Chapter four

Dinner

"Oh no." Clark said as he watched his mother carry over that nights dinner. Chelsea and Jonathan looked up and moaned too. Martha had made all of her most delicious, fancy, time consuming meals. This could only mean one thing: bad news.
"What's going on Mom?" Chelsea asked.
"Nothing. I love my family." She said innocently. Then she quickly threw in "And my Aunt Myrtle is coming for a visit."
"Oh no." Clark repeated. "Mom, not Aunt Myrtle. She hates us."
"She does not hate you." Martha sighed.
"She hates everything Mom." Chelsea complained.
"Chels." Martha said.
"Okay, okay maybe not EVERYTHING… just flowers and kids and grass…"
"And sunlight and laughter…" Clark added
"And happiness." Jonathan chimed in.
"Jonathon." Martha scolded. "Listen, all of you. Myrtle is family. We all love her and we are all gonna be here to show her that." And with that the Kent family began to eat.

The Kitchen
"She can't be that bad." Tyler said helping Chelsea with her afternoon chores.
"All I'm saying is you and Pete would be smart to head home before she gets here. I love her, but the woman's nuts. I mean she's strict and bitter and she detests any kind of anything."

"I'm telling you Pete," Clark said in the barn "The lady is the only 90 year old I know who strikes fear in me."
"You can bench press a tractor and your afraid of an old bat?" Pete scoffed.
"She's not just an old bat, she…" Clark began to say, but stopped when he heard the truck pull up in front of the house. "She's here."
"Martha, this really isn't the type of vehicle a proper woman should be driving." She took one look at Clark, who was coming out of the house with Pete and Jonathan to help with the bags (Seven in all for a week long stay), and said "Jonathan, I see you still have my nephew dressing in plain, country bumpkin plaid. And you could have had a lawyer Martha"
Jonathan held his tongue for Martha's sake and said "Nice to see you too Myrtle." Then he stalked into the barn and away from Myrtle.
The rest of them headed into the house. "Hi Aunt Myrtle." Chelsea said as they entered the kitchen. She tried to guess what would be the first punch the elderly woman would throw.
"Well Chelsea I do believe you've put on some weight since I last saw you." DIRECT HIT!
Chelsea was very embarrassed, pretty angry, but not at all surprised. After all, the old lady had a gift for pissing people off.
"Here Myrtle" Martha said handing her a drink and trying to relieve some of the tension. Then she passed out drinks to Clark, Pete, Chelsea and Tyler.
"Why Clark Kent" Aunt Myrtle said "You get taller every time I see you. You aren't taking those growth hormones I saw on the television are you?"
"No ma'am" Clark smiled.
"Good boy. Those things will drastically decrease your sperm count."
Chelsea nearly choked on her iced tea. "I'll try and remember that." Clark said, discomfited by the word "sperm" coming out of his 90-year-old great-aunt's mouth.
"Um… Myrtle, why don't I take you up to Chelsea's room." Martha offered.
"I like my privacy Martha dear. I'd prefer to stay in the guest room please."
"We don't actually have a guest room…but if you need privacy then Chelsea can stay in Clarks room."
"But Mom…" Chelsea and Clark both said, and were both met with the same warning glare as Martha and Myrtle disappeared up the stairs.
"Great." Clark complained to Pete "Now I have to share a room with snoring beauty for a week."
"You snore?" Tyler asked Chelsea.
"No I don't snore," She said.
"Don't worry. It's cute." Tyler laughed
"I do not snore!" Chelsea whined. "Besides, even if I did, the human fart machine over there would never be able to hear it."
"Oh really midget?" Clark asked
"Yeah really!"
"Hey, hey, hey!" Jonathan said coming in. "What is going on in here?"
"Daddy I don't snore, do I?" Chelsea said
"She does too Dad, and you know it!" Clark yelled
"I do not you big jerk."
"Yes you do you little cry baby."
"Spazz!"
"Tweak!"
"Both of you stop it right now." Jonathan said. "Your mother has done everything she can and more for you and never asks for anything. And I don't know why, but she really cares about that old bitty and what she has to say. So you two are to be on your best behavior while Myrtle in town, and I mean it. Is that clear?"
"Yes sir" Both teens said in unison.
"And as for you," Jonathan said pointing at Pete and Tyler "if you're lucky enough to not be related to the "Myrtle Beast", I suggest you head on home."
"Yes sir" Pete said.
"I'll call you later." Tyler whispered squeezing Chelsea's hand (he didn't dare kiss her in front of her father).

Clarks room

Dinner was hell. Myrtle spent the entire time complaining about one thing or another. As soon as they were excused, Clark and Chelsea headed to Clark's room.
"She's gotta be doing that on purpose." Clark said. "I mean nobody is that bad."
"Mom looked like she wanted to cry." Chelsea said falling onto his bed. "I just want to get some sleep."
"Ok, but just so you know, I'm sleeping on the bed. You can take that" he said pointing to the cot his father set up.
"How about we make a deal?" Chelsea said.
"Fine. Here's the deal, you sleep on the cot and I don't have to show Tyler those baby pictures of you naked." He said sardonically.
"Oh you really want to talk about embarrassing stuff?" Chelsea asked.
"Bring it on" he said.
"I'll tell everyone at school that you're still afraid of the witch scenes in The Wizard of Oz."
"I'll tell everyone that you still play with Barbie's" Clark said much to Chelsea's horror.
"How do you know about that?" She asked.
"Oh come on Chelsea, you've been hiding your diary under your pillow since the fourth grade. Besides I hear you in your room."
Chelsea thought about it. What did she have that was better than Barbie? Then it finally came to her. "Or you take the cot, and that secret stash of porn you have stays secret."
Clark didn't say anything. He just picked up his pillow and put it on the cot, while Chelsea smiled from ear to ear and placed her pillow and Jamu, her stuffed bear, on the bed.
There was a knock on the door and Jonathan poked his head in the room. "Are you guys alright in here?" He asked.
"Super." Chelsea said. Jonathan looked down at Jamu in her arms and remembered the day he won it for her at the county fair.

Jonathan's Memory
"I'm gonna ride the big wheel this year." Six-year-old Clark said with a smile.
"But yew aw ascared of it." Chelsea said.
"That was last year." He said matter-of-factly. "Last year I was a little kid like you. Now I'm a big kid like me."
"Oh." Chelsea said. That was just how it was with her and Clark back then. To her, her parents and Clark knew everything and could fix anything, because they were her family. Jonathan picked her up on his shoulders so that she could see the entire fair grounds.
"Daddy how big aw yew. Real big, huh?" She asked.
"Well I guess so Sugar Plum. But I do believe you're taller." He joked.
"You're funny Daddy." Chelsea giggled.
"Step right up folks! Won't anybody try and dunk Floppy The Frog." A man in a big hat said. He pointed to a small dunk tank where the dunkie was a pretty small guy in a frog costume. "Hey small fry!" The man in the hat called out to another man in the crowd. "Are you man enough to give it all you got?" The man in the crowd just walked away. "Come on folks," The man in the hat said, "Is anybody here willing to conquer the bulls-eye and dunk Floppy. You win your choice of grand prizes."
"Daddy, bet you can do it." Chelsea said.
"Yeah Dad." Clark agreed.
Jonathan looked at their eyes and couldn't say no.

"So," The man in the hat said, "You think you're good enough to take down Floppy. You don't look that tough."
"My Daddy's big enough to take down two Fwoppies." Chelsea said.
"Well," The man in the hat said, "If your daddy can do that than he can have his pick from one of these prizes." Jonathan gave the man a dollar, picked up a ball and easily dunked the poor man in the frog suit. Fair prizes are always lame. On display there was a plastic water gun, a pair of "X-Ray Goggles" and a foam shark.
"What do yew want Cwark?" Chelsea asked.
"I dunno." He shrugged "You pick something."
Chelsea glanced over the prizes once or twice before she saw a gray bear with blue paws in the corner.
"Oh Daddy, da bear over there! Pick that one." Jonathan rode three roller coasters and the big wheel that day, but the joy of seeing the sparkle in Chelsea's eyes took him higher than any ride could.

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