Disclaimer:Unfortunatly Ray and Neela don't belong to me, and neither does ER, so please don't sue me.
Authors note: This is my first ER fanfiction...Ray/Neela angst...if there are any grammerical errors please let me know, and I apologize ahead of time if there are. I was upset about tonights episode, so I had to write a little something to follow it up.
A/N(2) this use to be two separate stories, but after some not so nice reviews I made them one story... the first part is Neela's POV, and the second part is Ray's POV(which use to be a story call 'white flag'). I also took out the lyrics,have been told that it's not allowed, and that 'there was more song than story.'
Spoilers: season 12, mainly episode 18
It was strange being back in Abby's apartment,sleeping on the couch. Neela felt like she had ended up all the way back at square one.To say that she was confused was an understatement. She loved Michael,right? But at the same time she had fallen, hard, for Ray, her roomie. Bloody hell, it was never suppose to turn out like this. In the very beginning she knew that this situation wasn't going to work out. However, she hadn't antisipated it working out too well. Ray had become her best friend, her confidant, even her lover, if only for one night. He made her feel things, feelings that Michael had never inspired in her. Yet on some level, she loved Michael, their relationship was safe, he was safe. If she was being honest with herself,she would have to say that that was the reason she had married him. Michael was a good man who would never intentionally try to hurt her. He was stable,responsible, and most importantly he was someone to be proud of, someone who people respected. But as she lay on Abby's sofa, she realized that all of those qualities were great, but what she needed the most was the unconditional love that only Ray could give her. She wanted to be back at their home in his shirt sleeping soundly next to him.
The apartment feels so lonely without her. She's been gone for exactly an hour and I'm starting to really miss her. How could I just let her walk away from me like that...scratch that, how could I have let her marry Gallant. Don't get me wrong, the man is a great guy, funny even. I see all the wonderful qualities in him that she fell in love with. But I also see that he loves her a lot more than she loves him. Their marriage has mistake written all over it. And I don't just say this because I'm in love with her. When I told her she was my best friend I ment it. Over the past few months we've become really close. She makes me a better person, and she doesn't give up on me. I don't think that life will ever be the same without her around all the time. The horror movies, the dinners, the late night talks, our one night together, they were all worth this empty feeling I have in my heart now. I love her more than I've loved anything in my life. Because I love her, I know I have to let her go, even though I know she loves me too. She has to find peace with in herself, and decide who she wants to be with. If, by some miracle she decides that I'm worthy of her love, I'll welcome her home