Disclaimer: I do not own Yuffie and Godo Kisaragi, Vincent Valentine, AVALANCHE, all characters and concepts related to AVALANCHE, or, in fact, anything that is from Final Fantasy VII (that honour goes to the wonderful bunch at Square-Enix).

Claimer: I DO, however, own the concept of this story, the name Phe Tsen Shu, the rest of the Shu family, the concept of North Wutai and South Wutai being separate countries, the city of Le Phe Tan, the bastardization of the name Leviathan into Le Phe Tan, and other things not found in FF7. I also own the concept of Heavenly City Da Cha O, the bastardization of the name Da Chao into Da Cha O, and the concept of the Wild Ace's Deuce's Wild Casino. Feel free to use my ideas and original characters, but please give me credit. If you don't give me credit, Tsen Li will turn into a Gary Stu, ruin your story, and then eat your liver.

And When that Day Comes

Dig my head down deep so I can't hear the cars

Outside on the street, and the stars are laughing

They get a kick out of my misery.

I've tried everything short of Aristotle,

Dramamine, and the whiskey bottle,

I pray for the day when my ship comes in

And I can sleep the sleep of the just again
—Insomniac, Straight No Chaser

Chapter Three

Two Weeks Later

City of Kalm --- Final Heaven Bar

Friday night was Ladies' Night. Ladies' Night was one of her most profitable events. Women came from all over town for the chance to get half-off on drinks and pick the television channel.

This was only the eighth Ladies' Night of the summer, and Tifa had already begun to regret that last part of the event. At least men usually chose sports or news. Tifa could deal with sports or news. It turned out, however, that she couldn't deal with Entertainment Tonight. Tifa had gathered within minutes that Entertainment Tonight consisted of celebrity gossip.

What she had not gathered in a year was that AVALANCHE members were celebrities.

She also hadn't known she was getting married. But according to Entertainment Tonight, the "youngest AVALANCHE member was getting married."

She wasn't actually the youngest, of course. But Yuffie obviously wasn't going to be getting married (she wasn't even legal yet!), and Red was second-oldest, as the media counted. So that left Tifa.

The entire thing had put her in a daze. Who on earth had given them that faulty information? She ought to call them and tell them that she was not getting married, thank you very much.

"Um? What the hell does 'the sun will shine soon' mean? It's night."

"It's a Wutaian proverb. Means that your life will improve soon."

"Uh… My life is great, thanks. I just told you: I got a raise, my girlfriend came back to me, and my mother's cancer is in remission."

"I'm sorry…."

"You know, normally people say 'congratulations' to things like that."

"I was apologizing for being inattentive. Now shut up, I need to listen to this."

Entertainment Tonight came back on. Vapid Woman A announced, "Yuffie Kisaragi held a press conference this morning, informing the world of her decision to marry. She really was quite the wit, telling reporters that she had no idea when the wedding was, and wouldn't say when, even if she knew. At this point, Lord Godo explained that Yuffie and Tsen Li hadn't yet decided on a date, but Tsen Li and some of his family would be coming up in a few weeks to discuss that."

Vapid Woman B interjected, "When asked what AVALANCHE thought of her decision, Yuffie showed that vivacious spirit again, saying that she didn't know and didn't care, as it was her life she was 'throwing away'."

Both vapid women laughed.

"Lord Godo promised to inform the world of the date, once Yuffie and Tsen Li had decided on one," said VW A.

"Did you know that this meeting will be the first time Yuffie and Tsen Li have ever met?"

"No, I didn't. What, were they pen pals?"

"No! Apparently, arranged marriages are common in Wutai."

Both women laughed at this, making stupid, vapid joke after stupid, vapid joke.

"OH MY GOD, YUFFIE'S GETTING MARRIED!" was the first thing Tifa could say. After that, she managed to grit out, "I AM CALLING CLOUD. AND WE ARE ALL HAVING WORDS."