotel rooms at Yurisuites, preferably close to the convention center and with conventional breakfast served every morning!
GEISHA: Ohh, conventional breakfast! Yes, yes!
HEAD GEISHA: Then, upon getting us our tickets and reservations, you must proceed to have hot man-on-man sex with your friend there. ...In front of live cameras and an audience. ...Using... THIS! (Holds up a whip)
GEISHA: ...Ooooooh!
KENSHIN: We shall do no such thing! (eyes flash)
HEAD GEISHA: Oh, please!
AOSHI: Screw him? I'll cut open my stomach first.
BATTOUSAI: Be glad to do that for you.
AOSHI: ...When did you get here?
BATTOUSAI: When my counterpart passed out cold. Kicks KENSHIN on the ground So...what's going on?
AOSHI: ...Long story short, they want us to screw each other on camera.
BATTOUSAI: I'm going to kill them all.
AOSHI: (dryly) And how.
BATTOUSAI: (Kills them. In one swing. Looks like something from Bleach) Done.
HEAD GEISHA: ...You killed my harem!
AOSHI: What?
HEAD GEISHA: (pulls off wig) I'm a man! You killed my harem! I was this close to getting some!
BATTOUSAI: ...And you were wanting us to...
HEAD GEISHA: They wanted it! I had to appease them!
AOSHI: And the Yaoicon tickets?
HEAD GEISHA: For them, too.
BATTOUSAI: Can I kill him?
AOSHI: Let me. You got to kill the rest.
BATTOUSAI: I'm the main character, though.
AOSHI: No, Kenshin is. You're just a schizophrenic counterpart.
BATTOUSAI: I am not.
AOSHI: My... leige--err, Oh, hell, someone wake Kenshin up. Bird-brain's back.
(BATTOUSAI douses KENSHIN with water then leaves. AOSHI takes time to kill HEAD GEISHA-MAN-PERSON)
KENSHIN: What? Huh? ...Hey, my ass doesn't hurt. That's a good thing, right?
SANO: ...What?
MEGUMI: (singing) Kumbaya, My Lord. Kumbaya... Kumbaya, My Lord. Kumbaya...
AOSHI: What is she singing?
SANO: I don't know; I don't care; but it's immensely better than 'We Like to Party'. I have it stuck in my head now.
KENSHIN: Hey, my clothes are still on, too! All right!
AOSHI: Someone, please. Make him stop. Please.
KENSHIN: Anyway, Sano, did you find the grail?
SANO: Well, I--
MEGUMI: Tried so hard, and got so far! But in the end, HE RAN LIKE A COWARD.
SANO: Can I kill her, please?
AOSHI: Let's just go. Now.
KENSHIN: Yahiko! To the Kenmobile!
YAHIKO: (To SANO) I'll trade you.
SANO: ...I think I'll keep the singing bimbo, thanks.
MEGUMI: 99 red balloons go high!
AOSHI: LEAVING. NOW.
MEGUMI: I'm leaving on a jetplane...
And We cut this scene before bloodshed of practicing doctors could occur.
(End Scene 19)
AN: Yeah, not too funny. But an update in just under a year! All right!
Maybe one day I'll bring laughs to this fiction again. Good news is that To Make a Difference is almost completely revamped.
Phoe-chan