Chapter 3 - Crouch and Bella

This has been one of the darkest days of my life. I've finally reached that point from where it seems impossible to return. One of those voids, distortions in time when all becomes nothing and all reasons seem pointless. I found myself wishing to be struck down by a lighting bolt or shot by some bullet gone astray. And yet I keep on going... Something in me refuses to give up. I have my thoughts, I have a purpose, and I'll always have that, no matter what they take from me.

It's been so long since I laughed, since I did anything other than being locked up in this wretched cage. And still I remember why I'm here, and why I shouldn't be... I see the pictures, still burning in my head, memories from long ago, and I know that I've reached the bottom... there's no place to go than back up. And I'll do it. If it takes forever, then so be it! They might eat up my happiness for breakfast but they can't break apart my spirit. They'll never take away what's left. My hands might be shrivelled and my eyes reddened, my body might ache with every move, but I'm still here, and I won't give up anytime soon.

I look out the window and notice it's almost dawn. I've lost another night to darkened thoughts and bitter-sweet memories.

This place hasn't changed in so long, not one bit of novelty. I've come to know every routine, every movement, every stage of life in this rotten prison. I've listened... and I've watched... New ones come, crying, screaming at first, then go quiet. They all go quiet in the end. They're maddened by their own thoughts and finally give up hope. Then they die... It's a never-ending battle, and all for their amusement...

They're still here... the Dementors... still sucking happiness on a daily basis... still guarding next to my cell... cold and putrid as always. I've come to know them... wretched creatures of the night. They can't see, but they can read your soul, smell your emotions. It matters less to them if you're innocent than if you'd suddenly turn into a cream tart to spite the other inmates. Stupid... evil...foul creatures of the night... why did we have to meet?!

I'm startled by a sudden loud noise coming from the end of the corridor. I approach the bars, trying to catch a glimpse of what's going on. Some of the others do the same. Thin, pale, with eyes bulging out of their sockets, they stand there, watching... waiting... but not giving a damn, not really... It's all a show we seem to repeat forever... fresh blood's being brought to the slaughter house and we've all got front row seats.

An acute feeling of sorrow, helplessness, takes over me as I look upon the face of the damned. He looks no older than 19, young, scared, shivering in their grasp. He doesn't stand a chance in here... they'll consume his youth before winter comes. He already looks sickly and weak. I remember seeing him before... it finally dawns on me, he's Crouch's son, Barty Jr. That man's lost his mind, what fault could this poor fellow have... what could he have done that was so wretched that it called for Azkaban? His own son...
Barty Crouch, the last person I saw before I came here... the one that sent me to this hell... If only I could look him in the eye after so long, laugh in his face for his own sorrow... he took away my life...

The condemned and his guardians pass by my cell and I'm left staring after them until they finally come to a halt in front of a cell not far away from mine. They shove the prisoner inside and close the door behind him. The game begins once more... the screaming, the crying... the silence. I've come to revel in them, for they're not my own. They're my incentive to go on...to defy this despair.

Finally some reparation in all of this... a couple of minutes have gone by since the young man was brought in, and the prison gates open once more. The patronising voice and cold laughter resounding from the entrance gets to me, stirring nothing but hatred, loathing in my veins... Bella, Bella, Bella, finally you get what you deserve... for once justice has been done! But who am I kidding?! She's too cold-hearted to be affected by all this... I've seen the others, the truly evil ones... not even wincing in front of the dark creatures.

All of this is pointless. The Dementors are natural allies of the darkness, they're evil, and evil works together. This won't be more than a walk in the park for all of them. And if Voldemort ever returns, they'll all be ready to go back. There's no repenting for the wicked.

My dear cousin's being led to a cosy little cell somewhere on the opposite side of the corridor. Even though she didn't notice me, she's yelling my name...

'Sirius, Sirius Black, foul shame upon our name... I know you're here!' Her words are preceded by roars of laughter cold as ice. Then, turning her eyes upon the other inmates, she breaks loose from the Dementor's grip and runs towards the bars, screaming proudly 'He'll be back, have patience my friends! He'll be back, and glory'll rest upon our shoulders for not abandoning him!' She then gets yanked away towards her own cell and shoved inside just like the others. Her husband's being lead away from her, somewhere on another floor of the prison and she's left alone to her maddened antics.

I withdraw from the bars to avoid attracting more of the Dementor's attention than usual, and settle in a dark corner, on the cold stone, looking out the window upon the moonlit waters of the sea. The quiet of the night seem to contrast with the fresh cries and screams coming from my fellow inmates. It's truly a desolate sight. I pick up a sharp shard of stone and scratch yet another day into my improvised calendar.

'4 years... how many more ahead...?'