Dear Harry,
I would like to remind you that even though Snuffles and Bumblebee have left us, it does not mean you should be writing top-secret letters. However, I am honored that you should choose me to confide in. You may call me anything you wish, though "Fruit Loops" has always been a favorite nickname of mine.
What you mentioned in your letter interests me very much. Despite my concern for you, I will refrain from disclosing any of my suspicions at the moment, except that I am pretty sure Prongs is your rightful father. (Unless your mother has been doing the hokey pokey dance with You-Know-Who, in which case I will be very shocked).
Tonks and I will be arriving any day now for the wedding. We are currently getting to know another better. She is quite a lady.
Be patient, Harry.
Your friend,
Fruit Loops
Harry handed the letter to Hermione after reading it.
"He sounds a little worried," said Hermione.
"Fruit loops?" repeated Ron. "Where in the world did he get come with that name?"
"Never mind that," said Hermione. "He'll be here and you'll be fine. Now let's get downstairs for the wedding rehearsal."
Ron and Harry groaned.
"Come on you two."
Minutes later they were downstairs in the yard.
"Just a nice, zimple vedding," said Fleur.
"How many guests were you planning on inviting?" asked Mr. Weasley.
"Oh, about 500," replied Bill.
Mrs. Weasley exchanged a worried glance with her husband. "Dear, I don't think we'll be able to fit that many people into the yard…"
"Oh, zat ees not a problem!" exclaimed the half-veela. "Vee vill use an expansion zpell!"
"Ahh…" said Mr. Weasley. "Just like we used in the Ford Anglia…"
"Now, about zee bridezmaidz…" continued Fleur, smiling smugly. "Vee vill 'ave my leetle sister, Ginny, and 'ermione," she said.
"That's very kind of you," Hermione said, trying to sound gracious, but utterly failing.
"Hmm, this might be fun after all," reflected Ginny, with a slightly evil grin.
"Ah, and I 'ave taken zee liberty of selecting the bridesmaid dresses," said Fleur. With a flick of her wand, and "Accio drezzes!" Two disgustingly frilly pink, hoop-skirted gowns arrived. The cuffs were lace, and the collar was outlined in shiny sequins.
"Oh no," groaned Hermione.
"Now Harry," Bill pulled him aside. "I know this is going to be a bit of a shocker, but Fleur insists that you wear that pink sweater and kilt ensemble Mum made for you…"
"WHAT?" yelled Harry. "Why--?"
"Shhh—she wants to be on good terms with Mum and she's already asked her to knit matching ties for all of the men," said Bill, looking a little nauseated himself. "She originally wanted the wedding at some great palace in France but I persuaded her out of it. We made a bargain. Location my way, outfits her way," he explained. "So be a nice chap, won't you?"
"Fine fine," mumbled Harry grudgingly. "No problem."
"Good, good!" exclaimed Bill, looking much relieved. "Now, I'll just have to pick a best man…" and he wandered off muttering to himself.
The wedding rehearsal ran smoothly that afternoon with the exception of a couple of mishaps. Midway through the afternoon, Ginny started throwing the flower petals straight at Fleur, who sneezed repetitively until she was pink and puffy. Another incident involved Fleur's sister, who had come specifically for rehearsal, insisting that Mrs. Weasley shorten the length of Harry's kilt, which appeared ridiculously long (thanks to Harry's elongation spell). Finally, Lupin and Tonks arrived, and Fleur insisted that Tonks grow out her hair into a mousy brown, "becauze zee pink zpikey 'air overvelms zee pink decorationz."
Never mind that the decorations were already overwhelmingly pink.
Lupin spent most of rehearsal pulling Bill aside and asking about any symptoms of werewolf-like behavior. When evening arrived, everyone rushed to dinner, where they ate hurriedly, so that they could escape from Fleur's demands for "more peenk rozes," and annoying admonitions like, "No, no, Ginny, you muzn't scratch like zat!"
"That's going to be some wedding," said Ron that evening, his arms crossed behind his pillow.
"Yeah," said Harry. "What is it with her and pink anyway?"
"Beats me," shrugged Ron. "But the sooner they're married the sooner I can get away from her."
"I thought you liked her," Harry teased.
Ron snorted. "Not with her draped all over Bill. 'Oh Beell! 'e eez zo 'andzome and brave!'"
Harry laughed at the imitation.
"Plus," Ron added. "With her around, Hermione keeps acting all jealous. Did you know she even invited Viktor to the wedding?" Before waiting for Harry to reply he pulled the covers over his head and turned away to the other wall. Harry could hear him mutter angrily. "…rip his arm off…thinks he's all important…silly Quidditch title…"
Harry grinned to himself. He tried to fall asleep but the image of the pink kilt kept tormenting him. He finally got out of bed, and decided to see if Lupin was still up. He walked down the stairs, and past the kitchen where he could still hear Fleur arguing with Mrs. Weasley.
He glanced into the living room and saw Lupin there, laughing at a joke Tonks had apparently just made.
"Oh, hi Harry, how's it going?" said Tonks. "Nice pj's," she added, noticing the little snitches.
"Er, thanks."
"Tonks, do you mind if Harry and I speak alone for a while?"
"No problem, my Moon Man," she replied, rustling Lupin's hair, and pecking him on the nose. "I'll go and see if I can badger Fleur into letting me keep my pink hair for the wedding."