Disclaimer: This man (or any other character) doesn't belong to me, though he lives in my head. XD
Notes: I know it's been a while, but Roger's been busy... doing stuff. Yeah, that it. And I've also been busy doing... stuff. Well, either way, we've both been really busy, but here it is. And I shall soon have the next chapter of LoF up hopefully in the near future. Thanks for bearing with me.
Enjoy!
Roger Journal: Don't touch, Mark!
September 19
I haven't been feeling too well lately. It feels like death is right there, just waiting to tap me on the shoulder, and take me away. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die...
I don't want to die. I'm scared. I'm more scared than anyone could ever know. I don't want to die. EVER! Why couldn't I have immortality... like a vampire, or something? I don't care. The hard part though, is I barely have the strength to go on much longer. Maybe it's just the sickness talking.
I've written a new song since I wrote the one for Mimi. It's not nearly as great, but it's just something. I've actually been working on my music a lot more lately. Something to preoccupy my mind. I've also been spending a great deal of time with Mark. We've been reminiscing so much more; talking about what it was like when we first met in school, living in hell... um, I mean Scarsdale... That place was hell. I'm glad my mom moved away from there after I left. I don't think she could've handled staying there any more than I could. It was torture. All those 'nice' people everywhere, pretending that life was a bowl of cherries... when in fact, most, if not all of them had a tendency to talk behind people's backs. Especially the old biddies. Those old women went around judging every one, and every thing. It was crazy.
Well, who cares about the old ladies anyway? So, Mark and I have also been spending time with Benny of all people. He and Alison got a divorce (surprise, surprise) and he's been hanging out here with us. He still owns the building, but he's finally gotten off our asses about paying rent. Not that we'd pay him anyway.
Benny and I discussed my 'affair' with Alison, and now he calls her Muffy too. It's fucking hilarious. See, when I first got to the city, after moving in with Collins here at the loft, I would go out almost every night. Well, some nights I'd stay home to catch up on my sleep, but whatever.
Anyway, I went out with Collins one night to this bar, and I started flirting with a group of girls, and Muffy was one of them. A bunch of stuck-up bitches they were, and I saw that as a challenge. I always had fun picking up one of those kinds of girls, cuz it was very rewarding when they actually went home with you, and you could kick them out of your bed, and your home, and well... make them cry. Okay, I wasn't that much of a bastard, but...
So, I approached them like I would had it been any other girl... or boy, but that depended solely on how things with Mark were going. See, Mark had no idea for a long time that I had been with Alison, but laughed his ass off when I told him.
Right, topic at hand... so, I walked up to her, gave her my sexy smile, and sat beside her. Not like some jackass who couldn't pick up a chick... but I sat beside her, and she looked over at me and smiled back. We exchanged pleasantries and well, she told me she thought I was sexy... which I was. Well, still am; at least that's what Mark says.
Which reminds me... I finally gave in to him. Yeah, I couldn't resist him. There was always something about him I could never put my finger on that attracted me to him. I don't know, maybe it was his geekiness. Either way, I gave into him, and we've been taking it slow. Don't wanna rush it, though it's not like I have a whole lot of time left. That's why I hadn't been writing in this lately. I've been spending my time with Mark, and writing new lyrics, and just trying to live again. But I should try to keep this updated as regularly as possible, so when I do die, people would know what the hell I did with my fucked up life.
Wow, I got so off topic there. Right, Alison Grey... or is it Coffin now. Eh, who cares? So, I asked if I could buy her a drink, and she said yes, do I bought her a drink. A Maitai was what she ordered. Cocktails... Mark drinks those sometimes when he can't handle something harder... -whistles-
So, I convinced her to join me at another table; Collins had found a companion for the night, so it didn't bother him... We drank for a bit, and she eventually started talking about herself, and asking me a whole bunch of questions. I told her I was a musician, and was looking for a band who needed a guitarist, or singer, or both, and she had mentioned that she had some friends of her friend's brother looking for someone like me... but that's another story for another time.
We eventually ended up going back to her place that night. She was still living with her parents, but she was living in the pool house, so technically she had her own place, and well... needless to say, I fucked her, and fucked her good.
The next morning she told me she wanted to keep seeing me, and I figured, 'what the hell? What did I have to lose?' Well, except maybe Mark, but I never told him about her... not until after I met April. It didn't break his heart the way it did when I left him for April. See, I didn't leave him for Muffy, cuz I didn't have any real feelings for her.
So, I started seeing her every other weekend. I told her that on those other weekends I went to visit my mother. I know I'm an asshole. But I was spending those other weekends with Mark...
Anyway, so that didn't last long though. She would always buy me things, and try to make me her "boyfriend", but I wasn't up for that. Not with her. She was too... stuffy, too... bitchy for me. So, probably after a few months, I told her I couldn't be with her anymore, cuz I did feel like she really "loved" me. I bullshitted my way the entire time. She told me she didn't love me, but had already planned on ending it with me. Haha... fucking bitch. I broke up with you first. I had been calling her Muffy as a pet name to begin with, and she thought it was cute; but when she turned into primo bitch when I broke up with her, it became sort of a mocking thing.
So, that's my story with Alison "Muffy" Grey-Coffin.
I love Mark. I really do. He's been so good to me for so many years. I don't deserve him, but he's here, and said he'd never leave my side until the day I leave his. "Even then," he said. "I would always love you, and couldn't wait to be with you again." I know he's so sweet. Too sweet for his own good sometimes. Like with Maureen... but I'm not going there.
Well, it's getting pretty late... or is that early? Either way, I need to get some sleep, otherwise Mark's gonna bitch at me for staying up till all hours of the night again. I'm glad I have him. I wouldn't know what to do without him. He's been my anchor for so many years... I really do love Mark.