Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling, except Graces Malfoy and Thomas Higgs who are my own. I do not claim ownership of the characters or the settings within. This story is for entertainment only and is not part of the official story.
Author's notes: Huge thank you to my beta Denarii for editing and my best friend Aleah for reading it over.
Special thanks to snowflake2410, omgitsfranklin, infinateconstellations, designtechdk, xXRoweenaJAugustineXx, Blue Luver5000, AnnyJackson19 (also, thanks for convincing your friend to read!), bridget237, Lizzy B, Guest, BucksDoe, Lil Miss Sunshine14, Nancy –always happy to answer questions, Ithilya, Guest and Guest!
Chapter 66
"Oh good, you're home," the older woman proclaimed from the table. Neville looked at the vulture hat seated on his gran's head and knew exactly what it meant. They were going out, which means they were probably going to visit his parents.
"Are we visiting them today?" Neville asked, moving into the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of water. "I didn't realize."
"Your mother isn't doing well with the relocation," Augusta sniped, clearly upset with the ordeal. "Those healers don't seem to care at all either. They just say it's temporary and that while she is upset now it will only be for a week and they just expect me not to worry."
"You know, the last time I was in there she was clawing at her arms like beast and screaming under a table."
"What was the mediwitch doing?" Neville asked taking a sip of water and waiting for his gran to tell him what he already knew. "Was she handling it?"
"She was being exceptionally forceful with her, Neville. There was no need for her to use her wand like that on your mother. She's a meek woman. There's no need to use a wand."
Neville knew better than to argue with his gran about this subject. To him the staff at St. Mungo's did nothing wrong when they were forceful with his mother. She was a danger to herself and to other people when she became distressed. He had seen that first hand. Normal people didn't claw their arms till they were bloody.
"It's too much stimulation," his gran continued. "I mean putting her in a new place like that with all those other new patients. It's too much for her. I told them when they moved her that she needed her own room at the very least, but they won't listen to me."
"Do they have another room to give?"
"They have a whole hospital, Neville!" gran snapped. "I'm sure they could fine one measly room."
"It's just temporary," Neville reminded. "It's going to be so grand when they have a whole new ward for them. Mum is having a hard time now, but it's going to be all better come Christmas."
"They're probably just painting the room and adding new beds," his gran stated bitterly. "All this trouble for some paint."
"That's not what I heard," Neville murmured quietly staring into his glass. "I, uh, heard that they are totally rebuilding the ward. New rooms, staffing it adequately. It's supposed to be really grand. They got an anonymous donation and all the funds are going to the ward."
"If that's true why be so secretive about it?"
"Nice surprise for the families," Neville shrugged, knowing that it was meant to be a nice surprise for him before Slughorn had ruined it.
"That's idiotic," Augusta scoffed. "I hope it's true though. It would be nice to have the ward staffed. Maybe there would even be someone competent."
Neville drained his water and grabbed his coat to leave with his gran. He just wanted to get this all over with. He knew that this would not be a quiet visit, not because his mother was apparently not doing well, but because his grandmother looked to be on the verge of war. He really hated these kinds of visits. He just prayed she didn't make any staff members cry.
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"THIS IS ABSOLUTELY OUTRAGEOUS! I DEMAND TO SPEAK WITH SOMEONE! NOW!"
"Mrs. Longbottom, I understand you are upset, but this is what's best for Alice."
"This is what's best. This is what's best?" the older woman challenged, gesturing to Alice Longbottom angrily.
"Mrs. Longbottom—" the mediwitch began with forced patience, "—you have to understand. We did this to prevent Alice from injuring herself and others. I know this seems harsh, but it—"
"Harsh. Harsh is not the word I would use," Augusta bit out icily, her rage causing her to tremble. "Inhumane is what this is and if you think I will stand for this you have another thing coming."
Augusta Longbottom moved towards the bed that Alice was bound to, but the mediwitch manoeuvred in front of her preventing the older woman from undoing the straps.
"Please understand, Mrs. Longbottom, please. We are just trying to do what's best for Alice. Isn't it better to have her subdued then to allow her to injure herself? Now, her new healer is coming today," the young women stressed. "Today. And I am sure that she will have a better plan of action. Please, please don't make this any worse then it has to be. Alice is calm now. She's—"
"She's strapped to a bed crying! Get out of my way!"
"Gran," Neville broke in, taking his grandmother's arm and steering her away for a moment. "Gran, they know what they are doing. Mum, is fine. She's upset, but she's not hurt or—"
"You think that is fine?" Augusta demanded, gesturing to his mother who was turned away crying against the pillow her arms and legs fighting to move into a fetal position. "That's your mother, Neville, your mother. You think that her being treated like this is fine?"
"They are trying to help her," Neville implored. "They don't want her to get hurt. You know how she gets when she gets scared."
Neville inwardly groaned as his gran just shook her head and with a flick of her wand released his mother. The mediwitch took a few step backs and had her wand at the ready, but his mother didn't make any movement other than to roll in a ball and cry louder. Neville quietly took his own wand out too. He knew from experience how fast this could change. Augusta was the only one not at all worried about Alice's actions. Then again she was the only one that didn't get injured from his mother's episodes. The older woman sat on the bed and gently ran her hand down his mother's back whispering a stream of comforting words. The crying died down and eventually Alice's head was in the older woman's lap as she rocked herself back and forth and babbled to herself.
"Until the ward is complete we will take Alice home with us," Augusta proclaimed, rubbing her fingers along the bondage lines of the frail woman's wrists.
"No, we won't."
Neville startled himself even by how forceful his words were. He almost immediately lost his nerve when his gran's eyes shot back at him, but the mediwitch's look of relief fueled him to maintain his stance.
"We are not equipped to take care of her," Neville stated evenly. "Not at all equipped. She's here for a reason. We can't just take her from the people that know how to take care of her."
"You consider this care?" Augusta asked in disgust. "We wouldn't even treat an animal like this."
"We would if it posed a danger to itself or others!" Neville exclaimed a little too loudly. Alice had now jumped off the bed and was covering her ears as she screamed loudly to drown out his voice. "Bloody hell, how can you think of taking her to our home? Look at her! She's a mess. She can't function!"
"Don't you dare take that tone with me! You may have the title, but don't you dare think you are old enough to talk to me in this manner."
The mediwitch was now on the ground with his mother, trying to get a calming draught into her.
"We cannot take her," Neville repeated. "No. She stays here. I'm sorry, but it isn't going to happen."
"Well, it's not your choice," Augusta bit out, moving over to Alice. "It's my home and she is going to stay with me until the new ward is finished."
"It may be your home, but it is his choice," the younger woman broke in, bracing Alice under her arm and putting her back in the bed where she was immediately strapped back in. "He's her next of kin, isn't he?"
"I'm her next of kin," Augusta corrected.
"No, he is," the woman corrected nervously. "You're her son?" Neville nodded. "And recently you were made the patriarch?" Again Neville nodded. "In the eyes of the law that makes him her next of kin. I'm sorry Mrs. Longbottom, but you are not tied to this woman by blood. Mr. Longbottom here is, so when he was given the position of patriarch that means he was made her next of kin."
Neville shrank under his grandmother's harsh glare. He knew she was going to more than disapprove of his decision and he also knew that in her eyes he was not the son his parents deserved, but at the same time he didn't see taking his mother home as an option.
"I think it's best she stay here," Neville murmured, stepping away from the scene to leave the curtained room. "Please owl me what her new healer says."
Neville spent the rest of the visit sitting on an old armchair by his incapacitated father. He wished he could just leave, but he didn't want to deal with the hellfire his grandmother would bring upon him if he went that far. Saying he refused to allow his mother to come stay with them was one thing, leaving the hospital all together was another.
"You're a lot easier than mum," Neville declared under his breath to the man lying in front of him. "Much easier. If it was you, I would take you home. I don't mind changing you and all of that for a time. I don't know how gran doesn't see that Mum is dangerous."
Frank just laid there glass-eyed as he always did, but it didn't stop Neville from continuing.
"I wonder what you would have done. Gran will probably tell me in a little bit here. She will probably tell me all the way home that if you would never have left your wife to be kept that way, that you would have dealt with her on your own. Maybe you would have," Neville shrugged. "I think if it were Graces I would have. Maybe I am a bad son. I mean if I would have taken the risk for Graces why not take it for my own mother."
"Maybe it's because I actually know Graces," Neville wondered aloud. "I could still look at her and see who she was. I think that's what it is with Gran. She looks at you two and remembers who you were, so in her mind you're somewhere in there. I mean, this is all I've known about you. I love you, but I don't want to put myself or gran at risk. I know mum has never hurt gran, but she's really lost it lately it seems. I just don't want to take a risk."
"I love Graces, but if she were like mum I wouldn't let her near other people. I know Gran can handle herself, but—" Neville let his words trail off. "I'm just doing what I think is best. A mediwitch knows more than we would. She seems to think that this is what needs to be done for mum and I don't want to argue. Maybe this new healer will have better ideas."
"We're leaving."
Neville jumped as the curtains opened and his grandmother's looming figure came over him. Neville did his best not to look guilty and squeezed his father's hand silently in goodbye. He waited outside the curtains as his grandmother said her goodbyes and promises of a visit the next day. Neville knew his father didn't know or care, but his gran always seemed to feel that somewhere in him he did.
"Did you say goodbye to your mother?" she asked, walking out from the curtains and heading to the door.
"No. I don't want to upset her."
"It won't upset her. Go see her. She likes seeing you."
"She likes seeing me when I've sat quietly long enough for her to know I'm not going to hurt her," Neville sighed. "If I go in now she's just going to get upset. I don't want her more upset than she already is."
"She's your mother. You have not seen her in months and you aren't willing to go in there and just say goodbye?" Neville didn't answer, feeling as though he had already made his decision not to see his mother obvious. "I don't understand you." Augusta whispered. "I just don't understand you. She's your mother. Do you have any idea what she has been through? How much she has suffered in her life?"
"I know."
"No, I don't think you do," the older woman hissed. "If you truly had an idea of the amount of suffering that woman has been through you would do anything from saving her from even a moment's discomfort."
"Now, I realize you're not going to save her from ill treatment." Neville gritted his teeth to keep from lashing out at his gran's words, knowing it wouldn't do either of them any good. "But you can at least go in there and tell the woman who gave birth to you goodbye."
Neville blushed as the few people in the makeshift ward looked over at him and decided to put away his protests and went over to where his mother was, slamming the curtains behind him angrily as his gran watched him head over there with a great amount of satisfaction.
He could hear his mother breathing behind him in the bed. Her slow relaxed breaths were interrupted often with odd little whimpers of sounds, like she was trying to speak but her tongue was too heavy for her words. He hated seeing her potioned beyond consciousness. It made her seem even more weak and helpless then she already was, not to mention it made her unable to do anything.
After a few moments he forced himself to turn around and look at the helpless figure in the bed.
"Goodbye mum," Neville whispered, coming near and gently touching her cheek. "I promise things are going to be better in just a little bit. They really are. You're going to have your own room and a nicer bed, all kinds of things. There will be fish and windows for you to look out of. It's going to be so grand for you, mum. Just a few days of this, I promise, and-and after this I'll even tell them they are never to restrain you like this again. They'll have to just put you in your room or something." Neville knew his words were falling on deaf ears. His mother clearly had no idea what he was saying to her, he even doubted that she was awake. He was about to turn and leave when he noticed her hand thumping against the bit of her pocket she could reach in her robe. He moved his hand over hers until she stopped the movement, but as soon as he released her hand she grabbed hold of his and began knocking his fingers against the opening.
"Something in here?" he asked, reaching his fingers into her robe pocket and pausing as he felt the familiar ends of gum wrappers. His mother immediately released his hand once he had the small piece of paper and she drifted away into complete sleep. It was so stupid. Neville knew she probably didn't even realize what she was doing. She was so doped that she was in a dreamlike state, but the fact that she had remembered that this was the ending motions for them touched somewhere deep inside him and before he was able to stop himself he was sobbing against his mother's leg, letting her bed sheets soak up his tears.
He knew she didn't know him. She had no idea that he was her son, but a small part of her surely knew something about him. Somewhere in there she remembered she was fond of him. He really did love her. It was more than just that she was his mother, he loved her because she was what he had. When it was all too overwhelming he could at least see his mother, touch her if he waited long enough. It was something and maybe when it came down to it something was better than nothing.
Neville felt a gentle touch on the back of his head, before familiar fingers made their way down to his neck and he didn't even bother opening his eyes as he turned and buried his face in his grandmother's arms.
"I'm sorry," the older woman whispered. "You're a good boy, Neville. You are. I know you're doing what you think is right. I know that. It's okay that we disagree. I think we are going to have many more disagreements in the years to come." Neville held his breath to keep himself from making any kind of sobbing sounds. His throat felt so tight he could hardly breathe anyways. "It's just hard for me to think of her here like this," Augusta continued. "She was such an amazing woman and my Frank loved her so… He never would have wanted this for her. He always told me that if something happened to him I was to take care of his girl." Neville could hear his grandmother's faint smile at the memory. "I don't think he ever thought something like this could happen, that tying her to a bed would be the way to help her."
"Why didn't they go to the safe house?" Neville rasped, the old question escaping from his lips again.
"They were aurors. They were brave."
"No, it doesn't make sense," Neville sniffed. "Bravery like that is reckless and stupid. Why didn't they go? Even James Potter went to a safe house and he was an auror. Why didn't they go? Or at least have one of them stay with me?"
"They just didn't," his gran sighed. "They thought they were needed as aurors. So many of their colleagues had passed. The ministry was desperate for help. Not to mention they were already targets. They didn't want to put you in danger. If they were out in the field it meant they were keeping you away from harm. Frank and Alice were both convinced that they needed to stay away from you until the danger was gone. Harry was the target that's why the Potters stayed together. Neville, they were the targets. They wanted to keep you out of it all."
Neville hid his face in the palm of his hand as he continued to cry out his frustration. He now didn't know what was the right decision. In the end he went with the only thing that stopped him from feeling like he was going to vomit.
"I-I want to t-take her home."
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Neville now understood why family members were not always the best suited to make decisions in care. His mother huddled close to his gran under the older woman's coat, looking out every once in a while like she expected to be attacked at any moment. The healers and mediwitches had all tried to tell him he was making a mistake, but he had convinced himself that two wizards and a witch could handle the care of one woman for a few days. It wasn't like his mother had a wand. Yes, she may be able to harm herself and maybe get in a good scratch or kick here and there, but in the end they could easily overpower her.
"It's going to be okay," Augusta smiled, helping Alice with the small steps to the front door. "We can handle her for a few days."
Neville nodded, but still wasn't convinced. He made sure to open the door cautiously and not make any big movements or gestures like the healers had advised. His uncle stood from an armchair at seeing Neville walk in and Neville held out a hand so he wouldn't move any further. At first the older man just frowned curiously, but then at seeing Alice his eyes widened and his jaw dropped.
"Dear Gods, Augusta. What have you done?"
Before either Neville or his gran could answer a loud eep came from the kitchen.
"Alice!" Mable proclaimed, jumping up in the air excitedly and dropping dishes. Neville darted across the room as the house elf ran towards his mother and snatched the small creature up in his arms before any damage was done.
"Mable, no! You keep away from her!" Neville gritted, frightened of losing his hold on the tiny elf. "She's dangerous, Mable. You stay away."
"Alice isn't dangerous!" Mable protested, trying to push Neville away. "No, Master Neville is wrong. Alice would never hurt Mable."
"She's not right, Mable," Neville tried to explain. "She doesn't know who you are. She's not able to understand. Mable, I order you to keep away from her!"
Mable stopped her struggle and immediately burst into tears.
"I'm so sorry Mable," Neville comforted, standing up with the tiny elf. "It's for your own good though. You're not even able to defend yourself from her. I can't let you get hurt."
"A-alice w-would never hurt Mable!" the tiny elf wailed, spilling a river of tears on Neville's sweater.
"I just can't take that risk," Neville insisted, hugging her tightly. "Who would take care of all of us if something happened to you? We would be so lost without you Mable. We can't risk you getting hurt."
"Alice needs me too!"
Neville shut the door to the kitchen so the elf didn't see any more of his mother and sat down tiredly at the kitchen table still attempting to sooth the poor creature's tears as his gran herded his mother upstairs to the spare bedroom.
"I know she does," Neville sighed. "But she will hurt you Mable. She sometimes tries to hurt me and I'm her son. She even hurts herself." More unruly tears began coming as Neville did his best to explain what was happening. "If you want to help my mum maybe you could make her favorite dessert for tonight," Neville suggested. "I'm sure you remember it."
"If she doesn't I do," Uncle Algie proclaimed, coming into the kitchen and offering Neville and Mable a small smile. "I think we could all use something hot to drink," the older man suggested, putting the kettle on and giving Neville a meaningful look.
Neville let out a long deep breath and prepared himself for a very very long talk with his uncle.
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Neville collapsed into his bed at the end of the day and made a mental note to thank all the mediwitches and healers working with his mother profusely. Alice Longbottom was a difficult patient. Not one thing was done with ease. Even dinner was a battle.
Alice didn't want to allow one morsel of food in her mouth. His gran had to coax her into each bite and even then sometimes his mother would just let the food ooze out of her lips. Neville wondered if his gran got her patience for feeding someone in such a manner from him or if she was just naturally able to not get frustrated over such a task. He wished he could have helped her, but when he got up just to help wipe her mouth his mother had tried to hide under the table. Neville found it was best to just sit quietly and allow his gran to be in control.
It wasn't all too bad. Neville and his Uncle stayed on the farthest end of the table from his mother and that seemed to make Alice more at ease. At the end of dinner while they had some dessert that Mable made in honor of Alice's visit, they fell into their usual dinner conversations. Though it was made unusual by Alice's constant touching of his gran's lips as she talked, Neville ended up in a fit of laughter as she put her finger in his gran's mouth and then started silently mimicking the older woman's reactions.
It wasn't usual for him to laugh in front of his mother and for some reason the action resonated with her. Neville had sat up from his chair where he had been bent over with glee to find that his mother had made her way over next to him. At first it had scared him to have her so close, but once he realized no harm was coming he had just laughed nervously and let her go through her usual routine of examining him.
He was starting to feel better about his decision. No big episodes had happened. His mother was a lot of work, but they were careful not to let any major surprises happen and that kept her from getting too upset. The new environment didn't seem to be affecting her too much. She was definitely over stimulated, that was made pretty obvious by how skittish she was, but without other patients around and in a quieter environment she wasn't too bad off.
Neville could hear his gran setting his mother up to sleep in the other room and listened intently to make sure nothing was going wrong. Gran was a pretty powerful witch, he was sure she could handle herself, but he still felt the need to make sure. It was during this that he realized there was a letter on his nightstand. He instantly grabbed it knowing exactly who it was from.
Neville,
Thank you again for today. I rather enjoyed myself. It seemed you enjoyed yourself as well. Or would it be more appropriate for me to say I enjoyed you and I hope you enjoyed me the same?
Neville let out a small laugh at Graces' humor and was glad no one was around to see him reading it because he was sure he was bright red.
Anyways, I miss you already. I hope your holiday is going well, and I also hope you're thinking of me. I'm thinking of you.
Neville smiled at the ending sentence. Graces was thinking of him. He wondered what her thoughts were, if she was thinking of him right now. He looked over at the time and imagined what kind of things she would be thinking about this late at night concerning him and grinned. His grin was quickly wiped off though when his gran knocked on his bedroom door.
"Come in," Neville called, sitting up and tucking Graces' letter under his pillow.
"Just wanted to say good night," his gran smiled, cautiously closing the door behind her so not to disturb Alice in the next room. Neville smiled tightly and nodded his head. Knowing she wanted to say more than just good night. "Are you doing okay? With all of this?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"You know if you need to talk to me about your parents you can," his gran informed, her eyes watching him intensely.
Neville nodded, but never planned on saying a word about his thoughts on his parents. As far as he was concerned that subject was closed. He could tell his gran wanted to talk with him about them, that the bitterness she had heard earlier had been shocking, but he also knew that if he talked to her about them she would just dismiss his feelings and end up informing him that he didn't feel that way at all, that he was just confused and upset.
"So…I take it you accepting this apprenticeship means you won't be becoming an auror," Augusta continued changing the subject.
"Uh, yeah," Neville muttered. "I never really wanted to be an auror. I really like the idea of teaching herbology."
"And you think you will be a good teacher?"
Neville shrugged and mentioned he was fairly decent at tutoring, so he assumed he would be be good.
"Are you disappointed?" Neville asked shyly, suddenly feeling very small.
"Just surprised."
Neville raised an eyebrow at that. He didn't think his choice was surprising at all, but then again his gran did have these odd ideas about him.
"Well, I'll let you get some sleep then," his gran dismissed, rising from the bed slowly. "You sleep well, Nev."
"Night, gran."
Neville moved to lay down and was caught off guard when his gran kissed his forehead like she used to do when he was little. He stilled as the older woman moved away and found himself less awkward then he thought he would to be having his gran tuck him in.
"Try not to wake your Uncle in the morning," the older woman reminded, walking away. Neville nodded and laid down in bed. He drifted to sleep thinking about how odd it was to be sleeping under the same roof with his mother and with Graces Malfoy's letter under his pillow.
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Thunk, thunk, thunk.
Thunk, thunk, thunk.
Neville woke blurry eyed from the soft thudding sound coming from against his wall. He closed his eyes again and tried to will himself back to sleep, but the sound continued on.
Thunk, thunk, thunk.
Thunk, thunk, thunk.
"Mum," Neville whispered, opening his eyes again and realizing what was happening. He stood up from the bed and walked over to the wall where his mother was making the rhythmic sounds. It wasn't violent, he doubted anyone else heard her, but considering they were sharing a wall he was unable to escape the noise. He cautiously picked up his wand and walked out into the hall.
He reached out to open the door and found that it had been locked. Neville cursed at the discovery, but took out his wand anyways. He knew his gran wouldn't approve, she didn't like him using magic outside of Hogwarts because he was still technically underage, but he knew how the trace worked. Since there was a witch and wizard in the house already the Ministry wouldn't be able to decipher that it was he who did the spell. He undid the lock and moved into the dark room.
He at first didn't see where his mother was. The only thing that gave him any indication of where she was was the thumping he heard against the wall. He tip toed over to where he heard the sound and found his mother sitting with her legs crossed on the floor, holding her arms around her as she rocked back and forth till her forehead hit the wall. Neville cautiously sat down beside her as she continued on like he wasn't there.
She looked as though she were falling asleep. Her mouth was open and her eyes were barely visible under her lids.
"Mum," he whispered, gently placing a hand on her forehead so that the blow of the hard wall was cushioned. His mother didn't respond to his touch and just continued in her rocking. Neville could feel his hand beginning to bruise from the hits to the wall and wondered what the best way of moving her was going to be. "Come on, mum, let's get you to bed."
Alice didn't struggle when he quietly pulled her up from the ground. Neville wondered if his gran had potioned her before putting her to bed, she seemed exceptionally absent from her movements. Like she was sleep walking.
"There we go," Neville encouraged, a bit surprised by how easy this was. Neville had just gotten her to the side of her bed and was holding her close to his chest as he leaned her down onto her pillow when he realized that this was the first time he could remember holding his mother. He stilled at the realization. He had wanted this for as long as he could remember. It was silly, but he felt like he was four years old sitting on his hands at the other end of the room waiting for his mother to come up to him. He always imagined one day that she would let him hold her close and he could smell her hair and she would be his mother and here he was holding her close and he could smell her hair and she was -even if she didn't know it- his mother. She may not act like it or fit the description of a mother, but she had given him life and he was currently cradling her against his chest and not fearing her causing him physical harm.
He felt stupid for enjoying the moment and not being able to put her down to sleep. He felt even more idiotic when he pulled her in closer and hugged her tightly. In the back of his mind Neville wondered why it was he still wanted this. Even knowing that his mother wasn't hugging him back and she didn't really know what was happening he still felt himself wanting to continue holding her.
Eventually he let her go and tucked her into bed. Nothing was different. She was still the same, there was no miracle that occurred, but he at least got to hold her for once in his life. He knew it wasn't going to happen again, but it had happened. He turned to leave, but no sooner had he turned his back he heard her sit up in the bed to go back to the wall.
"No," he said softly, pushing her gently back down. "No. Just stay."
Neville soon realized that his mother wasn't going to stay in the bed if he left and let out a long breath as he decided to take a seat by the bed and sleep there for the night. It seemed to work, he watched his mother lay in bed for an hour before he himself allowed his eyes to close.
Neville woke in a cold sweat, his heart slamming wildly in his chest. He thought a dark figure passed over him. Some… creature from the shadows.
It was a dream, Neville thought. Just a dream.
He quickly looked over to make sure he didn't wake his mother and his blood went cold when he realized she wasn't there.
"Nononono. No!" His wand was gone. He patted his chest and the pockets of his robes looking for it, but he knew it was gone. That it was taken. He stared at the open door to the hall and swallowed the fear that was coming up from his stomach. He could hear her now. Hear her muttering, her pacing, her hands slamming against her head.
He cautiously drifted out into the hall, adrenaline pumping through his veins like he was back at the ministry. What ever his gran had given her had worn off. Alice was breathing heavily, her eyes shifted wildly as though she expected someone to leap out and attack her at any moment and the worst part of all this was she was wielding his wand out in front of her.
Neville didn't know how much damage she was capable of, but the sparks flying out of his wand told him she was capable of some. He inched closer to her, just wanting to get his wand out of her hands before she realized he was there. He was now right behind her and was about to reach for her elbow when she whipped around behind him. It all happened so fast, Neville didn't even know what his mother did, but his arm stung and blood was dripping down his hand.
Neville stumbled a few steps back in shock and stared at the woman before him. Alice still held his wand out to him and there was something even more crazed behind her eyes. He held up his hands in surrender, hoping that she would at least be able to see he was unarmed. He wondered if she could even contemplate what was happening.
He could see the lights turning on behind the door beside him and knew his uncle had heard some of the commotion. Alice noticed the light as well and while she still held his wand out to him her teeth were bared at the door. Neville saw the knob turn and instantly reached out to prevent his uncle from opening the door.
"Neville? Neville is that you? I heard—"
"Mum, has my wand," Neville interrupted. The other side of the door was silent as the full weight of the situation became recognized. "She has it and-and she can use it. If you come out now it's going to scare her."
"You don't have a wand!"
"Just-just stay! If you come out now I-I think she will really hurt me. It will scare her."
A low growl was coming from Alice and Neville slowly let go of the door handle and moved away. He saw his gran's light turn on from the end of the hall and was thankful his mother was looking forward only at him and not behind. Augusta Longbottom opened the door and stared at the scene from her doorway.
"Mum," Neville whispered, holding out his hand cautiously. "Mum, please give me my wand."
Neville put his hand down as Alice began screaming and waving his wand about frantically. He flinched every time the end pointed at him and cursed himself for letting her corner him. Broken glass rain down on him as pictures from the wall began to break and his mother continued to slam her arms against anything she could find screaming like a banshee all the while.
"Expelliarmus!" Augusta bellowed, her wand pointed directly at Alice's hands. Neville watched as the wand tugged from her grip, but somehow his mother was able to keep the piece of cherry wood from flying out of her hand.
Alice turned in the direction of the spell and raised her wand, but before anything more could happen Neville lunged at her from behind. He toppled on top of his mother creating a mess of limbs and screams, grabbing blindly for the familiar piece of wood as Alice bit and clawed any piece of open skin he had and banged her head savagely on the wooden floor. Neville finally grabbed hold of his wand and yanked back freeing it from her grasp and also causing a sickening pop from her arm.
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"Sorry to keep you waiting," the healer apologized, stepping into her office to greet the family. "I was just finishing with a patient. Things have been a bit intense since my arrival." The woman paused as she took a seat and stared at the disheveled family before her and offered a sad smile. "Though, it appears not as tense as it has been for you all."
The young boy to her left shifted uncomfortably, but didn't comment on anything she had said.
"I'm sure you've all been told, but I will now be the healer taking over Alice and Frank's care. My name is Adeline Devroot."
"Is Alice okay?" the older woman asked sternly, her lips pursed tightly as though she were trying to be patient and coming very near to failing.
"Alice is perfectly fine. Her shoulder was dislocated and she had some minor cuts and bruises, but she's well."
This seemed to be enough to satisfy the woman before her and Mrs. Longbottom nodded curtly and leaned back in her chair awaiting to hear more.
"So, I take it you are Augusta—" the healer smiled, opening the file in front of her and skimming the family portion, "—and you are Neville."
The sandy-haired boy looked up at her for a brief moment and nodded, before staring back down at the floor.
"Neville, have you been examined for injury?"
"Yes, all fine now."
"I was told she sliced your arm open?"
"Yes."
"Did she do anything else? Any other spells?"
"No." Neville paused for a moment, before he looked up at her and opened his mouth as though trying to decide to say something.
"Go on," the dark woman encouraged.
"She… well, it wasn't a spell, but she prevented my gran from disarming her." The healer nodded and made a few notes in Alice's file. "And my gran is, well, she's pretty powerful and she couldn't disarm her."
Adeline nodded and made a few other notes before requesting to hear what Alice's whole stay had been like. She listened intently as Augusta went through everything that had happened prior to the attack, making a few more notes here and there as she saw fit before asking Neville to detail what had happened during the event. Neville seemed a bit more reluctant to discuss it all and the healer noted that there appeared to be a great amount of guilt on his part.
"I didn't mean to hurt her arm," Neville finished softly. "I didn't want to hurt her at all, but… I just reacted."
"In light of the situation you couldn't have done much else," the healer pointed out. "These things happen. It's why it's so important that you allow us to care for Alice. I understand that at times it may appear how we handle her is harsh, but in the end it's for the best."
"Things were going fine before though," Mrs. Longbottom snapped. "She was doing well. If my grandson had left her locked in the room, or just asked me to spell the wall with padding then—"
"Your grandson responded in a way that a normal person would have," the healer interrupted. "He has no medical training. He went in and prevented her from harming herself and then stayed with her to watch over her. This is not a situation that anyone should ever be in, that's why we have facilities. There is no way for you or him to be able to prepare for one of Alice's episodes, because you are not medically trained to think about all the scenarios that can occur."
"I should never have taken her," Neville whispered more to himself than to anyone in particular.
"That was a mistake," the healer said sternly, "But no one can blame you for wanting to give her comfort. Alice does not respond well to change and the way she was subdued before was the best that the ward could do considering there was only one doctor and one mediwitch on staff. I can promise you now that it's going to be very different. Some of the staff for the new ward has arrived today, myself included, and the new ward will be open in just a few short days. I've had a small tour while they were working on it this morning and I have to say it's very luxurious."
"How was she able to hold on to that wand when I tried to disarm her?" Augusta asked, clearly having no interest in anything she had just said. "She should have been disarmed."
"She used to be an auror," the healer shrugged. "I'm sure she was trained in how not to lose her wand."
"So she remembers?" Augusta asked hopefully.
Adeline looked at the two of them for a moment and felt her heart drop slightly. Augusta looked as though she were about to hear the best news and Neville looked as though he were too scared to even hope. It was there though she saw a very slight glimmer of it in his eyes and she hated that she was going to be the one to completely snuff it out.
"No. Muscle memory. She reacted as she was trained to, but she's not there to remember the way you and I do."
"But she knew things," Augusta persisted. "She used the wand, she—"
"She's not there."
"How do you know!" Augusta exclaimed, banging her came on the ground as though she were stomping her foot. "You just dismiss her completely! She must have some memory. She's never frightened of me, she's fond of her son and she stole a wand, used it and put up a damn good fight before she was disarmed. Maybe it's possible she's in there, just buried deep."
The healer folded her hands in front of her patiently, before taking out two porcelain tea cups from her desk drawer.
"I want us to all be on the same page," she said slowly. "I want you both to understand Alice and Frank's condition, so that you understand their treatments better."
"I understand their condition," Augusta snapped. "I've talked to dozens of healers that come in and out of this place and worked with hundreds of mediwitches. I know their condition."
"I'm sorry, but I don't think you do," the healer said sadly. "Because if you understood you would not think that there was any chance of Alice's condition improving." There was a long silence at her words and Neville's eyes were now solidly on her. "When someone undergoes the Cruciatus curse there is a great amount of pain. It supposedly feels like—"
"We know first hand what it feels like," Augusta interrupted. "I've never been one to turn away from war and my grandson isn't one to either."
"Neville, you're sixteen?" the healer asked, feeling a bit sick at the thought of this young man undergoing what she knew grown men to break from. Neville nodded, but didn't offer any explanations. "May I ask when and who—"
"Surely you read the paper," Augusta scoffed, her hand on her grandson's shoulder proudly. "My grandson went with Harry Potter to the Ministry at the end of his school term last year. He fought alongside him."
"I see," the healer whispered, taking a moment to gather her thoughts.
"He's in Gryffindor," Augusta continued. "Brave of heart, just like his father."
"He must be."
"What happens to the mind?" Neville asked, clearly uncomfortable with the attention. "What happened to their minds?"
The healer nodded and took a deep breath,
"The mind is amazing, it does it's best to protect us from harm and when one is being tortured the mind will usually turn inward, take you somewhere far away from what is happening to your body. It does it's best to detach, but unfortunately it can only do so much." The healer picked up both tea cups and flung them down to the floor so they were in pieces. "Now, one flick of my wand and they have been repaired." She repaired the tea cups and handed them to Neville and his gran to examine. "But watch what happens after repeated damage."
Healer Devroot spelled each cup to slam against the wall and repair itself immediately after.
"As you can see the cups are being continuously broken and repaired. Alice and Frank were both brutally tortured by multiple Death Eaters for hours." She flicked her wand and the cups began breaking against the wall faster and faster, barely giving them time to repair before they were being broken again. "From what I read of the trial transcripts, Alice turned inward. She screamed and withered in pain, but she was focused on riding it, on being somewhere else in her mind. It didn't save her the pain, but it wasn't the main focus. Frank—" she pointed to the cup and had Frank's cup accelerate in it's breaking "—he stayed. He screamed for Alice, according to the record. This leads me to believe that he never turned inward. He didn't hide in some better part of his mind."
Frank's cup was no longer even repairing itself, shards were breaking into smaller shards and dust was falling from the rubble.
"Hours of torture with no purpose. It's hard to imagine what that would be like. To be hurt and know that the only reason you were being hurt was because the person over you wanted you to feel pain. It's a hopeless situation. If they were holding on to information they could have at least clung to the idea that the pain was serving a purpose, but they had no information and the Death Eaters torturing them realized that too. They just wanted to hurt them." Adeline stopped the cups from breaking and brought the shards over to them. She spelled Alice's cup back together first and put it in front of the family to look at.
"This is Alice," she explained gently, allowing them to note the cracks and small shards that were missing. "This is the best she can be put together." Adeline poured some water from her wand into the cup and let the water seep out. "Just like this cup cannot function well, neither can Alice. The damage is irreversible." The cup fell to its side, not able to stand up long on its own with a shard missing from the bottom and the healer moved to sit it back up again. "As you can see the cup is also very fragile. If I pick it up as so, the handle breaks off. We've seen this a lot with Alice. One thing out of the ordinary, one loud noise and she's in an episode. Now we can repair those small cracks, put the piece back, but there will always be some falling apart."
Neville leaned forward and took the sad little cup from her hands and examined it thoughtfully. She was glad that the young man didn't appear devastated by the news that his mother would never be well. He seemed resigned to it, like something he had thought for a long while was finally being confirmed. He touched the cup tenderly one last time before setting it back on the desk.
"I wish to chemically control Alice's state," she continued. "I want to put her on some anti-anxiety medications that muggles use and also on a few mood stabilizers. I think the combination of these will make her much easier to handle. She won't be scared all the time."
"She won't be anything," Augusta argued. "She'll be in a constant state of sleep if you drug her like that. She'll be the walking dead."
"No, Mrs. Longbottom, I can assure you she won't be that bad off. Yes, she will be a bit emotionless, but it will not be as horrible as you are thinking. Now, for the first month I am going to have her heavily sedated. I don't want the change being too difficult. After a month I will wean her off of them and just have her on what I think she needs to be comfortable."
"Are there many side effects?" Augusta asked tightly, clearly letting go of the reins.
"All are manageable, Mrs. Longbottom. I swear. My father-in-law is a muggle physician and he's who turned me on to muggle medications for the mentally ill. These are fairly new techniques in our world, but they are not new in the muggle world. If Alice doesn't respond well to one medication we can start her on others until we find what works."
There was a long silence as the two of them took in what she was saying, but she was happy that no one was disagreeing. She knew a lot of other pureblood families would not only disagree, but try to get her fired over what she had suggested.
"And my father?" Neville asked quietly.
She turned her wand to the last tea cup and whispered the mending charm. The bits of pieces left tried to form a cup, but immediately collapsed. There were too many tiny bits missing to allow it to hold itself together.
"Frank is being kept alive because we function for him," she whispered, taking her wand and levitating all the pieces up and doing her best to make a cup. Pieces of the cup floated along with other pieces, but none really touched together like a puzzle. "We mechanically hold him together. We feed him, wash him, take him to the loo, levitate him here and there and try our best to exercise his muscles, but in the end we just are taking care of a body. There really isn't a life, we just refuse to let nature take its course."
The healer looked away tactfully as Augusta stifled a sob. She heard Neville stand from his seat to comfort his grandmother, but remained silent herself. It was never going to be an easy thing for someone to hear, this was a mother's worst nightmare and the woman in front of her had suffered through almost two decades of it.
"I see it was suggested at the beginning of Frank's treatment to stop any life saving measures and I wanted to know if this is something you would like to revisit."
"I will not kill my son," the older woman gritted, looking up angrily from her grandson's arms.
"It is not killing him, Mrs. Longbottom, it's allowing him to die."
"By starving him!"
The healer nodded and closed the files on her desk.
"It is your decision. If that is how you feel then I will of course respect your decision to keep him alive." She decided to not give that option to Neville. She had been made aware that he was technically the next of kin, but she refused to ask a teenage boy to decide if his father should live. Neville was apparently aware that he had the power to make medical decisions concerning his parents and if he wanted to discuss this with her she was sure he would ask to, but she was hoping he wouldn't. Better to let his gran decide then him.
"Do you have any other questions?" she asked evenly, hoping she hadn't upset anyone too much.
"No, thank you," Neville nodded, not seeming to be too affected by the news. "Just a moment to gather ourselves if you don't mind."
"Of course." She slowly stood up from where she was seated and shook Neville and his grandmother's hands, before telling them to take their time and leaving them alone. In a way she was glad that they had taken Alice for the night. She doubted that they had ever witnessed just how dangerous she could be. Alice, though mad, had been an auror, a fierce one at that. She had fought in a wizarding war and she had been unraveled in the most heinous of ways. That kind of training and strength buried in such a mind was nothing to discount. While she felt sorry that they had experienced such a terrible night with her, she was convinced that the next time any force was used on Alice they would better understand the situation.
Thanks for reading! Sorry it was so late guys, I feel awful because it was ready, but I was driving to Virginia this week and just had no time to update Moving is such a pain. Don't forget to follow/review! You have no idea how much I look forward to getting an email saying a review has been posted!