A/N (Super Ceech) Alright guys! Glad you enjoyed all of the chapters so far and now it's time for a lovely chapter completely dedicated to that one chick we all know and love...Kikyo! That's right, I've decided to mash all of the Kikyo pairings into one big chapter and so here it is! Have fun reading about our favourite dead girl! –readers boo–
(Kikyo/Inuyasha)
Inuyasha shifted uncomfortably while he and Kagome sat near one another. Miroku and Sango had decided to scope out the area, making sure there were no demons lurking around where the group intended to spend the night. Shippo had already fallen asleep on the other side of the clearing, weary from the day's exercise.
Basically, it left Inuyasha alone with Kagome. Which made him nervous.
Kagome edged her way closer to Inuyasha. "Inuyasha..." she began hesitantly. "Have you thought anymore about your wish... You know...on the Jewel...?"
"I told you; I wanna become a full demon!" Inuyasha sulked, crossing his arms like a petulant child.
Tears sprung to Kagome's eyes. "But if you do...well, from what we've seen..."
"I want to do it; why do you always have to stick your nose in my business?" Inuyasha snapped irrationally.
"Because...well, because... I lov–"
"Are you still yapping?" Inuyasha asked, exasperated. "God, you're so annoying!"
"I love you!" Kagome shouted, finally brave enough to pour her heart and true feelings out to Inuyasha.
"Hey, look! Soul Eaters!" Inuyasha said, pointing at the sky in interest. It didn't seem like he had heard a word Kagome said.
"W–what...?" Kagome was taken aback. "Don't you care that I–"
"No time now, wench; I've got a rendevous with an undead pot!" Inuyasha exclaimed excitedly, springing up. "Kikyo, here I come!" With that, he dashed off to following the flying creatures, leaving Kagome behind with a broken heart.
"Oh, Kikyo! Kikyo-oo! Where are you, my little lovely dirt mound?" Inuyasha called as he ran.
"Pst! Inuyasha!" Kikyo whispered loudly through the trees. "Over here!"
Inuyasha quickly made his way over to the area her voice was coming from. "Why are you whispering?" he asked.
"It's seductive," Kikyo explained. "But make no mistake; I still hate you."
"Wha...? But I thought..." Inuyasha asked in confusion.
"Shut up, Inuyasha. I've bitch whipped you too much for you to have your own opinion. Now, as you know, the Jewel's been completed and Naraku's dead. Convenient, huh?" When Inuyasha opened his mouth to respond, she interrupted him, "Shut up. Now, as you might've guessed, I'm ready to go to hell. I sent my Soul Eaters to guide you like the pathetic fool you are, to me. You're such filth, Inuyasha, and I hate you with every fiber of my fragmented soul so now I wish you to come to hell with me so we can be together forever. We'll burn painfully and endure eternal suffering, but we'll be together, my love!"
"Your love...?" Inuyasha blinked. "But you said..."
"No time for that, you gullible little mutt. Come with me to hell; now!" Kikyo said angrily.
"B-but...Kikyo!" Inuyasha cried out in anguish. "I...I don't want to do this..."
"Are you saying you don't love me anymore, my dear, sweet, loser of a demon?" Kikyo asked venomously.
"No...for some reason, I can't forget our past; I can blatantly ignore the fact you're nothing like you once were and that you're a cold-hearted sculpture of clay that stole part of Kagome's soul in order to walk this world once again... I want to be with you, but living in hell isn't the way I want us to be together!"
"Hmm..." Kikyo said thoughtfully. "Well, too bad. I need to go to hell because...um...there's a reason...and it's a good one...!" she assured Inuyasha emphatically. "It's...well..."
Inuyasha waited expectantly.
"Don't look at me like that! We're going to hell and that's all there is to it! Now shut up! There's absolutely nothing you can say to me that will convince me otherwise! Nothing!"
"I...love you and I really don't want to go to hell and burn painfully for eternity...?" Inuyasha asked hesitantly.
"Oh, well, you've twisted my arm!" Kikyo cried out as if Inuyasha had truly made a convincing statement. "I see now that hell is not truly the place I want to be! No, it is here; with you, Inuyasha, you scumbag of my love!"
And so Inuyasha and Kikyo lived together, in the real world, happily ever after. That is, until Kikyo's body decomposed...
The End.
..:V:..
(Kikyo/Kouga)
"Kagome! Watch out!"
The schoolgirl spun around in time to see the giant eagle demon bearing down on her. Inuyasha was trying desperately to reach her in time, but it was clear he wasn't going to make it.
Kagome screamed as squeezed her eyes shut as she anticipated the sharp claws piercing her flesh, but the expected pain never came. In shock, she opened her eyes to see a handsome wolf demon standing protectively in front of her, the eagle demon, dead, at his feet.
"Kouga!" she said in surprise.
"Jeez, mutt-face! You couldn't even protect my woman from a simple bird demon? I don't know if I should even let her stay with you any longer! I think it might be time for her to come stay with me and my pack!" Kouga snarled as Inuyasha approached the two.
"Shut up, Kouga!" Inuyasha snapped. "What the hell are you doing here anyways?!"
"Heh! I thought it was a good time to come check on my woman! Obviously it was a good thing I did since she was about to become Kagome soufflé!" Kouga shot back.
"Yeah? Well, I might be grateful that Kagome's safe, but that doesn't mean–"
"Inuyasha?" Inuyasha was cut off by a new arrival. Everyone turned to see Kikyo entering the clearing, her Soul Eaters at her sides. "Will you come with me to hell now?"
"In a minute!" Inuyasha said impatiently as if he were fending off his mother when she asked him to do chores. "Now; as I was saying–"
"Inuyasha, once the constellations of Orion's Belt and Pegasus have aligned with the fifth and sixth moons of Jupiter and Saturn, and Pluto has revolved around the Sun nine hundred and ninety-nine trillions times, the cobwebs of destiny will become mangled beyond recognition and no amount of sewing will patch them," Kikyo said wisely in a mysterious voice.
Everyone looked at her blankly. "Riiight..." Inuyasha said slowly before turning back to the wolf demon. "But what I was trying to say was that–"
"Whoa, who's the hot babe?" Kouga spoke up, eyeing Kikyo.
"When the stars of Venus burn at the same heat level as the pits of Hell, events of past confusion and suffering will dictate a path of sunshine and lollipops that will lead dead souls to a place of angels and twirling contests...?" Kikyo asked in confusion as the wolf pack leader approached her.
Kouga paused for a moment at her strange outburst, but quickly regained his composure. "Uh...they sure will, sweet stuff! Now, hows about you and I–?"
"Wait a minute!" Kagome interrupted. "I thought you liked me!"
Kouga turned to look at her. "Yeah...you're alright... But dog-turd's already claimed you... Plus, this chick looks identical to you...well, not really in the least, but I can pretend she does! And, from what I hear, she can see Jewel shards! So...what's the problem?"
"I'll tell you what the problem is!" Inuyasha protested. "You're moving in on my turf! You can't just come in and claim both my girls! They're mine! And you can't have either of them! You have to wait until I decide which one I want! Then, you can have the leftovers! And furthermore–"
"SIT!!!"
There was a loud crash as Inuyasha fell forcefully to the ground. "Ow..." he muttered. When he was able, he slowly sat up and crossed his arms. "Man, I'm not even going to open my mouth anymore. Every time I do, I get interrupte–"
"Shut up, mutt face," Kouga interrupted snidely. Inuyasha glared, but refused to respond. "Now...where were we...?" he asked, turning back to Kikyo.
"Hmm..." Kikyo said thoughtfully. "I might go with you...you seem manlier than Inuyasha... And I think that maybe–"
"Come on, already!" Kouga cut in impatiently. "I don't have all day, you know. Hurry up and make your life-changing decision!"
"Well...will you promise to come to hell with me?" Kikyo asked earnestly.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever..." Kouga said, not really paying attention to what she had just asked him; only impatient to get her to accompany him. "Now let's go!"
"Okay!" Kikyo said happily. "But I just have to tell Inuyasha one more thing!" She turned to the dog demon who was sulking on the ground. "Inuyasha, if you remember anything I've ever told you, let it be this: when the pickle jar cannot be opened, the strings of unhappiness shall rain down upon the toothless and pierce the reflections of time; this is the sign that doorknobs and crowns have reversed roles and demons have become transparent throughout the ages."
Inuyasha raised an eyebrow before saying, "Yeah, yeah, Kikyo; whatever you sa–"
"Shut up, Inuyasha."
The End
..:V:..
(Kikyo/Naraku)
Kikyo stormed down the hallways of Naraku's castle, intending to chew the "lord" out for his latest act. When she finally found his humongous, empty, and secluded room of seclusion and brooding over all things evil, she threw back the bamboo curtain and stomped in. She took another five minutes to walk all the way over to the very back corner in which Naraku sat in his usual stance of ultimate laziness and unwillingness to lift a single finger even to save his own life.
"Naraku!" she spat. "How could you?! You killed Inuyasha!"
"Correction! My minions killed Inuyasha," Naraku explained. "I, Naraku, would never concern myself with such a dirty business. My nails just wouldn't be able to take it! And my hair would have gotten split ends! Anyways, why would you care if he's dead or not? I thought you hated him...?"
"Well..." Kikyo sputtered. "I do hate him! And...I love him too..." She shook her head as if to banish confusing thoughts. "It's complicated..."
"Complicated beyond all comprehension..." Naraku muttered.
"Exactly!" Kikyo said. "In fact...it's so complicated I don't even understand it! I don't even understand what I'm saying half the time! ...But that's not the issue here! The issue is you killed Inuyasha when I wanted to kill him and bring him to hell with me! I'm indignant! Watch me stand here and pout in my indignation!" She stood before Naraku and pouted in her indignation.
Naraku sighed and called out in a whiny voice, "Kaguraaa! Come here and stand me up! I'm too lazy to do it on my own!"
Kagura stomped angrily in the room. "I hate this! I hate you! And people wonder why I want my freedom so badly! I tell you!" she shouted, turning to Kikyo as she grabbed Naraku's collar and pulled him up into a standing position. "How would you feel if you had to do every single thing for this womanly, lazy-assed child?! Even clip his toenails?!"
"Her pedicure's are quite lovely," Naraku said aside to Kikyo as she scrunched her nose in disgust.
"Urgh!" Kagura cried out in frustration as she ran out of the room.
"She loves me so much..." Naraku said with a smile akin to one a proud mother might bestow upon her child.
"I'm still being indignant over here, you know!" Kikyo reminded him.
"Ah, yes," Naraku said, turning back to the indignant undead priestess. "Now, as I got Kagura to come in here to stand me up to say...I don't think you've consider the full implications of Inuyasha's death... You haven't considered...the benefits..."
Kikyo quirked an eyebrow. "The benefits...? And what would those be...?"
"Well...he no longer is a potential love interest for you...or whatever he was to you... And, if I dig really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really deep down inside of myself, I think I can find some long lost lust for you! Ah? Ah? Any takers?" Naraku asked with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle.
"HA! I knew it! Onigumo's heart does still beat within you!" Kikyo shouted in triumph while pointing a finger accusingly at Naraku.
Naraku stomped a foot indignantly on the floor, balled his hands into fists and yelled in an ultimately whiny voice, "It does NOT!!!"
"Well...you know, Naraku," Kikyo began suggestively. "I have been in love with you for quite some time..."
Naraku straightened from his whiny brat stance. "You have...?" he said in a suddenly low, husky, deep, sexy and manly masculine voice. "When was the first moment you knew you were so deeply, hopelessly, madly, completely, helplessly, and utterly in love with me?"
Kikyo paused and thought a moment. "Hmm...I think it would have to have been when I first found out it had been you ripping your shape shifted claws through my vulnerable, mortal human shoulder, causing me to bleed excruciatingly painfully to death, believing that I was betrayed by one true love. ...Yep, that was it! So...we gonna go make out in one of these large, dark and completely deserted corners now?"
"I'd say so!" Naraku cheered. "But, you'll have to do all the work... I'm just too lazy..."
The End.
..:V:..
(Kikyo/Hojo)
"Wait, Kagome! You forgot these special clippers for your nose hair condition!" Hojo shouted as he tried to catch up with the running schoolgirl.
"Sorry, Hojo! I gotta go! I'll see you later!" Kagome shouted frantically over her shoulder, hoping to dissuade the persistent boy.
Hojo watched his crush trying to escape and made a quick decision. He would follow her and make sure her nose hair problem was fixed once and for all! He couldn't have it any other way!
Hojo ran stealthily behind Kagome all the way to her home and sneakily raced up the two million shrine steps behind her, somehow without her noticing...hmm...
When he reached the top of the stairs, he spied Kagome running into a small structure off to the side of the property. Curiously and heroically, Hojo followed her, nose hair clippers in hand and bag of magical and mystical healing items on his back. Upon entering the structure, Hojo saw the tips of Kagome's black, luscious hair as she jumped down a well.
"Kagome!" Hojo cried in alarm. He quickly dashed for the well himself and, with little or no thought in his large-challenged brain, he bravely jumped down after her. Hojo wasn't even worried when purple sparkly things began to appear in the air around him, since he often day dreamed about them anyways. (Oh, and people, of course Hojo can travel through the well even though only Kagome and Inuyasha are supposed to! Duh, I'm the author and if I think it will enhance the quality of the story, I'll damn well do it!)
Suddenly, he was at the bottom of the well and all the purple sparkly things were gone. Looking up, Hojo spotted Kagome climbing up some vines to the opening of the well. Blue sky could be seen at the top. "I could've sworn that wasn't there before..." Hojo muttered to himself. Then he looked curiously once more at Kagome. "Maybe this is how she gets her exercise...? Jumping down wells and climbing back up them time after time...?"
Shrugging, Hojo began climbing up after the elusive schoolgirl. She disappeared over the top long before Hojo reached it since he had to stop every now and make sure that every strand of his incredibly sexy hair was still in place. He was the school stud after all; he had a image to uphold!
When Hojo finally climbed over the lip of the well, he was astonished to note that he wasn't exactly in the well house anymore...but it looked to be a great vacation spot! Cheerfully and obliviously, Hojo began to wander around this new world trying to find Kagome who he had lost sight of.
"Ugh...cursed, blasted things!"
Hojo's curiosity was peeked at the sound of this voice; a voice he was convinced he had never heard before but sounded as lovely as a cursing monotone voice could. He watched in surprise as the owner of the voice entered the clearing.
She was wearing traditional Japanese priestess robes and she looked remarkably like Kagome if you looked really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really hard.
But Hojo wasn't looking at the woman's face. What was really eye-catching about the new arrival is that she had sunflowers sprouting all over her body.
Noticing that the boy was staring at her, the priestess glared and spat, "What are you looking at?"
Hojo sputtered for a moment before asking, "Is...there anything I could do to help?"
"Not unless you have something in that bag of yours that will get rid of these accursed things!" the woman sneered sarcastically.
"Aha!" Hojo said. "I have just the thing!" Digging in his bag, Hojo produced some garden clippers and began to clip the flowers from the woman's body. As she looked at him in astonishment, he asked, "So...what happened exactly...you know...for you to have sunflowers growing on you...?"
At the reminder of the cause of her suffering, the priestess growled and said, "That stupid reincarnation of mine, Kagome, gave me 'sunflower seeds' as a 'gift' from her world. She said we needed to settle our differences and get along. I laughed in her face of course, but I took them anyways. And when I ate them, they were pretty good...but, then...during the next rainfall, these things started sprouting all over me! That evil girl planned for this from the beginning!"
"That's terrible!" Hojo exclaimed, clipping the last of the sunflowers off of the woman's body. "What's your name, anyways? Mine's Hojo!"
"Kikyo," the woman replied, starting to turn away. "Thank you for your assistance...I might let you live when I take everyone else to hell..."
As she began to walk away, Hojo reached out and took hold of her wrist. "Wait! Why...why did those flowers start growing on you...I mean, how was it physically possible...?"
"Oh," Kikyo waved a hand as if to brush the matter aside. "It's just because my body's made out of dirt and clay. No biggie."
"You know..." Hojo said thoughtfully. "I may have something that could fix your condition!" As Kikyo looked curiously on, Hojo began rummaging through his packsack, throwing out random objects and bottles every now and then. "Moisturizer...body lotion...face compounds..." When the amount of objects on the ground beside the bag was actually a larger size than the bag itself, Hojo turned around and winked at Kikyo. "My role model is Mary Poppins. Now...I think with about all this stuff and seventy pounds of make-up, you can be as synthetic as any celebrity in my world!"
"You know, Hojo...?" Kikyo said, eyeing the helpful boy. "I think you're the first person to truly understand me... I think I'm in love with you."
"Really?" Hojo said excitedly. "Because I was just thinking that I could pretend really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really hard that you were Kagome in order to have a relationship with you!"
"Sounds like a plan!" Kikyo said, happy for the first time in a long time.
"Well, let's go back to my time!" Hojo suggested. "I think I've even got something that'll help with your tendency to make no sense!"
"Dear spirits! It is true love!" Kikyo cried blissfully as the two jumped down the well in order to live out their lives in bliss, sense and logic.
The End.
..:V:..
(Kikyo/Sesshoumaru)
Kikyo stared blankly at the man before her. He was tall and graceful; muscular and poised; beautiful and sexy; feminine and manly; everything she'd want in a man and more. His long silver luscious locks and tresses swayed, shimmered and shone in the non-existent breeze and his sinfully golden eyes gazed blankly back at her in pure uninterestedness (what the...? Apparently this is a word! Oh, man...I did not mean it to be an actual word...! Oops, did I ruin the mood...?). His nose was the perfect picture of God's creation because it was...well, it was his nose see and...there was something about it....that just made it perfect...I mean, have you looked at it lately?! Ahem... His lips were alluring and sensual and attractive and sexy and irresistible and looked like they would taste like apple peach tart...
Her dull gaze was inevitably drawn to the large fluffy of fluffiness on his right shoulder. She stared at it for a full three minutes but was only able to determine that it was indeed quite fluffy. She looked back at her lover's face and decided she should finally break the two hundred year silence that had been present between them since they first decided to be together in the first place. She heartily thought the seven hundred billion staring contests had been worthwhile, but she longed to hear the sound of his boring, dull voice once more.
"So..." she said in a dead toned voice.
"So..." Sesshoumaru said in an equally unemotional voice.
"I desperately and passionately love you with every fiber of my undead being..." Kikyo continued, her voice a flat monotone.
"Ditto..." Sesshoumaru responded, bored.
"Maybe we should...I dunno...live up to the term 'lover' and actually make love?" Kikyo suggested, though her tone suggested she wasn't interested in the least. "I mean...it sounds kinda wrong to call each other that when we haven't actually...you know..."
"But...but...I'm lazy. Even more so than Naraku!" Sesshoumaru responded, coming as close to whining as his dull voice could manage. "But...you may have a point... Besides...it's been one hundred staring contests since I've won one! I'm a sore loser and I need something else to preoccupy me from my unemotional misery... I seem to have misplaced my bowl of scotch... Okay...sigh...we'll do it...but...only on one condition!"
Kikyo raised a delicate and finely shaped dark alluring eyebrow as she kept the same uncaring look on her face. "And what is that...?"
"You somehow manage to undo my shoe laces! I haven't been able to take them off for the last millennia!" Sesshoumaru admitted in his usual monotone voice.
Kikyo glanced down at her 'lover''s shoes. "Uh...Sesshy, darling...? You do realize that you don't have shoe laces, don't you...? You realize that your shoes are velcro...?"
Sesshoumaru made a noise that might actually be considered as a gasp if you listened really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really closely. "By Jove...you might be right...! And to think...after all this time...!"
"So...?" Kikyo prompted. "Are we going to make love or aren't we...?"
"Nah..." Sesshoumaru said unemotionally. "I just used up all my energy in the excitement of that revelation. Let's have another staring contest..."
"Good idea," Kikyo responded, gazing into his golden depths again; starting another round of staring contests that would go on for another few hundred years before one of them felt the urge to exercise their dull, monotone, vocal chords again.
The End.
A/N (Super Ceech) So, how was it, lol? Whoo, that took me longer than I thought...big long chapter for you, dedicated to the nonsensical thing known as Kikyo! You know...I was thinking of adding a Kikyo/Miroku pairing in there, just to cover all my bases, but... It just doesn't work, people! I don't think I've actually ever seen a Kikyo/Miroku pairing, but I wouldn't be surprised if it were out there somewhere... But just trust me when I tell you it's wrong and it should never be. In fact, NONE of the pairings I have written here today should be done. After reading this chapter, I really hope you get why.
Oh, and Sesshoumaru's bowl of scotch is copyrighted to Spacewolf. No copying, reproducing or plagiarizing on the part of any member on this site (or anywhere else for that matter) may happen without her holy and blessed permission. ;) Have a nice day!
Anymewho, talk to you later everybody and I hope I got some laughs out of you!