The next morning, I wake up and I recall everything that happened last night. I was so close to coming out to my dad. I look at my clock and realize that I have practice in five minutes. I jump out of bed, put on my track pants and sweatshirt, run downstairs and out the door. I get on my bike and I pedal as fast as I can to get to practice. Once I finally make it to the school, I chain my bike up and run into the gym right at the end of practice. My teammates are up against the wall breathing heavily and some angrily.
"Look who it is, Paigey the preacher's daughter," says Naomi, "Nice of you to finally show up to practice after coach made us run because you didn't show."
"Fuck off Naomi," I say, not really in the mood for her antics. Naomi has been the school's bully ever since elementary school. She picks on everyone and anyone she can.
"You wanna say that again, bitch," Naomi says through gritted teeth. Suddenly she grabs the front of my shirt and pushes me up against the lockers. Anger is twisting his facial features into an evil grin.
"Back off, Naomi," says Emily sternly, "or else I will make sure you get benched for the rest of the season."
Naomi takes a step away from me. As captain of the basketball team Emily really could have her benched, the only reason Naomi doesn't pick on Emily.
"Your little girlfriend can't always be there to defend you," Naomi threatens as she and her little followers leave the gym. Shortly after, everyone else picks up and leaves to get ready for period one class. Emily and I are now alone, and I just want to escape from my life.
"Paige, are you okay?" she asks, gently cuffing my chin with her reassuring hand and forcing my eyes to meet hers.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I say, diverting my eyes and picking up my duffle bag. I nonchalantly brush past her to go to my locker. I know I should not be so harsh to Emily, but this is how it has to be for a little bit. My dad needs to cool off and and no be so fixated on who I hang out with.
I open up my locker, with a sigh, to grab my chemistry and English textbooks. Then out of the corner of my eye, I can see Emily on her phone smiling while texting. She doesn't even need me after all, she has a great group of friends. They are proud of who she is, unlike me, who has to stifle that part of me to survive. She gets to be open about herself, and still be the smart, popular jock.
I walk into my first period class that I just so happen to have with Emily and her friends. I find a seat all the way in the back of the classroom and sit hoping no one would notice me. The bell rings as students start filing into their classes.
Just as the late bell rings, Mr. Fitz walks into the classroom and closes the classroom door. He is cool and all, but he looks pretty young to be a high school teacher though. Mr. Fitz begins his lesson and I just drift off into my own thoughts. I think about what is going to happen with Emily and I. There is no way that my dad is going to let Emily come over. I want to be with Emily so much, but then my dad will get mad. Why can't I just be happy? That is all I want. To be happy and to be with Emily. I know that there are plenty of other girls and I'm only in high school but I love Emily and I think we can go a long way together. Even though we haven't said those words to each other yet, we can feel it. I don't want to go home straight after school. Maybe I could just go to Emily's house from now on and tell my dad that I am practicing instead. When I come back from my thoughts, I see everyone looking at me, so I look at Mr. Fitz.
"Paige, could you tell the class your thoughts on act three of 'Romeo and Juliet'?" Mr. Fitz asks, crossing his arms in front of him.
I roll my eyes, "Um, it was a good act," I say shrugging my shoulders.
"Please pay attention in class," he insists before going back to reading the play.
I glance over to where Emily is sitting, and I see her looking down at her phone giggling and smiling again. I decide to take out my phone and text her: "Hey, what's up with all the smiling over there?"
Emily replies, "Nothing, Hanna just sent me some really funny memes."
"They must be some good memes lol," I try to play off my jealousy but fail.
"They are, lmao… Do you want to come over after school?"
"Yeah of course," I reply, barely keeping myself from bursting into a clownish grin.
"Okay, can't wait to see you!"
The class bell rings, I shove my phone in my pocket and quickly move toward the exit. As I get to the classroom door, someone collides right into me. I drop all of my notebooks and pencils on the floor. Then I feel the warmth of their coffee on my arm, they spilled it all over my royal blue and light gray plaid sweater. I look up to see who the culprit is, and it is Naomi.
"What the hell, Naomi?!" I yell.
"You should watch where you're going," she says laughing and high fiving one of her goons.
I run to the bathroom to try to wash the stain out of my sweater. God I hate Naomi. This was my mom's sweater. It's one of the last few things I have of hers. I wipe at the stray tear falling on my cheek. As I shove my shirt into the hand dry, Spencer Hastings walks in.
"Hey, Paige." she says before looking down at my sweater, "What happened? Are you okay?"
Spencer and I aren't really all that close, but her and Emily are really close. Surprisingly Spencer has been warming up to me lately. She has even said that if I ever needed someone to talk to about Emily, she would be there for me. She was the first to know about Emily and me, after catching us making out in Emily's car once. Spencer is also on the basketball team with us and is the captain of the field hockey team. She's super smart and one of the most protective people that I know. She just doesn't always show it.
"It's nothing, I'm fine," I say, not making eye contact with her.
"Bullshit. Who did this to you?" Spencer asks seriously. I have never seen her so worried. I have to tell her about the Naomi situation, she already knows something is wrong.
"Naomi did it, she's been bullying me for hanging out with Emily. Dammit, I am so tired of hiding and being treated like this. My mom gave me this sweater Spencer." I say, as I just let loose all the tears I've been holding in. Spencer hugs me without a word, and then when she let's go of me, she gives me a reassuring pat on the back.
"Paige, everything is going to be okay. I promise," Spencer says as she passes me a tissue from her backpack.
"It feels like I'll never be able to come out. Then I'll be trapped living a lie, and I don't know if I can take this anymore," I say as I aggressively blow my nose.
"You'll come out when the time is right. For now, just ignore Naomi. She's a bitch."
I nod my head in understanding. Spencer takes a step toward the door but stops and turns to me to say: "Paige, you and I are friends. That means I'm always here if you need me," before smiling and leaving the bathroom.
I finish drying my sweater and put it back on. I got most of the stain out but I'll probably have to wash it again when I get home later. I smile to myself, comforted by my encounter with Spencer. Maybe we could become really good friends. Maybe I'm not all alone after all.