C26: Now, I suppose all two of my loyal readers are pissed off that I haven't updated in God knows how long, well tough, I was just feeling so (CENSORED) at the time, plus I had my leg in a cast for 3 (CENSORED) WEEKS! Anyway, I'm back now so make way for the final two installments of the freaky deaky crap

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How to get a Dalek to lay an egg & 33 other things to do with one, 28 of which are impossible even if you had an actual Dalek

Part two: The freaky deaky crap (And after all this time)

Activity 9: (This one involves whoever happens to be in the vicinity when the Rapture comes next Tuesday, doughnuts, and a larger amount of pornography than the mind can comprehend)

Just kidding about next Tuesday, the rapture will really come next Thursday. Anyway by this point in the activities (Yes, I did already tell you you're supposed to do all this in just one lifetime) the year should be 2567 right about when the Cybermen should invade yet again, only to be scared off by a fat old bloke with a bucket of popcorn flavoured hammers. Anywholajioo.

Your Dalek should now be mentally traumatised. I would insert a soundbite of what it sounds like but you should know what sort of (The next word should be censored, but it won't be) shi... (sponsored by cutting you co.) t a Dalek spouts when it's mental.

Dalek: Ahhhhhhh...out of control...alert...alert...pain

This activity will involve a saucer (No not a dalek saucer, a plate kind) a mug of tea, Wallace and Gromit, several versions of the movie "cannibal space pirates star in crappy film" or serenity to normal people that hate it. A PSP, several lego bricks and a keyboard.

Now, take your lego bricks and build a toilet, now flush all those versions of ultra crap fest serenity down it, this actually has no point in the activity, its just me wasting some pages talking about sod all wishing I had an original idea in my brain, oh, its time for a new paragraph

Now go and have tea with Wallace and Gromit and your Dalek may grow an addiction to cheese, if you have never heard of Wallace and Gromit you are a sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad human being. By the end of this you can shove cheese through the Dalek grill thing and the creature inside should go mad from the smell and yell something about how crap starbucks is and the meaning of life is all about peanuts.

I can't explain why it will do this, but if we did now we will probably learn the true ultimate answer to life itself and discover that Douglas Adams was god incarnate. Am I talking endless crap here or do you want me to go on? You want me to go on? Opps you can't answer cos I'm already writing this! I will continue.

Grab that PSP and throw it at the Dalek, this won't do anything as your Dalek should be mentally incapable of free thought, but hopefully the PSP will break)

Now push your Dalek out of the door and take half way across the world to Japan where it will count every robot as its enemies and go on a killing spree, not an original idea I know, but does anyone have any other suggestions? No? I thought so!

Now, after a few years it should have calmed down and you should be able to use your keyboard to de program it and turn it into a vegetable. Possibly a carrot, eat it and you will need to have major surgery if you are to complete the next activity.

END RESULT

UWE BOLL/HAMBURGERS

HOW IN GOD'S NAME IS THIS A DECENT ACTIVITY?

And now a continuing in depth analysis of the Dalek's mind

Dalek lying on a couch next to a psychiatrist

Dalek: AND THAT WAS WHEN I REALISED MY CREATOR DAVROS HAD BEEN MOLESTING MY UNBORN CHILDREN

Psychiatrist: Hmm, this is very interesting

Dalek: MY WIFE MRS DALEK WENT AND EXTERMINATED HIM

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The next update won't be as far away as this one was but I'm attempting to get this its own website and possibly audio show!

Thank you you hateful people and good outnike to you