Previous stories in the series include Hairy Situations and Situational Hair, Midst of Rough Earthliness, Discordant Hormoney, Harmonious Discourse, and Legacies and Traditions. I suggest reading those first if you want to have any hope of understanding this story. ;)
Question canon observed: The six issue Question mini, Devil's in the Details, which establishes Question as a "city shaman" and "walker between worlds." (Meaning he talks to cities, actual steel and cement cities, and gets answers.)
Other canon observed: Birds of Prey issues 4-6 and 28-30, for time travel satellite and all the technical jargon and such that comes with it.
(Booster/Beetle slash, Bug/Skeets het.)
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8th Chapter
Plotting, for great justice!
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"Now explain to me the part where you thought it was a good idea to destroy the space-time continuum."
"Unravel," Junior corrected. "We decided I was unraveling it. Sounds less...um...sounds more harmless. Like 'oh no, the multiverse is unraveling, better stitch it back up'. Whereas 'destroy' kinda implies...not fixable."
"Yes, I can see how that makes all the difference," Tim deadpanned. "And yet somehow it doesn't speak well for your mental health."
When Junior had brought Tim into the living room, Goldie had immediately squealed "Timmy!" and rushed over to loop her arm through Tim's free arm. Together, she and Junior had sandwiched Tim between them on the couch and snuggled up against him while Tim's expression wavered between amused and awkward. Then Junior and Goldie had cheerfully babbled explanations of what had been going on lately.
Max, meanwhile, was leaning forward against the back of the couch, looking like he was trying not to laugh at them. Ted had once again settled in one of the chairs, while Booster chose to perch on the arm of it rather than fight him for the seat. Over in the other chair, Question gave all appearances of having fallen asleep behind his mask.
"I have a certificate," Junior protested indignantly.
Tim closed his eyes and looked like he might be mentally counting to ten. "That's generally not a big selling point," he muttered.
"They're out there! Question felt it too!" Opening his eyes, Tim stared at him pointedly and Junior slumped a little. "Well they are. And he did. They weren't vaporized, they were transported. There were strange readings all over the place!"
"They weren't all over the place, they were in a very small, localized area," Tim countered. "And it was just a result of the unknown element used to power the machine."
"Which I could have examined if everyone weren't so smash-happy," Junior said peevishly.
"The point remains," Tim replied firmly. "Look, you'd just been released from a mental institution--"
"You were in a what?" Ted blurted.
"Which wasn't my fault!" Junior snapped, sitting up and waving a hand in agitation at Tim. "And anyway you're one to talk, Mister Obsessive-Compulsive. I asked and Dr. Kevorkian said OCD is a legitimate psychiatric disorder."
"There was no Dr. Kevorkian," Max pointed out.
Junior turned to frown at him. "Really? What about Mengele?"
"Nope."
"Huh, I thought for sure there was a Mengele. I'm hungry."
"No you're not, it's psychosomatic," Max said reasonably.
"Well...there should be snacks," Junior insisted, fidgeting. "With all this company."
"Your parents already ate this morning and Tim's not hungry," Goldie pointed out. "Besides, you sure didn't mind letting Andy comfort you after your 'harrowing ordeal'."
Max snorted and Junior shot a glare at him. "That's not--That's not even relevant."
"Who's Andy?" Ted asked suddenly.
Junior rolled his eyes. "My ex."
"Ex...?"
"Oh, we dated," Junior said, leaning forward on the couch. "Not...But we broke up. A little while ago."
An odd look crossed Ted's face and he looked like he was carefully choosing his next words. "So Andy is...?"
Junior quirked his eyebrows in confusion. "I already said. We dated."
"Oh for the love of--He's trying to ask if you're gay," Goldie laughed, then turned to flash a grin at Ted. "Junior isn't anything. Andy's a meta, with the power to change gender. Male, female, androgynous, and...that creepy thing that doesn't look like either." She gestured vaguely, glancing at Max for confirmation, then shrugged. "Andy, Androgenie--"
"Pat," Junior added absently.
"Andy's also got this...pheromone thing. Encourages people to do what Andy says, or get chatty. Not very useful during a fight, but aces for interrogation."
"Recent evidence suggests there might be some empathic or telepathic element to Andy's powers of suggestion," Max remarked.
"I hadn't heard that," Tim said, looking up at him.
Max shrugged. "No official tests have been conducted yet."
"So yeah, not gay." Goldie smirked, snuggling against Tim's shoulder. "And there's that computer he dated."
"Computer?" Ted asked, looking like he thought he had heard wrong.
"Mefta was an alien artificial intelligence, and we weren't dating," Junior protested.
"Which is why it kept calling you 'Booboo'?" Goldie asked sweetly.
Junior blushed. "Mefta wasn't an 'it'," he mumbled.
Meeting Ted's eyes, Booster mouthed "Booboo?" Ted shrugged with equal bewilderment.
"Then there was Pulsar."
"I--Okay yeah," he said with a reminiscent smile. "Those eyes, that body...let me use his employee discount for those books..."
"What's-her-name at Star Labs," Max spoke up.
"Maggie!" Junior defended. "She has a name."
"Cassandra," Tim added, trying not to smile.
Goldie choked, then burst out laughing. "You dated--He dated--?"
"'Dated' is perhaps overstating it," Tim murmured.
Junior cleared his throat, ducking his head. "Could we maybe get back to the plotting of wacky shenanigans instead of talking about my mental health and/or love life in front of my parents. And maybe not bring it up around them again, past, present, or future? Like, ever?" Then he stood up and headed for the kitchen.
Catching Junior's arm as he passed, Max asked, "Where are you going?"
"Snacks," Junior replied, raising his eyebrows like it should be obvious.
With a sigh, Max let go of his arm and Junior left in search of snacks.
"Is...he okay?" Booster asked, lowering his voice.
"...Mistakes were made," Tim muttered.
"That's putting it diplomatically," Goldie scoffed, then waved a hand negligently. "Blue's fine. Bounces back better than Luke and Ralphie combined. Plus he got a shiny piece of paper to hang on the wall out of the deal."
"Can you imagine?" Max asked thoughtfully.
"Well he was showing the damn thing off to everyone when he got it."
Max grimaced. "No, not the paper, I mean Luke and Ralphie combined."
"Oh ew." Goldie wrinkled her nose and made a face at him.
"I thought you liked raisins," Junior said from the doorway, holding up a box in confusion.
"Not the raisins," Goldie assured him. "Luke and Ralphie."
Settling back on the couch next to Tim, Junior dug through the box. "What about 'em?"
"Combined," said Max.
"Creepy. Raisins?" He held out the box and looked around, but no one took him up on the offer. Shrugging, Junior munched happily. "Don't we have a break-in to plan?"
"Actually, I think it would be best if we made it theft," Max said slowly. "L-Ron continued running my scans while I've been here and there's a memo circulating about the satellite. Seems we're not the only ones interested in using it."
"Aaand that's a bad thing," Goldie prompted.
"Extremely. Unless you're particularly interested in seeing what they can do with...say, live dinosaurs." Striding from behind the couch to stand in front of the group, Max crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. "It's more than that, actually. We're not sure yet what they're planning to do, but there's been an increase in computer simulations run. And guess what those simulations are about."
"Tetris?" Question suddenly asked, startling everyone.
"Ha. No. Historical events." Giving them all a level look, Max said, "They're trying to find a way to change the past for their benefit."
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"So now the plan is, we steal the satellite and find somewhere secure to put it, we give finding my parents another go using my parents from the past to locate them, then we send my past parents home with the satellite. And we go out for ice cream."
"Again with the ice cream," Goldie remarked.
Junior shrugged. "I crave raisin ripple."
Making a face, Max muttered, "I don't know how you can stand to eat that stuff."
"Oh what do you know?" Junior dismissed. "You've never even tried it."
"No, but it looks toxic."
"And you look like you should be given out at award ceremonies, but I don't say anything."
"I can't help you in any official capacity," Tim spoke up suddenly. "But...I agree with you that it would be safer, for everyone, if the satellite weren't in the hands of people seeking to use it for personal gain."
"So you believe us?" Junior asked, a hint of hopefulness in his voice.
"The OMAX's research is rarely wrong," Tim said wryly. "If there's anything I can do, unofficially, to help..."
"Actually, there is," Max said thoughtfully, cupping his chin as he slowly circled Goldie.
"What?" Goldie demanded, trying to follow his progress without turning in circles. "What!"
"We'll need to get in through the front door," Max said decisively, stopping to look up at Tim. "With Carrie's security pass. Junior's not pretty enough--"
"And Max would set off the metal detector," Junior added with a smirk.
"And I won't even suggest Larry, Moe, and Curly over there."
"Hey!" Ted and Booster said indignantly. Question just tilted his head and gave the impression that he was above being insulted.
"Goldie on the other hand stands out by virtue of her chromosomes." Max shoved the startled woman at Tim, who caught her easily. "You're good at disguises. Make her pass as a short, red-haired harpy."
"She's not a harpy," Junior murmured, amused.
"No, you're right," Max agreed musingly. "She's downright catty."
Goldie snorted. "That was bad, Max. Direct-to-DVD bad." Turning to Tim, she tossed her short hair and threw her arms around his neck. In a low, sultry voice she said, "Let's go make me a woman."
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Max emerged from the rooftop access stairwell looking shaken and pale. As he caught hold of Bug's skywire and was pulled up to the cloud and stealth technology cloaked airship, his human hologram slid away, leaving him looking shaken and shiny.
Climbing smoothly up through the hatch, he looked up and suddenly found himself face to face with the very red-haired nightmare he thought he had just escaped.
"YAH!" Max cried, falling back on his rear.
"I'll take that as a ringing endorsement," the woman said with Goldie's voice.
Max scowled at her. "Don't you have a paperbag you could be wearing?"
Bending over, Goldie reached out and pinched his cheek, grinning. "Aw, diddums get a fright?"
"I got your damn security pass," Max snapped, swatting her hand away. "And you can choke on it. Lay off."
"Toldja he'd be cranky," Goldie called toward the cockpit.
"Yes, dear," Junior called back. "You know all, you see all, I am but a cockroach dropping in your path."
"And don't you forget it, sweetums." Goldie glanced back at Max and offered him a hand up, which he knocked away irritably. She shrugged as he rose to his feet on his own. "Sooo? Ya get me a present?"
Max lifted a middle finger at her, then twitched his hand so that a plastic card appeared alongside the finger. "I went through a lot to get this," he told her sternly. "Guard it with your life."
Snatching the card with one hand, Goldie settled a pair of rectangular green-tinted glasses on her face with the other. She held the card up next to her head and mimicked the awkward, forced smile on the tiny photo. "As if it were my very own testicles on the line, Maxie."
Max shuddered. "You joke now," he muttered, flopping onto a bench nestled into the side of the airship.
Setting a hand on Max's shoulder, Goldie looked over the green glasses at him solemnly. "You did a very brave thing," she said. "And I just wish..."
"What?" Max asked suspiciously.
"That I had a picture of your face when you saw me!" Goldie burst out laughing, dropping her hand from his shoulder to wrap her arms around her middle. "It was priceless!"
"Don't make me mess up your disguise," Max growled.
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In the front of the airship, Junior sat in one seat while Ted sat in the other and Booster leaned over the back of Ted's chair.
Shaking his head in amusement as he listened to Max and Goldie bicker, Junior turned to his parents from the past and beamed. "I really want to thank you guys for helping out, and agreeing to the...cosmic fishing expedition thing later, to find...well, my parents." He squinted and waved a hand. "I mean, not...well... Okay I know that, technically, like...because of...quantum whatever and temporal thingum, you're my parents. But not really, because you were my parents, and--"
Ted was biting his lip trying not to laugh and Booster had dropped his forehead to the top of the chair while his shoulders shook with silent mirth.
"You know what?" Junior said with a chuckle and wry smile. "Forget it. Time travel's screwy. Just thanks."
Ted patted his shoulder and smiled. "Any time."
That set Booster off, his laughter no longer silent, and Ted grimaced as he realized his unintentional pun.
Beaming at them again, Junior sat back in the seat as he flew Bug toward the coordinates Max had given them. "Let's go be naughty for justice."
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