PERSONALITY 1: THE LOCKHART COMPLEX

Chapter 5: Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

I have come up with a delightfully evil plan.

I'm not sure what it is, but I know it will work.

So far, I have managed to "tweak" that miserable Hairy Potty's scar into a heart-shaped object of utter and putrid humiliation. Muhahahaha. Knowing his sickening ability to read my mind, I have used my skills as an advanced legilimens to ward off his secret advances.

Oh yes, secret advances I tell you! For some odd reason, I suspect that I have become that boy's idol! I am surely convinced that he has recognized my remarkable charm, my remarkable magical powers, and of course, my remarkably good looks! It's not surprising that he wants to find me, and steal them from me.

Jealous Potty, don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Draco Malfoy has approached me swearing absolute allegiance. Fool of a Malfoy! Like father, like son. Indeed, he thinks that I, Lord Voldemort, the greatest of the greatest Dark Lords of the Wizarding World, would be stupid enough to believe him!

However, being the softy I am, I gave him a chance. Currently, I have tricked him into thinking that he is on a very, very, very secret mission. He is out on a task to hunt down some of Professor Slughorn's crystallized pineapples. Yes, I told him they were of great significance, and that he should guard any he finds with his life.

Fool! Muhahahahaha. With these special pineapples, I shall be able to brew up a concoction that will grow me the most gorgeous and suave hair. And then, I shall be able to take over the world!

Meanwhile, Wormtail has begged me to give him a vacation so that he may reunite with his long-lost twin, Grima Wormtongue. I have heard so much about Wormtongue that I am convinced that the Worm brothers descend from a line of ugly backstabbers. Knowing this, I have honored Grima and his Master, a powerful Dark Wizard by the name of Saruman, with an invitation for a Death Eater sleepover party where we can dress up in hot pink pajamas, share press-on Death Mark tattoos, have a Joebob Billybob Lotions and Potions Dance Party, and plan more evil things. It is rumored the Wizard Saruman is a Seer and is skilled with the crystal ball, so I am hoping he can give me a demonstration.

Life has become nearly well, real, since Dumbledore is out of my way. (YES!) Hehe, poor Snivellus Snape hasn't a clue that I've got him under the Imperious Curse. What shall I do with him now…? Hmmmm….Aha!

I amaze myself with my own genius. I shall make him—blast, Wormtail's done something stupid again, the blasted bloke. Until next time, XOXOX,

Voldilox,

the Hottest Powder Monkey in the Universe