Winter Paradise
A/N: Hey! This is just a one shot that I randomly thought of because my hands were cold. Haha. If you read this, please leave your thoughts in a review so I can refine my writing skills. It's tragic to say that they are not all that brilliant.
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So cold. I'm so cold and even with a jacket wrapped tightly around my dainty body I can still feel the cold wind bombarding my body. So how is it for him? It must be so much colder for him. It must be harsh for him to protect me. I didn't ask him to protect me. I didn't ask for him to be here. I didn't ask to love him. I didn't even ask him to say this…
"I'll die for you."
Even though it's really cold, I feel as if my whole body is warming up just from our close proximities. Our lives might be slipping away from each other into the darkness, but I'm still confident that we'll make it through…If I were to die right here in the snow, this is the way I would want it to be. In this position with his body protecting me from the fury of Mother Nature, I feel as if that is the perfect death.
Please… Although I know we will surely die, there's one thing that I am also certain of…
That Syaoran and I will not die as lovers.
Rather we will die for our professions. How ever strong the feelings I possess for Syaoran are, they will never be enough for us – two professionals – to abandon our responsibilities.
He was supposed to be my bodyguard, the one person that would sell their life for me.
"Are you cold Sakura?" He asked me with a concerned voice. Through the snow serenading on the violent wind, I could clearly see his once healthy looking lips, become a ghastly purple colour. Beside his lips I saw his pale complexion like that of untainted snow, his face seemingly merging with the background.
Yet although his lips were purple and his face white, there were still things that remained the same. His hair was ever messier than before blowing in all directions, his lips were still held tightly in the same fixed position, a firm line, and his eyes…his eyes…
…still held the same determination…
From the first time I witnessed them, to now, it still held the same determination to protect…or was it something else? As if he was having an eternal battle with himself I felt his arms tighten his hold. He was cold. He was so very cold. I could feel his slender fingers tremble as he struggled to hold me tighter…like it wasourfinal moment together.
I closed my eyes, not wanting to see reality, though only wanting to feel it. It won't be long now…
The reality is that I am just a doll placed here to look pretty. I am nothing but a decoration like a portrait placed on the wall to cover up the coffee stain. I am here just to cover up a coffee stain, but rather it is more than just a coffee stain. Instead it is a permanent stain that is I.
To cover up my father's infidelity, my father had a resolute decision….to form me. I was only created out of desperation and convenience. I wasn't created out of love. All my life I had only known responsibilities, obeying my father's every order. He never cared about me. After I was born, and a few snapshots later from the newspapers I was left without a father. It isn't that he abandoned me in a ditch, but in some aspects I feel like that.
Then Syaoran came along. Our relationship could never be anything more than professional and I was bitter. Even though my father had never had the smallest part in my life, when he saw us becoming closer he couldn't stand it. And yet again I put responsibility as my first priority like a fool. How could he conduct my life? I just wanted to run away.
And I did. That's how I ended up here, in the snow…in the middle of somewhere, yet nowhere. Just being here in the snow with Syaoran draws me closer to content. Even through the suffering, I can truly see the silver lining.
Through the thick and the thin, Syaoran stayed beside me. I'm not sure whether it was out of sibling-like responsibility, the money or possibly something more. He's always watched me like a hawk and for that I'm grateful. He'd always protect. He'd never hurt me…
"Syaoran…please make the blizzard stop." I asked Syaoran, my voice soft and raspy. I don't think I can hold on much longer. I just want to rest. I just want to rest with Syaoran. It'll all be over soon.
"Sakura…I'll die for you, when you die for me." He stated seriously through the violent chatter of his teeth. With great determination I forced my weary eyes open.
"My father died when I was young. Even though he was a very strong willed man, when my mother ran off with your father, he simply could not cope. Every night he would watch my mother disappear through the front door and return in the morning…but one morning she didn't return." He paused. Looking deeper into his eyes, I saw fierce anger.
It was an anger that had been contained with great difficulty and one which would grow more potent with each passing day. I pitied him.However, the more I pitied someone the more I would understand their qualities inside myself.All my life I had despised my father and acted bitter towards him. Is this how it felt to be hated? He had every right to be angry…I don't blame him, not at all.
"And in the morning my father's smiling face did not greet me. Instead the tears of my sisters met my eyes and that morning my father's body hung from the ceiling… Sakura I need…reprisal." His voice quivered, caught in his throat. I gave him the best reassuring smile I could possibly conjure in the cold, completely understanding his intention.
"I understand."
I wasn't scared that I was going to die. My body was beyond repair and my purpose for life had just admitted that he needed to destroy me. I didn't care though because all I needed to know was that I cared for him.
"Please forgive me Sakura." He requested with sincerity. He was a man of few words, but each made my heart pound. These words however, made my heart pound weakly like he was slowly destroying me from the inside. My pulse was fading, my breath was becoming heavy...I was dying. He kissed my cheek tenderly.
He brandished his katana holding it steadily.
"In the next life." I answered before I received the fatal blow through my back. It was cold. It was freezing cold as the sharp blade entered me unnaturally. I was numb. It's not as if I could feel. However, it didn't stop there either. It continued throughmy body into Syaoran's like a human skewer.
"Together in the next life." He whispered hugging my body tight. I can't see. I can't speak. I can't move. All I could do was feel. It's ironic…
Not even he could protect me from himself.
Carefully and gently I felt his lips placed unto mine, painfully drawing the last breath in me…
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That day two lovers died in the embrace of each other, though neither ever admitting their true intentions. Neither ever wanted to break the comfortable silence they both held in their hearts. Both would forever remain in a fading winter memory, trapped in a winter paradise.
.Fin.
Hey. How was that? I'm concentrating more on writing one-shots because complete stories, are just too energy draining for me. Hope you enjoyed my story.
Luv White with kind regards. xOxOxO