Hogwarts Letters To The Editor

By NemesisMuse

Author's Note: This is my first time writing humor, so PLEASE be kind. Normally I write songs, but a class assignment gave me inspiration. SO the plot behind this chaos is that Hogwarts students are writing there problems to the 'Letters to the Editor' column. I don't own the characters or the whole castle and all that stuff,

SO DON'T SUE!

Please enjoy.

I dedicate this to Deity, Wolf of the Hills, and Sailor Earth, my favorite critics and deflators of my ego. -

Dear Editor,

I am a 5th year Slytherin and I have a problem. There is a girl I like but every time I try to express my feelings, it turns out wrong. Like when I say, 'screw you Mudblood,' what I intended to say was, 'I love you.' What should I do?

Sexy Man

Dear S.M.,

I sympathize, really I do, but I really do not give a rip! Listen coughDracocough, if you can't say what you feel; write what you feel about your crush. But if the girl you so love is reading this, she probably already knows.

Editor

Dear Editor,

I am in Ravenclaw and I am in a dilemma. There is a major test coming up and my friends want me to cheat on the test with them. What do you suggest?

Confused in Ravenclaw

Dear Confused,

Aren't we all in a dilemma! You're a bloody Ravenclaw for Godric's Sake! Now that I have made you pay attention, here is my advice: do what you feel is right. But since this IS the SCHOOL newspaper I must say do the right thing and not cheat.

Editor

Dear Editor,

I have an unsightly physical feature that I wish to remove and or hide it. So many stare at the damned scare! SO many stare at the cursed thing that I am almost invisible to the person who is looking. Are there any magical cures or devices that could help?

Scar face

Dear Scar face,

There are illusions and charms that could be used. All of them easy to find, even some Medic-Wizards specialize in this area. In all honesty though, I suggest that you just live with it. If anyone stares, just give them the bird.

Editor

Dear Editor,

I am a teacher, who none of the students like. And many of my fellow teachers think I am petty, cruel, and heartless. I am none of these things, but I will not coddle the brats, they need to see the reality they will soo face. I wish to know what I should do to my popularity problem.

P.S. five points from Gryffindor!

Unpopular Potions Master

Dear Unpopular,

It is good of you in a sense to help them get ready for the real world but you don't need tto make 50 11 year olds cry do you? Hand out candy, don't assign too much homework, bath more often, stop sneer at everything that breaths and don't write back!

Editor

Authors Notes: So do ya love or hate it? Please review and this time send letters of your own so I can write more. Special thanks to Deity for helping me with the names.

P.S. All the chapters are being reposted, so that's why.