C26: I know last time I said I was going to do 2 final instalments of Freaky deaky but then I realised I only did 4 activities under the Fun stuff so make way a new section!
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How to get a Dalek to lay an egg & 33 other things to do with one, 28 of which are impossible even if you had an actual Dalek
Part two: The freaky deaky crap
Part three: The stuff that could have been fun if it wasn't so crap
Activity ten: (This one involves bus stops and super intelligent shades of the colour blue)
Wow! A new section! This one will be better than the last and will include how to get a Dalek to lay an egg…only kidding; it will be a movie with some shagging in it! And a tank!
Now, this activity involves the following items which aren't that funny: Ricky Gervais (WHY DO PEOPLE LIKE HIM?) a teapot, that film with some shagging in it + a tank (You can think of whatever it is yourself, anything with that jumped up git George Cloony innit) you might also need a sharp stick with Uwe Boll skewered on the end for warding off people who want you to stop your reign of terror.
Now, take a sponge (I haven't mentioned this because I lie too often) and wash the blood off your Dalek from the last few activities, this may take several centuries but by the end of it the shine of the dalek may blind all that look at it, so when the entire world has gone blind (I'm just nicking this from Day of the triffids aren't I?) then you can steal Ricky Gervais and plant a bomb under him, say to all the world leaders that if they promise to give you a teapot by midnight you will promise to blow him up.
Once you have possession of the teapot go to a space station and smash the teapot over the head of NASA and take control of the facility (Threaten to kill them by making them watch the film with shagging and a tank innit, or you could just ward them off with Uwe Boll on a stick, he may try and make them give him a Oscar for House of the crap, um, House of the dead) now send your Dalek into space.
Now, so far your Dalek is in space and you have nothing left to complete the activity, brilliant, um…what could you do next…hmmm…..give me a minute….
END RESULT
GEORGE BUSH/CHOCOLATE
WHAT THE FU (CENSORED) CK WAS THAT?
And now we leave you with a glance into Dalek lifestyle
Open on the Jerry Springer show
Jerry Springer – Today we're talking to a mother of four who divorced her husband Mr Dalek
Wife – yes, well he always wanted to exterminate my kids
Dalek – OH SHUT UP WOMAN! YOU NEVER STOP TALKING! THAT'S WHY YOU NEED TO BE EXTERMINATED!
Thank you, you hateful people and good outnike to you