Disclaimer: I don't own Spider-Man or any other of the Marvel characters. Some really, really smart dude made them so rejects like me could write about them.
Spider-Man sat down on the roof of the Newspaper Company, The Daily Bugle. Who didn't know about The Daily Bugle? The paper was so famous because of the editorials written by J. Jonah Jameson; the esteemed publisher about Spider-Man. Spider-Man was usually portrayed as a "Huge Menace To Society. He Should Be Locked Up And Forced To Reveal Who He Really Is"!
On most occasions, Spider-Man laughed off the crude and inaccurate comments and accusations place by J. Jonah Jameson. And he wouldn't really mind it if Jameson's comments didn't make the entire city anti-Spider-Man. Spider-Man ignored them, but today it made him really depressed. And for once, he actually thought about what other people were thinking, particularly a young, teenage girl.
Spider-Man had been swinging around, analyzing the city of New York for possible danger. Today, though, it was very quiet. Until a huge blast electricity shook the ground from a few blocks away. Spider-Man had darted to the scene, to find this infamous super-villain named Electro. Electro was extremely dangerous, but also extremely stupid. And the fact that his costume was looked like something a dork would wear to one of those Star Trek conventions made him something of a joke. Plus his mask looked like a yellow starfish.
"Okay, Electro! This better be good, I don't have much time." Electro blasted electric currents at him, but he dodged them with ease. "This is gonna be too easy." Spider-Man shrugged. But for once in his pathetic life, Electro played smart. He grabbed an onlooker from the side. She was about thirteen. She looked petrified. "Leave her alone!" Spider-Man yelled, standing still. "Yeah, sure I will. And I'll let you arrest me and all that junk!" Electro said. The girl didn't say anything. She didn't look at Spider-Man with encouragement. She gave him a 'Get-The-Hell-Away-From-Me' look.
Spider-Man pushed his wrists together and pressed down the two fingers on each hand. The webs formed a thick web ball, which was great for these sticky hostage occasions. The web ball hit Electro in the face and he fell over, onto of his hostage. "Good old predictable Electro." Spider-Man laughed, trotting over to the girl being crushed by Electro's knocked-out body. He offered his hand to her. She didn't take it.
"Okay, hold on," He said, lifting Electro off of her. He literally threw him to the side and helped her up. He noticed her leg, which looked extremely dislocated. "Oh, hold on, let me fix that." "No!" She said, falling to the ground. "But..." "No! Just...just leave me alone!" Spider-Man looked very confused. "Hello, I'm Spider-Man! I'm like-trying to help you, if you didn't notice." She shivered in fear. "No...Just...don't hurt me." "Me? No, I...You have a broken leg, I want to help." "Please. Just...just please don't hurt me!" Spider-Man sat down next to her. "I'm trying to help. H-E-L-P!" The girl didn't seem relieved. "But...why?" She asked him. Spider-Man couldn't believe what was happening here.
"I am what they call a super-hero. I have super powers, and I am a hero. A hero helps people. So, I want to help you." "But...Mr. Jameson said..." "Did you say Jameson?" He interrupted. She nodded. Spider-Man froze. That douche-bag! Then an older lady rushed in from the crowd. "Honey! Oh my god! Get away from her! Get away!" Spider-Man's self esteem dropped so rapidly, that he didn't give a snappy comeback. He left. He just left.
So now he sat on top of a building, thinking of reasons people thought he was a menace. Was it his uniform? His style of fighting? What could make people hate him so? Whatever the reason was he wish he knew so people would be rooting for him, not booing him. He got up, stretched his arms, and crawled down the building wall to an open window. He helped himself in, sitting in a big, black swivel chair. He picked up the phone and dialed a number he had memorized a while back.
"Hello, Pizza Hut? Yeah, I'd like to order fifty, yes, that's five-zero, pepperoni pizza pies to The Daily Bugle offices. Yeah, the one right near Times Square. Put it under J. Jonah Jameson. Yes, we're having a huge celebration. For what? Because I'm an asshole! Thirty minutes or its free? No, no. Please. I'd love to pay for it! Because I'm an asshole, that's why!"
As soon as he hung up the phone, J. Jonah Jameson walked into his room. "Spider-Man?" "Well, look what the cat dragged in!" "What are you doing here?" "What I can't have a friendly conversation with you?" Jameson shut the door quietly. "What the hell do you want, then?" "Okay, Lemme be frank with you. I usually don't give a damn about your fucking opinion of me, and whether I'm a great super-hero or not, but what I do care about is that little girls are scared of me because of you're fucking false accusations!" Jameson sat down at the desk. "So, what?" He asked grumpily. "So, I want you to stop printing that garbage! I laughed at it before, but I don't want little kids screaming everytime I swing above their heads!" "And what if I say 'no'?" Jameson asked. "Oh...let me make this clearer for you. I'm not giving you a choice here. You stop, and that's that." "Or what? You gonna sue me?" "No, but I will make your life so miserable that you will want to give me a million dollars to stop."
And then he dove out the window. But he didn't leave. He stayed stuck to the side of the building, waiting. He waited and waited for ten minutes until three was a knock at Jameson's office door. "Come in already!" Jameson groaned. Five young boys carrying pizza boxes came into the room. "Mr. Jameson, sir, your pizzas." "What?" He said, looking at the boxes piled onto his desk. "Yeah. You ordered fifty pies, sir." One said. "I did not! This is crazy!" "Well, with tax and tip, that will be like, $450." Jameson's face turned red. "WHAAAAAATTT!" Spider-Man had a hard time to refrain from laughing. As soon as Jameson was alone with the fifty boxes, Spider-Man poked his head in the window. "And it begins." Spider-Man said to Jameson. "You fucking son of a bitch!" Jameson cursed as Spider-Man swung off hysterically laughing.
The next day The Daily Bugle's front page read "Spider-Man Crank Calls- Owes Daily Bugle $450!" Spider-Man laughed as he read it. "Yeah, that's right, J.J.! You print it in your paper! I'm gonna have fun in the next couple of weeks!"