The next day reeked of melancholy, people everywhere were depressed, but I noted quite a few with a vengeful fire in their eyes.
"Good," I said to myself. "At least I'm not going out there alone." I spotted Blake out of the corner of my eye, sitting on the doorstep of a ruined dorm, intently cleaning a handgun. I shakily took a breath. People here were still recovering, but I had to talk to someone. I walked over to him and he, spotting me, quickly closed the clip of the gun and stuffed it into the behind belt of his jeans, not bothering to flick the safety on.
"Listen man," he began. He tried to speak again, but a dull croak left his throat instead of words. Taking a deep swallow, he tried again, but he averted his eyes and his voice lost its confidence it had before. "I… I'm sorry about your dad…" he said. "He was a good man." I was unsure of what to respond with, so I answered with a simple "Thanks." After an appropriate pause, I asked,
"How's your family?"
"We're fine. My sisters are a bit shaken, but that's to be expected, you know?"
I nodded. "Yeah." The gate that led out into the scorching wastes was visible from where we stood, its guard towers standing vigilantly, keeping watch. I narrowed my eyes, trying to wonder what the world was like now, if there was anything left besides what we had.
"I'm going back out there," I said. The statement took Blake by surprised.
"What?"
"I'm going to go back out there. I'm sick and tired of this world, Blake. I want to change it. I'm sick and tired of just trying to survive, waiting for the Combine to find us. I'm not going to wait anymore." Blake looked troubled by this.
"But you can stay here and help," he said. "You can help the resistance by helping here, and this base. You don't need to go out there!"
"I told you, I am sick of this shit. I want to bring the fight to the Combine, and I want to experience the results." Blake stood up.
"If you go out there, you'll be killed!" I sighed and looked him straight in the face, no tricks.
"Then I will die."
Blake swallowed hard again, and sat back down. "I just don't want to see you die, man," he said. "We've already lost our homes, many of us have already lost our families. I don't want to lose my friend." I sat down next to him and gave him a brotherly hug.
"You won't," I said. "There are other survivors, Blake, and I'm going to bring them back. I am going to hurt the Combine in the same way they hurt me."
"Please don't be a hero, Mike," Blake said. "Heroes die."
I lowered my head, taking another deep breath. Truthfully, being a hero didn't sound all that bad, but I didn't want to be a hero. "I don't want to be a hero," I told him. "I want to be a soldier." Blake's eyes started to water, find the hidden truth that I had already found in my words.
"Soldiers die too."
Silently, I began to cry with him. I didn't want to die, nor did I want to leave the camp behind. But there was something raging within me that said I had to do this.
"I know," I said.