Merry continued his seemingly endless vigil at his friend's bedside, looking once again at his face, at the same time repeating his well-worn mantra that he had adopted when his cousin first slipped from sleep in to unconsciousness.
"Pip, please, you can have all the breakfasts, elevenses, lunches, afternoon teas, diners and suppers you can manage, but you have to wake up and tell me first, please."
A tear slipped and rolled down his cheek. He was physically and mentally exhausted, and scared witless. He was used to looking after his younger cousin, after all the scrapes they had gotten themselves in to over the years, that was the way it had always been, but never before had he been in so much peril, and never before had Merry felt so utterly helpless. He rested his head on the pillow next to his cousin's, and let the tears fall.
"I don't know what to do Pip, I don't know how to fix things, but you can't leave me alone. I don't know what I would do without you. I know I always say that you would be lost without me, but that's not true. I'm the one that needs you. Don't give up on me Pip."
He squeezed his Pip's deathly cold hands in his own, and was shocked to feel his cousin return the gesture. Hope swelled in his chest like a balloon, and he fought to contain his excitement as he called gently to his cousin.
"I guess you heard me then? Why don't you open your eyes for me? I reckon we could both do with some breakfast. I've got some of your favourites, mushrooms."
His face fell as he watched his cousin settle once again, the steady rise and fall of his chest the only indication that he was still with him.
What if he doesn't want to come back to me? He looked heavenwards as though questioning some kind of higher authority.
"Why couldn't you keep him safe? Why couldn't I? I'm supposed to look out for him, protect him. Why didn't you let me?"
No answers. He couldn't stand it any more, couldn't stand the waiting, the silence.
"'I'm sorry Pip"
He got up from the chair, grabbed his jacket and walked out in to the night.
He walked, half stumbling, along the path, blinded by tears that refused to cease. He ignored the brambles that tore at his face and clothes, nothing could distract him from the pain of grief that had so completely overwhelmed him.
Eventually he found his way to a quiet spot on the west bank of the Brandywine. He sat down and became lost in his own thoughts. He could see so clearly his cousin falling off the little handmade raft they had constructed when Pip was around ten years old, using branches, mud and some rope they found in the stores in the Smials. They had managed to get it out in the middle of the river, and Merry had hopped deftly across. He waited for his cousin with outstretched arms, noticing the look of triumph that fleetingly crossed his face as he began to jump, quickly replaced by one of panic when he fell in the river, just out of reach of the raft. Merry quickly grabbed one of the sturdy looking branches they had picked out to use as paddles and, keeping a tight hold on one end, desperately flung it out toward his cousin. Pip tried to cling on to the branch but its slippery surface was making things difficult. After a few heart stopping moments he was able to finally get a firm grip on it, and was hauled sputtering from the river by his relieved cousin.
Merry winced as he remembered the lecture he had received from his aunt for endangering his younger, more impressionable cousin. He had sworn since that day that she would have no need to worry about him while he was in Merry's care. Listening to the rushing and gurgling of the river, his raging spirit was at last calmed. He couldn't break that promise he had made as a child, would not leave his cousin alone in his hour of need. It didn't matter that he needed someone to lean on, to reassure him that everything would be okay, Pip could do that when he woke up. When and not if. As long as he had anything to do with it, Pip would come back to him.
An image of his cousin, alone and upset, appeared in his vision, and then he remembered. I left him alone!
He scrambled up from his position sat on the riverbank, offered a quick thanks to whatever was looking down on him, and began a mad dash home to his ailing cousin.
As he stumbled through the doorway, he could hear his cousin's petrified screams echo round the hall.
A/N: Sorry this chapter is short, it was a bit like the calm before the storm I guess. I hope you didn't find it too dull, I know that it was mainly Merry angst, but I felt it kind of builds things up a bit, and I enjoyed writing it anyway. I will try my best to make the next one longer!
The mantra is dedicated to my friend Tiz, we both love Pip's line about second breakfast!
Anyway, I really appreciate you just taking the time to read this, so reviews are like gold to me! Again if there is anything you love or hate, anything you want to ask or want me to change, just let me know. And thanks again to those who reviewed the last chapter, hope you continue to enjoy this story.
Anyway, until next time...
Smileyhalo