Special thanks to Purplestan, Sam, infinateconstellations, TVDobsession106, Malfoy Mouth James- MMJ, RIOSHO, SK, AnnyJackson19, Krakengirl, lipglossandcigarettes, anand891996, GracesLongbottom, neatfreak16, emilyamazing, orxestra, muno005, Ihatecarbonara, trispectrum, Gray Black , Matthews hot af, Drapple, Dipper, Caitlyn, guest and guest for the reviews ! And of course to Denarii for all his hard work betaing for me.

Chapter 99

This was awkward, really awkward, Neville thought, standing in front of his Head of House's door. Dinner with Professor McGonagall and Graces. Every night. He bit his lip and wondered if he should wait for Graces before entering and then scowled when he realized she may already be in there. He ran a hand through his hair and realized how desperately uncomfortable he was with this. Before he could come to a decision the door swung open on its own.

Graces was indeed already there and he had a suspicious feeling that she had just opened the door to check and see if he was down the hall yet. She glared at him.

"You're late," she hissed.

"Am I late, or were you early?" Neville asked, raising his brows and knowing the answer to the question.

"To be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late and to be late is unacceptable," Graces lectured under her breath, arms crossed as Neville walked in. Neville glanced down at his watch. Four—maybe five—minutes late if he was being generous.

He was about to point this out, but decided to refrain. Graces had her arms crossed tightly around her and she kept glancing over nervously to where he could hear McGonagall in the kitchen.

"I will be early from now on," he promised, gently rubbing her arms. He was about to pull her in, but then stopped. Graces seemed to sense the reasoning behind his hesitation as well. It didn't feel right to be intimate standing in their teacher's apartment. He suddenly felt very young. Or maybe not young, but my actual age.

"Right?" she mouthed, a mixture of horror and disappointment.

"Relax," Neville said gently, trying to appear more comfortable than he was feeling. He had a feeling he wasn't a good actor, though, based on Graces' look. He quietly motioned her back through the door so that they could talk privately in the hall.

"The other night you were worried you made a mistake," he prodded. "Are you still feeling that way?"

Graces looked up and his heart dropped into his feet. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Neville couldn't hide his hurt.

"Not about you," Graces pleaded. "Just... I didn't plan on telling someone all that. And Draco—"

"Nothing is changing now, Graces. It's just dinner."

Graces took in a shuddering breath and her eyes brimmed with tears. "We aren't alone anymore, Neville. She knows about us. We can't sneak around anymore to be together. I don't get to have you to m—"

McGonagall opened the door and Graces quickly turned away to hide her tears. The older woman looked at Neville who awkwardly muttered that they needed a moment. McGonagall seemed a bit unsure about leaving as though she were going to try to talk to Graces herself there in the hall, but she nodded and gave them the privacy.

"I'm not comfortable being myself around people I don't know, or around people I do know."

"It doesn't have to happen overnight. You can warm up to Professor McGonagall and—"

"I'm not worried about McGonagall, Neville, I'm worried about you."

Neville frowned at her statement. "Me?" His eyes shifted as he tried to think about what she was saying. "Graces," he whispered, cupping her face in his palms. "Why do you think we are so fragile?"

"Because we are, Neville."

Neville shook his head. "No, we're not."

Graces shook her head. "I feel so distant from everyone. Draco is a part of me and now he's a stranger. Now he thinks of me as a stranger. We have not existed without one another and it took months to ruin that, how long will it take for this to be ruined? For you to feel distant from me because we can't be ourselves around one another. And you're all I have now," she added tightly.

"Graces, you could disappear for a year, five years, ten years. You could be gone until I am old and gray and my feelings will remain the same. You could continue on with snapping at me tonight, like you did the moment I walked through the door—" Graces flushed "—and I would make excuses for you until I'm blue in the face."

"I'm sorry," she said sincerely. She closed her eyes and seemed to be mentally scolding herself. "Gods, I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Neville shrugged. "Because I know you. And I know you're scared… and a Malfoy. It makes it easy to forgive you. I also know you love me and don't mean it."

"I am not all you have, Graces," Neville continued. "You have Draco. And you will never lose Draco, this I am sure. I think you're scared because you have to rebuild your relationship with Draco and you also have to build a new relationship with McGonagall. And you and I are going to have to not be so prominent in your life, but you will still have me." She laid her head on his chest and he wrapped his arms tightly around her, stifling the impulse to insist they move out of the hall. He closed his eyes and smiled as she breathed him in. "Ready?"

"Ready."

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McGonagall wondered what Graces' life was like growing up. She watched her eating across the table and realized that she was seeing exactly what Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy would have wanted the world to see when they were looking at their daughter: beautiful, refined, dignified. She saw both Narcissa and Lucius sitting in front of her and none of the girl she had seen the other night. She looked over at where Neville was seated, slouched down in his chair warily watching her cut her mince pie as if it were venison, the complete opposite in every way of her demeanor.

"You know, you remind me a lot of your mother."

Graces sat there for a few moments and she enjoyed the small frown that traced between her brow as she tried to figure out what that comment really meant.

"Do you like my mother?" Graces asked cautiously, eyeing her suspiciously.

"More than I liked your father," she answered simply, taking a bite of her own meal.

The blonde stared at her a long while before Neville lightly nudged her with his knee under the table and smiled, alerting Graces that it was a joke. Graces hesitantly smiled, but didn't comment.

"So," the older woman ventured. "What do you two normally talk about?"

There was a long silence before Graces and Neville both shrugged awkwardly.

"You two do talk don't you?" she deadpanned.

"Of course we do," Neville sputtered, his face a deep shade of red.

McGonagall waited for an answer.

"We talk about plants, potions, books, music, normal things," Graces answered quietly, moving the food on her plate with her fork.

"Maybe we could discuss some of these normal things at dinner," McGonagall suggested. "If I wasn't here what would you two be discussing?"

"I don't know," Graces shrugged, looking over at Neville as though she expected him to find the answer.

"What was the last normal thing you two discussed?"

Neville scowled in thought, but Graces' eyes brightened as though she knew immediately what she wanted to talk about.

"Neville doesn't like cats," she proclaimed, making a very small attempt to hide her grin behind her hand. "He thinks they're uncouth."

"Really?" McGonagall asked slowly, looking over at Neville who gestured lazily in agreement. "Uncouth, huh?"

"I didn't say uncouth," Neville sighed. "I just said that I didn't like cats and that they tend to do their business wherever they want."

"He likes dogs. Apparently cats are without affection," Graces added, seeming to enjoy the fact that Neville wasn't catching on to what was happening.

Neville rolled his eyes. "Graces doesn't like dogs. She thinks they're too affectionate. She'd rather have an animal that pointedly doesn't listen and withholds affection."

"Dogs are desperate for love. They have this need to be liked," McGonagall pointed out. "Very dependent creatures."

"Dependent is code for weak," Graces piped in.

"Dependent is not code for weak," the older woman corrected. "There is nothing wrong in leaning on others, but dogs are weaker than cats, yes."

"A dog would save you from drowning. A cat would just watch."

"A cat wouldn't have let you go in dangerous waters to begin with," McGonagall rebutted.

"If it liked you enough to deem you worthy to live," Neville muttered into his plate.

Neville didn't know why Graces was determined to bring this up. He had already agreed to a cat. She seemed to be deriving some form of sick pleasure of reminding him. He highly doubted that this little conversation was to point out the good qualities of a cat vs a dog so that he would want a cat as well. No, Graces, as lovely as she was, wouldn't want him to want a cat too. She would just be satisfied that she was getting the cat.

Neville was so distracted with the thought that he didn't notice McGonagall change to her animagus and was taken quite aback when she had hopped onto the posting of his chair. So taken aback that he shifted too far and too quickly in his chair and fell over. Graces' laughter echoed through the room and Neville glared up at her, but the effect wasn't as potent as he wanted. He was too overwhelmed with relief at hearing the sound.

"Oh, don't look at me like that, Longbottom," Graces giggled, hiding her wide smile behind a hand and failing. "She's your head of house, it's not my fault you forgot she's also a cat. Also, I wasn't the one who decided to give you a start."

"Oh, so we're back to last names, huh, Malfoy?"

"When you give me that look, yes," Graces replied simply. Taking another bite of her dinner as though to say she was done with that conversation.

Neville shook his head and stood up. McGonagall was still in her cat form, perched on the edge of his chair and watching him with what he swore was amusement. Neville stifled the urge to shoo her off his seat and waited for her to move away. When McGonagall transformed back she sat in her chair and looked very pleased with herself.

Neville considered for a moment and then said, "A dog wouldn't have done that."

Both women laughed and the debate continued. The awkwardness had faded away and Neville noted that Graces had even finished her meal at some point between all the conversation. He began clearing the plates when Graces asked McGonagall if she always knew she would be a cat. He missed the answer as the water from the sink made it hard to hear.

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"Not quite. I thought I would be something in the feline family, but I didn't know specifically that I would be a cat."

"Did you think yourself a lioness?"Graces asked, her tone teasing. She could totally see a Gryffindor thinking of themselves with such grandeur.

"I am a lioness, Miss Malfoy," McGonagall quipped. "Have you seen the scar on your father's right shoulder?"

Graces stilled. "You did that?" she whispered.

The older woman just smiled. "I always wondered if it was your father under that mask. Thank you for confirming."

Graces was taken aback for a second time. She stared at the woman across from her for a long while. "You could have been in Slytherin," she stated finally.

"I almost was."

"You were not."

"I was. It took that hat five and a half minutes to finally make a decision."

"Neville had a long sorting too, come to think of it," Graces wondered aloud, she looked around and realized that Neville still wasn't back from the kitchen.

"I was arguing with the hat," Neville called out. "I wanted Hufflepuff and it was already decided on Gryffindor. Wouldn't listen to a word I was saying."

Graces stood from the table and walked over to the kitchen where Neville was bent over the sink scrubbing a pot.

"What are you doing?" she asked, coming up on his left side.

"The dishes," Neville said slowly.

Graces was silent for a moment. "That's for house elves to do."

"I don't see any house elves around, do you?"

"Of course not. Any good house elf would make sure to not be seen."

Neville gave her a small amused smile that let her know there would be a discussion later. Graces probably would have wondered more on it if she wasn't so taken with his presence. Neville went back to the dishes and her eyes wandered to how Neville's sleeves were rolled up just slightly below his elbows- similar to how he rolled them up in the Greenhouse. And he had that same calmness to him in this moment. She flushed and looked away.

"Aren't there spells for that?" She drawled, trying to put some distance between her thoughts.

"Probably, but I don't know them," Neville shrugged, looking over at her and grinning. She couldn't help her smile back and prayed that no one could notice the heat on her cheeks. She had a feeling Neville did though from the happily surprised—maybe even slightly proud—way he lifted his brows as he turned back to the dishes.

"You need to wipe that smile off your face before McGonagall comes in."

Neville's grin grew even wider. "You're the one thinking of shagging me in our Professor's kitchen."

"Don't flatter yourself, Longbottom. I was only thinking of how nice your smile was."

"Sure," Neville chuckled.

Graces playfully smacked his arm. "I was! I was thinking things, but not that."

"And what things are you thinking?" Neville asked, rinsing off the last of the pots.

Graces shook her head. "Stupid sentimental things," she whispered.

"I'd like to hear them."

"Oh, yes, because it wouldn't be awkward at all if McGonagall walked in on us having a moment."

"I think she is pointedly allowing us a bit of privacy," Neville pointed out. "So what were you thinking."

Graces was going to continue to push away from answering, but then she thought of all that Neville must have gone through in the past few days and all the worry she had seen on his face.

"I was thinking how you always had such a nice smile," Graces admitted, playing with the ring on her finger.

Neville snorted. "Maybe after you fixed my teeth."

"No," Graces shook her head. "I always liked your smile, once I noticed it. I—" Graces paused and tried to not be too embarrassed. "I noticed it before our night in the Greenhouse. When you smile it's—it's always so genuine. You smile with your eyes as much as your mouth." Graces bit her lip. "And your eyes are always so warm and—"

"Kind," Neville finished quietly, those very eyes completely consuming her. Graces stared at him unsurely. "You've mentioned it a few times," he said, his voice telling her how dear he held those words.

Graces let out a breathy laugh. "And here I was worried we were fragile."

Neville tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear and let his hand linger gently against her neck. "We're not." She stared up at him and this time actually believed the words he was saying. "So now that dinner is over you should go be with Draco."

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Graces found Draco in the Slytherin common room brooding in the chair—their chair—that stared out into the murky belly of the lake. She bit her lip and remembered all the times she and her brother had curled up in that same chair together and wrote essays, studied, gossiped or even just stared out as he was doing now. Now the chair looked too small for them to sit in together. She couldn't imagine being that close physically to someone other than Neville. A new pain welled up in her at the realization and she hated what she had lost in the past few months.

Still she approached Draco anyways and ignored her discomfort as she nudged him over and joined him in the armrest. Her whole left side touching his whole right. He didn't feel the same she realized. He was taller, harder and sitting next to him like this made her think of sitting next to her father. She tried to work out if that was because Draco was becoming more of a man or if it was because she was not used to him any longer.

Draco eyed her coldly for a moment before turning back away to look at the lake. She reached out tentatively for his hand and wasn't surprised when he moved it away.

"I have secrets," she whispered, the words falling around her like snow. She let them drift into the world and wondered if they would melt before Draco saw them.

"Yeah, I assumed."

Graces chewed her lip and tried to swallow down the emotion building in her throat. "I'm going to tell you them, Draco, but—" she shook her head. "I can't tell you now," she said, her eyes falling down to her lap as tears escaped her. "Not yet."

"Why?"

She knew she deserved this. The hostility and disgust in her brother's words, his refusal to look at her even.

"Because you will hate me for it and I'm scared to lose you."

She felt Draco shift and knew that he had moved to look at her, but she continued to stare down like the coward she was. She had bitten through her bottom lip and the coppery taste of blood was now filling her mouth, but she hardly noticed it. Draco's eyes were on her and she felt as though he could see what she had done.

"I hate you a little now," he finally said hollowly. "I hate you for not being here, for not enduring this with me."

"I have not been there for you, but trust me Draco I have endured this."

"We should have endured it together, not apart."

Graces swallowed. "I didn't want to endure it with you."

"Why?"

"Because I can't bear seeing you in pain," she admitted, looking up at her brother now and seeing the briefest flash of emotion that was not disdain. "And I don't think you could have borne to see mine."

Draco looked away from her and she saw his jaw tremble slightly as he reined in his own tears.

"I couldn't give you my pain because you had too much and you couldn't give me yours because I had too much. I think—I think if I didn't separate we would have just fallen into despair."

"That's not what would have happened."

"No, you're right. Because you would have tried to hold me up." She held Draco's eyes and felt her resolve strengthen. "Better you be without me then have to carry me."

"So you didn't want to see my pain thus you ignored it?" Draco asked hatefully.

Graces closed her eyes and nodded. "I'm sorry. You will never know how sorry."

"I need you."

"I'm here now," Graces swore, her voice breaking. "I am. No more. I am here and I am going to be here no matter what. I'll be here even if you cast me out and never want to see me again, I'll still be here just waiting for you."

"Why the change?"

My demons are being held by someone else. Someone far more capable of handling them. "I can't tell you yet."

"That's right," Draco deadpanned. "Your secrets."

Graces nodded, but didn't offer to tell him what they were.

"How long do you plan on keeping these secrets from me? Can I expect to know why I may hate you soon?"

"Soon," Graces promised weakly.

"And if I demand to know now?"

Graces shuddered at the thought.

"Just tell me, Graces. Let this be over now."

Graces bit her lip and looked up at Draco for a moment, before looking down at her shoes. "I-I'm madly in love with Neville Longbottom. Like, madly in love with him. Can't breathe at the thought of losing him kind of love."

She looked up to see Draco staring down at her, his brows to his hairline, before he tilted his head back and laughed exuberantly.

"Gods, I missed you," he grinned, moving and holding her close to him. Graces scowled, her mind going silent as she tried to figure out why Draco was hugging her and not strangling her. "I can't believe you're continuing that disgusting joke."

She felt all the air leave her lungs at his words. She sat there limply as Draco held her close to him.

"Fine," he murmured against her hair. "You tell me when you're ready. Just... stay with me this time. I need you."

"I need you," Graces breathed, closing her eyes and taking in her brother's warmth. "I am so sorry."

"You're forgiven." Draco leaned away from here and took on a more serious and gentle expression. "But you can't be friends with Longbottom anymore, Graces. I'm sorry."

Graces felt her heart drop to her stomach. "What? Why—no—we—"

"This isn't an order from your brother, this is an order from your patriarch. You two cannot be friends and I want you to tell Professor Sprout that you cannot be partners with him any longer."

"But we've already done most of our end of the year project together. Professor Sprout—"

"Then drop the class," Draco said patiently.

"I can't get into a healer program if I—"

"Graces," Draco murmured gently, taking her hand. "I think we both know you won't be going into a healer program."

And it was true, she realized. She hadn't thought about a healer program in so long and she wouldn't allow herself to because she knew what her true paths were. A lump grew in her throat at hearing the truth said aloud.

"I'm sorry," Draco said quietly. "I imagine you know this, but it's still difficult to hear out loud. But I need you to hear it," he continued. "I need you to be more present and to start making decisions like an adult, someone equal to me because frankly it would be nice to be able to lean on you."

"Am I not equal to you now?" Graces scowled. Draco had never acted as though they weren't equal.

"No we're not, because if we were you would be making adult decisions like me. Such as knowing better than to be friends with Neville Longbottom because you wanted to protect your family." He gave her a pointed look that she had seen a thousand times from her mother, but had her father's irritation behind it.

She turned away, her stomach turning as she thought about her family.

"This is better for everyone," Draco insisted. "It's better for Longbottom as well. Have you considered how he will feel after?"

He didn't need to explain what after was. Graces bit the tip of her tongue. There was not going to be an after, because she had already prevented Draco from succeeding at his task. If she were a better sister she would come clean now, but Draco's reaction still frightened her. He didn't even want her and Neville to be friends, what would he think or do if he knew the truth?

"We're a very selfish breed," Draco sighed, leaning back into the chair and closing his eyes as if this talk was exhausting to him. "I'm not sure what exactly you get out of your friendship with Longbottom." He paused for a moment. "Aside from his helping us to get Octavian, but whatever it is you can do without. I'm here now and you have Graham and Thomas as well. What more do you need?"

"Nothing, I suppose," she murmured, knowing full well all that Neville gave her. All the ways that he completed her that she still didn't fully understand.

"Then it's settled."

"Professor Sprout is going to want to know why I want a new partner," she whispered.

"Say he makes you feel uncomfortable."

Graces scowled. "He doesn't."

"Well, she doesn't know that."

"I won't say that, Draco."

"I really don't care what you say," Draco muttered irritatedly. "Just get a new partner or drop the class. I could not care less which one it is."

"Understood," she whispered, standing up to go to bed. She thought about what was going to happen tomorrow and suddenly felt sick with worry. She had to talk with Neville, but she didn't know how to talk to him before first period and—

She jolted as she felt Draco's hand take hers. He was still leaning tiredly on the chair, but his eyes were completely vibrant as he stared up at her.

"Ever since we were little our plan was to be together. To be ourselves with one another. I would do whatever Father expected of me for work, live the life he wanted. And you would do what was expected of you—you had more wiggle room than I did—but my point is that at the end of the day we always said we would have each other. We could make mum and dad proud, maintain our family name, and be who we wanted to be. No one would be disappointed and we would still be happy."

"Is that still true?"

"Is what still true?" she echoed in confusion.

"Could you still be happy? If you're not a healer, if you have to be what our family needs and not what you want."

She stood there for a long while. Stood there as she let go of everything she had planned for her life. Some of it she didn't mind seeing go. She thought about the kind of pureblood boys her parents would approve of and she felt relieved that she had found something better for herself. But other things hurt. Things Draco didn't know because he wasn't aware of just how far she had strayed. There would be no healing program, but it wasn't as devastating as there being no more mum and dad. Her parents would never accept Neville.

She looked at her brother with more determination than she had before to rekindle their relationship. Maybe if they were as strong in their bond as they had once been he would accept this. Maybe what Neville said could be true. They could have a life together and Draco would be a part of that life.

"So long as I have the people I love I will be happy."

I hope all of you are staying safe during this pandemic. These are frightening times and I know that some of you are probably unsure of what is going to happen in the next few months. For those that don't know my husband is in his first year of surgical residency so this has been really stressful for us. With him going to the hospital every day and seeing some covid patients. I worry constantly for him, for our son and in the last few days for my own job. "Matthews hot af" mentioned in their last review that their mother is a doctor and they are worried, and I wanted to say as the wife of a physician I understand that worry and the fear and pride that comes with it and I know how mentally exhausting it is to feel all of that at once.

Anyways, I wanted to say that writing this fic has gotten me through so much over the years. And it's given me such a wonderful escape during all this. I know I don't update too much, work, motherhood and life kind of keep me busy, but when I do write it's my self care. Lately, it's really helped me and I hope that reading it offers you even a fraction of an escape that it gives me… I also wanted to say that you all as well have really helped me these past few weeks. Your kind words are always appreciated and it means the world to me that you all are enjoying this and have stuck around for this.