"Once again we return to LC85 Galactic Studios, where LuClipse85 has undergone-"
Letonia stood on THE tallest palm tree outside the studio to give the opening. She paused to look around for Sesshomaru, her last encounter with him making her paranoid. He was no where in sight, so she tentatively continued,
"Undergone a sudden illness; a "slight fever" brought on by Miroku. LuClipse85's endured worse and she'll soon recover and bring her latest installment of this brilliant and ingeni-AHHHHHHH!"
A beam of energy shot at her butt, lighting it on fire and causing her to jump around the tree until she slipped and fell to the ground screaming.
"DAMN YOU, SESSHOMARUUUUU-"
SPLAT!
A'un floated in the air above the studio; Sesshomaru rode on his back and smiled in amusement as Letonia lay motionless in wet cement, glaring up at him.
The dragon received a rub on the head from his master. "Good boy, A'un."
Rin walked through the trailer lot behind LC85 Galactic Studios, looking for LuClipse85's trailer, carrying a small gift basket for her. She asked around for the fan-author's trailer, saying she wanted to give her something for her 'fever'.
"I wonder why they all laughed when I told them she was sick with a fever? You're not supposed to laugh when someone is ailing." Rin thought aloud with a slight frown.
When she asked, Rin had been told by the InuYasha cast that LuClipse85 was "in heat". Rin assumed it was the grown-up's way of saying "fever". Out of concern for the fan-author who was so nice to her, she decided to make her a "get-well" basket.
Rin smiled as she walked toward the lavish trailer, proud of her creation. "LuClipse85-san will love the health potion I made for her, and I know she loves pocky. I heard she loves fan-art too, so these drawings I made will make her smile as well!"
Rin stopped when she heard a noise and looked behind her. Kirara appeared, mewing.
"Hello Kirara-san." She greeted the two-tailed demon cat as she petted her on the head. "Did you wanna come with me to help LuClipse85-san get better?"
Rin smiled as Kirara mewed, taking that as a yes and continued on her way to the fan-author's trailer. She approached the door and was about to knock when she heard a moan come from inside, then another.
Poor thing, she must be so miserable. Rin thought in pity.
She quietly turned the knob and entered the trailer, finding LuClipse85 lying on her bed, sleeping. Rin crept up to her and stared at her face, noticing a smile.
Rin smiled as a thought came to her. "Somebody must've cheered her up already." She whispered.
Kirara groaned and rolled her eyes up to the side, wishing Rin knew the truth. The young girl placed her hand gently on LuClipse85's forehead. She's kinda warm; she must only have a slight fever. Rin set her basket beside the bed when she saw a cup of water sitting beside the desk. She grabbed the cup and suddenly tripped, sending the glass toward LuClipse85! The water splashed all over her face while the cup bounced off her forehead, waking the fan-author up with a start. LuClipse85 sat up in her bed; realizing she was in her trailer, she looked at the floor and saw Rin walking towards her with paper towels.
"I'm so sorry, LuClipse85-san! I didn't mean to give you a cold shower!" Rin apologized, quickly drying the soaked fan-author.
LuClipse85 said it was okay, she needed to wake up soon anyway; but inside she was actually quite upset as she was having a dream about Miroku seducing her and actually getting somewhere this time! Just as he was about to embrace her in a kiss, she got a cold shower.
"So, uh, did you wanna talk about something, Rin? Do you have a problem with your role, too?" LuClipse85 inquired curiously, as Sango, Shippo and Miroku were the only ones who didn't come to her with complaints.
"Oh no, LuClipse85-san, I'm ok with my role. It's just Lord Sesshomaru told me you were in heat. I figured it was his way of saying you had a fever, so I came to bring you something to make you feel better."
LuClipse85 couldn't help but smile, thinking that was very sweet of Rin, even if she did misunderstand the term "in heat". Rin pulled out a white bottle filled with a cold potion and told the author to drink it. She sipped it, then drank the liquid, enjoying the taste.
"I put a special healing spell on it, 'Binetsu Ryo Tai San!' (Slight fever begone!)" Rin smiled proudly at the scroll on the bottle. "And since you really like it, I'm sure that'll make it work even better!"
"I'm certain of that, Rin. I mean who wouldn't like magic chocolate milk?" LuClipse85 smiled, liking her milk moustache off her upper lip.
Rin handed her the pocky, which LuClipse85 accepted gleefully and devoured.
"Thanks, Rin. I feel much better already." The fan-author smiled brightly, wondering if the girl had anymore treats for her.
Rin proceeded to the final stage of her "get-well" process; the fan-art pictures of Miroku, which grasped LuClipse85's immediate attention.
"See? This is one is Miroku using his staff on a demon. This one is him using his kazaana to wipe out a demon army during a battle; and this one is when I saw him being a really naughty boy and Sango-san slapped him! I felt sorry for him because it looked like it hurt a lot, so I drew this last one for him. I only imagined it, but Sango forgives him for being bad and Miroku-san gives her a BIG kiss!"
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
The InuYasha cast remained on the set, eating the rest of the sweets provided. Inuyasha and Koga had gotten into another fight over Kagome; Sesshomaru stood at the other of the table in his regular clothes eating the Tokyo party mix, silently rooting for Koga while everyone conversed with each other.
Rin entered the studio and approached Sesshomaru.
"So, did you tend to LuClipse85's 'fever', Rin?" He asked
"Yes, Lord Sesshomaru. I gave her magic potion and pocky and she started feeling much better." Rin pulled out her drawings and showed them to him. "But then I showed LuClipse85-san this drawing of Miroku-san kissing Sango-san, and her fever disappeared completely!"
Just as Sesshomaru saw the drawing, LuClipse85 walked onto the studio set and sat in her director's chair, sulking and looking very upset. Sesshomaru seemed amused at Rin's ironic cure for the fan-author's ailment.
"LuClipse85, you shouldn't look so melancholy." He stated with a cold smile when he made eye contact with her. "It is quite ironic that two perverts aren't meant to be, but just accept the fact that you're unworthy of the monk. It'll save you much heartache."
LuClipse85 narrowed her eyes angrily at the cruel demon lord, but then calmed down and put on a sadistic smile herself as she thought of a better punishment than slapping him. "Just for that, you're wearing the wig too!"
Sesshomaru's face went blank as he got a mental picture of himself in his costume. He stood to protest but by then LuClipse85 had turned her attention to the others, calling them to their places. Miroku walked onto the stage in his uniform and noticed her sulking in her chair. Inuyasha saw her too, proceeding to label her a horny Miroku fangirl.
"Inuyasha, don't be so cruel." Miroku reprimanded. "That actually wasn't a bad experience. LuClipse85's a very good kisser."
She overheard Miroku's compliment and perked up with a bright happy smile. "Really, Miroku?"
He smiled back. "Oh absolutely; although I think Sango's much better, you're a good kisser, LuClipse85."
The fan-author kept her visage as the words "Sango's much better" echoed eerily through her mind.
Koga sort of pitied her for a second. "Man, I know he was trying to cheer her up, but the way he said that, Sesshomaru was being nice." He mumbled, shoving a blueberry muffin in his mouth.
LuClipse85's smile broadened. "Oh, well, don't worry, I'm okay now. I apologize for my –KCH! behavior earli –Kch! KCH! earlier on. Okay, then let's –KCH! Let's gi –KCHKCH! Get on wit-KCHKCH! KKKKK-KCH...LIGHTS!"
Everyone stared at LuClipse85 in fear and then quickly resumed their places, distancing themselves from her. Ginta and Hakkaku remained near the table, behind it whispering to each other.
"I told you that woman was mental, Ginta."
"She's gonna have one hell of an inferiority complex now."
Everything was finally ready.
"Okay," LuClipse85 hollered through the megaphone. "Cue the theme song!"
The band started up and the show went under way,
Fighting evil by moonlight
Womanizing by daylight
Pretty girls never escape his sight
He is the one named Sailor H
Under a woman's skirt he's always headed
Thinking of Sango's wrath makes him cower with dread
Always thinking with the wrong head
He is the one named Sailorrrrr….
Sailor Taijiya!
Sailor Mercury!
Sailor Mars!
Sailor Jupiter!
Running around
He's always on the prowl
He is the one named Sailor H
(guitar solo)
A woman's distrust he always will earn
Regarding her age, he's never concerned
Ay-yi-yi! When will he ever learn?
He is the one named Sailor H
He is the one named Sailor H
He is the one!
Sailor H!
LuClipse85 snickered while the rest of the cast, save Miroku, got a good laugh from the theme song.
"LuClipse85! What was that?" Miroku exclaimed in shock.
"I believe it's a parody of the American Sailor Moon theme song, Miroku." Myoga spoke up from Inuyasha's neck, where he was immediately squashed.
Miroku teardropped. "I know what it is, Myoga! I'm talking about the lyrics! How could you do that, LuClipse85?"
She could only snicker uncontrollably as the song replayed in her head. "It'd be great if I could take all the credit, but I only came up with the first verse!"
She received stares of disbelief. "You mean someone else wrote the rest of that?"
"Uh-huh."
"And just who's the ingenious crackhead who helped come up with that?" Inuyasha wondered sarcastically.
"She's right behind you, Inuyasha." Sango replied flatly, standing behind him.
Miroku couldn't believe it. "Et tu, Sango?"
"You looked like I stabbed you in the back, Miroku! What about that 'California Girls' ("Taijiya Girls") parody you made about me last summer?" Sango retaliated with a playful smirk.
Miroku glanced to the side, saying nothing more. He had thought the lyrics matched her perfectly and assumed Sango had proven her point.
"Who would've thought insanity could be contagious?" Sesshomaru thought aloud, though he praised her from coming up with a fitting parody.
"LuClipse85 was nice enough to give me a role I could live with so I thought I'd help her out with the opening theme." Sango stated proudly, hoping she didn't get too many death glares.
Nobody was cross; at least they could all get some enjoyment in their prison. Miroku couldn't be upset. He just gazed at her in admiration for her lyrics. LuClipse85's eyes darted between Miroku and Sango sharply, she then hollered for everyone to take their places.
Since Miroku already did the opening, they just skipped forward to where he had come home from school. Miroku was actually an "A" student and quite popular. If he could just keep his hands off of the girls and stop stalking them for his firstborn child, his reputation would be better.
"A stalker? Is that how you see me, LuClipse85?" Miroku exclaimed, interrupting the narration.
"Well technically, that's what you do, Miroku. You see a group of pretty girls and you move in on your prey." Sango responded as-a-matter-of-factly.
Miroku gave a weak smile, feeling the dagger of Sango's words pierce through him.
Can I finish now?
"Oh sorry, go ahead."
Okay, then. Miroku had just brought his test home to his mother (Mrs. Higurashi filled in this small role), proud of yet another excellent.
"Excellent! I'm so proud of you, Miroku!" Mrs. Higurashi beamed with pride. "Now show me your other test."
Miroku was caught off guard. "Uh, other test?"
"Well, I should say progress report. Y'know, from the school psychiatrist with your womanizing problem? These last few weeks I've been so happy that you told me you were getting better and closer to reaching your goal, Miroku!" Mrs. Higurashi smiled.
Sesshomaru scoffed with an anticipating smile, KNOWING Miroku was going to get it for that deceitful technicality.
Mrs. Higurashi waited patiently for her son to show her the report; during which, Miroku stammered, searching for some excuse to give her. After a silent pause, he gave up and showed her.
Outside the house was Rin (playing Miroku's little sister) who had just arrived home from school. She stood across the door where she heard loud hollering and pleading. Through the window, she saw Miroku running from Mrs. Higurashi who swung her rolling pin at his head, getting a few hits in. Jaken laughed spitefully, saying he deserved it for when he nearly beat him to death. Rin continued to watch and listen, giggling as it seemed funny.
"You have the audacity to try and deceive your own mother, you delinquent? For that, you're not allowed in the house!" She hollered in a rage as she carried Miroku to the door and threw him out onto the front lawn, slamming the door and locking it.
Better him than me. Kagome thought, grateful she had a good reason for failing grades.
Miroku spit out the grass in his mouth and sat up, leaning on the door and yelling to be allowed inside.
"Sorry, can't hear ya!" She replied, returning to her cooking.
Miroku ceased and looked to his side, finding Rin smiling at him. "Don't be sad, big brother Miroku. One day, you'll be the most popular guy in school and girls will line up to be your girlfriend!" She declared, encouragingly.
"Yeah, when he stops going into heat every time he sees one." Ginta muttered under his breath, getting a snicker from Hakkaku and Koga.
Miroku stood to his feet, taking his sister's encouragement. "Well, since I'm banned from the house I think I'll pay my ladyfriends a visit and see if one of them will let me study with them." He said, implying another hidden meaning.
Mrs. Higurashi suddenly burst through the door and seized Miroku's left ear and dragged him inside. "I swear, boy, are you even trying?" She hollered, dragging him upstairs to his room while he yelled in pain.
She let go of his ear and directed Miroku into his room. "It's best to keep a horny cat inside the house than let him wreak havoc outside! Now you stay in here until dinner and think about your actions, Miroku!"
Mrs. Higurashi closed the door and walked down the hallway, complaining about her paradox of a son: a straight "A" student, but a lecherous pervert. Miroku overheard her and just smiled, shrugging it off and laid on his bed, doing as his mother told him.
"I asked Eri-san if she would bear my child, then offered to buy her something special to make up for my advance. I don't see why she got so upset; a garter belt from Victoria's Secret is a very nice gift. Oh, no wonder she got mad." Miroku thought aloud to himself, "I should've suggested the sheer silk nightgown on page 37. That would've suited her better."
Miroku yawned, feeling very sleepy. He decided to do his homework later and took a nap. He hadn't closed his eyes for a minute when he suddenly heard his window slam, waking him up and bringing his eyes in that direction.
There was Kirara standing on his bed staring at him with her large red eyes and a golden crescent moon on her forehead.
Miroku sat up, staring at the cat in surprise. "Kirara, what did Inuyasha do to you this time? Now you got a bald spot on your forehead!"
A vein popped onto Inuyasha's forehead. "I didn't do a damn thing to her! That's how the damn cat's supposed to look in 'Sailor Moon', ya igit!"
"Really Miroku, you should pay more attention to the manga." Kirara playfully teased.
Eyes bugged out as faces went blank.
"Dude, the cat talked!" Ginta exclaimed.
Kirara stared, teardropping. It's like nobody's ever seen a talking animal before.
Miroku had the same visage as everyone else. He saw her mouth move and hear a voice come out, so she had spoken alright. Then his visage changed as a thought came to him. If this is Sailor Moon, parody or not, and Kirara can actually talk, then that means… He pondered, his mind forwarding to Sailor Moon S the movie. (If you know where that's headed, commence to cracking up)
Kirara felt just a tad uneasy with the blank look on Miroku's face. "Hey Miroku, you okay?"
"Oh yeah, fine. I was just thinking." Miroku stated with a smile. Then his face turned serious, looking into Kirara's eyes, and taking her front paws in his hands, "Kirara, will you bear my child?"
An instant silence washed over the studio, save for LuClipse85's hysterical laughing and the crash that sounded when she fell over. The entire cast stared at Miroku in shock and disgust. Even Sesshomaru was aghast as his eyes widened, the norimaki he was snacking on fell from his mouth as he froze. Miroku's COMPLETELY unexpected actions made him extremely uneasy.
"What the hell..?" Sango exclaimed, snapping out of her shock. She snatched the megaphone from LuClipse85, who was still on the floor kicking her feet in the air and laughing her head off, and screamed at Miroku, who was obviously VERY confused.
"Miroku! What the hell are ya doin'?"
Miroku turned to Sango, innocently, thinking she was overreacting. "I saw the Sailor Moon S movie where Luna turned into her human form. And she was quite beautiful I might add." He answered, a smile stretching from ear to ear.
LuClipse85's laughing got louder while the cast stared at him like he had completely gone insane.
"Well, they're both animals, so it makes sense." Sesshomaru muttered, trying to give himself comfort for his uneasiness.
Sango bared her gnashed teeth, fuming as steam puffed from her head. "Okay, now you're just being stupid! In the movie, Luna was WISHED into a human! For ONE night!"
She heaved through her clenched teeth, trying to calm down from screaming.
Miroku just stared blankly. "What does that have to do with Kirara?"
Sango fell over, along with everyone else. LuClipse85 kicked her feet harder in the air, about to turn colors from laughing so hard. Sango jumped back to her feet and shrieked, blowing Miroku's hair back, "KIRARA'S STILL A CAT, YOU JACKASS!"
LuClipse85 howled and screamed, laughing hysterically. Tears escaped her eyes as her left arm wrapped around her belly and her left fist pounded onto the floor.
"AND YOU! SHUT-UP! IT AIN'T THAT FUNNY!"
"The hell it isn't!" LuClipse85 managed while gasping for air.
"Hey Sango, leave her alone! Maybe if we're lucky, she'll laugh herself to death!" Inuyasha said with an impish smirk, praying for it to happen; then cursed in bitter disappointment as she began to recover.
The look on Miroku's face was priceless! He asked how it was possible for Kirara to talk if she wasn't human; LuClipse85 answered Letonia was using her telepathic powers to enable her to do so. When the truth sunk in, his eyes bugged out and his jaw nearly hit the bed cover. Everyone then cracked up as the fan-author recovered, wiping the tears from her eyes, panting.
"Sango, what're you so uptight about? That's perfectly normal for Miroku." She stated, referring to Miroku hitting on technical women.
Sango misunderstood LuClipse85's point of view, focusing on what she saw. "He just flirted with my cat! Even for him, that ain't normal! That just says 'disturbed'!"
"Disturbed, lonely, utterly confused, in need of psychiatric help." Grandpa Higurashi listed in a mutter, still sipping his green tea.
Miroku turned to Kirara, chuckling nervously with a huge teardrop on his head, releasing Kirara's paws. "Uh, listen Kirara, would it be possible for us to forget this misunderstanding and never speak of it for the rest of our lives?" He pleaded.
"Way ahead of you, Miroku." She responded flatly, then cleared her throat and went on with her lines, "Miroku, I have been searching for you for a long time. And I'm elated to have finally found the chosen warrior of the moon! So then, you must- Miroku!"
Kirara looked up and found him reading the summer edition of his Victoria's Secret catalog, completely tuning her out.
"She'd look so cute in that, and so hot in that one!" Miroku said to himself, seeing Sango in all the displays, grinning happily.
"I'm not that familiar with this guy, but obviously he's SERIOUSLY addicted to women." Koga muttered, feeling a bit uneasy by Miroku's lechery.
Kirara waved her paw in the air, recapturing Miroku's attention as he put the catalog to the side and gave the cat his attention. She was about to speak when she noticed a golden brooch pinned onto Miroku's uniform.
"Where'd you get that?" Kirara inquired, pointing to the brooch.
Miroku looked down at it. "Oh this? Sango gave it to me last night. She said it was a prop for the show or something like that."
It was Kirara's job to make it magically appear, but now Sango had saved her some work doing that backflip thing. Then she noticed Miroku looked like he didn't know what it was for. She asked him if he knew his role. No, he said. Kirara asked him more directly if he knew who was playing in this parody and Miroku seriously didn't know.
That dense monk couldn't figure it out from the theme song? Jaken thought.
The rest of the cast thought likewise, rolling their eyes up; then got mental pictures of Miroku's reaction when he made his entrance and turned toward him with anticipation. This oughta be good! They all thought.
Since Miroku didn't know what the brooch was for, Kirara decided to play around with Miroku in the meantime, "How would you feel about being a warrior, soldier if you will, for love and justice, Miroku?" She asked with a sly smile, keeping her intentions hidden.
The idea appealed to him as his visage showed enthusiasm. Miroku got up from his bed and posed like a knight. "It would a great honor, Kirara, I mean, Luna. If presented the opportunity, I would be most obliged to fight for love and justice, though mostly for love." He added with a seductive tone and a matching smile.
Pervert. "Well, given that, would you like to meet other girls with the same mission as you?"
Miroku gave a positive response, saying he'd be more than happy to meet them. Actually, he was more than excited. Inuyasha fumed at being called a girl, while Koga laughed at it, then cringed when he thought about it more.
Kirara teased Miroku more with a conniving smile, "Are you certain, Miroku? A great responsibility goes with it."
"Yes, I am willing to accept the title of a soldier for love and justice and all responsibilities that may come with it." Miroku stated solemnly, taking it as an oath.
Everyone inched closer with anticipation, LuClipse85 whipping out her binoculars.
"Very well then, repeat after me, 'Moon Prism Power, Make-Up!'"
"Hmm, simple enough. Moon Prism Power, Make-Up!" He shouted, raising his hand in the air.
Miroku underwent the transformation, but much to the fan-author's dismay, it was presented in the American version: EDITED!
"HEY! WHAT GIVES? WHY CAN'T I SEE WHAT HIS MAMA GAVE HIM?" She screamed.
Kagome handed LuClipse85 a notice from FanFiction Administration, saying since she had a "PG-13" (T) rating, she had to keep nudity at an absolute minimum, and Sesshomaru took up the absolute minimum for the moment. She roared, ripping the notice to shreds and threw them in the air like confetti.
"Fine! If I can't see the goods, then the rest of the season will be like this!" LuClipse85 huffed, pouting like a child.
Koga growled quietly, glancing to the side. That meant he wouldn't see what's under Kagome's uniform.
The transformation ended. Miroku swayed a little, as he felt a little lightheaded. "Man, what a trip."
Suddenly, the studio was filled with the loud laughter of Miroku's co-workers. They all pointed and made comments about him; a few whistles from Kashiya and Shippo were heard. Kirara fell onto her back, kicking her paws in the air, laughing along with everyone else.
Miroku looked around in confusion. "What? What? I missed the joke!"
"Oh Buddha, that's hilarious!" Koga shouted, grabbing his sides.
"What's so funny, people?" Miroku inquired.
Hachi spoke up from behind the refreshment table. "Look at yourself, Master Miroku! You're Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon!"
Miroku stared blankly in disbelief when he noticed his clothes didn't quite fit right. Souta got him a mirror, allowing him to see himself in his sailor suit. Miroku's eyes nearly fell out of their sockets: the sailor suit fit rather tight, showing off his muscles and six-pack. His toned arms and legs were displayed even through the elbow-length gloves and knee-high boots. The choker didn't live up to its name, the tiara fit right, the earrings made him feel a little girly, and thank Buddha nobody could rightfully call him 'odango-atama' ('Dumpling head' in Japanese version/ 'Meatball head' in American version) as his hair was too short for it.
Miroku stared in disbelief for a while, then turned to the side, then to the other, and did Sailor Moon's pose with the cheery smile, earning laughter and compliments from his co-workers.
"Not bad, I actually look good in this. I could do without the boots, but I look good." Miroku complimented himself while turning around to see if the bow in the back made his butt look big.
Sesshomaru found the whole thing unnecessary. "There's no need to patronize yourself, unholy monk. You look far too effeminate for compliments."
"At least I don't look far too effeminate 24/7, Sesshomaru." Miroku retaliated, earning admiration from LuClipse85.
Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes and positioned his fingers, preparing to unleash his whip when the fan-author splashed him with freezing water, transforming him into a harmless demon puppy. He glared in annoyance at LuClipse85 who smiled down at him dominantly.
"Keep yourself in check, Fluffy, or else." She threatened in a low tone.
"Or else what, woman? What further humiliation can you put me through?"
LuClipse85 grabbed him by that patch of skin in the back of his neck and lifted him to her face. She reminded him of her good friend, Priestess-of-Blue's songfic "Songfic Shuffle", the third chapter being a request made by her in which Sesshomaru and Miroku were performing to Lou Bega's "Mambo No.5". The fan-author gave the demon puppy lord a scary smile, stating that if he tried to attack her beloved monk again, she'd have him dance in his costume….to the Macarena!
Sesshomaru shut up instantly as she had answered his question, and was restored to normal. He stood and watched in his cold wet clothes as punishment.
Miroku asked LuClipse85 if the sailor suit came in a larger size and was answered that it was supposed to be that tight.
"How can Sailor Moon work like this?" Miroku wondered as he tried to stretch it out even a little.
"You never asked that when you used to watch the show, Master Miroku." Hachi pointed out. "You were so focused on the panty shots you almost always had no idea what was going on in the story."
LuClipse85 called in Koharu, who played Molly (American)/ Naru (Japanese) and the demon extra that would be playing her attacker. Koharu combed her hair, making herself look good for Miroku while the demon talked to his family on the cell phone, telling them he'd be on TV and for them to watch him.
"Action!" LuClipse85 hollered.
The demon proceeded to strangle Koharu as she tried to resist. "Your mother's locked in the basement! When I kill you, I'll send her to hell with you!" It gloated.
"Unhand that maiden, you demon!"
The demon turned its neck completely around and found Miroku standing in the doorway, heroically, his mini skirt blowing with the light breeze.
Can we lose the dramatics please? This thing's drafty! He thought keeping his serious visage, teardropping.
The demon tried not to laugh and continued according to the script, "And who the hell are you? Can't you see I'm trying to kill someone here?"
"Miro...! Miroku-sama?" Koharu at first exclaimed in happiness but then saw him in Sailor Moon's costume and started wondering. "Miroku-sama, what…?"
"Talk to her." He said flatly, pointing his thumb to LuClipse85, then resumed his heroic appearance. "I will not leave this young woman alone! She shall live so that she may know the joyous feeling of love!"
Inuyasha's eyes narrowed. "Something about him saying that makes it sound illegal." (Quote for Hatori from Fruits Basket)
Miroku struck a pose and gave the famous speech, with his own addition:
Ai to seigi yo! Daibuban wa ai (For love and justice! Love for the most part)
Sailor fuku bishoujo senshi (The pretty (female) soldier in a sailor suit)
Sailor Moon! (Sailor Moon)
Tsukini kawatte oshiokyo! (In the name of the moon, I punish you!)
Miroku ended his speech with Sailor Moon's famous pose, then froze with a teardrop as he once again heard laughing. He brought his eyes over to LuClipse85, who was vainly trying to restrain a snicker.
"NOW, what's so funny?"
"Master Miroku," Hachi struggled in-between snickers, "Sailor Moon's a girl, you're a guy! Change the nouns!"
"What're you talking about, Hachi? Technically, I am a girl!"
"Good point." Kagome added, giggling. "But just say 'bishounen' instead, Miroku."
"Ai to seigi yo! Daibuban wa ai! Sailor fuku bishounen senshi! Sailor Moon! Tsukini kawatte oshiokyo!" Miroku reiterated.
"Great!" LuClipse85 praised, "Now say it again with Sailor H."
"(sigh) Ai to seigi yo. Daibuban wa ai. Sailor fuku bishounen senshi. Sailor H! Tsukini kawatte oshiokyo." He said again flatly.
The demon released Koharu and turned its attention to Miroku…uh, Sailor H. The jewelry store victims who'd fainted from having their energy stolen were revived under the demon's control and attacked Sailor H on command. As a reflex, he went for his sacred sutras but found he wasn't wearing his robes! LuClipse85 told him not to use them anyway as it wasn't part of his role.
"So what am I supposed to do then? Run around like this?" Sailor H hollered back as he dodged and jumped every which way to avoid the controlled humans.
"Yeah actually!" LuClipse85 answered.
"What?"
"Haven't you been around Hachi long enough to take notes? Just act like him and go by the script!" LuClipse85 said as Sailor H ran about the stage.
"He didn't read the script." Shippo said flatly, eating a sweet dumpling. "He was up late playing Street Fighter and dreaming about Sango, remember?"
She stared at Miroku. "Man, is he gonna be surprised later on."
Miroku tripped and fell against a pillar, the controlled humans began to close in on him as the demon flew over them.
"This is the end, Sailor H!"
The demon stretched its arm, extending knife-like claws to kill Sailor H when it stopped; something zoomed by and intercepted its path. Miroku looked down at the floor across from him.
A red rose.
"What the hell…" The demon uttered.
Just as they both wondered, loud guitar music played, putting looks of confusion on their faces. Sailor H saw a shadow appear over the rose and slowly looked up. Inuyasha followed him, then spitefully laughed loudly as the singing began; the camera zooming in on the parts mentioned.
Clean shirt
New shoes
I don't know where I am going to
Silk suit
Black tie
I don't need a reason why
They come runnin' just as fast as they can
'Cuz every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man
All the women on the set, including LuClipse85, sang the last line with enthusiasm, especially Ayame. Miroku and the demon looked in the open window.
There stood Koga as Tuxedo Mask, his cape blowing in the wind with a smile, only because Kagome gazed at him.
Did that damn woman have to make that my theme song? Koga growled in his thoughts, keeping his smile.
Inuyasha continued to laugh at Koga intentionally. "Hey look in the window! It's a gay penguin in a cape!"
"Ah, shut the hell up, mutt! I'd like to see you wear this stupid thing!" Koga hollered, losing his composure.
"No thanks, you look better in it than me! Of course, you're more of an ass than you look! You actually think Kagome'll go out with a penguin? You look more like you're trying to seduce Miroku!"
"Rrrr! Damn the tuxedo, damn you, AND DAMN ZZ TOP! TURN THAT DAMN MUSIC OFF!" (disclaimer #1/ disclaimer #2: I don't own 'Family Guy')
The CD scratched to a stop, allowing everyone to clearly hear another of Inuyasha and Koga's fights. Kirara stepped out from behind the pillar, bringing the distracted demon to Sailor H's attention.
"Sailor H! Now's your chance! Yell 'Moon Tiara Action' and throw the tiara!" She whispered.
Miroku didn't argue and stood to his feet. He had always wondered if the tiara thing was as easy as it looked.
"Moon Tiara Action!" He yelled, launching the tiara!
….and missing the demon. The tiara shot all around the studio like a pinball machine, with the cast dodging out of the way to avoid being moondusted. Koga was practically dancing on the windowsill trying to avoid it. Inuyasha still taunted him as he ducked the runaway tiara.
"He's a maniac, maniac-" He sang.
"SHUT UP, WILL YOU!"
The tiara headed toward Sesshomaru. Like he had all the time in the world, he unsheathed Toukijin, held it up and let the tiara bounce off and fly elsewhere.
Just then Kikyo walked into the studio. Since LuClipse85 said her scene was cut until the next chapter to save time, Kikyo decided to go shopping at the mall. The tiara bounced back and forth off the walls several more times and collided into her!
Everyone rushed to her and found a pile of moondust. A scream crescendoed from the ceiling and Kikyo's head fell onto the pile, still in tact.
"Aw man! I just got my legs re-glazed!" She griped.
LuClipse85 looked impressed. "Well, that saved me a lot of trouble."
"What?" Kikyo asked.
"I said Miroku needs a stunt double. URASUE!"
The witch dragged herself into the studio toward the fan-author. "You hollered, LuClipse85?" She answered flatly.
"Yeah, the ceramic zombie needs to be refired."
"I'm so misunderstood!" Kikyo lamented. "I'm not a ceramic zombie! I'm a living priestess!"
"And I'm Whitney Houston (before she turned crackhead)." LuClipse85 stated sarcastically, then turned to Urasue. "Deal with it, will ya, Urasue?"
The witch held out her hand expectantly. "First, hand over the dead presidents."
She received Lincoln and Washington's coffins, which she tossed to the side.
"I meant, give me the benjamins!" She demanded, trying her luck with another slang term.
LuClipse85 gave her a DVD copy of "All About the Benjamins", which Urasue threw behind him into Jaken's head, knocking him out. She grew aggravated as the fan-author playfully annoyed her.
"Just give me my money, dammit!" She yelled.
LuClipse85 reached into Urasue's pocket, pulled out whatever change she had in there and placed in her open hand. Her assistants laughed at her antics while the witch growled in agitation. LuClipse85 told her to chill as she was only joking around and paid her. Urasue grumbled as she swept up Kikyo's dust, placed it in a Ziplock© bag and walked to her kiln, dragging the claypot's head by her hair on the ground.
"I need a new gig." The witch complained.
"And I need a new body, so get movin'!" Kikyo's head griped.
LuClipse85 had Miroku try the Moon Tiara Action thing again, using her own powers to set up a protective barrier to prevent anyone except the demon from getting hit. It took him several times, even with the barrier, but after thirty-seven takes the tiara finally hit the demon and reduced it to a pile of moondust.
Psh! It's about time you got it right, monk! Koga took a deep breath to gather his nerve for his line. "Well done, Sailor H! I will remember this night. Against my will. Farewell!"
Koga turned around suavely, keeping his eyes on Kagome, and gracefully leapt out the window, his cape floating behind him giving the impression he was flying in slow motion. Ayame and Kagome gazed in admiration, thinking he looked very handsome; Inuyasha twitched with jealousy.
Koga floated in the air when he froze, his eyes popping open when he realized something.
"WHAT THE HELL AM I DOIN'? THIS IS A FIVE-STORY DROP!" He dropped like a lead weight, screaming.
"Moron." Sesshomaru sneered.
Inuyasha bit his lip to hold back the laughter that wanted to escape so that he could hear the whistling noise as Koga fell, then released it upon hearing the loud crash.
Miroku rolled his eyes up, tiredly, after having enough of this for one day and walked off the set to his dressing room.
"Hey Miroku, there's still one more scene left." Sango told him as he headed upstairs.
"I'm too tired, Sango. We can do it later." Miroku answered with a yawn.
"No, we can't Miroku." LuClipse85 contradicted, despite wanting to let him have his way. "Since I'm making a parody I have to go along with the original series."
She called 'action' for the ending scene.
"I had the coolest dream last night! This handsome warrior named Sailor H rescued me from this butt-ugly demon!" Koharu exclaimed excitedly, happy to see Miroku again, despite what he was wearing.
"For real? I had the same dream!" Another girl said. "Me too!" Said another.
"Man, how strange! Hey, did you have the same dream too, Miroku? Miroku?"
The seat where Miroku was supposed to be was empty.
"Where's Miroku?" Koharu wondered, looking all around the set.
Everyone looked around when Shippo brought everyone's attention to the stairs, where Miroku lay asleep. Sango giggled, thinking he looked cute.
LuClipse85 smiled herself, "Okay, cue 'Heart Moving' and that's a wrap for this chapter!"
Sango helped Miroku to his room while everyone else headed to their trailers. Ginta, Hakkaku, and Ayame had technically left early to help Koga outside. Inuyasha ran out with them, just to laugh at the injured wolf some more.
"My word, LuClipse85, twenty-nine pages?" Mrs. Higurashi exclaimed as she skimmed through LuClipse85's script for chapter 3 of "Sailor H". "You certainly enjoy writing."
"Yeah, I gotta do something to keep myself sane since I don't get out much."
Sesshomaru recalled everything that had gone on in the studio during the filming and then LuClipse85's answer. "An ironic paradox." He muttered, quickly heading toward the door to his trailer.
"Indeed." Grandpa Higurashi agreed, overhearing Sesshomaru and finishing his cup of tea. "Young people today with their warped imaginations. Why, in my day, youngsters had more practical things to do with their time, like working, and attending to their shrines and such."
He got up from his seat, stood for 2 seconds, then rushed for the bathroom.
"That'll happen when you just sit and drink fifteen cups of green tea the whole time, old man."
Author's Notes:
"Sharp Dressed Man" belongs to ZZ Top. And the concept of that being Koga's theme song came this site by Mara-chan (I think that's her name) called "You Know You Watch Too Much Sailor Moon When". A big 'Thank You' to her for making that site, reviving my fond and humorous memories of my Sailor Moon addiction and giving me ideas that almost made me die from laughter!
And that act about me playin' around with Urasue, that' s true about my character. I will actually do that around my closest friends and even my mom when I'm feeling playful. (smiles, something else to learn about me, Minmay-chan)
Also, since you guys begged me to update, I expect reviews! So review! (smiles) Sailor Moon Says! See ya! (giggles) Note: I don't own the "Sailor Moon Says" bit either!