There's Something I've Been Meaning To Tell You
Beverly was now the Chief Medical Officer of Starfleet Medical, and it had been many years since she and Jean-Luc had met. Many things had passed between them over the years, but nothing had really become of their relationship, at least nothing more than friendship. So many feelings had been left unsaid after they had been mentally connected years ago.
Now, Beverly sat in her new office wondering what might have been if she had just said what was on her mind years ago. Instead, she kept her feelings to herself, locked away in her heart. She had pushed Jean-Luc away after their mental connection with a Prytt psi-wave device had been severed and she was wishing she had not done that.
'If I had told him how I felt, what I really wanted, would things have turned out differently?' She thought to herself. 'Oh, Jean-Luc! Now you'll never know just how much I truly love you.'
A tear rolled down her cheek as she thought about the man she had left behind on the Enterprise. 'If only I had told him before I left.'
"Doctor Crusher?" Came a familiar voice at her office door.
It was Alyssa, her faithful nurse and friend, who had stood by her for years and had come to Starfleet Medical with her.
'Damn!' Beverly thought as she sniffed and quickly wiped away her tears. 'Why didn't I close my door?'
"Yes, Alyssa?" she finally replied.
"Doctor, are you alright?"
"Yes, I'm fine," Beverly insisted.
Alyssa gave her a sceptical look. She had come to know Beverly very well over the years.
"Alright, I'll admit it," Beverly finally gave into Alyssa's expression of doubt. "I'm not fine."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Beverly sighed, "I miss him."
"Captain Picard?"
Beverly acknowledged her with a nod.
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Jean-Luc was in his new office at Starfleet Command. He had finally given in and had taken the admiral position they had been offering him for a couple of years, but not for reasons of advancement. He took the position because he had finally realized too many years had past between him and someone he loved dearly. He also realized, during the time she had been gone from the Enterprise, that life was too short and time was passing much too quickly.
She was gone and he was no longer near her. Life seemed to be fading before his eyes as he felt the need to be close to her again. The letters and communiqués were not enough, no matter how much he wished they were. He had to be near her and the only way he knew to do that was to take the position at Starfleet Command.
Kirk's words about not letting them promote him or remove him from the captain's chair echoed in his mind, but Jean-Luc decided some things were more important than being captain; things such as family and true love.
'Beverly,' he thought as he caressed a book on his desk that she had once given him. Then he opened the cover and read the words she had inscribed on the inside front cover years ago.
"To my dearest Jean-Luc, from Beverly."
'She loved me even then, yet I pushed her away. We convinced each other that anything more then friendship was not possible due to our careers with Starfleet.'
He sadly pushed the book aside with a sigh, 'That was years ago. She's probably given up on me, thus taking the position at Starfleet Medical. Was my career really worth it? Was it worth pushing her away as I did?'
He had not attempted to contact her, since he had arrived on Earth, because of his own fears. Fear that she would not be interested in him anymore and fear of rejection. Fear was his own worst enemy and he knew it, but he worried that she had moved on with her life and left him behind forever.
"You won't know until you try," he remembered Riker telling him before he left to command the Titan.
Jean-Luc never did try before Beverly had left the Enterprise. He had just let her go without saying anything concerning how he had felt or what he had wanted. He wanted her to be happy, but he had no clue about her happiness?
He was not happy, and felt like a broken lonely man. The pain was surfacing with great force now that she was gone. Tears fell from his eyes. 'I have no idea why I'm here.'
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"We haven't talked in weeks. He hasn't returned my communiqués or anything," Beverly cried.
"He's here, on Earth," Alyssa informed her. "Has been for two weeks now."
"What? How?" She asked with shock.
"Andrew told me," she informed her as though it were common knowledge.
"Where is he?" Beverly asked with excitement, as she stood to leave.
"Starfleet Command."
The excitement quickly left and she sat back down in her chair. "He would have contacted me if he wanted to see me."
"Actually, from what I hear, he seems like a very lonely man. He goes to work and then goes home again, refusing any invitation for socializing. He doesn't do anything but work," Alyssa told her. "He's maybe thinking you don't want to see or hear from him, so he's covering his feelings with work."
"I don't know. We talked often when he was on the Enterprise and when I had just arrived here. Now, we say nothing to each other," Beverly sadly stated as she shook her head. "I really don't think he wants to see me or he would have by now."
"He's maybe thinking that about you. You'll never know unless you try."
"Famous clichés now?"
"No," Alyssa smiled, "a truth."
Beverly sighed, "I guess you're right. Maybe I could go to his office and pay him a visit, but what would I say?"
"Have you checked his records?" Alyssa suggested. "Knowing him, it's time for a physical."
"Alyssa!" Beverly exclaimed with joy. "You're a genius!"
Then Beverly rushed out of her office with her medical kit.
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'Time has passed too quickly,' Picard cried to himself. 'I'm a broken, lonely old man.'
Suddenly, Picard hit his desk with his fist as he scolded himself, "Pull yourself together, Jean-Luc!"
Then he roughly wiped the tears from his face, "She's gone now, and it's time to move on yourself! You're a Starfleet Admiral now! You have no time to mourn a non-existent relationship!"
Suddenly, his comm buzzed.
"Yes?" he said gruffly, more gruffly than he had meant.
"Doctor Crusher is here to see you," his aide informed him. "She says, you're due for a physical."
Jean-Luc's heart leaped for joy, and then it sunk again. 'Could be an excuse to see me, but more than likely she's just doing her job.'
"If the admiral won't go to the mountain," she said cheerfully over the comm system. "Then the mountain is just going to have to go to him."
He suddenly smiled with happiness; because it was then he knew this was not really a professional visit from her, but rather an excuse to see him while he was on duty. "Send her in."
"Aye, Sir."
A few seconds later, Beverly entered his office with her medical equipment.
"Long time no see, Jean-Luc," she said with a friendly smile and as she began to scan him.
"Beverly!" He gazed upon her face. It was as beautiful as he remembered it.
"Nervous?"
"Huh? What?"
"Your heart rate, pulse, and respiration have all increased since I walked into the room. You're either nervous, excited, or both."
"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't," he softly informed her. "I've missed you."
She put her tricorder away and her tone became serious, "Then why didn't you contact me to tell me you were here on Earth?"
"I… I was afraid…" he shook his head. "I was concerned you didn't want to hear from me after all these months."
"Jean-Luc, after all the communiqués between us?" She asked with surprise and anger. "I was getting concerned because I had not heard from you in the last few weeks. You could have at least sent me a message!"
He reached up, pushed a stray hair out of her face, and softly repeated, "I have missed you."
"I've missed you too, but that doesn't excuse your lack of communication," she replied as she tried to hold back the tears and restrain herself from grabbing and hugging him.
He could see the pain in her eyes and it reflected in his own. The lack of contact had made it even worse. "I'm sorry."
He wanted to hug her as he watched her turn away from him and began to put her equipment in her medical case, knowing she was trying to cover her feelings with work.
"Well, you seem healthy enough," Beverly commented as she avoided looking at him.
"Marry me."
Her head suddenly shot up as she looked at him with wide eyes. She was not sure if she had heard him right.
He pulled her close to him and held her tightly as he continued, "Beverly, there's something I've been wanting to tell you for a very long time," he began.
"And I you, Jean-Luc," the tears were beginning to roll down her face and this time she could not stop them.
He did not give her a chance to finish as he continued, "I love you. I have loved you ever since I met you. I can't bear to be without you anymore. Breakfast is not the same without you."
She sadly chuckled as she lifted her head off his shoulder and looked him straight in the eye, "Breakfast?"
He looked at her directly and smiled, "Yes, breakfast."
She smiled at him as he wiped a tear from her face.
"You don't have to answer me now, if you don't want to," he continued. "But I want you to know, I can't stand another moment without you in my life. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Beverly."
"Yes!"
"What?"
"Yes, Jean-Luc!" She answered him with tears of joy. "I will marry you!"
He hugged her close to him again as they both shed tears of joy, "You have just made me the happiest man in the galaxy."
"I love you, Jean-Luc," then she lifted her head off his shoulder once more and kissed him passionately.
He returned her love for him just as strongly as the kiss became long and hard. Their lips slightly parted and they began to probe each other's mouths with their tongues.
"Whitmore to Picard."
Beverly groaned with disappointment as Picard released her to answer his aide, "Picard here."
"Admiral Paris wants to see you as soon as Doctor Crusher is finished with you."
"I don't think she is going to be finished with me for a long time," Picard replied as he smiled at Beverly.
"I'm sorry, Sir?"
"I'm just about finish with his physical," Beverly quickly chimed into the conversation. "I'll be out in a minute."
"I'll let Admiral Paris know. Whitmore out."
Still holding Beverly, Jean-Luc asked, "Dinner tonight?"
"Definitely!" She replied with a smile and gave him one last kiss before leaving his office.