Chapter 5: the tori-atama

"Kennn…shiiiiin," Sano growled, curling his hands into fists.

Kenshin spun around, scrunching his eyes up into happy semi-circles to hide his anxiety. "What is it de gozaru ka?" he asked a bit too quickly.

Sano frowned and one of his eyes twitched. Then without warning he grabbed Kenshin's gi just as Hiko had done.

"Please don't!" Kenshin begged, wincing at the all-too-vivid memories of Saitou and Hiko.

" 'Please don't' ?" Sano asked, confused. He gave Kenshin a shake, lifting him off the ground. "What are you talking about? What the hell is wrong with you lately? You've been avoiding me ever since we got back from Kyoto. If you've got a problem with me, we should fight it out. Stop acting like such a weakling- you're the guy who beat Shishio, remember?" he set Kenshin roughly back on his feet and released his grip on the mulberry-colored fabric. He closed his eyes and turned his head slightly to the side. "Your attitude lately has really been pissing me off."

Kenshin smiled, whole-heartedly relieved. Sano sensed the change in his demeanor and opened his eyes, returning Kenshin's warm smile. "There you go," Sano said. "That's more like you. So tell me- what was bothering you? Why didn't you want to go out drinking with me last night, or last week for that matter?"

"Well, I was worrying about something that I was. But I just realized how foolish that was of me." He smiled like it was the happiest day of his life. Of course Sano isn't lusting after me, he thought. After all, there's no one in the world I trust more than Sano! Kenshin almost wanted to hug him, but he managed to stop himself.

"Anyway," Sano said, clapping a strong hand down on Kenshin's shoulder. "Now that you're happily worry-free, how about a drink later? Just stop by my place tonight- and don't you dare decline!"

"Alright," Kenshin agreed. "I'll be there."

X

Sano and Kenshin had a few rounds of sake and a few good laughs at the expense of their mutual friends and enemies.

"-but you know," Sano was saying. "that crazy mummy was a lucky bastard after all. He had a hell of a hot babe for a mistress."

"Naturally she'd have to be 'hot', to hang out with him de gozaru!" Kenshin said.

Sano laughed obnoxiously and spilled some of his sake. "Yeah," he said. "Between the two of them, I'm sure things got pretty 'steamy'!"

Kenshin laughed but felt a pang of regret as he recalled Yumi's death and his encounter with her only a few days before that.

"Oh, man," Sano said wearily. "She was supposed to be some kind of high-class slut, wasn't she? I wonder what they're like? There's gotta be some reason people pay so much for them…"

Kenshin sipped his drink. "They're just normal women, Sano," he said.

"Oh-ho? And what would you know about it, Mr. mostly-broke wanderer? No don't tell me- as you wandered all over Japan for ten years you rescued dozens and dozens of gorgeous amazing whores and they all insisted on sleeping with you to repay you for your kindness, right?"

"Wellll…" Kenshin sweatdropped.

"Ha ha ha," Sano laughed. "You wish, right?"

"…no…." Kenshin said quietly.

"Come on, don't act so serious- I know you have some outrageous story or other hidden away. Hey, I bet that as Battousai you could get all the women, huh?"

Kenshin laughed. "Not at all."

"hey, Kenshin. Why do I get the feeling you're holding out on me here? Come on, tell me- did you ever do it with one of those high-class whores?"

"Ah-" Kenshin said uncomfortably, the sake and the memory of Yumi turning his face pink. "As she said, all the money I ever touched wouldn't add up to enough to buy a night with a lady like that!"

Sano blinked. "So you got her for free after all, didn't you?"

"gaaa…." Kenshin gurgled, his eyes turning swirly.

"You said, 'as she said'. So who is this 'she'?"

"I really shouldn't tell you de gozaru…"

"Nonsense! She'd probably appreciate it; it's like free advertising for her, right?'

"But she's not a courtesan anymore…"

"What is she then? Oo, maybe the trophy wife of some politician? Come on, come on, who is she!"

"She's dead de gozaru," Kenshin said in a tiny voice. Sano's expression turned serious. He put a hand on Kenshin's shoulder and looked into his eyes. Half a moment passed in silence.

"Holy shit," Sano said at last, taking his hand away. "It was Yumi! God damn, you're good. Sleeping with your enemy's woman- Kenshin, I'm impressed. You're the man!"

"It wasn't exactly…" Kenshin tried to say, but Sano interrupted him.

"Don't tell me you feel guilty about it. She was an evil little bitch anyway, not that I think you did anything violently- come to think of it, she did keep teasing you about being 'sweet' and 'gentle' – I bet it was a real psychological blow to old Shithead, too. Way to go! Sasuge Kenshin!" he raised his fist in the air dramatically, then emptied the rest of a jug of sake into his mouth. Cheeks red and eyes glassy, he grinned stupidly at Kenshin. "You know I have to be honest with you," he said, his voice a little slurred, "there's just something about you… not sure what it is… but… you're kind of sexy."

"Tell me about it! All these people want me and I don't know why!" Kenshin declared just as drunkenly, having just drained his own sake jug.

"Hmm," Sano said, as if thinking hard. "Jou-chan's obviously after you, and you better watch out… she's still a little girl but it seems to me she's got potential to be a wild one, alright."

"Mm-hm," Kenshin nodded his head. "That she does."

"And Megumi's in love with you too. But that's ok, I guess. It would probably be good for both of you if you hooked up… Megumi's actually a nice girl, she's just so damn smart."

"Mm," Kenshin concurred with another nod. "That she is."

"Yeah, it's only natural that they'd be attracted to you." Suddenly Sano's eyes flashed. "But I'll tell you what really gets to me. That greasy cop, Saitou Hajime. The way he looks at you- that bastard. I want to rip him apart!" Sano was getting angry. "How dare he look at you like that!"

"Uh…" Kenshin said.

"Don't tell me you haven't noticed. The way that pervert stares at you really pisses me off. I hate him!" He crashed his right fist into his left palm. Kenshin looked stunned and vaguely distressed.

"Ah, Sano? …please calm down!" Sano stared at him and suddenly blushed.

"I shouldn't be telling you this," Sano muttered, seemingly unable to look away from Kenshin's eyes. "But you really are pretty, you know? It's weird… but maybe that's part of the reason why I … no, that's not true. It's just because of who you are. That's why… Don't get me wrong, I really like girls and you're not a girl, so it's confusing… but, damn it, Kenshin, I want you."

Kenshin registered what Sano said and immediately passed out.

X

When he woke up it was dark and quiet and he was warm and comfortable. Then he remembered where he was, and realized that what felt so comfortable was Sano's chest pressed against his back and Sano's legs nestled against his own legs, and Sano's arm wrapped protectively around him. Kenshin closed his eyes. He'd been betrayed. He felt sick. His own best friend had lured him here, gotten him drunk, and taken advantage of him once he'd passed out! But Kenshin couldn't believe that Sano was that kind of person. No, surely it was Kenshin's fault- something was wrong with him, something that made everyone around him wild with lust. "I'm sorry for being angry, Sano," Kenshin whispered. "It's not your fault. It is I who have betrayed you." Kenshin realized with sadness heavy in his heart that he really would have to hit the road after all. He couldn't stay around his friends any longer- his influence was debasing them.

"Grm… did you say something?" Sano asked groggily. Kenshin didn't reply. "gmm… hey… wait a minute" suddenly he sounded very awake and slightly alarmed. He sat up, pulling the blanket off both of them. "What the hell are you doing in bed with me!" Sano demanded.

"Oro?" Kenshin said, also sitting up. He noticed that he still had all his clothes on, and so did Sano. "I passed out, I don't know-"

"Oh shit, that's right. What did you pass out for? You didn't drink that much, but you were totally out."

"So… what happened after that?" Kenshin asked suspiciously.

"I don't know," Sano said awkwardly. "I had a few more drinks thinking you'd wake up, and when you didn't, I just decided I'd go to sleep too." He pointed at Kenshin accusingly. "You must have crawled over here while I was asleep!"

"Oh, right," Kenshin said. "So you're sure you didn't drag me into bed with you?"

"drag you into bed with me?" Sano echoed incredulously. "Just what do you mean, Kenshin?" he asked threateningly. "What makes you think I'd do something like that?"

"Maybe the fact that you – you said – what you said earlier-"

Sano looked distinctly embarrassed. His shoulders sagged. "Oh shit, so you heard that after all?" he muttered. "Sorry- I was drunk."

Kenshin couldn't avoid feeling a flicker of hope. "So you didn't mean it?"

Sano looked at him, his expression serious and a little hurt.

"Of course I meant it," he said solemnly.

"ororooo…"

"I realized it a long time ago. There's something about you that I can't ignore, can't escape, and I sure as hell can't fight it, either. I'm …attracted to you, and there are times when I just really… want..."

"--But why de gozaru ka?"

"I don't know, man. Look, I hate to even ask this, since I'm pretty sure you'll say no, but even though you don't feel the same way, do you think you could accept the fact that I feel this way? I mean, is it ok with you if I'm… if I'm sort of in love with you?"

"Uh…" Kenshin said, lowering his eyebrows. "…that's all you want?" he asked, sweatdropping.

"What else could I want?" Sano replied, blinking.

"Um… well, when I suspected you dragged me into bed with you, I also thought that maybe that wasn't all you did to me de gozaru…" Kenshin said carefully.

"What?" Sano practically shouted. "You think I'd rape you? Who would rape you?"

"You'd be surprised," Kenshin muttered.

"Wait a minute – did SAITOU ever - - ?"

"Shh," Kenshin said. "You'll disturb your neighbors!"

"Who cares? Damn it, Kenshin, did that bastard touch you?"

Kenshin sighed. As usual, there was no way out, and it was useless to try and lie. "yes, but-" Kenshin said quietly.

"NO!" Sano gasped. "oh my god, I'll kill that bastard. He didn't hurt you, did he?"

"gyaaa," Kenshin wailed. "I'd rather not talk about it de gozaru…"

Sano turned away, his teeth clenched, angry tears in his eyes. Kenshin's expression turned serious. "Sano… please listen to me. It's ok."

"It's NOT," Sano exclaimed angrily.

"Sano. Look at me." Reluctantly, Sano obeyed. Determined to make him understand, Kenshin leaned forward, putting his hands on Sano's shoulders. "It's ok. It doesn't matter to me what Saitou or anyone else does to me."

"How can you say that!" Sano demanded, furious. He searched Kenshin's eyes. "Damn you! I don't get it."

Kenshin studied him for a moment. Sano was undoubtedly lusting after him; of that Kenshin was sure. But with Sano it was different than with the others. He hated to admit it, but even innocent little Kaoru-dono seemed determined to have her way with him one of these days. But Sano would rather go on suffering than act on his lust against Kenshin's will. Sano was the only one who wouldn't take advantage of him! But Kenshin couldn't leave his closest friend in misery, always craving what he'd never have. "It's the only way to cure you, that it is," Kenshin muttered, and leaned forward to kiss him.

Sano pushed him away. "What the hell are you doing?" he asked gruffly.

Kenshin sighed. "I'm letting you have what you want de gozaru," he answered.

"What? No way. There's no way I'll let you sacrifice yourself for me like that!"

"Sano," Kenshin said fondly. "It's all right. This is the only way to solve your problem. Take me, I'm yours de gozaru."

Sano shook his head, his eyes wide. "But it'd be wrong. You're in love with Jou-chan, aren't you?"

Kenshin was right- Sano was the only one who cared about his feelings. It made him all the more determined to relieve Sano of his lust. "I won't deny that I love Kaoru-dono most of all," Kenshin said. "But I care about you too, and for your sake, I'm willing to do this…"

"So I'm like a one-night stand?" Sano said nervously. "Uh…I guess I can accept that. Damn, how I've wanted you…"

"Well, go ahead. Do whatever you want." Kenshin closed his eyes, expecting to be thrown down like a rag doll as Saitou and Hiko had done. Sano stared at him incredulously.

"Shit, you really mean it?" he asked nervously. "I can't just…"

Kenshin took Sano's hand and brought it up to his face. He pressed his cheek gently against Sano's palm. Meanwhile he reached up with his right hand and slid it over Sano's ear to cup the back of his head. Exactly as Saitou did to me, Kenshin recalled somewhat guiltily. Then he brought his lips to Sano's, and kissed him gently. Sano trembled slightly, and was still, but his hand remained steadily pressed against Kenshin's cheek.

"You're sure about this?" Sano muttered gruffly.

Kenshin answered by kissing him again, and suddenly Sano responded. His other hand came up to the other side of Kenshin's face. This kiss was longer, exploring, asking, but still uncertain. Kenshin quickly tried to remember what Megumi and Yumi had done to him. He wrapped his arms around Sano's chest and pressed his fingertips into Sano's back. Sano grunted and touched his lips against the faint traces of the bite mark from Shishio as he went to the trouble of undoing Kenshin's ponytail. Nobody else has bothered to do that, Kenshin thought as he felt his hair falling over his shoulders. It's probably so I'll seem more like a girl.

Suddenly Kenshin found himself squashed against Sano's chest in a smothering hug. Kenshin blinked, surprised. "Hey," Sano said gruffly, holding him. "Before this goes any further… I want to say, thank you."

Kenshin didn't know what to say. It was his fault anyway for driving everyone crazy; to help his friend satiate his lust, what else could he do?

Sano hugged him for another moment, and then, abruptly deciding on a course of action, he pressed Kenshin down against the futon. Kenshin sighed softly as Sano kissed his collarbone and then the side of his neck. He felt Sano's weight settle briefly against his chest, but then Sano was supporting himself on his elbows. Well this is different, Kenshin thought. It seemed impossible that this was the same Sano who never hesitated to punch him or stomp on him. Not even Megumi had been this gentle with him.

X

"Never again," Sano said, laying spread-eagled on his back next to Kenshin. "Oh man, I'm exhausted."

Kenshin glanced over at Sano out of the corner of his eye. "Well I hope so," he said. "It only took you forever…"

"I blame the alcohol," Sano said. "Anyway are you really alright?"

"I'm fine," Kenshin insisted.

"Good," Sano breathed. "…me too." He closed his eyes. "You were right, that was the only way after all. Damn I'm glad we got that cleared up. And now I mean it- never again! I don't want you anymore. I want Jou-chan to have you- that's how it's supposed to be."

"Hmm," Kenshin said thoughtfully. "I hope you're right, that I do."

Sano rolled onto his side and studied Kenshin for a moment. Kenshin glanced sideways up at him. Color rose to Sano's cheeks. "Damn, I still can't believe I did that," he muttered. "I mean, that… uh… that's really not my preference. What the hell was wrong with me? It doesn't make sense. You're sure you don't hate me now?"

"Of course I don't hate you," Kenshin replied softly.

"But then again, you probably don't hate that bastard Saitou either," Sano growled.

"I almost hated him… no… I actually did hate him, when I saw what he had done to you," Kenshin said frankly. Sano almost unconsciously raised his hand to his shoulder to cover the remains of the scars from Megumi's careful stitches.

"What, that little scratch?" he asked, a bit too gruffly. Kenshin smiled.

"You're a good man, Sano. And a good friend; the best I've ever had. That's why-"

"-that's why you rolled over for me? Not buying it. What was really going on?"

Kenshin stared at the ceiling, his expression grim. "I've been trying to figure that out. It seems that Saitou was right. Everybody who knows me wants me. Apparently I'm the kind of person who can get used and abused by the whole world and still be… uncorrupted. People who get close enough to me to sense that seem to go crazy from the desire to get closer and closer to it, until they feel they just have to possess whatever it is that I've got. During the Bakumatsu, all the Ishin-shishi were fascinated with me- some were even obsessed- but their fear kept them all at bay. Wandering around Japan, I never stayed in one place long enough to let anyone get close. But now..."

"You're planning to stick around, so you've got to figure out a way to stop people from being attracted to you, otherwise you'll end up getting screwed by half the population of Tokyo! Listen, I think part of the problem is how unselfish you are. You sort of give off the impression that you've never lusted after anything in your whole life. You're just a serene little angel who never had a single dirty thought in his happy little heart. It seems wrong to talk about Jou-chan like this, but I think she's your only hope at this point."

"What do you mean?"

"Look, she's the only one around who seems more innocent than you, and that's because, she is. You've got to go on and claim her, Kenshin. And never mind that she wants you to- you've got to take her innocence because you want to do it. Take it from her and give her passion in exchange. Go crazy about it- shit, be scary about it. Do it because you need to."

Kenshin shook his head. "Sessha isn't like that," he said quietly. "I would never do that to Kaoru-dono."

"Well, somebody better do it for her, and soon, too. Hell, maybe I'll go do it. We both know she's already pretty good at screaming my name, heh heh."

Kenshin's entire demeanor changed in an instant. It was as if an icy wind swept the room. Sano grinned.

"I just said that so you'd make that face," Sano said. "You need to be serious about this! You can't stay passive and let people take what they want from you without asking anything for yourself."

Kenshin thought quietly for a moment. Maybe it really was the absence of lust in his own heart that made him seem so 'pure' and drew everyone else's lust like a magnet.

"All right," Kenshin decided. "I'll do it."