A/N: - Another long wait and another serious failure on my part as far as quick updates are concerned. Just to refresh your memories, Mikey and Splinter are now also dead – everybody is dead and Leo is alone. Also, to clarify for one or two understandably confused reviewers, Splinter died of old age – it's more the fact he died when Leo had nobody else in the world that is significant. As for Mikey, back in April's apartment, after Raph and Donnie had died, Shredder was beating Mikey about (Chapter 3) and it is made known that he 'sustained injuries that were a far greater cause for concern' (Chapter 4) – his health had been deteriorating ever since, although Leo, not being a doctor, never really found out what happened. Don't worry! I will make sure I explain it a little more in my Epilogue, which shall be occurring very soon!

LEO'S POV – PRESENT TIME

I wish I had ended it, there and then – I should have ended it – I should have let myself die.

Confused?

Allow me to explain…

I was so angry, so hurt, when I realised that Master Splinter was dead, that I trashed the lair – I wrecked everything; I smashed the crockery, bent the cutlery, splintered the tables, cracked the television screen, put my fists through the doors, my feet through the delicate sliding screen separating Splinter's room from the rest of the lair, ripped pages out of books and magazines, threw comics and laboratory equipment at the walls, pulled down the punching bag, shredded the bed linen, cut through pipes and furnishings with my katana, knocked ornaments off of shelves and pictures off of walls…you name it, I wrecked it.

And you know what?

I loved every minute of it!

I was so desperate to find solace and comfort in somebody but there was no-one – and it made me angrier than I have ever been before. I have never lost my temper quite like that before and all the anger and betrayal and guilt and sadness that had been building up in me for all those years was finally seeping out through every pore in my body and I was drowning in it.

From there onwards, it was a dramatically fast downhill slide.

ONE YEAR EARLIER

Leo stared wistfully at the photograph before him; the cracked glass from where he'd knocked it off the shelf just after Splinter's death had been crudely repaired, like many of the ornaments in the lair that had been smashed that day, with a mixture of sellotape and glue. He buried his head in his hands and tried to block out the memories of carnage and death that plagued his every waking moment. He no longer had time for meditation or training – his soul could not take it and his body was exhausted from years of pushing himself to the limit in a futile attempt to keep himself from going insane.

"Bro?" a familiar voice spoke from behind him; whipping round, he saw his younger brother, Donatello, standing before him.

"No, Donnie, not again," Leo mumbled, almost incoherently, "stop doing this."

"You killed us, Leo – it was your choices that killed us. Master Splinter always said that it's not fate that controls our lives, but our choices – our paths are dictated through our choices – and your choices got us all killed."

"No, Donnie…you lie; that's not true…it can't be true," Leo shook his head, clutching his temples.

"Oh, but it is, Leonardo – you know it," his brother's bandana began to stain red with blood as wounds opened and bled all over Donatello's olive-green body. Leo, shocked and almost retching, looked to the floor immediately, unable to meet his bloodied brother's glassy eyes. But even as he looked at himself, he saw wounds identical to those of Donnie opening on his own trembling limbs and pouring crimson blood onto the concrete floor, spreading out in the cracks of the floor and forming a message...

Because Of You…

"No…" Leo muttered, bewildered.

"Wrong answer," an evil, malicious, gruff voice echoed around the lair and into his head.

"Leave me alone, Raph,"

"I would if I could, Leo, believe me," Raph snorted disdainfully as he landed in front of Leo, "but ya see, bro, I got nobody to avenge my death, so I gotta do it myself."

"Shredder killed you, not me." Leo protested feebly.

"He may have killed me, but it was your fault…you caused it – you should have been more alert, Leonardo. After all, aren't ninjas supposed to be always aware of their surroundings? Just think, Leo – if you'd noticed just that little bit sooner then you might have been able to save me. How does that make you feel, Leo? How does it make you feel?"

"I didn't mean to, it wasn't me!" Leo was on his knees now and Raph was towering over him, his ghostly pale skin and scarred body a painful reminder of the night he had died.

"How does it make you feel to know you brought all of this on yourself? Enlighten me, bro, how can you live wi---"

"---STOP! STOP! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Leo cried out, sobbing into his hands, "Leave me alone…please…just go…leave me alone…I'm sorry…so sorry…please…"

Leo's eyes snapped open as he awoke in a cold sweat, feeling completely drained with his muscles aching. He sat bolt upright and held his arms in front of his face checking them anxiously for scratches before leaping to his feet and looking across the floor for any blood-stains.

"Nothing…" Leo frowned, his eye ridges knotting together and the lines in his face becoming more pronounced, "What the shell?" he shook his head in confusion for a few moments before sighing, "another dream – just another nightmare…like my life…"

Later in the day, Leo finally pulled his shattered nerves together and decided to take a walk in the sewers to clear his head. Nine nights out of ten since Splinter had died, Leo had been having nightmares that tore his heart from his body and shredded it in front of his very eyes – and the graphic scenes of violence that played over in his head were like a broken record; over and over and over and over and over again until it sent his senses reeling. And the final push was yet to come. He was to see something he never thought he'd see again.

A knock at the door sent him leaping three feet into the air.

Leo remained silent, unwilling to reveal his presence to whoever was outside. Creeping cautiously towards the door, he tried to listen for something that could give him a clue as to who had found the lair. All his family and friends were dead and nobody else knew that anyone lived in the abandoned subway station. Leo drew a katana in preparation and opened the door, only to receive a sharp blow to the face which knocked him backwards and onto the floor. He looked up and saw an old foe standing before him.

"Shredder," he hissed.

"Ah, so you still remember me, Leonardo," Shredder's voice had clearly become harsher over the years.

"I thought you would have given up on killing me a long time ago,"

"Quite the contrary, mutant freak, quite the contrary – I have merely been trying to formulate a plan to kill you as slowly as possible. Your senses and your mind are shutting down, Leonardo – you know that as well as I do – and you won't be around much longer if I'm not very much mistaken."

"You know nothing," Leo spat back.

"Again, I hate to rain on your parade, but once again you seem to have underestimated me – I am not as mentally challenged as you seem to think." Shredder tipped his head back and cackled. He took a step forward and then jumped over Leo, kicking him from behind and sending the turtle sprawling.

"Are you…going to kill me?" Leo asked as he gasped for breath.

"No, Leonardo, I am not going to kill you," Shredder replied with a worryingly amused expression on his face, "your grief and your guilt will tear you apart and you know it deep down."

"Never," Leo retorted almost immediately, his slight hesitation giving Shredder more ammunition.

"I see that you hesitate – your old spark that caused me to loathe you all those years ago, the determination you held to protect your family that kept my hatred of you raw, your refusal to join me when I gave you the chance letting my rage fester and worm it's way deep into my soul – everything that left me defeated time and time again is so faint that I feel no threat, and I have no doubts that I could kill you if I chose to…so, Leonardo, your life truly is in my hands and my hands alone. Alone – a word I know you shudder to hear, and yet it is a word that describes your current predicament so explicitly that it seems a shame not to leave you a constant reminder…" Shredder drew his sword and raised it above Leo's head. The turtle cringed a little, but not so much that Shredder could see it and draw any satisfaction from the glimmer of fear that the blue-banded turtle was showing.

Leo readied himself for the fatal blow, no strength left within him to fight back, and he was relieved. Relieved that, after all the long years he'd spent pining for his family to be as one again, he would finally get his wish. But the blow never came. Risking a look upwards, Leo's eyes widened. Shredder was still towering over him, laughing, with his sword still raised. He brought it down at that moment, swinging it to the side at the last minute so that it struck the edge of Leo's shell, taking a small chunk out of it. He raised it once more, this time cutting several thin lines in the turtle's right arm. He raised his sword for the final time, but this time it wasn't to strike; this time as he brought it down, he let off a smoke bomb and disappeared, leaving a bewildered and confused Leonardo spluttering and coughing in his wake.

"Get back here and fight, Shredder…" Leo choked out, angry at himself for not taking the opportunity to kill the villain once and for all when he'd had the chance. There was no reply, the villain long gone from the lair, and Leo hauled himself to his feet and staggered over to the sofa, flopping down on it and groaning as the cuts on his arm stained the cushions with blood. Frowning, he looked down at his arm, shocked to see that one word had been skilfully carved into his skin with a blade: -

Alone

Shuddering, Leo pulled a blanket off the back of the sofa and wrapped it around himself, careful not to stain it with blood, and stared at the word on his arm, which was steadily oozing blood; he let the crimson flow until it blurred the word, the reminder, making it invisible to the naked eye. Sighing, he then stood up and shuffled to the kitchen, dampening a cloth and pressing it to his arm to staunch the bleeding. Although it would take a lot more than a damp cloth and bandages to staunch the bleeding of the words that had been etched into his heart,

It is my fault…

A/N: - One more chapter to go…please review for me! And thank-you so much for all the reviews I've had so far!