Title: Whatever
Author: alienangel19852003
Rating: T
Summary: Leo assigns Chris another charge, a fledgling witch by the name of Lizzie McGuire. Like reading about Chris being snarky and sarcastic? Like the repeative use of the word "Whatever." this fic is for you.
Disclamer: I don't own Charmed or the Lizzie.
Chris waited in front of the school just like Leo told him. Leaning against a stone building in the shade he watched the doors of Hillsdale High School. He still can't figure out why he agreed to this other than to get Leo off his back. The Elder was getting on his last nerve so he relented and agreed to take on another charge.
He figured how hard could it be, a seventeen year old girl with no real active powers except for astral projection and general spell casting. Hillsdale was a crappy little suburb not that far outside of the city.
He could hear the bell ringing proudly declaring that school was over. He was thankful he wasn't still in high school. He shuddered thinking of his days there. He hadn't been a bad student. He just hated the whole Jocks and Cheerleaders vs. the Band and the geeks thing they had going on. He had never seemed to fit into any category which made him cannon fodder for bullies.
The doors opened and hundreds of teenagers exited the building chatting on their way to the buses or to their cars and some simply walking home. He spotted a blonde girl walking with a brunette and a goofy looking boy with curly hair.
The three teenagers passed the line for the buses and started up the street. Chris did what he was told and followed them.
Lizzie McGuire couldn't shake the feeling that she was being watched and she'd told David Gordon and Miranda Sanchez as much. But they'd just called her paranoid. The three friends were on their way to Lizzie's to talk about what they did all day.
Gordo was excitedly talking about the set design for the school musical.
Lizzie was half listening.
"You guys should try out, it's gonna be fun." Gordo said.
"What?" Lizzie asked.
"He said we should try out." Miranda said.
"Oh."
"What's with you you've been out of it for the past few minutes?" Miranda asked.
"I don't know, I just feel like I'm being watched."
"Like you're in the shower and there's no fourth wall and someone took the third wall." Gordo asked hopefully
"Exactly."
"That makes no sense." Miranda said.
"It isn't logical but it's my prayer." Gordo said.
Lizzie hit him playfully on the shoulder.
"So how goes your operation spy on the girl's volleyball team?"
"Well, I managed to successfully drill the hole. Would you like to know why my eye is so red?" Gordo asked.
"Okay why?" Miranda asked.
"Rachel Johnston poked me in the eye."
Miranda laughed, "You better be glad that's all you got you could have seen Couch Cruse naked."
"I did."
"Ew." Miranda said.
"It actually wasn't half bad."
"That is gross." Miranda said.
"Lizzie." Miranda called.
"Huh," Lizzie asked.
"She didn't hear a word I said did she." Gordo said as they took a short cut behind an old warehouse that used to be a jewelry store.
"Nope. She's off in Lizzie Land again." Miranda said.
Lizzie squinted against the September sun, and a shadow darkened her vision and she was looking directly into the eyes of a red eyed man in grubby clothing who was holding a very decorative knife.
She backed up into Gordo.
"Sorry Mister, we didn't know this alley was occupied we'll be more careful next time." Gordo said as the three of them backed up the way they came.
The man smirked, "I was wondering where I would find a virgin witch to sacrifice."
"Witch? No witches here I'm afraid you're mistaken. No virgins either … Well except Gordo." Miranda said.
"I'm afraid you're mistaken."
"Uh… Miranda… Gordo isn't the only one who's a virgin." Lizzie said.
"What?" Miranda said.
"Uh…" Lizzie stuttered.
"You lied to me? You said you totally hooked up when you went to San Diego. Now you're going tell me you're a witch too right?" Miranda asked.
"I don't know about the witch part I'm sorry I lied to you. And if we live through this I'm gonna do it with the next guy I see." Lizzie said as they continued to back up.
"What about me? We could totally do it. We've known each other forever and it would prevent me from being a virgin sacrifice too." Gordo suggested.
"Hadn't thought about that. Wouldn't it be weird?"
"Come on it'll be fun; we can do it now if you want. Two minutes is all I need." Gordo said.
They backed up as far as they could into a wall.
The man grabbed Lizzie. Miranda tried to stop him by beating him about the head with her purse, she was easily rebuffed though and sent flying slamming into the dumpster with barely a shove.
Gordo was torn between trying to rescue Lizzie and seeing if Miranda was okay.
"Gordo!" Lizzie screamed.
Gordo yelled Bravehart style and charged at the man and was shoved into the wall to land gracefully on top of Miranda.
"Put the girl down."
Lizzie looked up to see a gorgeous green eyed man strolling down the alley way almost as if he owned it.
"Not a chance Whitelighter."
"Figured you'd say that." He said throwing out his right arm and sending the knife flying.
Lizzie brought the heel of her stiletto pump right down on the foot of her attacker.
He screamed and Lizzie managed to squirm away, her rescuer raised his arm again and the red eyed man flew into the far wall a jagged pipe going through his chest.
"They'll be others, she has been chosen." He said before he burst into flames.
"Okay what just happened?" Lizzie asked.
The green eyed stranger shouted, "Leo!"
"It's Lizzie." She said just as another bigger man stepped out of the wall.
"Heal them and get them home."
"You stopped the demon?" The other man obviously Leo, asked.
"For now,"
"Demon?" Lizzie asked.
"I'll explain on the way,"
"On the way where? How do I know you aren't going to kidnap me and sacrifice me too?"
"Trust me okay; I saved you from the Grock Demon didn't I?"
"Go easy on her, she's new to this whole thing." Leo said from where he was leaning over Gordo and Miranda who were still out cold.
"Are they gonna be alright?" Lizzie asked.
"Leo will take good care of them. And I'll try not to let you get killed."
He stepped forward seizing her arm and then a million facets of bright blue lights surrounded them. At first Lizzie thought he might try to hurt her too but the angelic sound of chimes and the bright blue lights didn't seem evil in the least.
Chris orbed them back to the Manor.
"Where are we?"
"I'm a safe place."
"Lizzie right?" Chris asked.
"Yeah."
"I'm Chris Perry," he said.
"Is that like Luke Perry?" She asked.
Chris rolled his eyes.
"Were you following me earlier?" She asked.
"Yes,"
"Did you know that man was going to attack me?"
"That I didn't expect,"
"Why did he attack me, I heard all that virgin witch sacrifice mumbo jumbo. But I'm not a witch."
"Yes you are."
"No I'm not. Do you see a conical hat, or a broomstick anywhere?"
"That's so cliché."
"Whatever, I'm not a witch."
"You just don't know you're a witch."
"Witches have cool powers and can fly and stuff. I'm not a witch; I'm just plain old virgin Lizzie McGuire."
"You have powers, you just don't know what they are yet, and as your Whitelighter I am supposed to help you."
"What's a Whitelighter?" She asked.
"Well, a Whitelighter is a sort of guardian angel who guides and protects witches."
"You don't look like a guardian angel,"
Chris looked down at his t-shirt and denim jeans.
"Did you expect white robes and a harp?"
"Well…"
"Get over yourself. I've got stuff to do today besides babysitting a virgin sacrifice."
"You certainly don't sound like a guardian angel."
"Where in the hell is Leo. I quit. I'm fired whatever, I can't sit her and have this conversation for the next twenty years." Chris said.
"Are you implying that I'm a dumb blonde who doesn't know what the hell is going on?"
"You didn't even know you were a witch,"
"That is so not my fault."
"Fine."
"Fine."
"Whatever."
"Leo!" Chris shouted.
"Yeah, get your ass over here!" Lizzie shouted.
"What?" Leo said orbing into the room.
"You didn't tell me the Grocks were after her. And you didn't tell me she didn't even know she was a witch,"
"I didn't think you'd agree to be her Whitelighter if I did."
"I have other charges you know and plus I have to find that demon who's after Wyatt, I don't have time to sit around with her." Chris said.
"Once we solve this issue with the Grocks things will get easier,"
"Easier my ass, she doesn't even know she's a witch." Chris said.
"I may not know I'm a witch but do you know that you are a jerk." Lizzie told Chris.
"Whatever, I'm not taking care of her."
"I don't need taking care of."
"Yeah right if I hadn't been there you'd be naked and tied up getting some sacrificial ritual done to you." Chris said.
"You don't know that."
"I've been to a few ritual sacrifices in the future, they always strip the girls naked tie them up chant for a few minutes then slit their throats or feed them to some big scaly demon."
"Whatever, do I have to stay here with him?" Lizzie asked.
"Yes," Leo said orbing away.
"I want to go home."
"Tough luck princess, you've got to stay here until I figure out what to do about the Grock situation."
"For someone so cute you sure are obnoxious." Lizzie said then she immediately blushed.
"Ditto."
"Just kill me now." Lizzie whispered reddening once she realized what she'd said.
"The sisters should be home soon I'll get them working on the vanquish and then you can go home."
"The sisters?"
"My other charges. They live here."
"Oh."
"Why don't you have a seat until they get here?" Chris said.
Lizzie sat down and smoothed out her skirt.
"How'd you get to be a Whitelighter anyway?"
"I died."
"Oh. You're dead?"
"Yeah all Whitelighters are."
"Well, no wonder you're grumpy,"
"I'm not grumpy."
"You are so grumpy."
"I'm annoyed okay, by this whole situation. I didn't come back in time to baby-sit some newbie witch."
"You're from the future,"
"Yeah,"
"That explains the 'tude."
"I don't have an attitude."
"Yeah right and I don't have blonde hair."
"Well, you can tell the bottle you got it from that I don't have an attitude."
"Hey! This is my natural color."
"Sure it is."
"It is."
"Whatever."
"Right back at ya," Lizzie said crossing her arms over her chest.
"I should have just done it with Gordo and we wouldn't be in this mess."
"I don't feel like discussing your sex life. Or lack there of."
"You're a jerk you know that?"
"And you're an idiot."
Lizzie sighed, and crossed her legs.
"Do virgin sacrifices usually go walking around without any underwear on?" He asked raising an eyebrow.
"Someone stole them in gym class." She admitted.
He muttered something she couldn't quite catch.
"Why were you even looking under my skirt in the first place?" she asked.
Lizzie heard that now familiar jingle and white and blue lights descended and three women appeared.