Saturday at noon I skipped lunch, heading straight for my classroom, my most recent magic-aided creation residing in my pocket. The twins were most likely still at lunch, or on their way there. I didn't bother with it, there was a stash of candy from Honeydukes that I'd owl ordered the moment I got my first paycheck from bussing tables at the Three Broomsticks that first month here. Under stasis charms in my desk drawer the stash was still holding strong, large quantities of chocolate still remaining.
I waved my wand, pushing a few of the desks together toward the front of the room near the windows and pushing the rest out of the way and to the side. Wandless magic was good to make a point, mainly 'don't fuck with me', but it was tiring. I tended to avoid it early in the day if I could help it. The twins arrived five minutes after I did, opening the door slowly, with one of them peering in suspiciously. I waved them in,
"Close the door behind you, please."
The entered, looking around the classroom, visibly confused. I was sitting on one of the desks that I had pushed together, shuffling a deck of cards with a pile of various kinds of chocolate beside me.
The door clicked shut and I set the cards down, grabbing my wand and waving it towards the door, sliding the privacy wards into place. I set the wand down and motioned to the desks in front of me.
"Take a seat you two, I don't want to watch the both of you write lines or some other boring thing so I'm going to make this part of my class. Well, sort of, if you tilt your head and squint."
They looked at one another, communicating with that twin telepathy they seemed to share, before actually sitting, crossing their legs and mirroring my position.
"This is a muggle game, it often gets violent and tends to ruin friendships, but it's not nearly as bad as Monopoly, which takes approximately twenty years to finish. My excuse for playing a game instead of assigning lines or some other punishment is because it wasn't far from curfew, you weren't far from your tower, and as far as I'm concerned your cause is worthy. Life is better when you're laughing. However you broke the rules and your punishment is enduring my charming presence for a while. If anyone asks you endured a lesson on muggles that you didn't listen to or something of the sort. Tell horror stories if it makes you feel better."
I ignored their slightly dazed looks, picking the cards up again.
"This game is called Uno. In Spanish, Uno means one. The point of the game is to get rid of your cards, when you get down to one you have to announce uno. You can lay down cards if they have the same color or number as what's on the top of the pile. There are annoying little cards that change the direction, skip people, let you change the color, make you draw a card, thing like that."
They got the hang of it quickly, and I was worried they would team up to take me down, but honestly they turned on one another startlingly quickly.
The aim of this was to gain their trust in a way that would be beneficial later in time when everything went to shit and war started. These kids would need help, and in the coming years of school they'd need someone they could go to for that help. Contempt for the rules would be a point in my favor for most of it.
"Uno!"
"Change color to green."
"Skip you."
"Damn it!"
"Language Weasley, if I can't curse then you can't either."
A unified 'whatever' and we went back to the game. It didn't take long for them to convince me to share the candy either. The wins were split between the three of us, and it was creeping up on 4 in the evening. This was the last game, the deciding factor for which twin won, unless I won and it was a three way tie. Fred broke free in the end, slamming the card down with a victory yell.
"Cero! I am the champion! Ha!"
I tossed him the last chocolate frog.
"And there's your prize. You two are free to go, just remember, this was the most horrifically boring detention of your life. Please try not to get caught next time."
They gathered the cards they had won, stuffing them in pockets.
"See you later, Professor."
"Enjoy your evening."
I lowered the wards with a flick of my wand, opening the door a second later.
"You too, make sure you get that homework done, or something productive."
I cleaned up the mess we'd made of my classroom, scooting the desks back into place. I attended dinner that evening, slipping in and sitting down silently between two empty seats. In a strange deviation from the norm someone snuck up silently on me.
Poppy Pomfrey grabbed my shoulders, probably stopping my heart at that point. I clutched my chest for a second, taking deep breaths.
"For the love of God woman, make some noise when you move! Any more and I'm going to have to put a bell on you or something."
She sniffed, looking down her nose at where I was sitting,
"How else am I to capture people? When you're done eating I want you to report to the Hospital Wing."
I turned in my chair to see her better,
"Why? I'm not ill."
She glared at me, daring me to protest further,
"You haven't had a physical. You have no file with the British Ministry and when you were in you scampered off before they could get a baseline for you. Therefor, I must do so. No arguing."
She left in a blur of grey hair and robes, leaving me staring behind her, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. I turned to Minerva, a few seats down, who was trying to stifle her laughter at my expression. I glared playfully before grabbing my food to go, leaving the hall. I checked for Poppy before heading out onto the grounds to find Sirius.
He was where he always was, tail wagging furiously.
I lay the napkin on the ground carefully before depositing the food, giving him a quick scratch behind the ears.
"Sorry, can't stay today. Poppy is demanding I have a physical, bleh. I'll see you tomorrow, perhaps I'll do lunch and dinner to make it up to you."
I got a face full of slobber in thanks, leaving me spluttering and falling over. I glared at him,
"Careful mutt, I still haven't come up with something concrete to call you yet. You could be the dog I finally get to call cat."
His innocent look was damn good, getting him an eyeroll from me. I sighed, dusting off my pants.
"See you tomorrow then, oh canine one."
I left him going at whatever meat had been on the table, probably chicken.
The hospital wing was difficult to find for me, I hadn't been there before, and I wasn't willing to ask a student for directions until I ran into one Percy Weasley. It had been twenty minutes, and I didn't even remember what floor the thing was on. The Head Boy was alone, head in a book. Normally I wouldn't have interrupted but desperate times…
"Mister Weasley!"
He looked up, startled,
"Hello Professor, is there something I can do for you?"
I grinned, laughing slightly in embarrassment.
"Yes, actually, if you don't mind. You see, I was told to report to the Hospital Wing, and I can't seem to find it…"
The kid pulled through. I was given a short tour on the way there, several secret passages were pointed out to me and I got a rundown of the stories of some of the older or more prominent figures in certain paintings. When we finally arrived Poppy was at the door, ready to drag me inside. I waved cheerily at Percy,
"Thank you Mister Weasley!"
The doors to the Hospital Wing slammed shut behind us and I was dragged over to a bed and told to sit.
"Stay still, these scans are going to take a few minutes."
I sat there and stared at a wall while a quill went to work on a blank sheet of parchment, taking notes on my current state of health. I watched it jot down my height, weight, iron levels, blood sugar, and blood pressure, before I got bored and turned instead to look out the window, trying to spot Sirius. He was nowhere in view and I was left staring at blank grass, not a single person outside.
Poppy cleared her throat and I looked over at her.
"Am I free to go?"
"Yes, dear."
That was unusually short for her. I glanced at the parchment, wondering if it showed a history on it. After a second I dismissed the thought. I doubted any damage I suffered at the hands of aliens or my own recklessness would leave enough signs for it still to be detectable now.
She waved off my goodbye, taking the parchment to her office, most likely to file away somewhere. I headed to the library, I had some enchantments to weave around a certain laptop. My life was on that thing, and I needed some music. Research into what about Hogwarts made electronics go absolutely nutso was still ongoing. I got a few funny looks for being in the library but a raised eyebrow usually sent them scampering. Except for a Hufflepuff first year. She didn't notice me, she was sniffing in the corner clutching a book to her chest.
She went unnoticed by most, but after all our adventures I think one of the things I picked up from the Doctor was an extra sense that detected when children were in distress and compelled me to fix it. So that's what lead my research to be abandoned early in the evening and escorting a homesick Hufflepuff to Pomona. She thanked me for bringing the girl to her and disappeared into her office, probably to ply the little thing with sweets and reassurances.
The library was closed down and dark when I got back. I could have continued inside, but I retreated back to my room instead. I had a notebook, written in Spanish and heavily spelled to keep away prying eyes. People looking would see an account, still in Spanish, of what little useless bit and pieces I was slowly 'remembering'. In actuality it was a rundown of everything important, from who was going to die and when, to where certain horcruxes would be at a certain time. Anything small, or anything big, important or pitiful, I wrote it all down. I didn't really care if anyone found it. The probability of it being believed if it was decoded and the spells broken was small. I could have tried to go to Dumbledore with this, but I didn't particularly want to trust someone 'old and wise' who wasn't my Doctor. It seemed so final, giving over information and control to someone that wasn't him. It would be a while before I actually gave up on him. If ever.
The month of October heralded in the beginning of the Quidditch season. I was excited for that. I had never seen a game other than from the movies, and I often watched practices from the towers. It was while I was watching Slytherin practice that I heard a disturbance from further along the floor. I investigated, abandoning my vantage point and wandering towards the noise. I found a group of Ravenclaws surrounding a smaller Ravenclaw student, tossing something back and forth amongst each other, just out of the smaller ones reach.
"I remember this game from school. Didn't like it much, to be honest."
They stopped, turning to see me. Most were fifth years and I raised an eyebrow at them.
"Shouldn't you guys be studying for that giant exam at the end of the year? Something about a bird or whatever?"
They tossed what I know identified as small bag to the ground, giving me insincere apologies as they left. I watched them go before picking up the bag, repairing the rips and tears with a wave of my hand to conserve time.
"Sorry, kiddo, I'd take points from 'em but they're from the same house and that would cause problems for you. As would giving detention. However-"
I saw the face of the kid and stopped. Of course. A little blonde Ravenclaw who was bullied. I knelt down by her, handing her the bag. I dug into the pocket of my robes, pulling out a chocolate frog.
"Here, take this. Not quite the same as punishment for the bullies, but chocolate usually makes me feel better about things."
She took the frog gingerly, grey eyes focused on me.
"Thank you Professor. You should eat more chocolate."
"Oh?"
"Yes, maybe then you wouldn't seem so sad."
"I seem sad?"
"Yes, all the time. And you're always thinking. You must have a structured mind, the nargles seem to avoid you."
I examined her for a second before sitting down on the floor of the hall, turning to lean my back against the stone wall.
"Nargles. I don't believe I learned about those."
She shook her head sagely, sitting down next to me, bag held in her lap, undoing the package around the chocolate frog.
"Of course you wouldn't have. A lot of people don't believe they exist. They hide in mistletoe, swarming around peoples heads and clouding their thoughts."
"Bet they have a blast around exam times, how do you keep them away?"
"I use my Dirigible Plum earrings. I suppose you could wear earing to keep them away, but like I said, they tend to avoid you."
"Interesting. Maybe my head's just too empty for their tastes."
I escorted her to dinner that evening, bidding her goodbye at the entrance to the Great Hall, where I ducked in for food for Sirius like always. Leaving Luna as lonely for the next two-three years was not something I planned on doing. If I could be there for the twins, then Luna could get some support as well. That evening Sirius arrived a bit late, looking slightly more bedraggled than usual. I tsked, brushing the leaves from his fur as he scarfed down food.
"Jeez, what do you do all day? Roll in the dirt?"
He looked up at me for a second before going back to eating. I sighed,
"Well, I can't be sure. You're awfully intelligent. You could be off planning how to rule the world, or committing espionage for all I know. Personally I spend a lot of time theorizing the perfect murder before I remember it's illegal and no matter how annoying they are prison isn't worth it and I have responsibilities and shit."
Once again the dog stopped, sitting down to stare me in the eye properly.
I nodded sagely, copying Luna from earlier.
"Yeah, some people get on my nerves that much. Not lately, really, not since...well...not since I lost everyone, since then I've had other things to worry and mope about."
I glanced up at the sky, gauging the sun's position.
"I should get going, I'd hate to meet a dementor tonight, despite how much I'd like to see the stars."
I stood in one motion, wandlessly summoning the now cleared off cloth napkin into my hand and stuffing it into one of my pockets. I scratched his ears one last time.
"G'night dog."
The sun was rapidly disappearing as I made my way to the castle, sinking below the horizon just as I reached my rooms.
~TimeLordOfPie