Her Gift – Her Curse
A/N: Okay, nobody answered my question about Lily's birthday, so I'll ask once more: can any one tell me when Lily's birthday is? Or shall I just make it up by what date I believe it should be? Because it may be important somewhere in the fic. Thanks. I also know that my chapters are becoming worse… sorry about that. Hopefully this one is better?
Question from auditoriumnazi: Are they going out now or what?
Answer: Haha – no.
Question from Tigra and Loup: Why did James not want Remus to find out that he was apologizing to Lily?
Answer: 'Cause James isn't the kind of guy to go around apologising… especially not to a girl in front of the whole school, and he knew that Sirius and Peter would be making fun of him anyway, and he didn't want Remus to be making fun of him too… does that make sense?
I just thought those questions should be answered… any more questions about the story welcome, as long as they're not 'what happens next?'.
-×Chapter Six×-
Before I knew it, the day had already almost ended. James and I spent a lot of time together, laughing, chatting, things like that. I hated to admit it, but I had fun, and I didn't want to stop having fun, but if I didn't soon, I knew that I would regret the day I ever became friends with him, because friendship may lead to more, and anything that is more – or even just friends – with me, will lead to death in the end. I knew it would.
Many heads turned our way, as we walked into class together, smiling at each other. I knew they were all gawping at me, after my little 'scene' in the Great Hall, and how suddenly, the most secluded, quiet, shy girl in school had now become friends with the most popular, loudest, outgoing guy in school. I brushed each and every question away, and each and every stare. Nobody needed to know about my personal life, and neither would I tell them.
James and I sat next to each other in almost every class. I had heard him joking about me with the Marauders (with the exception of Remus, who was still in the Hospital Wing), but I didn't mind. I knew James would always be like that, and he wouldn't change, and neither did I want him to change, for I liked him the way he was.
I found conversing with him exceptionally easy. I had thought there would be awkward silences between us all the time, but there weren't. Then again, awkward silences generally don't occur when you were around James. I had been acquainted to his friends also, against my own will, but I knew it'd be rude for me to reject.
Many jealous glares were thrown my way, but I also took no notice. I had never taken any notice of anything in my life apart from my studies and James. They made up my life. They were my life. I had nothing else before now. But now that I had a friend, I didn't want to lose him, however, not losing him were not one of my options, for I knew my feelings for him would grow if this continued, but I couldn't let that happen.
For a while, I had almost forgotten about my 'gift', and actually thoroughly enjoyed myself, and being alive, but reality always slaps you in the face in the end, if not reminding you about one thing, then it's letting you know another that you would rather not.
It was dinner time, and for the second meal during that day, I had positioned myself opposite James, and next to Sirius. No longer was I sitting by myself at the table with none to talk to, for now, I had the Marauders as friends. And I loved it, and hated myself. I hated myself for loving it so much, for getting friends in the first place, but my heart had been healed of deep wounds I never knew there were – wounds of non-existent friendship.
We had been watching the Slytherin table eagerly – anticipating yet another prank from the infamous Marauders that I was sat with. I found myself laughing at Sirius's new brilliant idea – the decolourisation of Severus Snape. I knew what they did was mean, and wrong, but I couldn't help myself. I had never had so much fun in my life. I never felt so wanted, so accepted. This was too special to me, and I didn't want to lose it.
We watched as certain members of Slytherins suddenly rose up, positioned themselves on top of the tables, and began performing a limbo dance (A/N: man, our English work has actually gotten to me!) to a raunchy song which I decided to zone out. Roaring laughter could be heard, and as I looked to the teachers table, terrified of what their reactions may be, I was awfully surprised when I saw many of the teachers' lips twitching uncontrollably. They must be used to things like this.
I stood up, ready to put a stop to this, being head girl did have responsibilities after all, when a hand tugged me away. I looked deep into the amber eyes of the brunette I had seen James with the night before. I decided to neglect the little clench my heart gave as I thought of the memory. I could see anger in her eyes as she hissed in my ear, "James is mine. Retreat back to your little shell before I tell you something I may regret later.", and stalked off.
I repositioned myself in my seat in confusion. The prank had ended, and the laughter was coming to an end. The words 'Complimentary of the Marauders' were hovering proudly above the Slytherin table as many faces there began turning beet red, be it with embarrassment, or with pure hatred.
I didn't understand what she meant… tell me what? But how wrong she was to automatically assume that I wanted to have friends, and to come out of my shell in the first place. I had never wanted friends. James just came… and I couldn't say no, no matter how hard my brain was screaming at me to, and with James, came the rest of his group. I had never wanted this, but maybe it was a part of destiny. Maybe fate was being kind to me, allowing me to have friends, but I had a sinking suspicion that that wasn't the case.
I barely noticed the number of hands waving in my face, trying to see if there was 'anyone in there'. I snapped out of my trail of thought, and muttered a weak "Huh?" I looked at the smirking faces around me, and raised an eyebrow.
"Daydreaming about me again, my Flower? That can't be healthy." Sirius joked. I gave him a lop-sided grin. We had been on the use of first names now, but Sirius still chose to call me 'Flower'. He could be such an immature brat at times, but a funny immature brat. "Anyway, what did you think of our prank?" he asked, this time, seriously.
My grin disappeared, and I said, with a face more solemn than Sirius's, "That was completely cruel, and unnecessary. I cannot believe you would still be so mature – and at the age of almost eighteen!" I scolded, but I could no longer hold in my amusement when I saw all their jaws drop in protest. My lips twitched so hard, I couldn't help but cover my grin with my hand, but they had seen it by then.
-×-
I left the day totally happy. I felt as if nothing in the world could go wrong, and I had forgotten about the brunettes words as I thanked Merlin, and fell into dreamless sleep… until…
"NO! Please! No!!!" a voice begged. It pleaded mercy just like his other targets had, but tonight's targets were muggles, who barely knew of the Dark Lord. Innocent muggles would be killed, not knowing how they died, or the true identity of their murderer.
A smirk could be made out on the disfigured face under a dark hood. A wand was raised, letting the muggles know that magic was to be involved. They weren't ordinary muggles. One of their daughters was a witch.
Their eyes were more than terrified than before, when they had first predicted that a break-in to the house was not a good sign. Tears were flowing freely down the couple's cheeks.
The same voice of the man pleaded again, "Please… don't harm her… take me instead."
His wife, who had been trembling with fear underneath his protective arm, suddenly lashed out. She could not let this happen to her husband, whom she loved more than life itself.
"Foolish muggles." The hooded man hissed with a snake-like tone. A flash had emitted from his wand, and the muggles were no more. Silence had befallen the area surrounding it yet again. Nobody would know of this incident, for a silence charm had been cast before the murder. Nobody would suspect a thing.
Murderous laughter could be heard. It had been a job well done. A swish of a cloak, and then, nothingness…
My eyes jerked open. Normally I would have attempted to stop my dream, and wake up earlier to report, but I couldn't drag myself away from it. I felt tears pouring down my face as my feet took me to where I always visited in the middle of the night – Dumbledore's office.
I felt myself crying uncontrollably. So uncontrollably that I could not even muster up the energy to say the password. Cold sweat covered my body, and I was shivering so hard I felt I would burst. "L-l-l-," I began. Tears were choking me as I forced out the words 'lemon drops'. Steps were revealed to me as I clambered onto them, almost falling over in the process.
My hand reached out to grab the door handle leading to Dumbledore's office. I looked down at it, and found it shaking violently. My fingers wrapped around the handle, and I felt myself too weak to push it down and open it. My hand withdrew as the door opened itself, and for that, I was thankful.
I stepped inside the warm room, and my shivers ceased slightly, but my tears continued. I cried. I cried like there was no tomorrow. I cried so hard I could have died right there and then out of dehydration, but I didn't. I managed to stand strong, but I felt weak beyond belief. Professor Dumbledore was looking at me intently behind his half moon glasses, as he nodded for me to tell my story.
"M-my… pa-parents…" I managed to stutter. I saw Dumbledore's eyes widen, as he looked at me sympathetically. That was all he needed to hear. I found myself in my dorm moments later after being escorted back by a House Elf. I couldn't smile at it to say thank you. I was in no mood to smile.
My bed looked so inviting, and I couldn't help myself any longer. I flung myself onto it, and cried my heart out. I had never cried so badly in my life, but there was no-one there to help me, which I was glad of. I couldn't cope with another person sharing my pain. It would almost be like telling them about my gift, which I could not do, no matter how badly I wanted it.
-×-
I woke up with red puffy eyes. I looked into my mirror, and I saw my emerald eyes were no longer emerald. They were a dark forest green, reflecting my dark mood. I would get revenge on Voldemort if it was the last thing I did. He had just killed two of the most important people in my entire life, and he would pay. He would pay for killing my parents, and putting me through pain. He would pay, and I would make him pay.
I'd never felt so upset or angry in my entire life, and one man – no, he wasn't a man. He was a creature. An evil creature. An evil creature that succeeded in destroying my life. I had endured my 'gift' for so long, and it had put me through so much pressure, but I endured it all. All because of him. The gift made sure that I lived a lonely life, and I did. The gift cursed my heart to oblivion, but I had to live with it. All until yesterday, when I had my first four friends. I had never felt so happy in my life, and my heart had returned to me, but the gift forced me to see my parents die. It forced my heart to re-shatter into millions of pieces.
I had been allowed a day off in my studies to mourn, and for that, I was extremely grateful. I did not want to mourn, but it was all I could do, for there was nothing else for me. James and the Marauders probably would have forgotten me by now, but that suited me fine. I just wanted to recoil back into my shell. What had I done to deserve this?
It was lunchtime, and I realised I probably spent the whole night crying, and only slept at 5 am, but I couldn't care about that right now. I couldn't care about anything right now. I felt new tears spill down my face. I began to feel dehydrated, but I didn't care.
I heard a knock at my door, and quickly wiped away the tears, but that did not stop my eyes from looking all swollen, and my cheeks all pink, and my hair all dishevelled. I opened it, and saw James, Sirius, and Pettigrew standing before me. I couldn't stop my eyes from widening in disbelief as they said, "You weren't in class… we were worried."
I managed a small smile in gratitude as I opened the door wider to allow them to step in. It was then that I realised I was still in my pyjamas, and Sirius was the one who helped me realise ("Woah, Flower, looking hot!") and I shot him a disapproving glare, but didn't bother to change.
It was James who decided to ask the mature – yet upsetting question. "Are you alright? Your eyes…"
I could not help more tears entering my eyes as I thought about my dream, but I could not let them know about my parents dying before they even found the bodies. It was then that an owl decided to peck on my window, just before I decided to lie and say I had overslept. I opened the window slightly to allow the owl entrance to my dorm. It wasn't my owl, so as soon as I took off the letter, it flew away again and out of sight.
I read the letter, and even though it was no surprise to me, I couldn't stop myself from crying again. I had forgotten that three of the Marauders were still in my room, until James rushed up to me after seeing my tears. I handed him the letter, and his eyes showed understanding as he wrapped me up in a hug. It was all I needed right now, but I didn't want it. I felt myself growing closer to him with each passing moment, and I didn't want that to happen.
Sirius and Pettigrew were just as curious, and Sirius snatched the letter away from James, and began to read aloud:
'Dear Miss Evans,
We are sorry to inform you that your parents had been found dead this morning at your house in Manchester(A/N: Sorry, first place that came into my head.) and we hope that you will not be too grieved by this information.
Your sister also knows of this, and has already arrived here and begun to plan a funeral.
We are truly sorry for this tragedy,
Yours Sincerely,
Mr. C. Fudge,
Head Secretary for the Minister for Magic. (A/N: I have NO idea of his position, so just bear with me. My original name was 'Mr. Bumblebee, The Minister for Magic, so just be glad I didn't put that, okay?)'
Sirius raised his head and also gave me a look of sympathy, much like the one Dumbledore gave me, but a younger version of it. I was basically collapsing in silent tears in James's arms.
-×-
It was now dinner time, and I had had a good day's worth of crying. James had often come up to comfort me, and words could not express my gratitude towards him for that. I walked up slowly towards the Gryffindor table, as I was pulled away once again, by the same brunette.
I couldn't help but feel irritated at her, but her words made me stop dead in my tracks.
"You think you're all that, Evans," She hissed at me. "Having James crawling to your dorm between classes, just to comfort you over the death of your God-forsaken parents, but you want to know something? It's just a prank. All a prank. James only wants you to say how much you love him, then, you turn into yet another girl in his garbage disposal bin, you see, he told me himself. Bugger off, Evans. You're not worth his time."
I could feel tears sting at my eyes once more as she stormed off, but I refused to believe her. I didn't want to believe her. James had been so nice to me… but was it true? I was just another one of his… I didn't want to think about it, but now that I did, he had suddenly noticed me… then kissed me… was this all a part of a…prank?
I wandered around aimlessly in my own thoughts. I had no appetite left, and I let another tear fall, but the words I heard next truly sickened me. "So, Prongs, how's the prank going?" I stopped dead in my tracks. Reality had slapped me once more. I ran.
Tears re-cascaded down my cheeks, but this time, for a different reason. I knew that it was Sirius, talking to James, because for one, I recognised his voice, and two, only the Marauders called each other those nicknames, and I knew that James was Prongs. But what I didn't know was his reply, but if I had stayed any longer, I would have heard him say, "The pranks off, okay? I don't want to do this any more…"
But I hadn't stayed any longer.
I felt myself slam my dorm door shut, and I buried my face in the comfort of my not-so-warm-and-dry-any-more pillow. I couldn't believe it. What she said was true. James really didn't want to be my friend… it was all… a lie. A lie to get me to love him, and then be ditched by him. How could I have been so stupid? I had trusted him…
I couldn't hate myself more, but I couldn't just let him know this got to me. I would re-build that wall I had been planning on building. Nothing would change my decision now. I must be strong, but the letter that was brought to me by the next owl made all my strength vanish.
'YOU EVIL COW! HOW COULD YOU KILL OUR PARENTS?! YEAH – IT WASN'T DIRECTLY, BUT IF IT WASN'T FOR YOUR STUPID WITCHCRAFT AND WITCHERYSCHOOL NONE OF THIS CRAP WOULD HAVE HAPPENED! YOU MURDERED THEM, EVANS! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE AT THEIR FUNERAL. I PROMISE YOU THIS: IF YOU COME, I WILL KILL YOU.'
I felt my eyes blur once again. I had murdered my parents… it was my fault they died… how could I have done this? I don't deserve to live… This was the last straw.
-×-
It was almost midnight. I knew I was out after hours, but I didn't care. I wouldn't get in trouble after this anyway, because after this, there wouldn't even be a me to get into trouble.
I wandered off towards the lake, and positioned myself on the ledge. It was such a serene lake. Maybe I would be like that after I died. Maybe I would finally be happy. I smiled to myself as I thought of my death, which would happen in mere moments from now.
I had brushed my hair, and for once in my life, put on a little make up. I wanted to look good when I died, and I wanted to die with a smile on my face, to show the world I was leaving behind no regrets, for what regrets were there to be left? My gift was my curse, my parents were dead because of me, and the only friends I'd ever had at Hogwarts were only my friends to fulfil a prank. What was there left for me in this world apart from grief?
Sometimes I wished that things would have been the way they were. Me, a loner, gazing at the Marauders from afar, with my parents sending loving letters to me. How I wished for that life to come back, but it was too late for that now. That life had gone. I sighed. This was the only way for me now.
I looked up. The full moon had never looked so beautiful. I looked down. The calm waters had never been so inviting. My smile grew as I closed my eyes, bidding the world farewell, and I fell…
-×-
A/N: Okay, that TOTALLY didn't turn out the way I wanted it to and I am SO sorry for updating a day after my said date, but at least I didn't update a week late, right?… Anyways, so, did I give you a big enough clue to what was going to happen? Have a guess. Haha. Cookies to all who get it right!
Thank you to ALL my reviewers! You mean the world to me!!! I have over 100 reviews!!! Do you KNOW how happy that makes me?! THANK YOU!!!
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Thank you all for reading my fic! And thank you even more if you reviewed!!! Oh, on a last note, please don't kill me?
-3 Always,
-Cryst
AKA LivingDreams
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