"Enough Karla!" Karel growls as he stops and wretches himself free of his sister.
"Brother?"
"You have been dragging me around for over an hour! Whatever you want to talk about, say it now!"
"Brother," Karla begins in her usual emotionless tone, "Remember when you said that you were not going to kill me?"
"Yes…although I am starting to reconsider."
"I was wondering. Would you be willing to do that thing for me? You know, back in the plains when we were young."
"What? Carry you…"
"Not that. The other thing."
"Wait. You mean that?"
"Yes, that. Brother…I want you to come and play dollies with me."
For the first time in several years, a look of absolute fear appears on the Sword Demon's face.
"Noooooooo"
"Oh no! Dorcas!"
Noticing the sorry state of the fallen warrior, Lyn quickly runs over and kneels to check on him with Fiora and Farina right beside her.
"Come on. Speak to me."
Hearing the familiar voice, Dorcas shudders a bit and manages to barley open his eyes.
"Lady…Lyndis?"
"Yeah, its me. What happened?"
"Florina……attacked….violent……not much time. Tell… Natalie ……love her."
Dorcas eyes slowly close once again. Lyn stares back at him with no sign of emotion.
"Oh, come on. You're not that injured. Stop being such a wuss, you big baby". The Sacrean woman quickly gets up and turns to face the two pegasus sisters.
"Well I guess we know now if Florina has become seriously drunk or not" she says with a bit of a sigh. "Nothing to do now but wait till she tires herself out."
"Yeah." Farina agrees. "In the meantime, lets find a good place to hide. My health insurance doesn't cover insane acts of violence caused by drunken little sisters."
"Wait?" Fiora asks. "Shouldn't we warn the other members of the army first?"
Lyn and Farina both blink and look at her before bursting outinto laughter.
"You mean, the same army that just watched and cheered while you had a catfight with your sister?"
"Hmm…good point. Those bastards are on their own!"
"Say, anyone want to play some poker?"
"I do."
"Alright, I'll admit it." Mark mutters sadly. "I may not actually be the best strategic thinker out there. I mean, yes I may have let some units die during Lyn's missions. Sure I needed the help of a strategy guide a few times, but who doesn't? And yeah maybe using the Ninis's Grace arena level up combo was a bit cheap. But come on! I deserve at least a bit of respect, don't I?"
Mark turns around and smiles a bit looking at the two people listening to him.
"Oh well. At least I know that the two of you are on my side and respect the greatness of my analytical mind. Thanks. You guys are real friends."
Bartre and Geitz just blink and stare oddly at the tactician.
"What were you saying?" Geitz asks. "My attention span ran out a little while ago."
"Nnng. Hard words make my head hurt!"
"Forget it!" Mark screams out as he stomps off. "Every single one of you are complete and total jerks! I don't even know why I even agreed to help you guys in the first place! And you know what? Kill me! Yeah, that's right. Kill me and help put me out of my misery!"
"Very well" a cold voice says from behind.
"Who?" Mark asks as he turns around. "Oh hi Jaffar. Say what are you doing with those daggers? …Oh God…The Pain, The Pain! Somebody please help me!"
Bartre and Geitz make no move to help.
"And you call yourself the toughest tactician alive?"
A small bird pops out of Geitz's hair and starts chirping.
"Yeah Wilson. I have no idea who that is either."
"Fire!"
"Look out Hyperion!"
No sooner then the warning is shouted out, the mighty wyvern barely dodges to the left just scraping by the massive fireball. At the exact same moment, Heath turns to the right and swings out his spear blocking an incoming sword thrust from Guy. Kicking his steed to urge him upward, Heath flies higher up into the air above his two opponents.
"Come on Hyperion," he says. "We have to keep fighting, just for a little while longer. Remember, there is too much at stake for us not to win this battle."
Rewind 40 minutes to before the battle even started….
"Commander Vaida"
Vaida glances up from checking up on her Wyvern to see Heath coming towards her.
"Heath! It's about time you showed up. We have got to prepare for our return to Bern."
"Yes Commander," Heath says nervously, "But you see, I have sort of changed my mind about going back with you."
"Oh. May I ask for what reason?"
"Well, there is this girl I like and…"
"A girl?" Vaida roars. "Heath, all the stupid things you ever said, this is by far the stupidest! Well, it's a good thing I'm not letting you change your mind! Besides, I just figured out a way to get our old ranks back."
"Really?" Heath says sounding impressed. "How?"
"It's simple. I am going to seduce King Desmond."
"Err…come again?"
"Desmond likes the ladies, right? So, all I got to do is use my feminine charms and I'm a general again."
"C-Commander, I really don't think…."
"Oh stop blubbering Heath! Here, I'll prove to you my plan will work! Come here big boy," she starts off in a poorly seductive tone."
"What?" Heath asks panicking a bit as he slowly backs up.
"It's alright. I've noticed how you been checking out my scars."
"Wait…please don't…Noooooooo"
Back to the present…
Heath shudders at the very painful memories.
"That's it. Let's finish this right now. We're going to win Hyperion! Nothing can stop us!"
-Swoosh-
Flying quickly thru the air, an arrow suddenly embeds itself into Heath's chest. The green haired man gasps at it for a second before falling off Hyperion and crashing to the ground below.
Erk pauses as he watches Heath plummet down thru the air. Sensing an opportunity, Guy stealthily moves in behind him, his sword drawn ready to strike. Or at least he would have if a lightning bolt hadn't collided with him electrocuting him unconscious.
Priscilla mouth hangs openin surprise at the sight of two of her suitors taken out so strangely. Pent and Louise whistle innocently while keeping their hands (and weapons) behind their backs. In the meantime, Erk has started a happy dance.
"Woohoo! I won I won! This is perfect. No more Serra for me! Yes! Priscilla all mine! Priscilla all mine! Priscilla all…"
Erk pauses in his dancing as a large shadow looms over him. He turns around coming face to face with a furious looking Raven. The mercenary says nothing as he glares at Erk while cracking his knuckles.
"mine?…Oh crap."
"Ah, there you are Lowen."
Hearing the voice of his lord, Lowen stops bumping into a tree and turns around to face him.
"Lord Eliwood! Are you well? Do you perhaps need some more food?"
Eliwood smiles and shakes his head no.
"I'm fine Lowen. I just wanted to tell you how great that stew of yours was. What did you put into it?"
"Oh. Well you remember all those slain morphs that were just lying around?"
"Yes"
"And that horse of yours that just magically appeared out of nowhere when you got that upgrade?"
"Of course"
"And those elixirs which went sour over 5 months ago."
"Yeah"
"Well…I just used some herbs and spices."
"Wow! Those must have been some good spices. Keep up the good work."
"Lord Eliwood! At last, I have found you!"
The prince of Pherae sighs as he hears the one person he didn't want to deal with tonight. He quickly turns around and plants a fake smile on his face.
"What can I do for you Marcus?"
"I just wanted to tell you about the progress I have made on finding you a suitable wife."
"Gee that's nice Marcus. But you see…" Eliwood points over to Ninian who is practicing some of her dancing.
"Really?"
"Yup"
"Oh…well I heard about some sort of disturbance involving Florina. Perhaps I could go check it out for you?"
"No, that's quite all right Marcus. Just go back to doing whatever it is you old boring worthless people do. I'm sure anything involving Florina can't be that serious."
"Say it! Say it right now or else I will break your pitiful neck!"
Bartre struggles to breath as Florina tightens her grip on his neck. Just as his face begins to turn blue, he finally manages to blurt out the words.
"You're the toughest pegasus knight alive."
"That's right," Florina says while giggling. "And now it's time for you to go bye bye."
And with that Florina somehow calls upon demonic strength and throws Bartre up, up, and away. She watches him fly thru the air until he is out of sight and then looks around.
"Next victim, please."
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."
Screaming his freaky battle cry, Hawkeye charges in at the girl with his battle axe raised high. Florina just sighs a bit and lightly yawns. Just as the guardian of Nabata swings his weapon, she calmly catches it between her palms."
"Pathetic!" she sneers, "What happen to all the tough fighters?"
"Aggghhhhh…Ow!"
Flying thru the air, Bartre finally lands back on the ground, amidst a pile of very sharp rocks. Moaning in pain, the fighter slowly gets up after a few minutes. As he does, he spies a very strange sight before him. Sitting in a semi circle are Karla, her brother, and a large pile of dolls and stuffed animals. In front of each of them is a plastic teacup with nothing inside. The strangeness of this is further emphasized by the simple fact that Karel is now wearing a yellow sundress. Bartre just stares at the scene, his simple mind unable to form any words.
"Why hello Bartre," Karla greets cheerfully when she finally notices him. "Have you come to join us for tea?"
"Umm…… sure"
"Goodie! I'll go get some more tea and biscuits then. Go have a seat by Mr. Cuddles and I'll be right back."
Karla skips off. Bartre goes over and has a seat by the dolls. He takes one look at the stone-faced Karel before he begins to snicker at him.
"Oh shut up before I kill you," Karel growls. "And people think I'm the crazy member of my family."
"Mmm. Nino, these baked dumplings are great."
"Thanks Rebecca. It's only caused you helped me so much."
"Nonsense. Hey, Will do you want one?"
"Sure. But could you could something else for me?"
"What?"
"Untie Me Already!"
The two green haired girls stop eating and peer down at Wil who is currently lying on the ground tied up with several lengths of chain.
"I sorry sweetie," Rebecca says softly, "But I can't take the chance of you being stupid and making someone want to kill you again."
"Fine. Oh hey Jaffar."
Rebecca and Nino turn a round to see the assassin standing silently beside them. They continue to look as the young man is now covered in a great deal of blood. Jaffar sits down beside them not saying anything.
"Hi Jaffar," Nino greets cheerfully. "Say, what's all that red stuff on you?"
"……Ketchup…"
"That's nice." The girl is silent for a moment. "Um… no offence Jaffar but even I'm not that naïve."
"…"
"I know that you kill people and I am okay with that. In fact, seeing you kill people is a bit of a turn on for me."
Jaffar, Rebecca, and the chained up Wil all blink in shock at this statement.
"Also, I was wondering," the young mage continues "do you think you could teach me how to kill people like you do?"
At this precise moment in time, the apocalypse is triggered as Jaffar emotionless face turns into a happy grinning one. He quickly reaches for his daggers and looks over at Rebecca and Wil causing them to gulp.
"Nino I just remember…" Rebecca says nervously, "I have to go and talk to…someone. I'll see you later."
"Okay. Bye."
"Come on Wil." The archer quickly grabs her boyfriend by the legs and drags him off.
"Nice seeing yeah. Ow! Rebecca, watch out for the rocks."
"Shut up Wil!"
Jaffar is now crying tears of joy.
"I love you."
"I love you" A voice barely audible whispers.
"What was that?"
Peering out from her hiding spot behind a tree, Lyn looks around to see Rath of the Kutolah standing before her.
"Rath! It's you. You've been so quiet lately, I almost forgot you were with us."
"…Lyn of the Locra, I must say this to you. I…I love you."
"What?" Lyn screams in shock. "Oh Rath, I…"
"Wait! Please do not speak yet. First, I would like to read a poem that expresses my deepest and truest feelings for you."
The flustered noble lady of Caelin can only nod her head in agreement. Rath reaches into a cloths and pulls out some papers. He shuffles them a bit and clears his throat before he looks at Lyn with a stern face and begins.
"To my dearest Lyn. You are definitely not gin. I like you quite a very lot. Even more then my imaginary robot. You are like an arrow. As you are tall and narrow. And your loveliness is even more made. By the grace and swiftness of your blade."
"Rath, that was wonderful. I…"
"And you remind me of so many beautiful things. Like the sky and the clouds and the trees and the grass and the flowers, and the water and the birds and the bees and the bugs and the chipmunks and the sky again…"
Again and again Raven continues to punch Erk in the face with one hand while holding him up in the air with the other. Finally after the 94th punch, Raven gets bored and drops the bruised and battered magic user to the ground. Pricilla, Pent, and Louise all quickly run over to check on him.
"Lord Brother." Pricilla cries out. "I…"
"Priscilla! How could you let such undeserving mongrels compete for your love?"
"B-but I…don't want to be alone and…"
"Stop the waterworks. You know damn well that doesn't work on me. Besides I have already thought about this. Sister, I have decided that you shall wed Lucius.
"Lucius?" Everyone still conscious yells out in shock.
"Yes. What's wrong with him?"
"But Lord Brother, aren't you and Lucius…"
"What?" Raven shouts getting annoyed.
"You know," Pent says. "With each other…"
"Romantically?" Louise chimes in.
All of Raven's rage is forgotten as he shudders in shock at the question.
"What? No! Why would you think……I'm Not Gay!"
Three disbelieving looks stare back at the mercenary.
"I'm Not! We're just traveling companions! That's all! Besides, if anybody is gay it's those two."
Everyone turns and looks where Raven is pointing at a recovered Heath and Legault who has just shown up out of nowhere.
"What?" Heath asks. "There's nothing romantic about us. We only talk to each other because we are both fugitives on the run. It's purely platonic.
The purple haired thief nods his head in agreement.
"Yeah. What he said. Say, Heath your shoulders look a little tense there. Want me to message them for yeah?"
"Sure. Thanks a lot buddy."
"No problem."
"Alright then," Raven mutters. "But, what about Guy and Matth…"
"Finish That Sentence And I Will Kill You!" Guy screams as he leaps back onto his feet sword drawn.
"Grrrr. Where is Lucius anyway? Usually that whining pansy follows me around everywhere."
"For that matter," Erk mumbles as his face is still buried in the dirt, "Why hasn't a certain pink haired demon disguised as a cleric come along to bother me yet?"
Still wearing his blood stained robes, Lucius's upper body pops out of a thick bush. Looking a slightly bit messed up, the monk brushes some twigs out of his hair and pauses as he attempts to listen.
"I could have sworn I heard Lord Raymond yelling out for me."
A second figure pops up out of the bush besides Lucius.
"Oh who cares what he wants?" Serra complains. "You should be focusing on more important things. Like me and my ravishing beauty."
"Yes Sister Serra. But I have been meaning to ask you. Isn't us being together like this a violation of St. Elimine's sacred teachings?"
"Well, duh! But who cares about that dead hag anyway? Besides, didn't you just kill someone earlier?"
"That…that is true."
"And you know Lord Lucius," Serra says coyly as she runs her fingers thru his long blonde hair, "this is a good way to remind people that you are not a girl."
Lucius eyes brighten up at that thought. Needing no more convincing, he quickly gives the pink haired cleric a passionate kiss and proceeds to dive back into the bush with her. So focused on one another, the two fail to hear a loud screaming Noooo coming from nearby.
"Blast it!" Wallace yells. "Can't you young people have a good time without screaming Nooo the whole night? Why, back in my day…"
"Ooooooooooooooo…" Sain finally stops screaming as he runs out of breath. "Blast it, Serra was my last hope for a girl! Louise is already married, Bartre somehow pulled off a miracle and got Karla, there is way too much competition for Priscilla, and Nino won't be legal for another four years. Dang. Well, I guess there is only one thing left to do."
Sain gets on his knees and begins to pray.
"St. Elimine, I don't usually speak to you, probably because I have broken every single one of your rules. But I need your help. If you can find in your graces to provide me with a girl, just one girl, I will forever be indebted to you and will say nice things about you to all my friends. Oh, did I mention that I just helped stopped dragons from returning and destroying the land. Thank you."
There is complete and utter silence. Sighing a bit, Sain gets up and starts to walk away. But then he hears it. A galloping horse suddenly bursts thru the trees and rides straight over to him. To Sain's wonderment, a beautiful troubadour with green braided hair and matching eyes stares down at him and smiles brightly.
"Greetings lone knight. I am the great and amazing L'Arachel, defender of justice and destroyer of evil. I have come to vanquish the darkness that exists in this land. Could you please point me in the direction of it?"
Sain pumps his fist and mouths a silent yes before responding.
"Hello there beautiful L'Arachel. I am Sain, a great and honoured hero around these parts. I am sorry to inform you but the evil has already been stopped by yours truly. However, why don't you rest and relax with me for a while. A lovely and delicate flower such as yourself shouldn't become tired out."
"Alas, I wish I could. But evil never rests and therefore neither shall I. So I must be off. Dozla! Rennac! We must return to the ship at once!"
"Aye. Right away Lady L'Arachel!"
"How did you even talk me into coming here?"
"It was a pleasure to meet you Sir Shawn." And with that, the troubadour rides off once more leaving a heartbroken Sain who is nearly on the verge of crying.
"Wait! Please come back! It's Sain! Sain! …Oh forget it. I'll just go hook up with Vaida."
Hawkeye. Kent. Dart.Geitz. Super Horse. All have engaged in battle and all have failed. Their opponent, the all powerful and drunk Florina stands atop their bodies while singing We Are The Champions. Oswin and Hector watch this spectacle, the latter laughing his head off in enjoyment.
"Man, Lyn wasn't kidding. Florina really does go nuts when she drinks. This is great."
"Lord Hector. Don't you think we should be doing something to stop her?"
"Nah. Let her have her fun. Relax for a change Oswin."
"I afraid I can't do that. As the soon to be marquess of Ostia, it is your responsibility to handle such situations as this one in a mature and responsible manner. And while we are on the subject, there is a great deal of preparations to be made for your new role. You have to look over country politics, land claims, disputes, and the workings of the court. The swearing in ceremony also has to be prepared. Not to mention the fact that we have to work on all your bad habits such as your manners and table etiquette. Yes, I am afraid that the time for partying and relaxing is quite over."
"You talk too much"
Before Oswin can react, a blue-gloved fist socks him in the jaw knocking him out instantly. As the armoured knight falls to the ground Florina takes a look at him, smiles crookedly, spits on his face, and walks off resuming her singing. Hector is too shocked at the sight to move.
"What the? She…she made Oswin stop talking. I think…I think I'm in love."
"That was lovely." Eliwood says while clapping in regard to his girlfriend's latest dance.
Wiping a bit of sweat from her forehead, Ninian smiles brightly at the comment. She goes over and sits back down by her beloved.
"You really think so?" she asks.
"Of course. Say, you know what? You should do one of those special dances next."
At the mention of a special dance, Ninian blushes a bright shade of red.
"I don't really think this is the best time or place for one of those."
"Why not? Are you a bit shy about it?"
"No. The thing is, I usually perform my special dances in private."
"Yes."
"And my audience for these dances are adult males."
"I see."
"And they give me several pieces of gold for my dances. You get where I'm going with this, right?"
Eliwood is silent in thought for a moment. "So…the gold helps you get over your shyness?"
Ninian smacks her forehead in annoyance and mumbles something about choosing the stupid one. She gets up and grabs Eliwood's arm pulling him up with her.
"Come with me"
"Okay"
"And that stew we had earlier, and the look on that marquess face whose name I can't remember when I quit working for him and the though of killing Wil and the thought of killing all those people that have hit on you and killing my dad for ditching me as a kid and my horse and my bow and my arrows and cute adorable kitty cats…."
Lyn head and eyes begin to drop and then suddenly snap back up as the swordswomen struggles to stay awake.
Hector stands in the exact same spot not moving. His entire mind is infatuated on the sight of the purple haired beauty of Florina. If this was a cartoon little hearts would be fluttering over his head but thankfully it is not.
"Greetings young master."
Matthew smiles in delight as Hector jumps a foot up into the air out of fright.
"Do you mind Matthew? I'm busy watching Florina. She made Oswin stop talking."
"So I can see," the thief says as he looks down at the unconscious Oswin. "It is so wonderful to see you smitten young master. Why, it seems like just yesterday you were a loud and whiny baby."
"Matthew," Hector growls. "Do you have a point to this or are you just trying to tick me off?"
"Oh course not. I just figured I would give you something to help you out."
Matthew tosses a small box over to Hector. Looking at it in confusion, he opens it up and is shocked to see that inside is a beautiful diamond ring. He takes a look at a ring, takes a look at Florina, takes another look at the ring and then smiles broadly.
"Matthew, I take back the majority of bad things that I have said about you!"
The Ostian lord quickly runs off. As Matthew watches him go, he grins and pulls out his manuscript.
"And thus the great and noble thief Matthew helped insure the future bloodline of the Ostian royal family. That should bethe perfect ending to my book."
"Matthew," Harken says walking up to him, "Have you seen a small box with a weeding ring in it? I was just about to give it to Isadora when it disappeared."
"A ring? No…I don't think so. Well, I must be off. See yeah later."
"Hey…wait a second! Get back here!"
"Yo Florina! Wait up!"
Florina dizzily spins around and sees Hector running towards her.
"Alright, It's Blue Boy! I'll finally have a real fight!"
"Hold on a second. I just want to talk."
"Fine," she says as she stifles a yawn. "You got like one minute"
"Florina, when I first saw you, I only thought ofyou as a clumsy shy girl who had their pegasus fall on top of me. And quite honestly, you still are. But since I have seen you drunk, things have change. I now know that you have this animalistic berserker rage inside of you just waiting to be released. It is a wonderful thing of beauty. And because of that," Hector pauses as he gets down on one knee, "Florina, will you marry me?"
Florina blinks and looks at the ring for 2.56 seconds before she grabs it and slides it on her finger.
"Sure, I'll marry yeah Blue Boy," she yells out happily as she gives him a quick kiss. "Your cute enough. Woo-hoo! This means I'm going to be the Queen of Ostia! In your face Fiora and Farina! Who's the most successful sister now? And I'm really tired…"
And with that the pegasus knight promptly falls to the ground, fast asleep. Hector gently picks her up and looks lovingly at her. Lyn joins him a moment later.
"So she finally tired herself out?"
"Yup. Right after she agreed to marry me."
"Awww, that's so sweet. If you hurt her, I will rip out your intestines and use them as dental floss! Got it?"
"Sure," Hector replies backing up a few feet to be on the safe side. "Jeez, what got you so riled up?"
"Listening to 45 straight minutes of poetry. By the way, Mark and Renault are both dead."
"And you're telling me because?"
"No reason. Just making small talk. Oh, here comes Eliwood."
Eliwood heads towards them. Or rather Ninian drags him towards them, as the prince is completely delirious and sputtering off nonsense.
"Man, what in the world happen to you?" Hector asks.
"Special, Dance, Ninian, Wow." These are the only words coming out of his mouth that make any sense.
A small grin forms on the former ice dragon's face. "Don't worry. He'll be back to normal in a few hours. You know, all in all this turned out to be a pretty good party."
"Yeah,"
The group turns around and looks at the rest of the army. At Canas using Luna to destroy some leftover enemy morphs. At Kent giving some gold to Sain, who is then dragged off kicking and screaming by a very happy Vaida. At Karla chasing after Karel and Bartre who are now both wearing dresses. At Harken angrily chasing after Matthew. At Raven chasing after Erk, Guy, and Heath, who in turn are all chasing after Priscilla. At Renault's still dead corpse. At Mark's still recently dead coprse. At Dorcas's unconscious body that is resembling a corpse.At Merlinus's soon to be dead corpse as Nino is repeatedly stabbing him with a sword while Jaffar happily watches. At Pent and Louise making out. At Serra and Lucius making out. At Isadora and Legault making out. At Hawkeye and Dart making out. At Fiora and Farina not making out but rather talking with each other. And the rest here on the Dread Isle.
"Still," Lyn mutters, "I keep thinking that we're forgetting about something."
All of them pause in thought trying to recall what it might possibly be
Miles away from the party along the shoreline of the island, a large vessel is docked. This is the Darvos, feared pirate ship of the seas. It's captain, the all-powerful berserker Fargus stands at the bow of the ship. He scans the area looking for any sign of people approaching. Seeing none, he turns back.
"Well, those whelps are over five hours late getting back here. Therefore, they must all be dead. ……All right you scurvy sea dogs, get to work! Hoist the anchor and raise the sails! Our next stop: the island of scantily clad women."
"Aye aye Captain!" the crew shouts out amidst cheers and wild hooting.
And with that the Darvos set sail from the island of Valor, never to return there again.