Harry Potter and the 7 Personalities of Voldemort

by Zappie

Is there more to the Dark Lord than meets the eye? Poor Voldemort, what a tortured soul he is. And poor Harry, for having to endure it! This is a hilarious continuation of HBP coauthored by Arienedhel al' Andune Sedai and Zappie.

11. An Evening to Remember

PERSONALITY 4: THE TOTALITARIAN DICTATOR COMPEX

Chapter 11: An Evening to Remember

The Weird Sisters' latest music was blaring throughout Lord Voldemort's mansion, and the Death Eaters were going crazy thanks to the help of Joebob Billybob Lotions and Potions dance bottles. Lucius Malfoy was entertaining himself with the Riddikulus Rumba, while Bellatrix Lestrange and Saruman were occupied with the Two Troll Tango. To top it all off, they were all wearing bright pink flannel pajamas. It was a sight to see.

However, two were not joining in on the fun. Voldemort would not allow his servant or his servant's twin to attend the party, but after several hours of whining and tears, the dark wizard allowed them to come on the condition that they serve refreshments. So, as it was, the brothers stood on either side of the opening to the dance parlor holding trays of an assortment of Joebob Billybob Lotions and Potions. In the case that either of them tried to take a swig of the concoctions, Voldemort had placed electrocution charms on them, so that they would be struck by a lightning bolt even if they just thought about having a sip of Joebob Billybob's ingenious invention.

After hours of boogying, the potions and lotions eventually wore off and the Death Eaters resumed their usual dignified composure. Voldemort stood amongst his guests and cleared his throat.

"Death Eaters…I have called you all here for an important purpose. Well, besides the spectacular fun we all just enjoyed. As for the matter of the hour: Harry Potter. As we all know, the bumbling idiot Dumbledore is now dead, thanks to the ever faithful Severus Snape. Our greatest challenge is gone, and my path to the boy is open. I demand your determination and skill to rid of any remaining barriers the enemy may have erected to shield the boy."

The Death Eaters nodded their heads in agreement, subservient to their master's plans.

"As Snape has informed me, Harry Potter's greatest strength is the allegiance of two very foolish people: Ronald Weasley, the son of an incompetent Ministry employee, and Hermione Granger, a worthless mudblood. If it hadn't been for their unwise loyalty to the boy, he would have been dead long ago. So, I am commanding all of you to do what is in your power to destroy them. Without his friends, Harry Potter will crumble. Without those two, Harry Potter will die."