I own no one apart from the queer at the end...but moving on
sorri i havnt updated in donkeys...days...but i was real busy with skl work...plus i had no inspiration anywayz i hope u like it...
--------------I could have-------------------
Have you ever had that feeling, where everything inside hurts? Not because you have indigestion, not because, in a girl's case you're on your period (don't ask…) not because you've just had your appendix taken out in an emergency operation, but because, emotionally your heart beat is stunted, the oxygen in your body fails to do its job, all feelings of self worth are being stripped from your grasp. Well that's how I felt, as I sat there, on the stone cold floor, weeping bitterly for the girl I loved, LOVE.
I didn't sleep that night as I went to bed, I lay down, shut my eyes, attempted to sleep, but it was useless, and a dream would only ruin the night anyway.
Instead, despite the grumbling of my fellow Marauders, I sat up by my desk; with my small lamp on, writing a letter that I would give to Lily.
She had survived the fit that night, though I had only found out hours after she fell back unconscious, when I went to visit her still figure again.
She looked so blissful, and a part of me was almost glad she was sleeping, this way she couldn't feel any pain. Anyway I mustn't dwell.
I put my trembling hand holding my quill to the paper and began to write…letting all of my remaining emotions flow out of the pen's tip.
Lily,
I'm writing this Lily, at 12 in the morning. I can't sleep knowing that you're down in the infirmary all by yourself. I wanted to stay, I promise you I would have stayed, but Madame Pomphrey literally threw me out after I attempted tying myself to your bed post. In some ways Lily, I almost feel responsible for you being ill; after all I am the cause of all your stress…then there was the kiss, I didn't think I was that bad a kisser, but I obviously am if you collapsed straight after. Great…now I'm just babbling on about nothing, well I didn't start writing this letter just to tell you that you collapsed, because of course you already know that, well I think you know that, I don't really understand how this whole unconscious thing works really. Ok what I'm trying to say Lily is that I love you…
I don't know what to say to you that will make you realise just how much I love you; I love you more than air itself. You eyes sparkle like emeralds but are worth more than all the gold in universe, your voice sings sweeter in my ears than a chorus of birds in May. Your touch…without it I am driven to insanity Lily we were meant to be, I dream about you more than I sleep, I talk about you more than I have breath and I think about you, well I think about you more than there is time in the day, I love you and nothing in the universe will ever change that.
So I am writing this just to say Lily that no matter where life takes us, no matter how far away we are from each other, whether we be in different time zones or different realms that my love for you will stay as strong then as it ever was.
Love from the boy who loves you more than air itself, more than all the riches in the world, love from…
Well, I'm sure you know who this is from Lily, from the boy who has loved you since he has laid his eyes upon yours, the boy who will continue loving you until you close those eyes for the last time, this is from me Lily, this is from the boy who wont stop until he has you in his arms.
Love from
James
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (I would write many more of these kisses but I've just run out of parchment)
I lay down the quill, tears started to from in the corners of my eyes; I let one tear trickle down my left cheek and splat onto my parchment before franticly wiping them away. I jumped suddenly as a voice in the far corner of the room, Peters I imagined, started mumbling something about not "letting the giant marshmallow eat his teddy bear Melvin" I smiled slightly, Peter was always good for a laugh…though he did always seem to be the butt of the joke.
I stirred slightly as a wave of tiredness swept through me; I was straining to keep my eyes open.
The next thing I remember was waking up the next day, head on my desk, glasses askew.
"Hey there Prongs mate, rise and shine"
"Huh….what?" I asked yawning.
"It's time to get up"
"But…but yesterday, I was writing a letter, a letter to Lily…but I fell asleep…Lily"
I sprung from my seat and flung open the door knocking a poor Peter to the floor in frenzy. I raced down stairs and through the portrait hole. I didn't stop until I had reached the ward.
"Madame –gasp- Pomphrey –gasp- Lily –gasp- where's Lily?"
"I'm afraid you've just missed her Mr Potter"
"Missed her? What do you mean?"
"You mean you haven't been told?"
"Been told what?"
"Ahh…Mr Potter, Miss Evans has gone to a better place"
"A…a what?"
"A better place Mr Potter"
"But…no she can't be…when did this happen?" The blood was beginning to drain from my face as it all sunk in.
"Just this morning Mr Potter, took her right from our grasp"
"And…what, what happens now"
"I'm not quite sure Mr Potter, but all I know is it's for the best" She smiled slightly and began folding some empty pillow cases.
"The best?" I asked incredulously.
"Yes Mr Potter, the best…there was nothing we could do for her, and there was no reason to carry on"
"What do you mean no REASON!...and the letter…I wrote her a letter, she never got to read it"
"Well I'm sorry Mr Potter; I suppose you'll have to wait for another time won't you"
What was this lady on? She wasn't even crying…unlike me who was now spurting tears like a fountain.
"NO, NO YOU'RE WRONG…LILY'S NOT DEAD, SHE'S NOT!"
"What- Oh my goodness Mr Potter, why did you- where you in the- did you think I meant Miss Evans was…dead?"
"Well yes…that is what you made her out to be" I said, still streaming tears.
"Oh good heavens dear child that is not what I meant. Miss Evans has been taken to St. Mungos to be healed"
"That's it? She's been taken to St. Mungos? She's not dead?"
"No James, she's not dead"
I stopped crying instantly, but instead smiled a smile as wide as a rainbow…if that was possible.
"Oh thank you, thank you so much!" I said hugging her, she was a petite woman so I picked her up and swung her round. Then I let her down and did a small victory dance. I skipped out of the room and down the corridor, I was still in my pyjamas and I must have looked like a right tard but I didn't care. Lily was alive, she was ALIVE!
"Hi there Minerva my dear, looking mighty fine today might I add" I sang grabbing her hand for a small kiss, I continued prancing down the hallway as she looked sternly at me and blushed just ever so slightly.
I was on bloomin' cloud nine at that moment, I stopped every so often to pick someone up or swing someone round or kiss someone on the forehead, I wouldn't have even been surprised if they shipped me off to Mungos for close examining too. I stopped suddenly.
Just because Lily was in hospital it didn't mean she was going to survive…after all I've heard of incidents in St. Mungos where people spend their lives in their, it would be like…like having a life sentence. Heck if Lily died…it would be like me having a life sentence.
I had really grown up that year, it wasn't just an infatuation or a teenage crush anymore, I was deeply consumed in this girl and I was NOT about to just let her go.
I had stopped so suddenly that I had actually caused a little first year to collide into my back. She picked herself up in a fluster and sped off in a hurry.
I didn't know quite how I was going to cope without Lily, then again she never talked to me much anyway, but just seeing her face always seemed to lighten up my day. I was babbling again, I babble a lot when I'm depressed, and when I'm tired…and sometimes when I'm hungry but that's another story.
See BABBLE, BABBLE, BABBLE!
I only just managed to get through the day without her, we were supposed to patrol the corridors together later that evening as well, but instead I had to do it with smelly old Daniel Rogers, possibly the most queer boy in the universe.
"Now James, if you want we can patrol the third floor first then move onto the fifth or we can do it the other way round" He said softly touching my arm. I brushed him off and grumbled a small 'whatever you say' whilst starting to walk away.
"Hey wait up buddy" He called, catching up to me.
"What?" I asked shrugging him off.
"McGonagall told me to keep an eye on you…she told me about, about Lily" I looked at him sharply and my expression turned to stone.
"What do you mean?" I said icily, trying to keep my voice steady.
"Look mate I know how you're feeling at the moment but…"
"Know how I'm feeling…KNOW HOW I'M FEELING! HOW THE HELL CAN YOU POSSIBLY KNOW HOW I'M FEELING! LAST TIME I CHECKED I WAS JAMES; I DON'T RECALL YOU BEING JAMES! SO TECHNICALLY I CANNOT SEE HOW YOU CAN POSSIBLEY KNOW HOW THE BLOODY HELL I AM FEELING! And for goodness sake boy I am NOT your BLOODY MATE!" I bellowed flinging my arms in different directions. He slowly took a few steps back before using his hands as a sort of protection against any bodily offence I may attempt on his face.
"Look ma- I mean James I was just trying to be nice, but next time I don't think I'll even bother" He said still holding his hands in front of his face and backing off just a little more.
"No…look I'm sorry Dan, I was getting too defensive…I get a bit like that sometimes" I said smiling sheepishly.
"That's quite alright my man", He said, lightly slapping me on the back, "Next time I'll try not to touch such a tender nerve" And just as I started to like this boy he went and said something deep like this, I instantly stopped liking him again.
I barely slept that night, but I did manage to get a few winks, at least I still wasn't dreaming, I don't think I could handle another dream…especially after the previous one. No, I just wanted a peaceful sleep, one with no interruptions, maybe one that carried me all the way to breakfast…or at least till after seven. But then again…when is a night at Hogwarts ever peaceful?
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