A/N (Calum the Angel) Anyone wonder why a demon slayer would hook up with a demon? Or perhaps why a demon that has a tendency to disrespect a human's right to live would hook up with a human? Well, that's what I want to know. Anyone know? C'mon, I know you're holding out on me. Somebody tell me! I really need to know here! Oh well. Just read on, and contemplate with me the conundrum that is Kouga/Sango.
"Hiraikotsu!"
Sango sensed a movement in the bushes and let fly with her giant boomerang. The trunks of trees were splintered as the weapon cut through the forest. The shadow of whatever Sango had spotted leapt out from the trees, clear from the path of the Hiraikotsu, and landed behind her.
Hiraikotsu came back and Sango whirled around, prepared to strike again, but stopped just in time to see that it was not an enemy she was pursuing.
"Kouga!" she exclaimed.
"Watch where you're aiming that thing!" Kouga snapped.
"I'm sorry," Sango apologized tersely, not sounding in the least apologetic. "I didn't realize it was you."
"Where's Kagome?" Kouga demanded. "Is she in danger?"
"She's with Inuyasha," Sango replied. Her words came out a little more harshly than she would have liked them to. Ever since she had first laid eyes upon the wolf demon slaughtering a helpless village, she had been very attracted to him. All the blood of the villagers around at the time must have gotten to her head. Or perhaps it was just the fact that he was so incredibly sexy. Whatever the reason, Sango always felt a pang of jealousy when Kouga went on about Kagome. Kagome this, Kagome that! The little pipsqueak could hardly even fight!
She knew, however, that mentioning the fact that Kagome was being stoutly protected by Inuyasha would set Kouga off into a jealous rage. Perhaps she could find some way to...comfort him.
"Feh," Kouga muttered. "I'll take that as a yes, then, she is in danger. That stinking pup couldn't protect his way out of a paper bag! He is by far the worst protector I have ever seen! I defy his protecting skills! His protectivitiness is by far inferior to my own! And therefore, I must go seek out Kagome and show her some REAL protecting!"
"Kouga, watch out!" Sango cried. She let fly with the Hiraikotsu over his head, slicing in two an airborne demon that would have been about to come down on his head.
"What the—!" Kouga exclaimed.
"While you were busy with your speech, you were very nearly killed by that demon!" Sango chided. "You really ought to be more careful! If you start going on and on about things that don't matter, kind of like I am now, you won't be aware of the dangers that are going on around you! A demon could come right up behind you and kill you, and you'd never know what hit you!"
"Sango, watch out!" Kouga shouted. In a motion faster than the naked eye could catch, he leapt above Sango with a swift kick and smashed in the skull of a demon that would have been about to come down on her head.
"Wow, Kouga, you saved my life!" Sango exclaimed.
"And you, mine!" Kouga said, striking a manly pose.
Sango swooned. "Oh, Kouga!"
Kouga grasped the slayer's hands in his own and gazed deeply into her eyes. "Oh, Sango...! I do believe I'm in love with you!"
"Really? That's wonderful!" Sango exclaimed. "Because I've loved you ever since I first met you. My heart went all a-flutter when I saw that long, silky hair, those striking blue eyes, those sexy, hairy legs! And you're such a brave, domineering man, and a responsible leader of your wolf pack!"
Kouga blinked. "I think you're hot."
They locked lips in a passionate kiss.
It was just at that moment that the others came into the clearing, the demon threat having subsided.
"Hey, Sango, I— GAH!"
Inuyasha stopped dead at the edge of the clearing. Kagome and Miroku peeked over his shoulders to see what the problem was, and wished they hadn't.
"Inuyasha," Miroku said slowly. "Did Sesshoumaru say that a man could have two identity crises? Because I think I feel another one coming on."
After the others had determined that Kouga and Sango were far too gone to save, they had left them in their clearing to suck face. After several hours of that, Kouga slung Sango over his shoulder and sprinted back up the mountain towards the den.
About half-way up a mountain pass, Kouga stopped and perked his ears to the wind.
"What is it?" Sango asked.
"Look up there," Kouga ordered. Sango complied, and discovered what it was that had caught his attention.
"Those are the Birds of Paradise!" Sango exclaimed.
The large, bulbous birds with demon torsos growing out of their backs appeared in a flock high in the sky, apparently coming towards them with great speed. The wide grins on the birds' beaks seemed to taunt them.
Kouga let Sango down from his shoulder.
"Don't worry, my precious Sango!" Kouga announced heroically. "I, Kouga, shall smite the Birds of Paradise with my uber smitey powers! Watch as I smite them! I shall smite them good! Never have you seen or will you ever see smiting powers such as mine!"
"Please, Kouga!" Sango pleaded, grabbing Kouga's arm. "Don't go, it's far too dangerous!"
"For me? Never!" Kouga scoffed. "You stay here, woman, while I go smite these beasts."
"Please, allow me the pleasure," Sango proposed, taking a hold of the hilt of her katana (the Hiraikotsu had been forgotten back in the clearing.) "You stay here while I go smite the demons."
"Stay here while YOU go smite the demons?" Kouga said incredulously. "A woman protecting me? B-but that's not right! I'm the one who should be protecting you!"
"Nonsense!" Sango argued. "I'm more than capable of smiting the demons. I wouldn't want you to get hurt, my precious Kouga! And besides, we don't want to risk the jewel shards in your sexy legs! If the Birds of Paradise got a hold of them, who knows what zany antics could ensue?"
"I would never be so careless as to allow the Birds of Paradise to take my jewel shards!" Kouga spat. "YOU stay here, out of sight, while I go smite the demons with my awesome demon-smiting powers."
"Are you forgetting? I was one of the very best demon slayers from my village," Sango crowed. "And as one of the best demon slayers, it should be my job to slay demons, or even smite them, should the situation arise. YOU stay here while I go expertly smite the demons with my mad demon-slaying skillz."
"Why must you be so difficult!"
"Stop being so stubborn!"
"Stop thinking you can protect me better than I can protect you!"
"Who do you think you are!"
One of the Birds of Paradise stood on the mountain path before them, staring at the bickering couple. The bird stared, puzzled, while the demon torso scratched his head nervously.
"Well, this is awkward..." he mumbled.
Kouga and Sango continued yelling at each other.
"Um, excuse me!" the demon called. His call was not heard over the shouting of the other two. "Uh, look! Maybe I should come back another time!"
He did not receive a response, so he pulled out his date book and began flipping through the pages.
"Okay, I've got the twenty-seventh open," he said thoughtfully amongst the animosity down on the ground, studying the small book in his hand. "The twenty-eighth... Well, it may not be so great... My bird's got a dental appointment that morning, and I don't know when we'll get back... I think the first of the month will be good for me. Any of those dates sound reasonable?"
"THAT'S A HORRIBLE COLOUR OF EYESHADOW!"
"OH YEAH! WELL I DON'T THINK HAIRY LEGS ARE SEXY AT ALL!"
The demon sighed. "I'll come back another time, and we'll talk about it, okay?" He still was unable to elicit a response out of the two, so he shrugged and flew away.
"YOUR CAT'S BREATH SMELLS LIKE ROTTING FISH!"
"YOUR WOLVES SMELL LIKE TOENAILS!"
"THAT'S IT! YOU CAN INSULT ME, BUT THAT'S A LOW BLOW WHEN YOU START INSULTING MY PACK!"
"YOUR PACK CAN BITE ME! I'M LEAVING!"
"YEAH? WELL MAYBE I WILL SEND MY PACK TO BITE YOU! HOW'D YOU LIKE THAT, EH!"
"KIRARA CAN KICK YOUR WOLVES ASSES ANY DAY!"
"OH YEAH!"
"YEAH!"
"WELL, WE'LL JUST SEE ABOUT THAT!"
"FINE!"
"FINE!"
"FINE!"