C26: I can't think of anything clever to say here so just pretend I did, and pretend it was funny

Sorry I haven't updated in a while, got a lot of (CENSORED) going on right now, I don't know why I don't just uncensor words and change the rating to R, oh yeah I Wanna keep this commercial

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How to get a Dalek to lay an egg & 33 other things to do with one, 28 of which are impossible even if you had an actual Dalek

Part three: The stuff that could have been fun if it wasn't so crap

Activity twelve: (this one involves corn flakes, the third letter of the word beef and the breath of a horse)

Right, I'm just gonna get straight to the point (Oh yeah, queue the naked ladies, R rating for me!) okay, ignore my sexual fantasies, on with the point (Oh yeah, oh yeah, uh huh!) Cough…erm…sorry…where was I? Iceland? Really.

Crap supermarket, right on with the (THIS WORD IS CENSORED BUT JUST A HINT IT BEGINS WITH F)ing point. In this activity you will require the following: nudity (AHHHHH! HAHAHA!) Okay, seriously I'm deranged, you will require: an army of pink racoons, spray paint (Any colour will do), those little beads they sell down at Woolworths or was that a dream? Anyway you will also need a lot of cream, rubber ducks, the contents of the Atlantic Ocean and Charlton Heston (what was he thinking?) And so I won't get this fic taken off I will have to include more Doctor who crap, you will need a Dalek, the thirteenth doctor and a pop idolish contest.

Right, seeing as there is no thirteenth Doctor yet you will need to set up the pop idolish contest, what should we call it? I know! Who's da idol? In which thousands of contestants are judged on how wrong their dress sense is, how nerdy they are, and whether they hate Colin Baker or not. Meanwhile you might need to kill David Tennant. If you want a thirteenth Doctor you can't have the tenth one floating aboot in time and space killing your powerful mysterious cyber-parrots of doom!

Once David tenant's entrails are removed head back to the contest and the mixed up prat Charlton Heston has won it. There are no possibilities, he will win it. So you know what to do! What have I been telling you to do so far? SHOOT HIM FOOL!

Once the eleventh Doctor is dead and the contest continues for the twelfth Doctor you will need to shoot the winner but before you do that you will need to take over every cream manufacturer in the world, use your Dalek seeing as its either dead or very bored with being ignored for the entire activity.

Dalek: HAND OVER YOUR CREAM FACTORY OR YOU WILL BE BILZOAVYED!

Once done use your army of tireless pink racoons to empty the entire contents of the Atlantic Ocean. I don't know how you will do this as all oceans are connected anyway, but use your strange hippie Ice warrior powers to freeze the entire world now force your Dalek at gunpoint to transfer the cream over to fill the ocean using it sucker. This could take one hundred billion years but once the ocean is full of cream coloured cream it will be satisfying. During those years you should finally have your thirteenth doctor, and fourteenth, fifteenth, sixteenth, seventeenth………….endlessness.

Even though time lords can only regenerate 13 times.

Anyway, force your Doctor and Dalek to fill the ocean with rubber ducks, then watch them both have an ultimate fight on rubber ducks across the Atlantic ocean, it will end with your Dalek falling in the cream and drowning to death. If the other way round and the thirteenth doctor dies then, good, more Dalek fun,ness for many activities to come in the self created guide to pointlessness!

You can tell this was written by Terrance Dicks

My view of the Dalek world is on the Fritz, it may be out of ideas, so just be thankful and wait for activity 13 (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!)

Thank you, you hateful people and Good outnike to you!