Wow, I betcha thought I'd abandoned this story! Well, I kind of did. But then I realized I had a bunch of more screwed up ideas floating around in my mind, and... I missed writing this! Plus I'm kind of blocked in my other Naruto story for awhile, so this is to kind of... loosen up my mind. Anywho... enjoy!

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, would I be wasting my time writing lame little fanfics about him? I think not.

A Moment With Orochimaru

Orochimaru lounged in the big evil throne in his lair (Yes, thrones can be evil. This one had eaten two evil rulers before Orochimaru before. Remember this. It could be important. Hint, hint). He was in a foul temper, and it was steadily getting worse. How long is that fool going to take? He thought, growling. I have been waiting for so long for this… so long… his disgustingly long tongue (A/N: I think he just admires KISS, don't you? the band, for the record.) snaked out and licked his lips in anticipation. I can feel it… the time is almost here… he thought eagerly, drumming his thin, insecty fingers against the armrests of his throne.

Finally he could bear it no longer. He had waited for so long, too long, for this moment, to have it delayed a second longer because of one stupid minion's slowness.

"KABUTO!" he bawled, as loudly and unattractively as a dying calf.

Kabuto came scurrying into the room like a kicked spaniel. "Yes, Orochimaru-sama?" he cringed. (A/N: If you really want to think of how he came scurrying, think of this. You know those Disney movies where the bad guy always has some short, klutzy, usually squinty-eyed apprentice who's all slobbering and tripping over his feet in a combination of fear and eagerness? Yeah. Think of that. The squinty-eye expression might not be a bad idea either.)

"Has Itachi arrived back yet?" Orochimaru snarled.

"No, Orochimaru-sama," muttered Kabuto, avoiding his master's eyes.

"Quit mumbling into your chins! What did you say?"

"I said, no, Orochimaru-sama," repeated Kabuto, lifting his head resentfully. Why was "chin" plural? he thought grouchily. I've been TRYING to stick to my diet, but Kisame keeps baking that damn chocolate cake…

"Kabuto! Quit spacing out! Why isn't he back yet!" Orochimaru demanded.

"I don't know," Kabuto replied sullenly, starting to mumble again involuntarily. "I told you I would be better for the mission…" he grumbled under his breath like a jealous five-year-old.

"What was that?" Orochimaru hissed.

"Nothing," said Kabuto quickly.

"Well, quit wasting my time! Get back on watch!" Orochimaru snapped.

Kabuto bowed and skittered back out of the room.

There was silence for a second. Finally…

"The hell? Did he just skitter?" Orochimaru said, one side of his nose twitching in disgust.

The door burst open and Itachi suddenly was in the room. Orochimaru sat up eagerly.

"Do you have it?"

Itachi bowed and nodded smugly.

"Well, bring it here! Hurry!"

Itachi hurried up to the side of Orochimaru's throne and whisked out… a small hand-held mirror, and a stick of eyeliner.

"Yes," breathed Orochimaru in sinister glee, taking the eyeliner reverently and turning it over in his hands adoringly. "Finally. Jet black."

...Because he was just so sick of how after a long battle it would have faded to some shitty grey colour... like, that is so not intimidating anymore.

And okay, it turns out that the evil man-eating throne wasn't so significant after all.

XD ... Know what's sad? I make myself laugh. Uber sad.

Anyway... review!