Disclaimer: Guess what? I still don't own. Still not mine. Which really sucks.

Notes: Okay, I know it's been a while, but I didn't have access to my computer, or a monitor for the last few weeks, but I did make up for it. Five new entries, just for you, my lovely readers.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this, I really appreciate it. And to those of you who have asked, no, the journal isn't a reminder to Roger not to touch Mark. I forgot the comma. It's a warning to Mark not to touch the journal. And to i Kelby /i , wow, that was a great idea, but no, it isn't Mark reading it, and Roger isn't dead. I promise. Though, that was a great idea, and part of me wishes that was my idea, and used it, but no, it is not, and I did not. So do not fret. But thanks… to all of you.

Enjoy!

One other thing. For those of you who were wondering, I am working on LOF, and the next chapter will be up soon. Also, I have come up with an ending I'm hoping you'll all enjoy.

Roger's Journal (Don't touch, Mark!)

April 23

Mark and I went to a Japanese restaurant tonight, cuz he wanted me to try sushi. All I have to say to that is… Fuck that! That was some nasty shit. I mean, come on… raw fish? I prefer cooked food, and not even so much on the fish either. Give me a nice, thick, juicy steak, or a cheeseburger with everything on it. And fries… I love fries, with globs of ketchup.

I remember one time Mark, Collins, Angel and I were at the Life having dinner… Collins' treat. Anyway, I ordered a big basket of fries and globbed on the ketchup, and brought it to Mark's face. He cringed, whined, and tried to get me to take a bite of his tofu dog. Him and Collins eat some weird food. It's all healthy. I'm purposely trying to clog my arteries, and kill myself even faster. At least that's what Mark says.

So, at this restaurant, they had karaoke. Now I have a sorta secret love for karaoke, mostly cuz it was something April and I used to love to do together. April and I used to go to this one karaoke bar, and get nice and drunk, and sing. Now, before I got too drunk, I would normally sing something of the rock variety, then as the evening progressed, and I've had a few more beers, I'd do something well, silly. Something that would embarrass the hell out of April.

This one time, I was drunk enough that I got up on the stage and sang 'You Are So Beautiful' right to her, and she had covered her face with the karaoke song list folder. It was fucking hilarious. I slurred the words horribly, and was juuust slightly off key, making a complete ass of myself, but it was fun.

Another time, April and I were really stoned, and actually got up and sang 'I Got You, Babe.' That was fun. The best part of it was I was Cher, and she was Sonny. Not just cuz it was funny, but also cuz I'm considerably taller than her. The KJ had a box of props near the stage, so I would find the long, black haired wig, and she'd tie her hair back, and… oh fuck! Let's just say that if anyone ever got pictures of that, I'd pay good money to make sure no one else ever saw them.

So, Mark sang tonight. He sang a couple of Beatles' songs. I didn't even know he knew who the Beatles were. I love the Beatles. Then again, who doesn't? I used to sing a whole mess of Beatles' songs to April. She loved it.

Fuck, this is so hard. I just lost Mimi not to long ago, yet I can't help but think of April. Fucking month, hurry up and be done with you. May can't come soon enough. The sooner the better.

It's not that I don't wanna think about April, it's just… well, it's still hard. Every time I think about her, I keep picturing that awful night. The night I was given my death sentence.

If she had told me she had been fucked by her dealer just so she could get some smack, I… fuck, how was I supposed to know he was infected anyway? We were always on something at one point or another, and when we started using heroin, our discernments became less intact. We didn't really seem to care much about things, except getting high, or getting drunk, then getting high. I guess that's why I was always so hard on Mimi about it.

She used up until her near death experience. She had stopped for a little while when we first started dating, but she just couldn't seem to stay away, and that was the last thing I needed around to tempt me. I used to bitch at her for using… sometimes as she'd be sticking that fucking needle in her arm. I asked her numerous times not to do that shit in front of me, and she still did anyway. It was enough one time to just up and leave her apt.

It was spring, and the weather was still cold… cold enough to still wear my jacket . I grabbed my guitar and just left. I thought at the time she probably went to see Benny. Hell, she probably did, but… who knows. I was always jealous of that pompous asshole for a long time… and I think it was mostly cuz he had money, and had a tendency to flash it around. Not to mention Mimi always seemed to be drawn to him… Yeah, I know it's cuz they had "dated" three months prior to us meeting, so I guess she still had some feeling for him.

I just suddenly thought about Angel. I haven't thought about her in a long time. It sucks that he was the first one of us to die. Only making this deathly illness all the more real. I'm not ready to die yet. I'm afraid to die. I'm afraid to leave this world for an unknown one. Where do we go when we die, anyway? Mark would probably tell me we'd all go to heaven, since Jews don't believe in Hell. Yeah well, knowing my luck, I'll definitely be going to hell.

Damnit, I wanted to talk about how much I miss Angel, not about death. She had a knack for making me feel better whenever I had a problem. Especially with Mark, or even Mimi. He and Mimi were really close friends, and she always knew the right things to say to get me to stop being so pissed at her for doing smack, or 'looking for Benny.' He always talked me through the situation, which is pretty much the only reason I was able to live with her for those two months.

I miss Angel…

Mark didn't drink nearly as much as he had on his birthday. Man, those were some good times. He did drink enough, however, to be able to dance around wildly while singing his now favourite song. Haha. I will never be able to listen to that song without picturing him half naked on that bar.

After we got home, Mark ran straight for the bathroom, and spent a good amount of time worshipping the porcelain god. He fell asleep on the floor, drooling. I couldn't help but laugh at him, quietly of course, until tomorrow that is. I put him to bed, and came in here. That was pretty much our night.