Chapter 37: Debut
Disclaimer: The lines "You have a boyfriend who looks like a girlfriend" are borrowed from The Killers' song, "Somebody Told Me".
Also, happy holidays everyone! Thank you to CHICKENS of DOOM for constantly reviewing, and to anyone else who reads but sneakily does not review! If this is you, please review! As that snake said to Harry: thanksssssss.
"Welcome folks to the "First No Physical Contact" Tour, the debut performance of the newest and hottest boy band!" exclaimed a young witch. "Here we have, live: Viktor Krum, Bill Weasley, Roger Davies, Collin Diggory, and Boris Borisovitch! The first song is written by Viktor Krum--" she paused as fangirls cheered, and then continued, "and this is his first pop piece, entitled, 'Give Me Back My Girl You Evil Girlfriend-Stealing Loser Before I Pound You Into Snitch-Sized Pieces With My Nimbus 5000!'"
The curtains opened to reveal smoke rising from the stage, wild lights flashing. The fangirls screamed with excitement. Bill was seated with his drums in the center of the stage, and Viktor stood in the front with a microphone while Collin, Roger and Boris stood beside him. The music started and the five boy-band members, dressed in silver leather, began to bob their heads wildly as the song began.
Viktor:
I had the best girl a guy could ever wish for,
she was the only one I ever adored.
Nothin' compares to her, she's everything.
Thinkin' about her makes my soul wanna sing.
Others:
Sing…sing… SING!
Sing… sing.. SING!
Viktor:
I loved her, and I knew she loved me.
Her pretty name was Hermione.
Our love was pure, our love was true--
lovin' her was all I wanted to do.
Boris, with a sentimental squish and unsquish of the accordion: YEAH!
Viktor:
But then one day, my world was torn apart,
when some redhead punk stole my girls' heart.
He was a no-good, girlfriend-stealing bloke!
How I wish he would go and choke!
Collin, with a guitar solo, sings:
Girlfrieeeend! Girlfriend-stealing-BLOKE!
Viktor:
How, oh, how, could this happen to me?
Now I'm alone, so depressed and lonely.
But it's not over yet, oh no, no,
I got somethin' to say to ya, bro':
Bill, with a drum solo, and wondering what Ron would think when he heard the song:
Noooo-no! Noooo-no! I got somethin' to say to ya, BRO!
Everyone:
Give me back my girl
before I give you a punch n' a whirl,
you evil girlfriend stealing loser,
cuz I know you're a stinkin poser!
Hurry up now, before I pound you,
she'll be my girlfriend when you're through!
You'll be left as snitch-sized pieces when I'm done,
pounding you with my Nimbus Five-Thousand!
Roger, with a bass guitar solo:
Nimbus, yeah, nimbus, yeah, nimbus five-thousand!
Nimbus, yeah, nimbus, yeah, nimbus five-thousand!
Everyone stops playing, and Viktor, in a tender solo:
To you my dear, Hermione,
I just wanna let you know, dearie:
That…
Music resumes, and everyone:
'You have a boyfriend
who looks like a girlfriend!'
But don't lament dear,
'cuz the time is near,
when Ron'll meet his end!
END! END! EEEEEND!
And with much bashing of drums, compression and uncompression of the accordion, and guitar chords, the song ended, and the fangirls cheered with admiration, regardless of whether the song was wonderful, or not.