C26: Three purple leprechauns, Three purple leprechauns, Three purple leprechauns, Three purple leprechauns, Three purple leprechauns, Three purple leprechaun , I think I'm going insane
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How to get a Dalek to lay an egg & 33 other things to do with one, 28 of which are impossible even if you had an actual Dalek
Part one: Then fun stuff (continued yet again)
Activity three: (This one involves carrots, a heavy gauge double barrel shotgun and every letter of the English alphabet except from the following letters: q, w, e, r, t, y, u, I, o, p, a, s, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, z, x, c, v, b and n)
Again I lie in the activity briefing (but have you believed a single letter I've written so far? Really? WELL YOU'RE BLOODY STUPID THEN AREN'T YOU? YOU AREN'T? OH THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO IGNORE YOU FROM NOW ON!) Bloody bugs bunny. Anywho for this activity you will require the following: a blank DVD, several people with the IQ of an aubergine (if you don't know what an aubergine looks like, use a butternut squash) (If you don't know what a butternut squash looks like use an artichoke) (If you don't know what an artichoke looks like you're a complete prat!), a Cornish pasty, fire, scissors, glue and of course your dalek.
Now, to begin with set fire to your dalek, it will complain a bit (play sound bite, WHERE THE HELL'S THE SOUNDBITE? WHY THE censored word ISN'T IT PLAYING? Oh to hell with it)
Dalek – Ahhhhhh! My vision is impaired! I cannot see, there's some sort of red crap covering me! Get it off! Get it off! Or you will be bilzoavyed!
Oh yeah, erase its memory after the last traumatic activity. Anyway in about five years time it should've calmed down and is ready to perform the activity (you might want to keep a copy of its memory on DVD to scare some people CENSOREDless) (You may also be asking why censored word am I using so many brackets, well I don't have a censored wording clue)
Anyway, use it to toast marshmallows for a while until it's hot enough to roast the aubergine/butternut squash/artichoke feed it to the Dalek by squeezing it through the grill thingy into the creature inside (Instructions on how to do this not included! WORK IT OUT YOURSELF!) If it's disgusting enough, the Dalek will go insane and wander the world exterminating people for thousands of years until there are only a handful of people left. By this time you'll be so pissed off with it (If you're not partially dead that it) chuck a Cornish pasty in it and it should recoil in fear.
Anyway, while its recoiling in fear, drench it in glue, slice off its eyestalk with the scissors (this may take several centuries) and push it off Niagara falls. It will be dead and you'll have freed mankind from the terrible reign of the Daleks which will get you a lot of money from the survivors, 20p (or 10 Cents) which will buy you twelve gold carrots on what I will suddenly call "New Earth" which is coincidently the name of first episode of the new Doctor who series.
END RESULT – minus 126890/676535679545678976545678
HOW THE HELL WAS THAT FUN?
And now I will leave you with more jives at Dalek kind which I have probably stolen from somewhere
The Doctor and Rose come to the top of a set of stairs and start running down, when they reach the bottom they look up as the Daleks reach it
Doctor - Oh yeah, they can fly now can't they?
Dalek#1 – Can we fly downstairs?
Dalek#2 – well, what does the script say?
Dalek#1 – can fly downstairs, WHY DOES IT NOT SAY WHETHER WE CAN FLY DOWNSTAIRS?
Cut to the office of Terrance Dicks, Daleks come in
Terrance Dicks – What arw yew doing in herw howibble dawleks?
Dalek#1 - Your speech impediment is funny, now can we fly downstairs?
Terrance Dicks – Um, yes?
Dalek#2 – He is unsure, exterminate the speech impaired git!
That may have been pointless, but I'm out of ideas.
Thank you observing this page that is apparently meant to funny, but probably isn't really.
Thank you, you hateful people and good outnike to you all
And also, could more people actually review my fic?