Full Moon Feelings
Full moon. The worst nights in my life, and they must be ten times worse for you, Remus.
I can't remember you, either. Oh, yes, I remember the transformations and the time I tried to make you a murderer. I remember the bad times, but I don't remember the good. I know they're there, all right, but I can't bring them to mind. Agony.
You think I was the traitor, don't you? Just like the rest of the world. You think I murdered Lily, James and Peter. Oh, I handed Lily and James over to Voldemort, all right. I gave them to Peter, and worse than killed them. I just wish I was guilty for the other crime. Peter, that two-timing bloodsucker. Worse than Snape. Wait till I get my hands on him.
Remus, I'm sorry. I can almost hear you howling for your pack from here. It's ripping me up from the inside. Just like you're ripping yourself up, right this moment. I can remember that.
Don't tell me it's not my fault that Lily and James are dead; it is. I was too blind to see Peter's dishonesty. I only saw what I wanted to see, and I might have been making that up. It hardly seems likely that you, Remus, were separating yourself from the rest of us. Why would you do that?
I didn't trust myself with James' life. No, that's not true. I was too scared. Ridiculous, isn't it? Me, a Gryffindor, being scared. Stupid.
That's what I was. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.
I rushed in without thinking about it, just as usual. Just as I did when I nearly killed Snape. Just as I did when I went after Peter. Just as usual.
Stupid.
I know, it's my fault, but you think I was the traitor. At least James knew I wasn't. You didn't. I didn't trust you.
That's what hurts most.
Someone's screaming again. How long will it be until I start?