Hello! Didn't think I'd be writing so soon again, but Ernil (someone off of here) gave me some inspiration- so thanks again! Which reminds me, I'd be more than happy to take requests if anyone wants me to write anything more Charlie related. Thank you!
If I thought I was paranoid while on it, being off it is ten times worse. Fuckin' shit, I feel feverish all over and I can't bloody see straight. It's like a dream, but worse, because I know I'm sure as hell not wakin' up from this one.
Why I am letting Locke help me? What right does he have to come in and just.. order me around like a little kid? What's worse is, I'm fucking following it. It's like I'm a little kid being led by his parent, and I'm just letting it happen. I should just go down there right now and ask for it. But I can't. There is something inside stopping me- but what? I never had the courage to stop before and never even wanted to.
There's somethin' about Locke that is downright soothing and creepy all at the same time. It's like, he knows what he's talking about and says the right thing at the right time. It's no wonder that that I actually took his advice, it's like he's the next in line to be God here. So what if I don't follow him, eh? I know it'll all eventually run out.. but still, I'll have my damn fix and be happy for a while.
God's, if Claire were to ever see me sweating like a pig in heat and twitching, she would begin to wonder. I can't let her see this side of me, I just can't. It's just as bad that Locke found out to begin with, but that Jack did too. Now two people on the island know I'm a nutcase, just great.
Claire is nice, she's innocent.. and she's fun to be around. It would be a mess if she were to find out about my history with this.. stuff.. and I don't know if she'd ever look at me the same again. I certainly don't want her to give me a "talk." I know that drugs are bad, I've heard it already. Everytime I see Jack now, I become afraid that he's going to sit down with me and go through some medical bullshit on drug withdrawl again. Ha, even if I didn't know about it before, I really know now. I'm a walking drug withdrawl dictionary for Christ's sake.
I feel so sick right now.. so fucking sick. It's like my insides are all being ripped apart one by one and I can't do anything about but live through it. I hope this ends soon or else.. I might just have to go and ask for the third time. It'd be wonderful to fly one last time...