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Notes: Enjoy!

Roger's Journal (Don't touch, Mark!)

May 1

Thank goodness April's over, though, I haven't been able to get April off my mind. She's got permanent residence in my mind, and frankly, in my heart. I was thinking about the first time we met again. I can't help it. I mean, I look at Mark, and am reminded of April, only cuz I met her on his birthday.

April's and my first date was certainly an interesting, but incredibly fun night, and I'll never forget the look on her face when I went to pick her up in my thing. It's a car. It was an ugly one too, but it was all I could afford, and fuck, it got me around. But, she smiled, that beautiful smile of hers, and her eyes lit up, like a child in a candy store. Then again, it could've just been that she was stoned off her ass, and I didn't notice until I got closer.

So yeah, she was stoned, which meant, I was definitely getting laid that night. Sad thing though, I had just been with Mark earlier that day, and then more or less broke it off officially with him. Yeah, I broke his heart, and I felt bad, but I really liked April. I had never fallen so hard for a girl before, but there was just something special about her.

So, I get there, and her sister starts flirting with me. Now her sister wasn't that bad looking either. Pretty much an older version of April, but April got rid of her before I had a chance to suggest anything that could get me into big trouble. I, like the gentleman that I, uh, can be, open the car door for her, which seemed to surprise her, but she smiled and got in.

I took her out to dinner first. Hey, it always makes for a great date. But afterwards, I took her to a nightclub, which she apparently frequented since she knew the bouncers at the door. She wasn't quite twenty-one yet, but they let her in anyway, cuz she always seemed to bring in the crowd, and they liked that there.

So, I go to the bar, order us a couple of beers, and hand her one, as she lights up a cigarette right on the dance floor. She hands me one, well, more like sticks it in my mouth, and lights it for me. So, here we are, on the dance floor of this nightclub I would have never gone into had it not been for her, dancing. I don't dance. I hate dancing, and would've normally told her I was gonna sit at the bar and drink. She had me dancing.

Beer in one hand, cigarette burning between my lips, and the other hand holding her hip, watching her dance very sexily. Damn, was I turned on. I was so turned on, I was ready to take her right there. I was good though… Surprisingly.

This is pretty much how the entire time at the club went. We each had at least four beers while there, and when we left, we stopped at a liquor store and picked up another twelve pack, as well as a bottle of vodka. We went back to the loft that night, after getting extremely drunk at the park, and nearly getting caught. Mark was in the living room watching some of his old movies of us. Can we say bad timing?

Yeah… bad timing would certainly be the right thing at that moment. Mark looked up at us, and I had this shit-eating grin on my face, knowing I was about to get laid by this really hot chick, who I really liked. He wiped the tears that were obviously in his eyes, and on his face, and ran to his room. Well, actually, we were sharing a room at the time, so technically he ran into Collins' and Benny's room. Thankfully neither were home, so it worked out.

I took her to my room, having obvious disregard for Mark, and well, we had sex. Fuck, it was good sex though, and damn does she know how to use that tongue. I won't go into detail since I can pretty much picture it all in my head, though it is a bit hazy.

That next morning was certainly interesting. April woke up before me, and Mark was in the kitchen pouring himself a bowl of his favourite cereal. She walked out wearing one of my shirts, and nothing else. I guess she didn't expect anyone else to be there at that moment. So I hear her scream, which woke me up abruptly, and I fell off the bed. That was fun. I ran out of the room, and she was laughing.

When she had realized who she saw, she just laughed, which caused Mark's face to redden… you know, Mark blushes an awful lot. Hmm… Anyway, I saw Mark, and couldn't help but laugh either. He was wearing his boxer shorts, and that was it. His extremely white skin was exposed to the world. He ran towards the other room, cuz apparently neither Collins or Benny came home that night. Hmm…

Anyway, I stopped Mark by grabbing his arm, which startled him, but he stopped, keeping his head down, not wanting to meet me eye to eye. I can't say I blame him, since I had just broken his heart the day before. He was also hiding his tears, which I saw, since I've seen those more often than not all these years I've known him. He pulled away from me, but didn't walk away, and I almost wanted to pull him close and kiss him, as if to make up for what I had done, but I realized I just wasn't in love with him like he wanted me to be. I mumbled something that could've passed as an apology, which Mark, since he's known me as well all these years, I don't really apologize. He accepted it, though, still crying, took off for the other room.

So yeah, that would be April's and my first date. I broke Mark's heart, and gained April's. I can honestly say, it was rather easy falling in love with her. There was always something about her, that I could never quite figure out, but it was something special. I remember this one time, she had been living with us for a while at this point, and it was pretty much right after Mark and Maureen started dating, and Maureen had moved in since she was kicked out of that other guy she had been dating's place. She had started dressing differently since we started dating, and first off, I'm not complaining, cuz it made her look hot, but it wasn't the girl I fell in love with.

She started wearing skin tight clothes, that revealed quite a bit, she continually changed her hair color, and wearing heavier makeup, almost as if she was hiding something. I found out later what that was, and she had told me she got it from her sister. Heroin. I was hesitant, but she kept saying it made her feel so good, and any problems or worries she had had disappeared. It certainly was tempting. She would bring it by the loft when Mark and Maureen were out, and it was just us, since Benny had been spending quite a bit of time with Alison Grey, which I won't get into right now. Collins had taken off, like he always did, and for all we knew he wouldn't be back for days. Weeks sometimes.

So we had the loft all to ourselves, and she had just laid out a line for herself on the makeshift coffee table. I watched her do this, contemplating whether or not I wanted to try this. She snorted it, and with glazed eyes, and a very sensual grin, crawled on top of me, since we were sitting on the floor, and just kissed me hard. She became somewhat aggressive, which I have to say was quite a turn on. We ended up having sex right there, and damn, it was better than it had ever been.

Afterwards, she smiled at me, and asked me if I wanted to try it. I did. I did want to try it, but played it off as if I wasn't sure. She gave me a pretty convincing argument, telling me how wonderful it makes you feel, and how life just seems to breeze by while on it. I gave in, as I always did to her. She laid me out a line, and I snorted it, and before I knew it, everything became dreamlike. I had never felt so good in my life. Shit, now I need a cigarette.

Ah, that's better. So, anyway, it was truly as amazing as she made it sound, and I vaguely remembering Mark and Maureen coming home at this point. With Benny out of the house more often than not, and Collins doing whatever, Mark and Maureen took over that room. I do, however, remember the look Mark gave me when he walked in. First off, he wasn't exactly a big fan of April, or the fact that she moved in and took over our room. He knew I was high, but he didn't know what I was on.

He bitched at me for using drugs in the loft, yet again, and I just laughed at him this time. I think. Yeah, I did. I couldn't help it. He looked just like his mother while he was bitching at me. He even had his hands on his hips, and a finger waving in my face. The only thing I definitely remember saying to him was, "You know, you look like your mother right now," in a somewhat slurred, and half-coherent speech. Both girls looked at him, and giggled. I know I should've felt bad, but I was so high, it didn't phase me. His expression angered, combined with the blood rushing to his cheeks, he looked like he was gonna explode.

Maureen thankfully caught it, and lead him to the bedroom, explaining somewhat that I was just an asshole, and he shouldn't mind me. I didn't even care that she had said that. I more or less giggled myself, and pulled April to me, kissing her. Yeah, more sex. What can I say, I'm a horny fucker.

And that would be my first time using smack. What a day that was. That day, and every day that followed. At first, it was sparse. I would use it here and there, but not all the time like April's sister had begun to do. Of course, at the time, it never became an issue, thinking, I'd never get addicted. Not me. Except I happen to have an addictive personality. So yeah, I got hooked, and pretty damn quickly. What can I say? I liked it… a lot. More than I liked anything. Okay, if I don't stop writing about this, I'm gonna wanna go find some, and I'm not going through that hell again.