A/N (Super Ceech) Hey, guys, sorry about the slight delay – I wrote a chapter for the right time, but decided to save it for later. So I wrote this one instead. Enjoy!
"Kohaku, come forth," a resonating voice spoke up from the shadows.
A young boy of twelve years of age and a blank look in his eyes stepped into the dark room. "Yes, my lord? What is your bidding?"
"Kohaku...there comes a time in every demon's life when he is forced to obey the laws of animal mating and become horny as all hell. In such times as these, only a mate may satisfy their needs..." Naraku spoke up wisely and meaningfully.
"And so what would you wish of me, my master?" Kohaku asked blankly. "Do you wish for me to find you a mate?"
"Oh, me? Heavens no!" Naraku laughed. "I just wanted to warn you about it because I sometimes catch Kanna giving you a rather unnerving stare and I'm not sure if she's about to jump you there and then or hit you over the head with her mirror and drag you off somewhere..."
"She gives everyone the same stare, milord," Kohaku replied, unmoved.
"Huh...perhaps you're right," Naraku mused. "In that case, go warn any other boys you've seen her to be in contact with lately. Oh, and while you're out, fetch me a mate."
"I thought you didn't want me to find you one?" Kohaku asked, now confused.
"Ah, well, now that we've been talking about it, it makes me want one too!" Naraku whined. "Kind of like if you talk about food, you start to get hungry and want whatever dish you were just discussing a moment ago."
"You want food now?" Kohaku ventured.
Naraku slapped a random tentacle to his forehead. "Man, this brainwashing really messes you up, kid! Go find me a mate! Mate!"
Kohaku bowed stiffly. "Yes, sir." With that, he turned and started to exit the room. But just as he got one foot out, he turned back to Naraku, a confused expression once again on his face. "Ahhh...would this happen to be a woman...? Or...a man...? Or...?"
Naraku shrugged carelessly. "Just go out and find something that swings whatever way I am."
"Ahh...right, sir." With a no less baffled expression, but not wanting to press any further, Kohaku once again turned and exited the room in order to start his daunting quest.
..:V:..
"Take that, you filthy demon!" Sango cried. "Hiraikotsu!" Her oversized boomerang sliced through the air and then consequently sliced through her target demon. She'd been commissioned to handle a demon slaying and so had separated from the rest of the group briefly in order to come and save this poor town from the threat.
As the generic demon no one cares about split in two and promptly died, Sango snatched Hiraikotsu from the air and posed triumphantly before the cheering crowd. But out of the corner of her eye, she saw a flash of black and when she turned her head, she got the briefest glimpse of her brother, Kohaku.
Totally astonished and not wanting to lose this lead, Sango immediately forgot about the demon, the crowd, and her earned pay, and took off after her fleeing brother.
He was fast. Sango was hard-pressed to keep up with him, especially with Hiraikotsu on her back. In a moment that was perhaps not her brightest, she decided to ditch the dead weight and let her weapon fall to the ground behind her as she picked up speed.
Sango followed Kohaku for what seemed like forever, never being able to call out his name because she was too out of breath and even if she did, it would be ripped away in the wind. Finally, they came to a gigantic castle and Kohaku disappeared inside its depths. Sango paused to catch her breath and then slipped inside herself.
It was completely dark and Sango took her time slipping through the corridors without tripping. Every so often, she would call out Kohaku's name, though she got no response in return. Finally, just as she was stepping past a doorway, the shoji slid open and a slippery voice enveloped her.
"Ahhh, Saaaango. How nice of you to join me once again. Did you come to work for me?"
Sango spun around, recognizing the voice at once. "Naraku! I would never work for you!"
"You've already done so once," Naraku pointed out amiably.
Sango frowned. "Ah, touché. But that is of little matter! This time, I only came seeking the freedom of my brother!"
Naraku expression was crestfallen, and Sango's eyes had adjusted enough to the dark to be able to see it. The rest of his body was still shrouded in shadow, however. "Oh...shame, that. Well...well, how 'bout this? I am going to make you an offer that will alleviate your pain and suffering of heart, but which will most certainly hold some secret evil drawback as a consequence that I will not divulge to you at the same time as making the offer."
Sango stood there, thinking through the proposal Naraku had just made to her and when she finally caught up with his train of thought, she adopted a confused expression. "But...weren't you the one that caused my pain and suffering of heart in the first place...?"
Naraku shrugged. "Well, all the more reason for me to alleviate it, then! Come on, I'll totally make you an offer you can't refuse!"
"I could refuse anything you offered me, Naraku!" Sango spat with utter, utter loathing. With a little bit of hatred on the side.
"Oh?" Naraku challenged with a quirk of his eyebrow. "And so I assume you could refuse...this?"
As Sango curiously looked on, Naraku backed into his dark room and then felt around for a switch on the wall. There was a click and then suddenly the large room was lit up by spinning, multi-coloured lights that flashed and swirled. On top of that, black lights were lit up around the room and a huge disco ball was dangling from the ceiling. (Hey, author here – we all know Naraku is just that evil that he could have somehow gone to the future and stolen the technology needed for this feat and all ways to power it in the feudal era where there is no electricity to speak of. We all know it. There is a certain degree of evil that allows this and damn does Naraku have it!)
"Can you resist the disco, Sango? CAN YOU?" Naraku challenged her.
Sango's shocked face turned towards her nemesis and, if possible, became even more shocked. He was in a white, plastic, skin tight disco outfit with flared pants and platform shoes. And with a toss of his head, demonic energy caused his hair to rise up and crimp into the largest afro this world has ever known. Needless to say, Sango was floored.
She resisted for nearly three seconds before she crumbled and wailed, "I can't resist the disco!"
And so Sango joined Naraku in disco and more than a simple bond was formed, but a deep love. It manifested through their shared inability to resist disco and we all know that anything involving disco must be true love.
As they were discoing their hearts out, Kohaku entered the room saying, "Lord Naraku, I searched everywhere, but nowhere did I find a life form that I thought might swing your way... W-who is that girl?"
Sango's eyes brightened. "Oh, Kohaku! Come on in and disco with us!"
"It's quite alright, Kohaku," Naraku said to the boy. "I have found myself a mate. Surely you don't disagree with this, Sango, my dear?"
Sango kept dancing, but she shook her head fervently. "Not at all! I mean, I had some reservations, yes, but nobody can say no to disco!"
"And I shall be keeping up my end of the bargain by ensuring that you get to stay with your brother forever more. And someday I may evencure his brainwashing dilemma and make him live on a heartbeat instead of a jewel shard...but don't let me get ahead of myself," Naraku mused with a laugh.
"And what do you suppose the secret evil drawback as a consequence might be?" Sango wondered.
Naraku waved a hand vaguely at her. "Oh, you know, the usual. I'll probably get you to kill all your friends and steal their jewel shards for me. Nothing that isn't worth it."
Sango nodded, still dancing. "Sounds fair. Now, come join us, Kohaku!"
Hesitantly, Kohaku did just that. For although his mind was blank and most of the room was taken up by Naraku's afro, nobody can refuse disco.
And so, it wasn't too long after that that the shoji burst open once again, except this time to reveal Inuyasha, Miroku, Kagome, Shippo and Kirara, all looking defiant and justice upholding.
"Aha! We have finally found you, Nara... What the hell?" Inuyasha exclaimed. "...Naraku? ...SANGO?"
"Oh, hey, Inuyasha! What's happening?" Sango greeted him.
"Wh-what are you doing with Naraku? Didn't you go off to help a village being plagued by a demon?" Inuyasha asked, at a loss for anything else to say.
"Oh, that," Sango said flippantly. "I took care of that and then followed Kohaku back here. And now Naraku has relieved my suffering and sorrow and emotional scarring and I've fallen madly and inexplicably in love with him."
Miroku took a step forward. "Bu-but Sango! This...this wo–er, man! This man is the one who put the wind tunnel initially in my grandfather's hand, thus cursing my entire family lineage!"
Sango shrugged. "Ehn, your grandfather probably groped Naraku. He does look enough like a girl. So your grandfather deserved it."
Miroku gaped at her. "But...but...what about my love for you? Does that mean nothing to you?"
"You know, it really doesn't. I prefer to be with the man who ruined my life by slaughtering my village, causing my younger brother to kill my father and the other demon slayers, and having multitudes of soldier shoot him and me down. And let's not forget when he resurrected me in order to do his dirty work for him, and how he keeps my brother in a half alive-half dead state with no memory of me or who he is in general, just to torment me and once again, do his dirty work for him.
"I much prefer a man like that instead of you who, despite your groping other women and behaving inappropriately with them every now and then, treats me with respect and loves me too much to toy with me and my feelings until you are for sure out of danger of your life.
"I'm tired of waiting for you to die or not! Like, why does it all have to be so indecisive with you all? Either die or don't; don't sit around fretting about it all day and making half-assed attempts to save yourselves! I'm through with you all! I've found the solution! I'm going with the evil, invincible man that can never be killed and or stay killed! I've finally seen what you have all along, Inuyasha! That's why I say power to ya and go with Kikyo! She's at least guaranteed for life...and much farther beyond! And THAT'S what I have to say on the matter!"
The others all looked around at each other uncertainly and started backing away. "Perhaps this wasn't the best time..." Kagome said hesitantly. "We'll come back later, when you've settled in..."
"You do that!" Sango shouted after their retreating backs. "Because I love my man and I'll stay by his side forever and ever!"
Naraku gave a great sniffle of joy. "You called me a man...FOUR times! You really are the love of my life! Let's disco all night long!"
And so they did.
And no one noticed that as the Inuyasha group were winding their way through the corridors, looking for an exit, a mirror came crashing down on poor Shippo's head and he was dragged quietly off into the shadows...
A/N (Super Ceech) 0.o Random...but fun! Nobody cansay no to disco! We ALL know that's what Naraku's big, dark room REALLY is! And ph34r the afro! Ph34r it!
Continuing the countdown...four more chapters after this to go!