As always thank you to my betas Denarii!
Special thanks anand891996, Naruhina1519, Imsebastianstanbutter, broken barriers-gr8rockstarrox, A BookwormsDream, SoapOpera, Ali Cullen, HTMLfreak, Guest, trispectrum, RISHO, omgitsfranklin, AnnyJackson19, M,and AiriMalfoy1 for the reviews!
Chapter 91
Today was the second day that Graces Malfoy was out of the the hospital wing and even if Harry wanted to ignore the Malfoy twins he would not have been able to. The whole school was whispering Graces' name. No one was discussing anything else. The only people not discussing Graces were Neville, Hagrid and—oddly—Hermione, who had taken to not speaking at all about the subject. Harry had tried to talk to her about Neville, but when he had she'd only cried and said that he needed to get on better terms with him. When Harry had mentioned confronting Neville about his relationship with Graces she had just continued her sobbing and said she agreed there was something, but she couldn't speak about it any longer.
Harry knew that Hermione and Neville's relationship had suddenly become strained, but again it was another topic she refused to discuss. He wished she would though; she seemed tortured by whatever argument they had. Ron was even beginning to grow upset with Neville, wanting him to at least let Hermione try to apologize, but Neville didn't seem to want to talk to anyone these days.
Harry stared at the map, watching as Graces and her brother sat in the Slytherin common room. They had done the same thing Saturday, both she and her brother stayed in the Slytherin dungeons, never moving outside of its walls. His gaze flicked to Neville sitting in the corner writing. The other boy must have felt his stare, because he looked up and met Harry's eyes with so much hatred that Harry was the first to look away. He had thought that Neville would have run to be with her upon her release yesterday, but the other boy had been smarter than that. Neville must have known that Harry would be watching, so he was keeping his distance. Harry idly wondered if somehow he had told Graces to do the same.
He was about to put the map away and actually study when he noticed Graces leaving the Slytherin dorm. He watched as she went through the halls with Graham Montague at her side, and just as he watched the two of them enter the library he decided to go as well. He stood up from where he was sitting and hastily began packing his things as though there were a possibility that Neville would see his plan and stop him. For the first time in a week he felt he had a plan. Maybe it wasn't the most elegant of plans, but it was better than nothing.
He made sure to keep his footsteps quiet as he weaved his way through the bookcases. His heart was pounding as he heard Graces and Graham speaking softly, tucked away in a far corner. Series of bookshelves surrounding them kept their conversation private. He wasn't sure what was being said, but it was clear from the way Graces dipped her head into the other boy's shoulder and how Graham's armed looped around her it was personal. He stared at them from behind a bookcase and for the first time felt as though he may be wrong.
Graces looked… pitiful. Her eye was covered by a black patch which would have been comical to Harry, like she was a pirate, if her whole demeanor didn't look so utterly broken.
"I'll read to you," Graham offered, looking at the books on the table for Graces' classes. "If you stop moping I'll even read one of those sappy veela novels you and Pansy read."
That won him a sad smile. "You would?"
"I would," Graham grinned, taking out one of those books and waving it in the air. "But mostly because I would rather enjoy seeing you squirm as I read things like chiseled chest and velvety cl—" Graham stopped short of finishing the sentence, stared at the passage for a moment before blushing himself, and snapped the book shut. "I retract my earlier offer."
Graces actually laughed at this, and for a moment Harry saw the girl Neville said he loved.
"You should not fill your head with such smut," Graham deadpanned, pushing the book further away from him as if he could catch that kind of foolish thinking. Graces gave a tired smile and went back to her thoughts. "No wonder you all have unreal expectations of romance."
"Graham," Graces murmured, her hand resting on his arm. "I know you're mad at me. You don't have to do this."
Harry watched as Graham's jaw tightened. "I shouldn't have yelled at you the way I did. You had just woken up. I should never had said those things to you. That was wrong."
"Did you mean it?" Graces asked quietly.
Graham let out a slow breath and closed his eyes. "At the time."
"And now?"
"I just want you to get better," he said quietly. "Back to how you were before."
"I'll never be what I was before."
Graham looked at her patched eye for a moment before looking away. "What I said wasn't fair," he repeated again, pretending he hadn't heard what she said. Or maybe he just agreed and didn't want to lie to her.
"It was the truth," Graces said hollowly. "I am stupid and selfish."
"I think your eye is proof enough that you are far from selfish. I had no right to call you that." Graham stared down at the table. "Draco will never forgive me."
"He will. He really already has, he's just making you feel bad." Graces was silent for a few moments. "I think he wanted to say all those things himself, but couldn't bring himself to."
Graham was silent for a long time, staring beyond the books laid out on the table at nothing. "Maybe he did, but if he did, then, like me, he doesn't truly mean it. I was just—" Graham paused for a moment. "—mad. If I'm being very honest, mad and scared."
Harry watched Graces as her one eye examined the boy beside her. "Scared for me, or for Draco?"
"Is there a difference?"
"You of all people know there is."
"No, there isn't. I knew the moment I heard the news that if you didn't pull through, Draco wouldn't pull through." Graham turned to look at her. "You almost killed your brother. That's why I yelled at you. That's why I said you were selfish and stupid. You almost killed Draco."
Graces looked away before mumbling that she knew.
"You know I care about you," Graham said quietly. "I do, don't think that I don't, but-"
"But you care for Draco more," Graces finished. "He's more of your friend than me. I knew that already."
Harry tried to piece together the conversation, but knew that it ran deeper than he could see. Graham still had a hard, unforgiving look to him, but in an odd way it was softened. Graces on the other hand looked far more broken than he had ever seen. She had the appearance of being well, her elegant fingers playing with a corner of the book idly as she sat tall in her chair, but the luster in her hair was dimmed, her collarbone far too pronounced and the soft rose that always graced her cheeks wasn't there.
Damn the world for not paying attention as they sink away into hell.
Harry shook away Neville's words. He wanted to pity her, especially now, but he thought of everything that had happened, all the people who were already lost to this war. He couldn't afford to pity her.
"We should start," Graham sighed, picking up one of the bigger books. "I'll read the chapter and you can take notes. Then we will move on to—"
"When will Draco be done?"
"I don't know," Graham sighed. "Hopefully not long."
"You're nervous."
"As are you," Graham casually pointed out, opening the book and beginning to read.
Graces listened and took notes, but it was obvious she wasn't invested in the task. She kept glancing at Graham's watch and fidgeting. A few times she fiddled with the eye patch, never taking it off but touching it as though she needed reassurance that it was still there. Once or twice Graham had absently pulled her hand away from it, like a father silently correcting a said nothing about it, just continued on reading. When Graces reached up again he took her hand and didn't let go. So they sat there hand in hand as he read to her and she continued to try and concentrate enough to write.
Harry suddenly felt as though he were intruding on something and backed away. He left the library with a strong feeling of remorse. He tried to justify his actions, but couldn't seem to put himself at ease. Still, everything added up to Graces and Nott attacking that Ministry family together. How else could she have gotten so hurt? How else could she have lost her eye? He walked outside to get some fresh air as he vainly tried to piece everything he knew together.
He knew that Nott killed that Ministry official and his family. He knew Nott was found in the woods stabbed, and Graces was also found in those woods stabbed. Graces, however, had no charges brought up against her. Nott was already arrested and awaiting trial, but nothing seemed to be happening with Graces. He assumed it was because of lack of evidence, but Tonks wouldn't answer any of his letters regarding Graces and neither would Hagrid.
He only debated for a moment before heading over to Hagrid's hut. Fang was already barking wildly when he approached the door. Hagrid didn't answer his first knock, or his second or third, but eventually the half giant answered. Hagrid looked the same way he had when Buckbeak's trial had been going on. His eyes were shot, his tangled mane was somehow more wild and there was a scent of stale drink on him.
"Harry, what are yeh doin' here?"
"I, uh, I wanted to see how you were. You haven't been in the Great Hall, and your classes were canceled."
"I'm fine," Hagrid said gruffly. "Yeh better be on your way. I'm sure yeh have some studyin' to do."
He moved to close the door, but Harry caught it. Hagrid scowled, but didn't try to push the door further.
"You don't look fine," Harry said quietly.
"I 'ave a lot goin on right now," Hagrid admitted, shifting a bit uncomfortably. "But it's nothin' I can talk about with yeh."
"Why?"
"Harry," Hagrid said in warning. "You have to go."
"Whatever you're under investigation for I know it's not true," Harry said quickly before Hagrid could close the door. "I know whatever it is Malfoy is lying about. Just talk to me. Maybe I could help. Like Hermione did when Buckbeak was in trouble, or—"
Harry didn't get to finish his little speech as Hagrid burst into tears and began sobbing into a handkerchief that looked like it had seen better days. He waved Harry in and shut the door, pointing him in the direction of a chair and telling him between tears to sit down. Harry obeyed and Hagrid went to the stove to put on the kettle and pull himself together. As the kettle began to heat up, Hagrid moved to sit with Harry at the table.
"I should be under investigation," Hagrid stated, folding his hands in front of him like Dumbledore. "I did somethin' wrong and Graces Malfoy was hurt because of it. I am a professor at this school and I didn't do my duty in protectin' her. If she had died it would have been my fault. If she had died it woulda been a few people's fault, but much of that blood would have been on mine and Auror Tonks' hands. We are adults and we are responsible for her while she is under our care."
"What happened? Why was it your fault?"
"I can't tell yeh that."
"But what if it isn't your fault. What if—"
"Harry, it is my fault," Hagrid said tightly. "I know yeh want to protect me, but yeh can't. Yeh shouldn't. If I am sacked, I deserve to be."
Harry couldn't imagine a situation where Hagrid could have caused harm to Graces. There was no possible way this could be Hagrid's fault, unless Graces manipulated people into thinking it so. He was about to try and explain this to Hagrid when a soft knock at the door stopped him. Hagrid frowned at the door but went to answer it. Harry glanced out the window from where he sat and saw before Hagrid opened the door that Graces and Draco were the ones at the door.
Graces stood nervously in the front. She wore a dark green peacoat that went to her knees, and her hair and makeup were done up nicer than what he had seen in the library. She almost looked well standing there if it weren't for how hollow her cheeks were and for the patch on her eye. Draco looked much the same, standing in a black coat, his tie matching his sister's coat.
Hagrid said nothing as he stood looking at the two of them. Fang tried multiple times to move past him to go to the twins, but Hagrid didn't budge. Graces gave him a nervous smile and shifted the boxes she was holding to.
"Professor," Graces greeted, a small nod of her head and an uneasy glance towards Draco.
Hagrid didn't return the greeting, he did reach out though and brushed some of Graces' hair aside and looked down at the black patch masking her face. Graces awkwardly bore the touch and looked down for a moment. Harry couldn't hear what Hagrid asked, but Graces' response was gentle as she said that the injury occurred months ago.
There was another long silence. "Yeh two shouldn't be here. Not with the—"
"There is no longer an investigation," Draco interrupted. "Graces and I spoke with the headmistress and the school board this morning. You are free to resume your teaching position immediately."
Hagrid took a moment to piece that information together. During that time neither twin so much as fidgeted. They just stood on the porch quietly waiting for Hagrid to decide the direction in which the conversation was going to go.
"I'm sorry," Hagrid sniffed after a moment. "Won't you come in. It's freezing out here."
Graces took an awkward step forward, but Draco remained where he was. Graces looked at her brother, a silent question being asked between them, but Draco just shook his head and turned awkwardly away. She seemed to understand and gave Hagrid an apologetic look before walking through the door. Harry quickly looked away from the window and saw Graces enter. She didn't notice him until she stepped further into the hut.
They stared at eachother for a moment, before she turned away. "I'm sorry. I-I didn't realize you had company. I—"
"Harry was just leaving," Hagrid said pointedly.
"No, it's fine," Graces shook, obviously flustered. "I can't stay long anyways. I should go. I just just wanted to thank you and bring you these." She held out the parcels she was carrying for Hagrid to take, but the older man took a step back. Graces seemed taken aback by Hagrid's reaction, but she continued to hold out the gifts.
Hagrid looked at Harry for a moment, before moving closer to Graces. He didn't touch one package, but he stepped up close to the girl, bent down and was whispering something in her ear, something Graces clearly didn't agree with as her head shook in argument.
When Hagrid moved away Graces didn't say anything right away, she looked about the room as her cheeks turned a few shades pinker. "You helped me," she said quietly, holding the items out for Hagrid to take. "You were the only one that really did. Please accept."
"I can't."
Graces' throat bobbed and she placed one hand over Hagrid's as he tried to get her to take the gifts back. Harry had never seen Graces kind, never seen her as a girl that could have a tranquilness about her, and yet even as he sat there he was affected by her softness. "I insist."
Hagrid looked as though he would deny her again, but Graces gently pushed the items closer to his chest, her one eye looking up at him meaningfully. Hagrid swallowed some emotion and took the multiple packages.
"Please sit down," Hagrid implored, placing the packages on the table and gesturing to the open seat. "I just made a fresh pot of tea. Have some cauldron cakes too."
Graces stared at the seat and for a moment Harry wondered if she would, he began to mentally prepare himself for tea with Malfoy, but in the end she declined. "I wish I could. Truly I do." She gave Hagrid a small tender smile, before backing towards the door. "Take care, Professor."
But she was already gone. The moment she opened the door Draco's hand was on her lower back, briskly leading her away. Harry saw her turn back once to look at Hagrid before she quickly turned her head back forward. Hagrid looked as though he were going to burst into tears watching her go, but instead he turned to the table and started opening the packages Graces left him with. He opened one of the envelopes first and stood there reading it for a long time, before wiping away some overly large tears and setting the letter down.
Harry caught a glimpse through the paper and was surprised when he saw it was Draco's neat signature at the bottom, and not Graces'.
"Draco wrote you a letter?" He scowled. Hagrid nodded and began opening one of the boxes. "What did it say?"
Hagrid swallowed. "It says he was sorry for what happened third year and that he went to the Ministry and told the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures that he lied about Buckbeak. The Department is goin' to be in touch with me very soon to retract Buckbeak's sentence." Hagrid took another steadying breath before continuing. "He has also hired a solicitor that will be seein' to it that I get an apology from the Ministry for snapping my wand when I was a boy, and that this barrister will not stop until they-they reinstate my standing as a wizard as they should have done years ago when it was found out I was not the cause of that girl's death."
"Why would he do that?" Harry asked, frowning at the letter folded up on the table.
"Clearly, he feels badly."
"Malfoy wouldn't feel badly about that," Harry murmured, his mind racing for the real reason. "Do-do you think it's a bribe?"
Hagrid stilled, and looked down at Harry from where he was standing. "What would he be bribing me for?"
Harry stumbled for an answered. "I don't know, maybe to keep you quiet about what happened the night they found her and Nott in the forest?"
Hagrid's eyes darkened. "What do yeh think yeh know about what happened that night?"
Harry shrugged, his insides twisting as Hagrid looked down on him with disapproval. "I was hoping maybe you could tell me. There's all these rumors going around the school and—"
"What kind of rumors?" Hagrid demanded.
Harry paused and the anger in his words. "That she and Nott both were involved in that Ministry attack and that—"
"Whatever yer hearing around this school is not true. Yeh, of all people, should know better than to mind any gossip." There was no warmth in the older man's voice and Harry fidgeted in his seat, unable to bring himself to argue with Hagrid. "I want yeh to leave the Malfoys alone, Harry. Stop stickin' yer nose in their business. Stop making them out to be some villains in a story. That goes double for Graces Malfoy. Yeh leave that girl completely alone, Harry, or I will give you detention for the rest of the school year. You hear me?"
Harry was going to argue, but before he could Hagrid was dismissing him and ushering him to the door. "Go back to school, Harry. Be a good lad and study. Forget all this with the Malfoys. I mean it now, yeh hear? I have things to do."
Harry left Hagrid's hut more confused than he had been at the beginning of the day. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he was wrong about this like he had been all those years about Snape. But he couldn't ignore the part of him that asked, what if you're not?
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dinner had been harder than she thought it would be. She knew there were going to be stares and whispers, but she didn't realize how much it was going to affect her. Multiple times during dinner she had looked over to the Gryffindor table to try and catch Neville's eye. But the Gryffindor had become better about not looking her way during meals. She was relieved when dinner was finally over and she could leave.
"You know I'm not a healer, but I'm pretty sure eating helps promote healing," Graham said coldly as they walked through the halls to meet her brother. Draco had skipped dinner, insisting he needed to work more.
"I think you should focus on the person not attending meals rather than the one who does," Graces pointed out bitterly. Her mind already to later in the night when she will get to be with Neville.
"Your brother eats a late dinner with me every night when we finish working. I call a house elf from my home and we eat before going to bed."
"You make this sound so quaint. It's a different version hearing it from Draco."
Graham scowled. "What does he say?"
"That you force feed him bread and other heavy foods then proceed to tell him how scrawny he looks."
Graham rolled his eyes. "He is scrawny."
"Malfoy!" Graces turned to see Harry Potter himself stalking towards where her and Graham were walking to meet her brother. She stiffened at the dark look in the other boy's eye and she actually took a step back out of fear, wondering for a moment if Potter was going to curse her. Graham moved forward apparently thinking the same thing. Harry glanced at Graham but didn't alter his course as he moved close to her. "I want to know exactly what you think you are doing with Neville."
She could feel the blood draining from her face at the question and looked up briefly at Graham to see a glimmer of fury in his eyes.
"Nothing," she said quietly, her stomach turning. She knew she needed to be more confident, more scathing, but she felt so sick that just the effort of that one word was too much.
"Liar," Harry glowered. "I know you two are together."
"You know?" Graham cut in coldly. Harry looked like he was about to repeat that he did, but Graham continued. "Careful what you say right now, Potter. Her life depends on it."
Harry faltered and Graham smirked. "Did you know Graces and I are soon to be engaged?" Graham asked casually, turning from Harry and staring down at her. He moved a piece of her hair that was by her neck and gently brushed the skin with his knuckles causing her to shiver. "I've been discussing the engagement with her brother for months. It's an arrangement that would be very beneficial to their family."
"You might want to rethink that considering she's shagging another bloke."
Graham hummed an agreement and took his hand away looking down into Graces' gray eyes. She could tell what he was thinking. Stupid girl.
"Did you know that just the rumor of Graces' sleeping with a blood traitor would end our engagement? Even if it wasn't true. I would end it because I would never want to tie myself to such scandal. Not in times like this, not when I have my family to think of. I would end it and never so much as look at her again."
"Graham—" Graces pleaded, her lips wobbling.
"Her brother would have to seriously consider disowning her. He may be forced to if the rumors get out of hand. And if it's true." Graham stopped looking at Graces and turned to Harry, who was watching where Graham's hand had left her neck. "Do you know what an honor killing is, Potter?"
Harry shook his head and took a step back uncomfortably.
"It's when you kill a family member for bringing shame or dishonor upon the family."
"You wouldn't kill her," Harry said slowly, clearly unsure if what he was saying was the truth.
"I wouldn't have to," Graham stated coldly. "Draco would. He would have no choice in the matter. Killing her would be the kind thing to do if she had done something so shameful." His lip curled and he looked back and gave Graces a look she hoped to never see on his face again. "If she slept with Longbottom she ruined herself and her family. They would be in such disgrace that they would be open to any kind of attack. If Draco didn't kill her someone else in the community would and they may kill him as well for being so spineless." Graces made a hiccuping sound and turned away to not cry.
"That can't be legal," Harry shot, clearly thinking this was a ploy.
"It's not hard to make something look like an accident. Families do it all the time." Graham deadpanned. "So I am going to ask you again, Potter, how sure are you that this is true?"
Graces looked over at Harry beseeching him through her tears to say he wasn't sure. To say anything but the truth. Their eyes met for what felt like hours before Harry shook his head.
"I-I'm not sure."
"You seemed very sure a moment ago," Graham said slowly. "What was it that had made you so sure?"
Harry's mouth twisted. "I don't know."
"Come on, Potter surely there was something. Maybe a note you found, a glance in the hall, maybe you found her with her knickers down sprawled out—"
"Graham!"
Graham turned and looked at her, his eyes burning with rage. Graces squared her jaw. She knew this to be a facade, but there was serious anger in the boy in front of her.
"No, nothing like that," Harry maintained, looking between the two Slytherins. "I-I just had a feeling. It was just a feeling."
Both Slytherins knew this to be a lie, but Graham was willing to accept it.
"Keep your feelings where they belong, Potter. To yourself."
Graces let out a small gasp as Graham grabbed her arm and he sped down the hall with her in tow. She looked up at him a few times to see him almost purple in the face. She knew better than to say anything until he took her to wherever it was he wanted to talk.
"Is it still over?" he demanded when they reached an old abandoned hall.
Graces nodded allowing a few tears to fall.
"Graces, I want the truth."
She knew better than to give it. "It is. You saw," she sniffed. "He chose others over me. I can't forgive that."
Graham nodded and let out a sigh. "I hope it was worth it."
Graces bit her lip and wondered what made Harry do all this. Surely he must know something to approach her in such a manner. She tried to remember her encounter with him earlier. He had been suspicious of her, but—
"Was it?"
Graces looked up from her thoughts. "What?"
"Was it worth it. Your time with Longbottom. If you could go back in time and never do all those things would you?"
He wasn't asking out of spite. It was clearly written all over his face. He was asking for himself.
"I wouldn't allow one memory of mine and Neville's time to be taken from me. Not one wisp of memory."
"Even now, when it hurts like this?"
"Even now."
Graham seemed to be considering her words. She knew that she should say nothing and let it be, but something whispered to her. Something deep in her heart told her to damn pureblood pretense.
"This isn't who I want to be," she finally said, biting her lip and telling herself to continue. "If the world was less dangerous I would be someone else I think, someone better, the kind of person who could question and stand by their opinion. But I don't live in a world like that. I live in this world that won't allow me and Neville to be together without too great a cost. Even though I couldn't have Neville in the end, I at least had him as a part of my life. No one can take that from me. One day maybe I will pay for it, but I have that knowledge that he was a part of my life. He holds a part of me and I a part of him."
Graham said nothing to that, but she could tell he thought what she said to be very foolish.
"Think me stupid, but I won't spend the rest of my life wondering what could have been. I won't look for Neville in others', because I know that he won't be there. You will live to regret not telling Wamil your feelings, Graham Montague."
"And you will live to regret acting on yours."
"Is that a threat?" Graces asked.
"No," Graham sighed heavily. "I just can't see how you wouldn't."
Graces tried not to think too much about what it all meant. If she thought too much about what could happen her fear would eat her up. She wasn't brave, she knew this to be true. She didn't want to face real consequences for her decisions. She wanted to choose, but she didn't want to be found out. She wanted to choose on her own terms. She was cunning. She would play this game until she reached a decision and when she reached that decision if it was to be with Neville she would run. They would run. She wouldn't be caught and killed. She would run.
"Do you think Potter will talk?" Graham finally said after a moment.
"Let me worry about that."
"What are you going to do?"
Graces took a deep breath. "I'm going to tell him the truth."
Ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Harry stood outside the classroom door where Graces had told him to meet her, her wand and letter clutched in his hand. He had never heard of a witch or wizard freely giving someone their wand before. If she hadn't sent it with her letter asking to meet he may have not accepted her invitation. There was something calming about knowing that she was unarmed while he was. Part of him wondered if this was a trap, but when those thoughts invaded he remembered the desperation in her eyes when he confronted her in front of Graham. He took another big breath before opening the door.
She was alone, as promised, and standing across the room near a window as though she had been looking out it from some time. She didn't move towards him as he entered and put both their wands in the corner. She seemed frozen, her hand was tight around a necklace that ran down to her chest. Harry admired for a moment how the gold of the chain glinted in the moonlight. Her breath was airy as she stood there looking at him, her face openly telling him her pain, her worry, her fear. "How did you find out?" she asked tightly.
"It just all added up to it. It was obvious once I really sat down and thought about it."
Her lip trembled, but she spoke no words of denial. "Have you told anyone?"
"No."
"Will you tell anyone?"
"That depends."
"On what?"
"On how this conversation goes."
Graces closed her eye and a tear rolled down her face. A tear she quickly wiped away. "We don't exactly have a history of well mannered conversations."
"No we don't. I suggest you answer me honestly and keep your temper in check." He regretted the bitter words the moment they left his lips. It felt wrong to be so cruel when she looked so beaten. "And I will do the same," he added, gentler than before.
She nodded, but didn't open her eye as she stood there fighting her tears. He let her get a hold of herself and waited awkwardly for her to look up at him. "I want to know what happened the night Neville took my invisibility cloak, the same night that you and Nott were in the hospital wing."
Graces chewed on her lip and turned away from him. "There's nothing to tell. It had nothing to do with you."
"Any part of this war has something to do with me."
"It was not a part of this war."
"Liar," Harry growled. "I know about the Ministry official that was killed, the one Nott killed. Don't tell me you had nothing to do with that, Malfoy. I'm not stupid. Now are you going to tell me what happened that night or should I write to Skeeter and tell her how Graces Malfoy is in bed with Neville Longbottom?"
Graces made some noise that closely resembled a sob and covered her mouth. He watched her as her shoulders hunched over and she shook from tears. He didn't falter in his interrogation though, wouldn't let her tears stop him from getting to the bottom of everything. Graces tried to move away from him as he demanded answers, but he followed her relentlessly.
"Potter, get away from me! Seriously, get away from me!" Graces screamed, turning around and facing him so he could see the blood leaking from her patch. Harry backed away and Graces hid her face as she took off the patch and then took out a curved shell like piece of glass. Harry realized that what he was looking at was her glass eye, it seemed more like a contact almost, it wasn't round like Moody's. He stared at the perfectly matched eye just laying on the desk. It looked real as it stared out at him, the coloring, the pupil in the middle, it matched Graces' real eye almost perfectly. He cringed as he noticed the blood around it and looked up at Graces hunched over trying to stop the bleeding coming from her eye. Or where her eye was supposed to be. Now there was no eye, just angry skin stitched together in a hemisphere-like state. Her eyelids closed around the flesh and gauze she kept dabbing it with. Harry's stomach turned.
"Do you need to go to the hospital wing?"
"No."
"You're bleeding."
Graces swallowed. "It's normal."
"It doesn't look normal."
Graces' stopped dabbing her eye and glared at him, her face balled up evil as she silently dared him to say more. He looked away, the sight of her missing eye too much for him. She scoffed and picked up her fake eye from the table, carefully putting it back in place. The iris of her eye looked around madly in it's socket, so perfectly like her real one only with clearly no control. Graces put the patch back on and stood there with her hand on the black cloth, as though she could will the eye calm.
"It- it looks real… Once it's in." She said nothing, just stood. "It really does," Harry said quietly. "If it didn't move in that way then-"
"It won't continue to move like that," Graces broke in.
Harry nodded awkwardly. "Can you—is it magical? Does it have abilities?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
Harry opened his mouth, but stopped short. This felt wrong. It all felt wrong. "Did you lose your eye that night?"
"I lost my eye months ago. I just didn't tell anyone," she said hollowly, looking far away.
"How?" When she didn't answer he pressed again, but made his tone gentle. "Montague said that your eye is proof you're not selfish. What did he mean by that?"
Graces looked away from whatever far off nightmares she was visiting. "You were spying on me?"
"I need answers. Malfoy?"
"How dare you! I should—"
"Careful, Malfoy. Remember why you agreed to talk to me, remember we are supposed to be civil."
Graces bared her teeth but swallowed whatever she was about to say. She was breathing as though she had just run five miles, but her face was sallow. "My eye was the cost for Thomas and Octavian's life. You don't need to know any more than that."
"That makes no sense. You have to give me more, explain—"
"No, I don't," Graces snapped. "It has no bearing on you in this war. None."
"Did Voldemort do it?"
Harry noted the flinch at the name before Graces spoke. "I'm going to make you a deal, Potter. I will tell you anything you need to know about me and Neville and that night, but I will not tell you anything else."
"You're going to tell me everything, Malfoy. I'm the one that has something on you."
Graces' jaw tightened. "Neville thinks highly of you," she began, her voice cold like her father's. Challenging almost. "He believes you are the type of person that will always do what's right. I'm going to believe that for the hour or so we are here. And I'm going to believe that after we talk you will keep mine and Neville's relationship a secret."
Harry didn't know what to say.
"I didn't harm any Ministry official. I'm not a Death Eater. I was in those woods that night to stop Neville from killing Nott."
"Why would Neville want to kill Nott? Did he know about the attack on the Min—"
"Nott attacked me," Graces cut in quietly. "And Neville… he—I don't know." She shook her head as though she could will the memories away. "I've never seen him like that."
"Why did Nott attack you?" Harry pressed. "Was he trying to get you to join as a Death Eater? Or was—"
"It wasn't that kind of attack," Graces muttered tightly.
"Then what kind of—" Harry stopped short. Suddenly the conversation he had with Neville regarding her was blasting full volume in his mind. Neville had begged him to put aside what he thought of her, what he expected her to be and just think of her as what she was in front of him. And looking at her now he suddenly saw very clearly what happened that night. A girl was hurt in the forest by her ex-boyfriend. One was going to azkaban the other was returning to classes, looking broken. Harry suddenly began to feel very sick and was glad Graces wasn't looking at him.
"I-I'm sorry." The words sounded lame, as though there were words out there he should say and settled for the most basic. He stood there trying to think of what he was supposed to say to something like that, and just ended up repeating the same thing.
"He didn't succeed," Graces continued. "I would like to say that I outsmarted him, that I was a stronger witch and defended myself," Graces muttered, all her self loathing coming to a head. "But I can't. I was just lucky. The thestrals saved me, they stampeded in the barn. Nott fled and Professor Hagrid found me. I insisted all the injury came from the thestrals, but he knew better."
"Why didn't you tell anyone? Tell Dumbledore, or—"
"You have no idea what that kind of violation is like," Graces hissed. "So please do not stand there and question my actions. Don't tell me how stupid I was for not telling someone. Do you know how hard this is for me? Standing here and telling you. It killed me to tell Neville, someone I trust. You can't imagine what this feels like, I feel like I'm being violated all over again."
"You said he didn't succeed."
Graces swallowed. "He didn't succeed in rape."
The word alone made the world stop around him. Harry stood there in the room and pushed the imagery that word evoked away. He didn't succeed, but he hurt her still. He wondered what he had done. Harry had been tortured, bullied, abused, but never had something like that been used against him. "You don't have to tell me about that," Harry offered.
"I wasn't going to," Graces said darkly, holding herself closer.
"So you stabbed Nott? And he stabbed you?"
"I stabbed myself."
Harry's throat went dry.
Graces shook her head petulantly. "I brewed this potion. It makes Nott feel all that I feel, whatever my body endures so will his."
"I wasn't planning on using it. I realized how stupid it would be to use it, but then-then I told Neville what happened. He—" she stopped and seemed to try to piece together what had occurred. "I don't ever want to see him like that again. He was going to kill Nott. He didn't even tell me what he was going to do. I woke up and he was gone. He left me this note and the next thing I knew I was running to try and stop him, but I was too late. When I found him he had stabbed him."
Harry now understood why Neville asked for his cloak, for his map. Neville had looked odd to him at the time, Harry remembered wondering if he was sick, but he didn't push him for answers. Now he wished he would have. He wished he would have done a lot of things better in regards to his friend.
"So I stabbed myself, in the exact same spot. Knowing it would inflict the same wound. If someone was going to be in trouble for killing Theodore Nott is was going to be me. Everyone thinks I did it because I wanted to die. That Nott had driven me to wanting an end. But I didn't want to die. I stabbed myself with intent and the intent was not to die. My cousin was also there that night that Hagrid found me in the barn. I knew where her post was at the school. After I stabbed myself I went to her. I figured an Auror should know what to do, and if I gave her my confession as a witness to my being hurt the other night, it would ensure Neville was never to blame. That's why she and Hagrid are under investigation. Because they knew what happened that night and didn't report it."
Graces gave a sad smile. "They did the best thing for me though. I needed to have control at that time, and they gave it to me. I would have broken if they hadn't. They're the only adults at this school I feel I can trust. The school board blames them for my stabbing myself; they think if they would have told people I wouldn't have done it."
"Why did you? I mean, I still don't understand why you did."
"Because Neville isn't a killer. I wasn't going to let him become one, and I certainly wasn't going to allow him to rot away in Azkaban."
Harry was trying to process what she was saying, what that meant. He felt like there was a lot more to this story, but he also felt like he didn't need to know it. It was a violation to ask now, now that he knew it had nothing to do with him.
"What are you doing with Neville?"
"I don't know."
"Bullshit. You know, so answer me."
"I really don't," Graces sighed, shaking her head. "At first it was just physical and—"
"Physical? As in sexual?"
"Typically when someone says they had a relationship with someone that is just physical yes they mean it only had a sexual nature."
"You were using Neville for sex," Harry said slowly, as though he must be missing something.
"You're a piece of work. You see him as just this clumsy pathetic fool. He fought with you, was tortured for you, was willing to give his life for you and you sit there surprised that someone would want to invite him to their bed. Just because you can't see him doesn't mean all of us can't."
"That's not fair! You and your brother have picked on Neville for years! Don't be surprised that I'm here wanting to stop you from using him like a pawn and probably leading him down a path that will get him killed. You were the one that used to call him a fat crybaby, that laughed and played monkey in the middle with his remembrall, that made fun of him in potions, that was cruel to him when he asked you out-"
"That was for show."
"Was it all for show?" Graces pursed her lips. "Yeah, that's what I thought."
"I'm not the one who pretends to be his friend."
"I am his friend."
"Then act like it!" Graces snapped.
Harry fell silent. He knew that on so many levels she was right.
"You're standing here pretending to care about him, but you don't. Not really. Tell me, Harry, what kind of life do you want for Neville? Have you ever even thought about it? I have. To you Neville is just there. He's good for a few board games here and there, or to get help with Herbology. Maybe to you he's a good soldier. But will you be inviting him to your home on Christmas when you get older? Do you remember to send him a birthday gift or card? Did you ever realize that when his gran and great uncle die he will be left alone? If you don't do it, who will?"
"There is only one person in this room that will use Neville like a pawn, that will get him killed, and it's not me, Potter. I want nothing but to give him a life, to build a life with him where we will be happy and content. Can you say the same? Or will he be another body for you to climb over on your way to victory?"
"Do you think I want people to die for me?" Harry snarled.
"It doesn't change the fact that they do and that they will," Graces said coldly. "People around you die. That's just how it is." She used her words as weapons, and she had just shattered his shield leaving him vulnerable. "Neville Longbottom should not die for you, not when you don't even see his worth."
"And you do?"
"I do more than you. You're here to see if Neville is betraying you, and he isn't."
"He's sleeping with you."
"Who Neville decides to bring to his bed is none of your business," Graces snarled. "And it's most certainly not a betrayal to get laid."
"He lied about it. He—"
"He lied to protect me. He lied so I wouldn't be disowned, and he lied because he's the type of guy that doesn't see me as some conquest. He didn't tell you because what we do when we're alone is private."
Harry could understand that. He could understand all of that, but still something was eating at him. "You never asked him for information on me? Never tried to coax him into switching sides?" he asked quietly, willing to believe her at this point if she said she had not.
Graces chewed the inside of her cheek as though debating if she should answer the question and his stomach dropped.
"I did ask him to change sides," she admitted. "He refused. I begged him, literally begged him. I told him that if he switched sides we could be together, out in the open. That we could have a future me and him, marriage, children." She paused as though the memory physically pained her. He wanted to point at her and say he knew it, but he couldn't say anything when she looked so sad, so broken. "Do you have any idea what a marriage to me would have given him? Respect, power, wealth. And that's without mentioning how much he loves me, how much joy it would bring him to have a family. A whole and complete family, he would even have a brother through Draco." Her face twisted with emotion. "You will never be able to offer him the things I could." She said the last part as an accusation.
"And still he said no. He picked you," she said venomously. "Even when I threatened to end things, he refused."
"You asked him to be a Death Eater? A Death Eater?"
"What does it matter? He said no. The life I offered him is far better than the one you do, and the gods know that it's your side that is riddled with the dead, but still he chose you. When I told him he would die for you and this stupid war he maintained some things are worth dying for." Tears were streaming down her face. "Neville should not die in this war. Not Neville. Not my Neville. And certainly not for you who doesn't even appreciate him. He-he's not made for this. The whole world is going to protect you, the Chosen One, the leader. Who will protect Neville? Who?" she demanded. "You? You didn't even give my father the prophecy when Neville was being tortured for you. You were going to let him die to keep it from the Dark Lord!"
The blood was now seeping out of her eye patch again, but she didn't seem to care as she continued to cry. She cried as if Neville were already dead, as if he was killed in this war already and she was going to have to watch him be buried in the ground.
"That's not true," Harry whispered, looking away. "After-after what your aunt did, after seeing Neville," he stopped and tried to bury the memory of his screams. "There was no choice. I held the prophecy out for your father to take. I-I wasn't going to let Neville die, I wasn't going to let your aunt torture him."
"What?" Graces breathed, her tears subsiding as she goggled at him. "My aunt said—"
"Your aunt lied," Harry said flatly. "I could show you the memory. I held the prophesy out." There was a stunned silence. "And when the Aurors came and the battle began, I dodged spells and bodies and made my way to where Neville was and made sure he was okay. Then we tried to get away from the battle, and another Death Eater attacked me. He was choking me. Neville saved me, stabbed the guy in the eye with Hermione's wand."
Graces let out a sad little laugh, or maybe it was a cry, he didn't know. Her hand was over her mouth, and a moment later she made the same noise. Harry decided it was a mix of both and let out awkward laugh as well.
"I'm surprised he never told you those things," Harry snorted. "Seems like the kind of thing you tell to impress the girl you're dating."
Graces let out a real laugh at that. "I doubt he wants to remind me about that night considering my father was arrested then." Harry shrugged. "Not to mention Neville doesn't really brag."
"No I suppose not," Harry chuckled.
Graces was silent for a while. "I hate when you and Neville fight." Harry looked up a bit surprised.
"I would think you would like us to not be friends, considering."
"Then Neville wouldn't have friends," Graces scowled. "I don't want that. I don't want him to be lonely. When you two fight I worry about him. I think of him all alone through the day and it makes my stomach hurt with guilt. I know you two fight because of me."
Harry chewed his lip for a moment. "I think I can take most of the blame for me and Neville fighting."
Graces raised her brow in a way that was all Neville. The shock, the openness, it even had some rugged trait to it that he saw in Neville's face when he was working in the greenhouse.
"You know, Neville smirks like you sometimes."
"Does he?" Graces asked, dabbing her eye from left over tears. "How interesting."
"Yeah," Harry breathed. "You just looked like him for a moment. That thing you did with your brow. Usually when you do that it's, well it's very like you, I guess. But how you just did it, is very much like Neville."
Graces let out a dark breathy chuckle. "I do it like my father, which is a challenge, a dare, or an interesting," she said the last word slowly with mystery, as she raised her eyebrow in the same manner. She smiled after her little show. "Neville's facial expressions are always very genuine. He's very genuine."
Harry nodded, and debated whether he should ask the question gnawing at him. Graces seemed to have her defences down, but if he continued to pry would they stay that way?
"What do you two talk about?"
Graces looked up at him before raising her eyebrow in the manner he was accustomed to. "Who says we talk, Potter?" Harry blushed and looked away, deciding that his question was answered, but Graces laughed. "I'm kidding. We talk. We talk a lot. Neville would not have it any other way. I did try to keep him at arm's length, but you know Neville. Stubborn as a hippogriff."
"I have a hard time imagining what you two talk about," Harry said honestly.
Graces shrugged. "Quidditch, family, plants—"
"You enjoy that? Talking about plants?"
"Neville is very mindful of himself. He usually won't talk to you about subjects he thinks will bore you. Oftentimes when he is talking to me about a plant it's one he thinks I would take interest in. The other day he told me about a wizard in Nepal that is growing gravity resistant trees," Graces' voice had a hint of awe to it. "Isn't that fascinating?"
Harry twisted his mouth, Neville had tried to tell him about the trees as well, but he found nothing interesting in it. He was surprised that Graces did.
Graces scoffed. "My gods, Potter you really are thick. No wonder you're in Gryffindor. Gravity resistant trees… wood… brooms… quidditch!" Graces exclaimed, clearly irritated that she had to practically draw a map for Harry to understand.
"They could be used to make brooms," Harry gasped, now understanding why that should be fascinating to him. He now felt horrible that he had told Neville that he didn't care. Especially now that he knew that Neville was trying to tell him something specifically of interest to him.
"Exactly! Probably the fastest brooms imaginable! And they would be so light weight! I am in the process of convincing Neville to get in on this action. He should invest and offer land to this man, but he's being a prat and won't listen to sense. He just wants to teach." Graces rolled her eyes affectionately. "He needs grander ambitions if you ask me. I think he'll start coming around though. I mean, Neville is stubborn, but not when it comes to things like this. I can win out on this one. He just needs the confidence to pursue this."
"I don't know if you've noticed—" Graces grinned. "—but Neville's a bit quiet. He's not good at putting himself out there and if you're going to invest in a business you need to sell yourself a bit."
"Maybe you could do it for him," Harry suggested. "Make the offer for him or something."
"Are you just trying to prove that you don't belong at all in Ravenclaw?" Graces deadpanned. "Do I need to remind you again that no one can know I have so much as a friendship with Neville Longbottom?"
"Sorry, I'm not exactly used to the idea that you're Neville's girlfriend and it has to remain a secret forever lest there be dire consequences," Harry retorted sarcastically, shaking his head at the blond. "It's not everyday that I have a polite conversation with you, let alone one where we are discussing your pillow talk with one of my mates."
For a moment Harry thought she was going to stick her tongue out at him, but Graces just gave him a cool smile, as though she enjoyed his little outburst.
"Pillow talk," she repeated, a small giggle escaping her lips. Harry watched the way she smiled, and knew she was thinking of Neville. If he were watching a movie and saw a woman smile like that he would think she was mad over the bloke she was thinking of. She smiled like a woman in love.
"Do you love him?" Harry asked, taking a seat and watching her reaction to the question. Graces' smile disappeared.
"I don't know," Graces sighed, taking a seat as well, so that they were facing one another.
"You don't know," Harry repeated. "You're risking your life to be with him, but you don't know if you love him? You're going behind your family's back, but you still don't know what this is?" Graces said nothing, she chewed her lip and shrugged her shoulders. "It sounds like you love him."
"Maybe I do," Graces acknowledged. "But that's for me to figure out, and for me to tell him. Not you." She narrowed her eyes. "I mean it, Potter, don't you go telling Neville you think I love him. It's not for you to tell."
"Well, there goes my night. Now what am I to do if I can't go running over to Neville and giggling about how I think you're in love with him."
Graces actually laughed at his comment. She even slugged him playfully. Harry laughed quietly along with her, and for a moment he wondered what life would have been like if there was never a Voldemort, if people didn't care about blood status. That's what we're fighting for. The laughter dimmed and Graces seemed to be able to tell that he was deep in thought.
"Harry," Harry jumped at the sound of his name, and at Graces hand on his. "Don't tell anyone. Please. I understand if you don't care what happens to me, but Neville would be devastated. He would blame himself for my death. I never told him what the consequences were if we were found out, but he would think he should have known and count himself a fool for not knowing. Every moment he and I had together would be tarnished, because he would believe that those moments killed me, that in a way he killed me. So please don't tell anyone."
"Why would you not tell him?" Harry frowned.
Graces shrugged. "I don't know why I didn't in the beginning, maybe I didn't because despite how many times I tried to end things I didn't really want them to end. I know that's why I don't tell him now. Because if I told him he would end things. Neville wouldn't think he was worth that cost."
Harry looked at her hand around his. He began wondering about the two of them, what their relationship was like. He thought about how angry she was with him and how she softened once he told her he was going to give her father the prophecy, about how hurt she was under the surface, physically and mentally. He could see why Neville would be good for her, how she could lean on him. And he could see how she could be good for him. That fierce protectiveness and ruthlessness could be something wonderful for his friend.
"I'm not going to tell anyone about you two. No one. Your secret's safe." She let out a breath he hadn't realized she had been holding. "And I'm sorry," he added. "For spying on you, for grabbing your arm in the Great Hall." He flinched at the memory. "I deserved to be decked."
Graces looked at him for a long moment and then her hand grew tighter around his. "This is war, Harry. Don't forget who I am. At the end of the day I want mine to survive and if that means you need to die, so be it. I don't like it, I am not rejoicing in the thought of your death, but it is what it is. Don't forget that. When the time comes and it's between you and me, I'm not going to hesitate."
Harry frowned. "Why are you saying this? I thought that we were—that we—"
"So you don't hesitate." Graces smirked playfully.. "I want us to fight on fair ground."
"This isn't funny," Harry scowled.
Graces' smile dimmed. "No. No, It's not. Just remember. Don't think about this one time meeting and feel pity for me or feel like we're friends. Remember, this is war. Just take care of Neville. He will follow you into anything. Take care of him."
She stood up to leave. Harry watched her as she went to the corner and picked up her wand.
"Neville doesn't need to know about this conversation," she said quietly, turning and looking at him again. "It's better if he doesn't know that you know."
"Why not tell him about us talking? I think this went well."
"It's complicated, just keep this between us. Let all this be our little secret. All of it." Harry thought about everything she had told him and nodded. She smiled at him, the kind of smile she had given Hagrid, the quiet warmth and charm seeping out. "I'll see you around, scarhead."
I don't know if y'all noticed, but today marks four years of me writing this fic! I'm just so happy about it, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter: D Don't forget to review/follow! Happy Anniversary guys!