Author's note: The second chapter of this crazy story is here! I still don't own any of the characters (sorry-I tried though), it still contains swearing, and Mario's still being a bit of a pain.
Chapter 2: Crashing a party in the Mushroom Kingdom
Dear Diary...I haven't written anything in you for ages, ever since that...that Mario incident. I know that back then I said that I had fun with Mario, and I did, in a way, but...afterwards things weren't so good.
I am now fourteen, and since Mario came and fucked my life up, I haven't been the same! Heblew upmy house, which wasn't insured, to start with. When my parents came up to the hospital where I was staying they lost it, and blamed each other for not raising me right, and then they divorced shortly after that.
I kept telling people "Mario did it! Dust for fingerprints or something!" but no-one believed me.
All they knew for sure was that I and a "friend" had taken my parent's car for a joy-ride. My "friend" then punched a fast food employee in the face, andafterwards theemployee sued my family for the remainder of their money.
I was also spotted downtown trying to buy sex from prostitutes.
I was blamed for everything. Everything!
And now I live in a run-down place with a guardian since none of my parents want to raise a boy they think has lost it.
And it's all Mario's fault! That bitch of a plumber is going to pay, and I know just how to get him back!
I have been experimenting with my Gamecube, you see- I know that Mario came out of it, but I can't waste my life waiting for him to come back again.
So I plan on going into the Gamecube instead, and hunting Mario down! I don't quite know what I will do to him when I find him, but I'm sure it will be painful beyond words for Mario! I shall write more once I try to transport into Mario's world.
Dear Diary, I did it! Somehow I connected my Gamecube with a power source and some highly illegal materials, and next thing I knew I was sucked into my Gamecube...I passed through it, shrunk, and next thing I knew I opened my eyes and I was here, in the Mushroom Kingdom! Everything is bright green and pretty, with clouds bobbing along nicely in the sky, but I ignored my surroundings and headed straight to where I knew Mario would be: his house!
It didn't take me long to find: cartoony, red, and with a big fucking "M" on it...Mario sure doesn't believe in lying low.
I hopped the fence, ran to the door, and kicked that bitch in, stepping into the house and looking around.
To my surprise though, the place was packed! I saw Goombas and Koopa turtles, Shy Guys and Ghouls and Toads, and Luigi, Peach and Mario at a big table. Mario was at the head of the table, and there was a big cake in front of him with candles on it.
His eyes widened in shock upon seeing me.
"Oh-a SHIT!" He yelled.
"That's right, you bitch!" I yelled, swatting a Koopa out of my way and advancing on the party table. "Remember me?"
The characters in the Gamecube world were all around my size, so I actually didn't have a height advantage or anything, but I was pissed off.
"I, er, I never-a see you-a before in my life!" Mario stammered nervously.
Luigi was gaping at me. "Mario, that's the kid you tried to kill!" He whispered loudly.
"I did not-a try to kill him, I was just a bit-a drunk that day!" Mario defended angrily.
"Yeah, you blew up my house and left me to live a half life!" I roared at him.
"Mario!" Peach exclaimed, her eyes widening. "Is this true?"
"He-a crazy!" Mario yelled, turning red.
"Oh yeah? Remember THIS?" I shouted triumphantly, pulling a photo out of my pocket. I showed it to the table.
"Oh my god!" Peach exclaimed.
The photo was a security photo I had managed to track down that showed Mario oggling the prostitutes- but when I had showed the police the photo they had accused me of photo-shopping it!
"Mario, you...you dirty pervert!" Peach shrieked, covering her mouth.
"Oh, fuck-a this!" Mario said, and hopped up from the table, ran from the living room and slammed a door, presumably leading to his bedroom.
The whole room went quiet, and then a little Toad started to cry loudly.
"Momma, why is Mario upset?" The Toad turned and asked his mother between sobs.
"Because Mister Mario was caught trying to get sex from-" The father began, but stopped when his wife elbowed him in the ribs.
"Mario's just having a bad day," the mother soothed her son.
"More like he's having a bad year," the father interjected again with a laugh, and got smacked up the side of his head by his wife.
Suddenly I realised that half of the room was looking at me expectantly, waiting to see what I was going to do next.
"Um..." I began, scratching my head. Truth be told I didn't know what my next course of action should be- I couldn't exactly go in and bash up Mario, and then calmly leave now, could I? Part of the anger I was feeling disappeared.
Peach was dabbing at her eyes with a silk handkerchief. "I'm so sorry about Mario," she said with a sigh. "He's been rather cranky for a while..."
Luigi got up and pulled out a seat for me. "Here, sit down, okay-a?" He said earnestly.
Not knowing what else I could do, I had no choice but to sit. Again, I noticed the large cake in the middle of the table.
"Is it Mario's birthday or something?" I asked, figuring that it would have to be.
"It is," Peach said, smiling.
"How old is he? " I asked curiously.
"Um, no-one really knows, " Luigi admitted sheepishly. "We just celebrate his birthday normally, but it feels like he's been around for ages!"
I nodded and took a chance to look around the room. It was a small house-just a living room area where we were sitting, a small kitchen off to one side with no dividing wall in-between, and a short hallway with two doors that were probably bedrooms.
Mario's choice of furniture was bizarre: he had a pink couch that looked like it could fold out into a bed, a small table with a 1-up mushroom on it, and a small, ancient TV in one corner of the room that looked like it wasn't used much. Mario's fridge was white and plain, and was probably packed full with emergency pasta.
"So why did you come here today?" Peach asked. "To get Mario to apologize? "
A small Boo was hovering curiously around my legs underneath the table. I kicked out a foot to try to scare it away, not quite liking the idea of getting too close to a ghost.
"Um, something like that," I lied. Why did it have to be Mario's birthday today? I thought miserably. "Maybe I should come back another day though, " I added, starting to rise.
"Nonsense!" Peach declared. "If Mario did all those horrible things to you, he should apologize immediately. "
She stood up. "Come with me...ah, what is your name?" She asked me.
"Todd, " I replied.
She beckoned to me with one white glove and I started to follow her away from the table. Luigi got up from the table and ran after us. "I gotta see this, " he chuckled.
"Oh," Peach said suddenly, stopping in her tracks. She turned back to the assorted creatures in the room. "Sorry about this, everyone!" She apologized. "Mario will be back soon, and we'll have the cake."
"Don't worry Princess," The big-mouthed father Toad said. "This is all very entertaining. Ow! Stop hitting me!" This last bit was to his wife.
"Yeah, I've never seen a human before!" A Koopa spoke up shyly.
We left the living room and went down the hallway, where Peach tapped politely on Mario's door.
"Mario, let us in, your friend wants to have a word with you," she called.
A string of expletives came out from behind the door. Luigi sniggered.
"Mario, that's awful!" Peach admonished, looking at me embarrassedly. "I'm so sorry. For a while now Mario has just...lost his zest for life! He used to go on heaps of adventures, compete in all kinds of sports, ride racing karts, everything! Now all he does is mope around his house."
I wondered if it had anything to do with Peach cheating on him with Luigi-that's why he had been so upset last time I saw him, after all.
"Let me try," Luigi said eagerly, seeming to be enjoying himself.
"Marioooo," he called. "I have some pasta out here! Nice and fresh!"
Mario told him exactly where he could stick his pasta, and Luigi's eyes widened.
"Momma-Mia!" He exclaimed.
Peach looked worried. "This is bad, normally Mario can't resist pasta!" She looked to Luigi, a fire in her eyes. "Luigi, knock down this door!"
Luigi's eyes lit up. "I get to do something? Hooray! This is just like the time I won this Mansion, and-"
"We know, we know," Peach and I both chorused.
"Just knock down the door please, Luigi." Peach said.
Luigi looked insulted, but backed away from the door, preparing to knock it down. He bobbed up and down, sucking in air.
"Here I come, Mario!" He declared. "Luigi-a special cannon goooooo!" He cried, and flung himself at the door head-first, sailing through the air.
There was a crunch, the sound of wood breaking, and when I opened my eyes I saw that Luigi's head had gone through the wood, but his body was still on this side of the door, his legs waving in the air wildly.
I could hear Mario's angry voice from the other side.
"Luigi! What did you-a do to my door? "He said angrily. "I oughta slap your face!"
Peach pushed at the sagging door, and it swung open, causing Luigi's head to hit the wall on the other side. I heard Luigi say some things that probably shouldn't be repeated.
The Princess and I both rushed into the room, and I gasped aloud at the sight I saw.
Mario was sitting on his bed with a guilty expression on his face. In his hand was a large see-through cup which was filled with poisonous mushrooms. He was currently frozen in place, one poison mushroom raised half-way up to his mouth.
"Mario, no!" Peach shrieked, and hurried forward and slapped the mushroom out of his hand.
When I saw that Mario was trying to fish more poison mushrooms out of the cup to swallow, I rushed forward and tackled him off the bed, sending the glass flying.
"Get-a off me!" Mario cried, flailing underneath me on the floor. "I-a can't take anymore of this!"
"It's not the answer!" I shouted, trying to avoid Mario's flying fists.
Fortunately for me, Luigi un-stuck himself from the door and came to my aid, jumping on Mario and trying to subdue him. Between the two of us we finally calmed him down, until he stopped thrashing around and sat on his bed, his head in his hands. Peach sat down next to him.
"Mario, what's wrong? "She asked gently. "Are you still...upset that Luigi and I...you know? Because that was a mistake, and it happened so long ago now!"
Mario shook his head, sighing. "It is-a not that! I'm over that now...I think-a I might be having a mid-life crisis!"
"Are you even old enough to have a mid-life crisis?" Luigi asked, and Mario glared at him.
Peach looked somewhat relieved though. "Well I guess that does explain a lot! And now we can all help you through this."
Mario managed a weak smile, and then his eyes fell on me.
"I'm sorry I wrecked your life, " he sighed. "Mario should-a not have 'let's-a-go ' that time!"
I frowned, trying to make sense of what he was saying. Oh well, I figured that there was some sort of apology in there somewhere. Besides, I no longer felt angry with Mario. How could I? The poor guy was feeling really down, he wasn't getting any, and his love of pasta had even fallen slightly!
"I'll help too, " I blurted out. "I mean...if it's okay, I'd like to stay for a while and help in any way I can. There's not much for me to go back to in the real world anyway."
Peach smiled. "That sounds like a good idea, right, Mario? "
Mario shrugged, "I-a don't really give a-" he started, but Peach smacked him in the head.
"Right, Mario?" She repeated fiercely.
Mario rubbed at his head. "That sounds good!" He said, forcing a smile to his lips.
Luigi spoke up. "Hey, you can share my room-we have a spare bed. This is great, I can tell you all about the time I had to save Mario when-" His voice trailed off as Peach, Mario and I fled the room.
So, Dear Diary, that's how I wound up here in the Mushroom Kingdom, and instead of bashing Mario up it is now my job to help get his life back on track. It probably won't be easy, but hey- I don't have anything else planned at the moment. I should stop writing now though: Luigi wants the light out. I swear, if he goes on about that stupid mansion of his again I will smother him with my pillow!
And that's it! Before I go though, I need to run through a few things. Yes, I know this chapter wasn't as funny as the last one, but let's face it: I had to have some sort of plot going here. I hope you guys still enjoyed it.
I also like the fact that the main character is less innocent and not as awed by Mario now.
Also, I want to comment on something from the first chapter. In it, the main character comments about a woman, saying something like "She didn't recognise Mario, maybe because she's a girl and girl's don't play video games!"
I haven't gotten any complaints about this yet, but just in case, I want it to be clear that the main character, being 13 years-old, probably only knows males that play games. I just wanted to make a joke about his ignorance, and the fact that many young males probably don't think any girls play games! Which is just not true.
Oh, and the objects in Mario's house like his couch and stuff wereborrowed from the game Mario Party 4. So I did my research. :p
Also, I thought it would be funny to see what the characters in the story think of the story, so I wrote some fake "reviews" here:
1)"It sucked meatballs!"-Luigi"
2) "I thought it was kind of sad! Mario having a mid-life crisis? Poor thing!"-Peach.
3) "Luigi's Mansion was better then this crap!"-Luigi
4) "You-a made half of it up! I didn't do anything! Nothing-a!"-Mario
5) "They forgot to come back to their guests! We had to cut and eat the cake all by ourselves!"-some random Koopa that was at the party.
6) "I ate some of Mario's pasta and Mario came back and saw me eating it and got really mad and started chasing me around so I had to throw the pasta at him and jump out a window!"-Little Toad.
7) "The only good part was when yours truly broke down Mario's door! Now I can wave to Mario from my room, and he can see me! He always makes rude hand gestures though..."-Luigi
Of course, real reviews are always better! Please leave a review if you've read this far, even if you hated it. I also want to thank those few people who have already left reviews; it inspired me enough to get on with writing the second chapter!