Chapter 12- Flashbacks

The fan droned endlessly next to her bed, Sam was sound asleep and, for once, dreaming good dreams for once in her life. Next to her bed her parents sat, drowning in sweat, too hot to sleep, too hot to do anything except sit by the only fan they had and watch Sam sleep.

"I wish it were always like this." Kate leaned her head on Sawyer's shoulder.

"What? Uncomfortably hot to the point that even sex is an exertion?"

She laughed lightly and pushed him playfully. Though the mood did not last, as soon as her eyes settled back on her baby they grew solemn again, "I wish she had something solid. We both do…just because we run away from it and try to pretend it never existed doesn't mean it's not still there. All she has is a broken-down truck and us."

"We're pretty solid." Sawyer didn't want to come down on Kate with his views on the way they were raising their child, but it was one of the few topics he could become eloquent about.

It wasn't his fault they were on the run, and both of them knew it. If Kate wasn't one of the most wanted criminals in the United States then he could've hunkered down somewhere and no one really would've cared. But running with Kate meant running all the time, running with every breath you took. It meant never stopping, never looking back. They always had to be two steps ahead…and that was a tough place for an eight year old to be.

Kate's ear twitched suddenly and she reached to turn off the fan.

"Why the hell did-"

"Listen!" She hissed and craned her neck up to stare at the ceiling. It took him a second but he heard it…sirens. Sirens drawing closer.

Without pausing to think Sawyer scooped Sam into his arms, the motion rousing her. Kate was rushing out of the room, gathering what she could as quickly as she could.

"What's going on?" Sam yawned and tried to blink her eyes into focus.

Sawyer pitied her, he did. She seemed so happy in the cabin they were stowed away in. She didn't realize it was crappy, run-down, and any number of terrible thing…because it was the closest thing to a home she ever got. The school they registered her to was the one she'd been at the longest. He could tell she was beginning to feel a sense of permanence…

And now they were taking her feet out from under her again.

"We're leaving, Small Fry."

Sam was pounding his chest and shoulders, crying to be let down, she wanted to stay…PLEASE LET ME STAY! PLEASE! I'LL BE A GOOD GIRL! I'LL BE A GOOD—

"Kate Austin! James Ford! Please come out of the house and put your hands where we can see them!"

Kate put a hand to Sam's mouth, her eyes wide with panic, "Sam you've got to be quiet, alright, baby? You've got to be quiet."

They were going towards the back of the house, the truck was there, so was a back road. They were in the car. The engine was started. They were halfway down the road when the shots began…

Sam didn't know what was happening. Loud bangs were quickly followed by something pushing the truck, something small and fast like a good-sized rock. Sometimes they broke the windows. Her father was crouched as low as he could be and still see the road, her mother was hovering completely over her, pressing her flush against the seat and nearly smothering her. She wasn't crying because she realized they were shooting at them, she was crying because she was leaving the place she had finally given the word 'home' to…the place she'd stayed in the longest.

She remembered wrestling out from underneath her mother and sticking her head out of the window and reaching back for the house, crying her eyes out. That's when she saw the police cars…and when they saw her.

"CEASE FIRE! CEASE FIRE! THERE'S A CHILD IN THE TRUCK! CEASE FIRE!"

A couple of suave moves later they had abandoned the bullet-ridden truck in a ditch and were continuing on foot. Sawyer had taken a shot in the meaty part of his arm, a number of them had grazed Kate's back and all three of them were cut from the glass shards that had been flying…

But the injuries didn't hurt Sam.

She just realized, for the first time, that there was never going to be a 'home' for her…not so long as she was her parents' child.

Sam snapped awake, drenched in a cold sweat. She could still hear the bullets ringing in her ears and see the cabin fading into the distance. The megaphone revealing the only secret left to the small Ford family, that Sam existed. All the intricate lies they had manufactured to keep Sam a secret were all for nothing now that the police had seen her.

She almost forgot she was on the island with a whole new set of problems. Shaking her head and feeling the sweat flick off of her she stumbled over to the water and threw a few handfuls on her face. Christian saw and walked over to her, "Sam! Are you okay?"

"Get the hell off of me!" She threw his hands away from her and all but ran into the jungle, the redness of restrained tears crowding every inch of her face.

Chris stood blank with shock, what had he done to piss her off? Sawyer and Kate weren't in the clearing, they had gone to see about a certain waterfall and check its "water quality". There was no one to go after her, she shouldn't just be out there on her own. Chris made to go after her but his mother stopped him, "Where do you think you're going?"

"After Sam…"

"I don't think so." Ana Lucia strengthened her grip on him, "I don't care if the Spawn of the South's greatest jackass gets taken by crazies, but I'm not letting you go out there."

"But mom-"

"Where'd Sam go?" Aaron popped up beside them, motioning to the wake of Sam's exit.

"Jungle…looked upset."

Without another word Aaron reached into Ana Lucia's pocket and withdrew a gun, shoved it in his own pants, and took off at a jog after Sam. Seeing his disappearing form deflated Christian, noting his reaction Ana patted his shoulder.

"Un dia, me lo agradeceras. Ella no es nada mas que problemas. Como su madre." (1)

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She used to storm off a lot, his mother. Used to get fed-up with money making projects his father did, or interviews he agreed to, or pictures he let leak…sometimes the act of being married to a pop-star really wore thin on her. His childhood was full of slammed doors and shouting, particularly when there was a new baby who met old problems. Luckily, heroin wasn't one of them, but each child she had made Claire more and more wary of both her husband and eldest son. They were both exposed to it, and she didn't want that horrible stuff back in her life, her children's lives, or Charlie's life.

Aaron was used to her walking away from Charlie when she was mad. She used to say things like "Sometimes I ruddy DO miss Locke!" or mutter something about how accurate a druggie's perspective must be. Aaron was used to her attacking Charlie… but when she turned it on him it was more then disheartening. It was flat out heart-breaking.

After having Seth she went through pretty bad post-partum. Seth was the only child she had post-partum with, but it was a hell of a ride for everyone concerned. Aaron remembered her screaming at him that she wished she HAD given him up for adoption, she wished she had trusted her gut and gotten rid of him before everything happened, that he ruined her life…then after the medication calmed her down she snuck into his bed, held him close and kissed him saying, "It was always meant for it to be you and me, Aaron. We were meant to take care of each other. Meant to be together. I'm so sorry."

Later he recalled her reaction to his decision to go into music.

"You don't have to copy him, he's not your father or anything! You don't have to do that to impress him! Just do what makes you happy!"

Claire meant well, but motherhood doesn't come with a guidebook and when you have four other young children to care for, sometimes your words don't come out as eloquently as they should. Still, he wanted to make her happy…he did. That's why he played for a pop crowd, not the true rock he would've liked. He kept clean. He tried to stay away from the girls (though they rarely stayed away from him) and he was always helping with his family, being a part of it. It wasn't that he would've have done most of this stuff anyway…its just a matter of feeling as though it was forced upon him.

Like when he wanted to move to Australia, when he wanted to join the Peace Corps…when he wanted to go to Flight School. All the time his mother said no and he didn't do it to make her happy.

Consequently, he didn't take that kind of shit from too many other people. Someone ran out on him he followed them, because dammit he wanted to know why.

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"Sam? Sam!" Aaron called out, swiping branches away from his face.

"I don't need a goddamn babysitter."

"I'm not here to baby-sit you!" He caught up to her and caught her shoulder, forcing her to turn around. Her face was dark with memories.

"I don't need a friend either."

Tightening his grip he drew her flush against him, "I don't recall ever saying the word 'friend'."

Sam pushed away from him and hissed, "Don't even think like you know about me! Like you know that I want or what I need!"

"Then tell me!"

"Why the hell do you want to know?"

Aaron ran his hands through his spiked hair angrily, "I just want to!"

It seemed that Sam didn't get sad, she just got angrier, angrier at everything that moved and breathed, because everything that lived had abandoned her at some point, had waited in the dusty trails her family always wound up creating.

"But why?" A tear nearly escaped, "You don't know who I am."

Her voice was so quiet on the last part he barely heard it at all. She sank to a crouch and sat there, frozen, her hands over her face even though she was not crying. He could only watch her as she shook her head slowly, over and over.

"No one was ever supposed to know I existed. They hid me so well that no one knows me…" Looking up at him, full of some immense private misery, she muttered, "If I wanted the company of a dick I'd be hanging around my father."

"Am I a dick? Or am I grouped as one simply because I have a dick?"

"You're a dick because you want to 'help' me due to the perceived quality of my breasts."

He couldn't help but laugh, "Now how did you come to that conclusion?"

"It's what always happens." She sniffed but looked at him oddly, trying to interpret the laughter.

"Well, it's not happening. I've seen enough breasts not to lie to girls to convince them to show me theirs. I'm here because I was worried about you running off into the jungle on your own…Besides, I'm an ass man."

Laughing she wiped her eyes. He thought he'd won her when her eyes deadened.

"I don't want a hero to rescue me."

Cocking his head he replied, "Who does?"

Several yards behind them Christian was watching through the trees. As Aaron draped an arm over Sam and pulled her closer, comforting her, Chris angrily charged back to camp where his mother saw him fuming next to the water fountain. Sighing and shaking her head she resisted the urge to go to him, after all it was more Jack's area.

And besides…sometimes you couldn't teach your kids something. They had to learn it on their own.

TBC

Spanish Translations Curtesy of Christina!

"One day, you'll thank me. She's nothing but trouble. Like her mother."

Might see my cowboy tomorrow…wish me luck!

THANKS BUTTEFFLY my pest extraordinaire!

This chapter flowed differently then I thought…and sometimes the flow was odd. Finished it after seeing Capote so that might reflect.

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