Disclaimer: This boy isn't REALLY mine, though he tends to talk to me a LOT in my head... so, I think I'm going crazy. XDD

Notes: It's been seven months since Roger has updated his journal, and he's got a story to tell. It's kinda funny. Enjoy.

Roger's Journal: Don't touch, Mark!

April 4th

Holy fucking shit! It's been almost a whole fucking year since I started writing in this again. Then stopped for like, what, seven months or something? Fuck. I've just… haven't wanted to write, I guess. Shit's been going on, you know, what with Mark and I making things official again and all. It's a little weird; I mean, not weird in a bad way, but… just weird.

We've been doing couple-y things: just hanging out together, and well, loving each other. He still films me like I'm so famous fucking star, and I still sit on the table and play my guitar, writing songs that won't go anywhere, but hey… at least someone appreciates them. It's not like anyone's gonna see Mark's films anyway, so whatever. Maybe when I die Mark can sell them or something. Who'd wanna watch them anyway, besides Mark that is?

Wow. You'd think after seven months I'd have more to write about in here, but… I don't. Or at least nothing I can think of. I could write about all the sappy shit Mark and I have been up to, but uh… I don't know if I could go back and re-read it if I did. I mean, I guess Mark'll appreciate it when he eventually reads this, which I know he will when I die, even though it clearly says on the cover, "Rog's Journal: DON'T TOUCH, MARK!" But I know how Mark is, and well, he won't be able to resist. Mainly cuz it's me.

Anyway… been just… blah lately. Not with Mark, but with me. The threat of death still lingers, not that it'll go away, but I hate that it just hangs there, waiting to take me. Waiting for me to get really sick and just take my life… and leave Mark all alone.

FUCK! I hate that! I hate knowing that when it's all said and done, when it's all over, Mark will be here… all alone. And I'll… be dead…

Well, FUCK THAT! I can't… WON'T let myself die that easily. I- I- I just fucking can't. I-- have to fucking live for him. Heh… this is so fucking ironic. Not too long ago I was saying how I just couldn't even be with Mark again, and now look at me; we hook up again, after I fought hard not to cuz of this shit, and now I'm gonna fight tooth and fucking nail to keep it going, make it work… live long enough to… really be with him.

I'm getting scared though. I mean I wasn't sure if the condom broke, but I thought I felt something, and even heard something, but when we finished, and I checked the condom, it didn't seem like it broke. I couldn't tell. But uh, I've told Mark he needs to get tested, no matter what, cuz there's NO way I'm letting him die from this fucked up shit too. I-He just can't. I won't let him. I-- This can't happen…

Well… it's the worst month of the year for me again, which means more thoughts of April. Funny… when February rolled around, my thoughts of Mimi were few, though I did think of her. I guess that should count for something, right? Heh. Nope, I'm just a bastard. A fucking fucked up bastard. But seeing as it's April, I've been thinking about her. Granted, not nearly as much as this time last year, but still. It's getting close to her birthday again.

Oh man… fucking Mark… April fools day, right… the little fucker got me good. First time too. I had completely forgotten what day it was, and I was chilling, relaxing on the couch, not really doing anything, cuz I was kinda out of it, and uh… he comes in… and starts crying like, sobbing and shit, and I thought something bad happened. He sat down on the couch next to me, even leaned against me, and I did my best to comfort him, asking him what was wrong. He didn't answer; just kept sobbing, and so I just held him. When it sounded like he had stopped crying, I asked him what was wrong again, and he started balling, wailing pretty much. I was starting to really get worried now.

So, he cried a little more, so I figured I wasn't gonna ask him this time what was wrong. Just let him cry and if he wanted to tell me, he would. He stopped crying suddenly, and looked away, getting up quickly, and ran to his old room. Curious, of course, I got up and followed him. Hey, I was worried. I wanted to make sure he was okay.

I walked in, and he was--packing. But not his shit… mine. I stopped him, and asked him what the fuck was going on, and he told me I was moving out. What the fuck? He kept packing, and I literally had to get in between him and my duffle bag. He kept pulling my shit off of hangers, and drawers… I was so confused, at the same time, getting really pissed.

But Mark wouldn't tell me anything else, so I actually grabbed him by the shoulder, and kinda pushed him against the wall. Had it not been for Collins walking in at that moment, hearing the commotion and all, I probably would've hit Mark. Collins started laughing though, as soon as he came in. I was really confused now, but when Collins presented two tickets to Santa Fe. He arranged for Mark and me to spend some time alone in the one place I ran away to when I couldn't deal with Mimi. How ironic.

Mark kissed me, calling out 'surprise' and 'April fools', I ended up socking him in the arm, then taking a swing, playful swing at Collins, who hit me back twice. Once for hitting him, and the other for hitting Mark, then told us to have fun.

Not a typical April fools joke, but it still got me good.

So, the trip is for this weekend… just after April's birthday… maybe being in Santa Fe it'll keep my mind off of it, and focused on Mark.

Fuck, I guess I did have a lot to say. And I didn't even talk about April all that much either. Heh.

Well, I'm gonna try to write in this more. I know Mark'll like that. After all, he was the one who got it for me…

I really do love him… he's… everything. MY everything. And my only reason for living.