The Daily Prophet screwed up my daily schedule. The mug shot of the screaming man that graced the front assured me that I was exactly where I had thought I was in the timeline. The knowledge that Dementors would be surrounding the school shortly lead me to abandon some of my more personal research in favor of practicing the Patronus Charm.
As an adult in my mid-twenties it was much less impressive for me to manage spells that fifteen year olds could get when they put their minds to it. Deciding the memory to use wasn't difficult. Running away from yelling creatures, laughing hysterically with a man in a bowtie.
A silvery fox scampered around my classroom after several days effort. I stared at it for a while, wondering what that said about me, foxes were clever but they eat bunny rabbits, and I'm not sure I can condone that. The door opened and I let the animal fade to silver mist and then dissipate. I was sitting on top of my desk, legs crossed under me when someone entered, and I did my best not to look guilty.
It was the Headmaster, looking at me knowingly,
"There you are, Marissa. Minerva wanted me to be sure you would be at the sorting tonight. We have to introduce you to the students after all."
Just like when I was in school the start of the year had snuck up on me. I sighed, uncrossing my legs to let them dangle off the edge of the desk.
"I'll be there. Wouldn't want to miss a feast after all. And an introduction would be nice. I'd hate to be mistaken for a student."
Dumbledore chuckled, waving off my concerns.
"Nonsense dear. You're wearing teaching robes, hardly the same as a school uniform."
I was unconvinced.
Filius did the sorting this year. Word passed along the staff table that Minerva was busy with some of her Gryffindors. The new DADA Professor had arrived, sitting a few seats to the right of me. I was equidistance between him and Snape. I could feel the glare Snape was directing at him, it made my skin itch despite knowing it wasn't aimed at me.
I was introduced after Hagrid, teaching a class that was being reintroduced into the curriculum. Several students muttered about it, sending me everything from outright glares, stares, or grins. I scanned the students, heart falling when I recognized younger versions of people who I had seen dead on a movie screen. And then there was Harry Potter, untidy black hair, taped glasses, and lightning scar. I was careful not to stare, looking at him for the same amount of time as the other students.
Dinner was a cheerful affair, and afterwards I barely managed to avoid the Golden Trio swarming Hagrid to congratulate him on his new job. I skipped breakfast completely, not feeling much hunger through the nerves. I was going to have to teach a class. The first class was of course a Gryffindor and Slytherin combination, the match made in hell. Add that to the fact that it was the fifth years and I knew I was most likely screwed. In Harry's third year, the fifth years included a certain pair of Weasleys. I could only hope they'd take mercy on a new teacher.
They filed inside in groups, the twins arriving together just as time ran out on them. They grinned at me in tandem, the one on the right closing the door behind them.
"Sorry, Professor."
The other twin opened his mouth to finish up some kind of excuse but I waved a hand, motioning towards the two desks left. The class was obviously used to their antics, they had left two seats open on the Gryffindor side of the room, right next to one another. The seats were directly in the front and I lamented my luck as the two took a seat. I was standing at the front of the room, leaning back against my desk. It probably emphasized how small I was, comparing me to the size of the desk, but these guys had been taught by Filius for years, so it shouldn't bother them too much.
I looked around the room, knowing the silence wouldn't last for long. Once I was no longer an enigma that would change. I drug my eyes over everyone in the room before speaking.
"As you know this class is to cover History. Not like the Magical History class, which most of you use as a chance to catch up on sleep, homework, or mischief, but an alternative history class."
There was astonishment at my accent for several seconds and delayed laughter from the Gryffindor side at my comment about History of Magic. I continued before someone could wave their hand in the air and ask a question.
"This class, as the name suggests, is a Muggle History class. Personally I wanted to name it 'What the Muggles Think Actually Happened' but the Headmaster told me that wouldn't fit on the schedules."
More slight laughter, and a smirk or two from the Slytherin side.
"So, there are likely to be a few terms or concepts that are completely foreign to you, or that tie back into Muggle Studies. If you ever have a question about something from this class, or even Muggle Studies, and Professor Burbage is unavailable then feel free to track me down, though I don't guarantee it will be easy."
The twins were grinning broadly and I knew that they'd be abusing the map to try and bamboozle me between now and whenever they would give it to Harry.
"But I'm getting a bit ahead of myself. For those of you who paid attention at the Welcoming Feast, good job, for those concentrating more on the food they'd soon be faced with, I'm Professor Swift. You may address me as Professor, or Professor Swift. Under no circumstances will you 'mam' me. If you make me feel old it is possibly a detention worthy offense."
I noticed the twins shift and raised an eyebrow at them.
"That is not a challenge. Just, don't."
More chuckles, and people were noticeably more relaxed. Wonderful.
I put my hands behind me on the desk, leveraging myself up to sit on the top with my feet crossed under me. Some eyebrows were raised but no comments. Good.
"As you may have noticed I'm American. This means that there will be some phrases in my vernacular that are unfamiliar to you. If I use a word you don't get then please point it out and I'll explain. It might not even be English, so don't hesitate."
More moving eyebrows.
"Now, I have absolutely no idea how school works in Europe. Frankly I don't care. This class is mine, and I'll do what I want with it. Feel free to complain, but it will accomplish absolutely nothing. Except homework. You guys don't want to do it, I don't want to grade it. Good behavior, minimum homework. That's how the school I went to functioned, so that's how this class will go. Occasionally a project will be required, but the classic 'reading and essay after every class' is unlikely so long as no one gets...I don't know, set on fire or something."
People were eyeing the twins who were ignoring them and doing their best to look innocent. I snorted,
"I'm not buying it. But I suppose I should get on to teaching or something. So we're going to cover two different and controversial version of how the Muggles believe the planet was created."
Surprisingly, people were interested in the last bit. Even the Slytherins. Well, as far as I was aware the History of Magic class didn't cover the origins of the Earth so this was all new to them.
"Now, some religious people think that the planet is around 4,000 years old. The fact that there are 9,000 year old trees in Sweden makes me a bit skeptical of that particular theory."
More chuckles, and some derisive snorts from the Slytherins about the stupidity of Muggles. That wouldn't last long in my class.
"Some of these religious types hold to the theory that a deity took about 7 days to put everything in place and then plopped some people down. Two. Just two, who then populated the Earth. With that the theory of blood ever being pure is shot to hell. But that's not the only theory so feel free to protest. Mentally of course, I don't want to hear it right now."
Some Slytherins of course, looked affronted, but I continued on.
"Now on the other side we have the scientific view. There are several sub theories for this as well, but I'm going to go with the most popular for class. If you're curious about the others I will of course tell you after class."
There was a mutter of 'we're not bloody Ravenclaws' that I ignored,
"The theory is that basically rocks floating in space gained gravity and sucked other stuff in and it congealed into a planet. I can't go into specifics, simply because you haven't had a muggle science class and you wouldn't understand a word of it anyway. Bacteria evolved, adapted, changed, there were dinosaurs, which all died off, and humans came along eventually. A few billion years later. I will get into specifics later. For now I want you to understand something."
I slid off the desk walking around to the chalk board, grabbing a piece of chalk and drawing a circle, labeling it with numbers like a clock and then turning back to the students. All of whom were miraculously paying attention.
"If you compress all 4.6 Billion years of the Earth's history into one hour then the proportions point out something staggering."
A notch of chalk went at the one minute mark,
"This is the forming of the Earth's crust, which is the outermost shell of rock on the surface."
A notch at around nine minutes.
"This is the estimated time of when life began. Not humans, or even plants. Just a single celled organism. A speck that couldn't even form thought, but it lives."
I swung around to forty minutes, making a notch.
"First cells with a nucleus. Basically a brain, but not in the way that you think. More of a control center."
A notch at 53 minutes.
"The first fish is formed."
A notch directly to the side, not quite at 54 minutes.
"The first plants on land."
A notch at 57 minutes.
"The first Dinosaur. Basically fierce lizards. Think Dragons, without fire, and more diverse as to body type."
A notch at 59 minutes.
"The Dino's all died out."
A notch above 59 and ever so slightly to the left.
"The first creatures resembling humans appear."
Barely to the left of the twelve went a notch.
"The first modern human."
I turned back to them, pointing to the almost infinitesimal gap.
"This is how long the humans have been around, compared to how long everything else has been spinning. Other planets were swirling around other suns long before our rock turned habitable, and some will spin long after the human race fades. Muggles realized this. They know. They know why we go around the sun, they have images of far off worlds, and muggles have stood on the surface of the moon."
That last bit was a bombshell. A Slytherin I didn't know stood up, knocking his chair over behind him with a bang.
"You're lying!"
I raised an eyebrow.
"What, pics or it didn't happen? There are images. There are samples they brought back. If you aim carefully enough with a powerful enough muggle telescope you can still see the flag on the moon."
"The muggles lied about that, they had to have!"
I let the chalk fall into the tray, planting my hands onto the desk and leaning onto it, starring the student in the eye.
"The flag on the moon is an American flag. There have been Russians in space. There are space stations floating out there, satellites as well. Space is the final frontier. And it is being explored. I'll get to that later. For now we still have to cover several million years, including the race of man learning how to make fire and eat berries. So, sit down."
He looked unconvinced and I raised an eyebrow at him.
"If you are patient, if you pay attention, and if you keep your mouth shut save pertinent questions then there are several muggles ideas I will prove to you. There are muggle accomplishments I will show you if need be. But I will not hold with being called a liar, and disrespect has no place in my classroom. I will not force you to attend this class. But if you don't take the tests or do the homework then you will fail. Feel free to explain to your parents and head of house that you have that black mark on your record because you have no patience and lack the ability to hold your tongue."
He sat down slowly and my serious expression disappeared, replaced with a near manic grin.
"Brilliant! All right then, we still have half an hour for me to cram more information about prehistory into your brains. You can thank Mister Outspoken over there for the homework I'll most likely assign at the end of class."
The change in manner threw some off, mostly the Gryffindors, the Slytherins took it in stride for some reason. When we finally ended we had made it to Pangea. Everyone was packing up and I waved my wand, utterly proud of my non verbal magic.
"If you were paying any sort of attention this should be easy, like five minutes easy. I even provided the terms needed in a little box. A monkey could accomplish this. Then again, there are monkeys that learn sign language and speak to people so perhaps that's not much to gauge off of. The terms are stages of life, and I want you to order them how they formed on Earth. During class I mentioned all of this more than once, and went into them all in depth. This is possible, if not simple. I won't accept complaints or excuses, but I will help if you need it. See you next class."
That first class went about the same as the ones that followed it. The Ravenclaws asked questions and got involved, the Hufflepuffs took notes, and the Slytherins were the ones who protested most often. There were a few Ravenclaw purebloods who couldn't comprehend muggle accomplishment.
I wasn't sure what public opinion was of my class, or me, and I didn't particularly care. I had more things to worry about than if the kids hated having to learn. There was a supposed mass murderer whose life and freedom were on the line.
~TimeLordOfPie