Her Gift – Her Curse
A/N: So… tired… okay guys, I'm writing this when I'm tired out. If it turns out rather weird, you know the reason.
Question from sniff: Did Petunia send the letter?
Answer: Yes… sorry if I didn't make it clearer.
Question from Anna Ierse: It's a full moon, so what about Remus and the others? Is she going to find out about them?? And is the prank really off; does James really like Lily now?
Answer: Wow! A load of questions! Haha. Anyways, she already knows about Remus and the others… I mentioned it in chapter five, right before James apologised. As for the prank thing, yes it is off, but Lily doesn't know that, and neither does Remus or Peter. (Man… talk about an over sized hint!) And does James really like Lily now? One guess.
Question from PatchLover08: Does Remus try to bite her?? Does she find out their Secret??
Answer: Well… he might, he might not. You'll see. And, again, she already knows their secret… in fact, I'm sure I put it in chapter five before James apologises. -Checks- yep, I did.
Question from Acura Kasalin: What does A/U stand for?
Answer: I've already answered this question before. Anyway, it means 'Alternate Universe'. =]
Question from Smiles27: how did you come up with her seeing her own parent's death?
Answer: It was part of my original plot anyways. I've written the whole plot down, now I'm just writing the actual fic. Haha.
-×Chapter Seven×-
"So, Prongs, how's the prank going?" Sirius asked, eyes twinkling in merriment. He knew what the answer was going to be. He knew that James liked Lily, and had done for a very long time but had been denying it. This was the perfect opportunity to make him realise.
He saw James's eyes harden, and whisper in a deadly silent voice, "The pranks off, okay? I don't want to do this any more…" He wore a sad, almost lost expression, like he almost wasn't sure what he was doing. He was confused. He had never noticed how beautiful Lily was, how deep her eyes were, and how fake the outside was, but inside, it showed every single emotion she contained.
He had spent a long time watching her, observing her, admiring her. She was different from any other girl he'd ever met. She was so secluded, and guarded, but even though every shield had a weakness, he could not find hers. He had almost thought she didn't have one, but when he observed her more carefully, and looked deeper into her heart, he saw her pain.
He hadn't known what had caused her this pain, but he knew he must put an end to it. The best way to do that was to actually be her friend, and not just pretend to for a joke.
"Aw, but Prongs, you had really outdone yourself today! I mean, acting like a pure gentleman. I'm sure she likes you now, you know. Just think – one little step further and-" Sirius was encircling James, looking at him slyly, as if he expected the reaction he received next: a growl from James, and him storming off.
Sirius looked triumphant, as he turned the corner and followed James back to the Gryffindor common room.
-×-
It was five minutes until midnight. Sirius had not mentioned another word about the prank again, but deep inside him, James couldn't get the subject off his mind. He needed to somehow tell Lily about this prank, and about how he'd cancelled it. If he didn't tell her, and she found out some other way, he would never forgive himself. The guilt would be too overwhelming, and she would probably never forgive him, and he couldn't have that.
But why not? What was wrong with that? None of his past girlfriends have yet forgiven him for what he'd done to them, but he wouldn't care if they fell in the lake and drowned, (A/N: Haha.) so why did he feel this way now? Why would he actually care that he couldn't have Lily as a friend any more?
He hated himself for this, but he couldn't help it. He knew that he liked her. He couldn't understand why. She wasn't the most attractive girl at Hogwarts, and she was even at the bottom of the social ladder, but he knew that he liked her. He didn't want to lose her friendship, and he would do anything to keep it.
He had been glancing over to Sirius and Peter, who was playing Exploding Snap on the bed. Sirius was winning badly. James couldn't help but smile at his friends' playfulness. Soon they would need to take on their Animagi forms, and accompany Remus on his monthly… issues, but they didn't mind. They stuck together, no matter what.
He gazed out of the window. A speck of red could be seen making its way along the grounds to the lake, but decided it was probably only a leaf. He felt a cloak covering him, and Sirius and Peter appear by his side, grinning. He grinned back, and the trio made their way down to the grounds.
-×-
Outside, Peter was first to transform into a rat, which quickly scurried away. James and Sirius shared a smirk: another night of rule-breaking and risking their lives. James snuck a glance towards the lake, to see if anything was really there. His heart skipped a beat as he heard a splash, and saw long, shiny, red hair disappear under the waters. There was only one girl with hair like that: Lily Evans.
Sirius seemed to have noticed it too, and knew instantly what James was thinking. He motioned towards the lake, silently telling James to save her. James shot a questioning look at him, and nodded towards the Whomping Willow, but Sirius merely smirked, dragged the cloak off James, and gave him a push in the right direction.
James didn't need telling twice. He ran as fast as his legs could carry him, and didn't think twice before diving into the freezing cold waters of the lake.
His heart was racing, adrenalin was pumping, and his eyes were stinging. He searched frantically around, hoping to spot those familiar locks of auburn in amongst the weeds, but they were too deep, and he would need to dive further, but he could feel himself running out of air.
He rose to the surface, took the biggest intake of air he could muster, and dived once more into the murky waters. He swam deeper, and deeper, until he finally saw her, resting peacefully, eyes closed, on the sandy bottom of the lake.
He sighed with relief, and it was only after he had done so that he realised how stupid he was – losing so much of his precious oxygen at once. He dived further and grabbed her wrist.
He kicked off hard from the bottom, dragging her with him. He could feel his lungs beginning to burn within his chest, but he ignored it. He would be on the surface soon. His legs kicked harder, using much of the oxygen in his body, but he kept telling himself he would be safe soon. He looked up, and could feel hints of moonlight shining on his face. He was nearing the surface: only a few centimetres left.
His head broke the surface of the water. He took a deep intake of well deserved oxygen, relaxing for a minute before dragging the limp body he was still clutching up with him. He frantically searched for a pulse, and relaxed as he felt one; faint, but still there. He smiled at the angelic face in front of him, and began to swim towards the banks.
When he was finally there, he hoisted Lily's body up first, before beginning to drag himself up, but suddenly, he felt tentacles wrap around his ankle. He turned, fearing the worst. No! The Giant Squid…
Before he knew what had happened, his whole body was in the freezing depth of the waters once more. He felt his legs go numb. Had he really been down there long enough to have his blood circulation cut off from his legs?
It was useless trying to kick away. It would not work anyways, so he used his arms, and punched blindly around his ankles, which was where the Squid had the grip on him. He could not see properly any longer. The waters were suddenly darker than before.
His fist made contact with something soft. He felt the tentacle pull away from his ankle, away from his fist. This was his chance.
His lungs were burning with the lack of oxygen, for he had never managed to get a proper intake of it before being dragged down, but he swam up with all his might, using only his arms.
He felt the Giant Squid move beside him, but he would not give up. His face broke the surface of the water once again, and thanked Merlin he was still near the edge of the lake. He felt another tentacle wrap itself around his wrist this time, and on reflex, he brought his other fist in contact with it.
He saw it coil away, and hoisted himself up on the banks of the lake as quickly as he could, and collapsed on the ground, panting and trying to breathe in as much air as possible.
He felt his legs starting to work a little again, and dragged himself to Lily's side. He picked her up, and made his way to the Hospital Wing. He was so tired, yet he could not let Lily die. It had been utterly freezing at the deepest depth of the lake, and Lily had been there for what felt to him as an eternity.
He felt her body was freezing, but wondered if that was just him being freezing…
I woke up on something soft. Was I in heaven? I felt warm covers around me, and pulled them closer. Was this what heaven felt like? I opened my eyes fully. Everywhere was white. This must be heaven. I closed my eyes in content. This was much better than on earth.
I sat up, yet found an aching pain in my back. That's weird. Shouldn't heaven be pain-free?
The whiteness around me suddenly slid away, revealing the face of a very flustered lady, with many other beds behind her in the background. Wait a minute… I recognised that lady… Madam Pomfrey? Surely not… but that would mean…
"Oh, my dear! You're awake! Thank heavens!" she almost screeched as she rushed towards me. My eyes suddenly widened as I realised it: this wasn't heaven, it was the hospital wing and I was still alive. But… how? I didn't have any more time to think, as I felt a warm, sickeningly sweet yet bitter substance find its way down my throat. I felt as if I was going to be sick.
Madam Pomfrey turned and left, and I found myself looking at a man with a long white beard and half moon glasses.
"Professor Dumbledore!" I exclaimed, leaning forwards to get off the bed, but the Professor quickly came to my side, and gently pushed me back, giving me a sad smile.
"Do not get up, Miss. Evans. Now, tell me… why did you do this?" He asked me. How was I supposed to answer this? I caused my parent's death, have my sister hate me more because of it, have the guy I've liked for six and more years finally notice me back, and find out it was just a heartless joke, and continue to deal with seeing innocent deaths…? I've had enough of this…
I opened my mouth to speak, yet Professor Dumbledore raised his hand as a signal to stop me from talking. I gave a slightly puzzled look as he chuckled in a light-hearted, saddened sort of way.
"I'm sorry about that, Miss. Evans, but I'm sure your parents wouldn't have wanted you to die after their death. As for your sister, I highly doubt you should be concerned about her views. You know perfectly well what she said was rubbish – and you did not cause your parent's death. Voldemort is merciless, and it wasn't your fault. As for the guy you liked… is he James Potter by any chance?"
My jaw dropped involuntarily. How did he know about Petunia blaming me for their death? Did he read her letter to me? But then I remembered: Dumbledore was brilliant at this sort of thing – occlumency and such. My eyes were downcast as I nodded slightly: yes.
"I do not believe that Mr. Potter's only noticing you for a heartless joke, for it was he who risked his life to save you last night. Pomfrey informed me about that, and how he came in shivering with cold after being attacked by the Giant Squid. He left earlier. However, being the kind of Seer is a gift. You may not be happy with it, but you must live with it. Please do not try to harm yourself again."
My jaw had dropped once more. James? James risked his life to save me last night? He… but… it couldn't have been… My head was spinning. Why would James save me? Was it just another way to accomplish his prank? My eyes hardened. That would have been it. I didn't care. I wasn't going to fall for it.
"Professor, I hate this. I hate being a Seer… it is destroying me! Don't you see? That's what made me do it last night… that's why I… I just… I can't live with seeing all those innocent people dying night after night – half of whom are muggles like me… I forced myself to be lonely because of it! I couldn't have any friends because of it! I couldn't put them in danger because of it! I've kept it a secret for so long… I just can't take it any more! Along with everything else that happened… Petunia's letter was the last straw… I'm sorry, Professor."
I bowed my head in shame, but I saw an overwhelming flash of sorrow in his eyes when I mentioned the half who were 'muggles like me', but that disappeared as soon as it came. I wondered why he could be that sad… maybe he felt sorry for those muggles also… or maybe he was just worried I would be Voldemort's next victim because of my blood heritage, and he would no longer be able to use me to spy on Voldemort. I became rather angry at this thought.
"I assure you, Miss. Evans, that I am not simply using you for your gift. I am sorry that you think that, but you must not do something like this again. There is more to your gift than just seeing his murders, Miss. Evans, as you will see in due course, but for now, promise me you will not do anything stupid again."
His eyes looked deadly calm, but his voice and features were deadly serious. I nodded. A small smile appeared on Professor Dumbledore's face, but the sadness re-appeared in his eyes as he gazed at me. I'd already promised him I would not self harm again… why was he still looking at me like that?
I watched him stand up and leave, then gave an audible sigh. A silent tear rolled down my cheek. Unbeknownst to me, someone had heard the whole conversation. A certain ebony haired, deep brown eyed someone.
James strolled around on the castle grounds. He couldn't help feeling guilty… Lily knew about the prank… his heart tugged at this thought. It was partly his fault…
He knew he shouldn't have overheard, but he had originally been there to visit her… but when he heard her and Professor Dumbledore speaking, he couldn't help but stay and listen in.
He let out a frustrated sigh. If he had ever got his hands on Lily's sister, she'd wish she had never been born. How would it have been Lily's fault? How could it have been? Lily was the most angelic, kind, gentle person he'd ever met. She wouldn't harm her own parents!
But… she was a Seer? No wonder she had been a loner all this time. James' heart gave an uncomfortable squeeze again. All this time… all those taunting comments about her being a loser… she hadn't deserved any of them. She had kept her distance from them to save them.
Lily didn't deserve to go through all that pain on her own. How she managed to go through all this for this long was beside him. He ran a hand through his hair. He couldn't let her face this alone. He wanted to help her. He wanted stay with her, and help her through her troubles. But he couldn't. If he did, he'd have betrayed her trust once again. He couldn't let her know he knew her deepest secret.
He needed to tell her himself about the prank… and hope for forgiveness. Surely saving her life would be a plus? Maybe she'd finally open up to him, and tell him this secret herself. He'd had so much fun with her on the day they were friends. He didn't want to loose that friendship. He couldn't lose that friendship. He knew he'd already gone too far with this friendship. It was no longer a prank any more. This was real.
He needed to find her, and apologise… again.
-×-
"Albus… she needs to know. He'll be after her, but she can't die without knowing the truth. She already… almost…" The voice of Minerva Mcgonagall faded, as she set her eyes downcast.
"She does, Minerva, but if Voldemort found out about this, he'd come for her for sure. This is the second biggest secret that Hogwarts is holding in his eyes, and he would do anything to find out. You and I both know what will happen if he does find out… Minerva, now is not the time. She has already promised me not to try another suicide attempt. She'll be fine for now." Albus replied with sadness washing over him, and clouding his eyes once more.
Minerva sighed, and nodded slowly. She stood up and stepped out of the door, collapsing at the foot of it in silent tears. Inside the office, droplets of salty tears were flowing out of a middle-aged man's eyes, and forming a mini puddle on his desk. I'm sorry, Minerva, Lily… I'm sorry…
-×-
A/N: I'm sorry for the wait! My friend had me hooked on a Chinese Series called Tian Long Ba Bu. It's amazing, and so sad. I'm listening to a couple of songs from there that I downloaded. I'm surprised I'm not collapsing in tears right at this moment. Anyways… MUAHAHA! Why are Dumbledore and Mcgonagall crying? Haha. You'll find out.
Oh my goodness! ONE HUNDERED AND FIFTY THREE REVIEWS!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! Okay, here's what I'll do… if (and yes, I'm dreaming here) I get over two hundred reviews, I will make the next chapter EXTRA, EXTRA long for you all (so go get all your friends to review too)! I love you all so much! I'm too tired to write all your names down on here, but you know who you are!
Cookies to: mirkwoodmage, Heart of the Phoenix, holly-evans (I take it you knew, even though you didn't specify :P), IceSugarHigh, larthawyn, PatchLover08, sproxkkk (same goes for you as for Heart of the Phoenix), Saia May Dursley, Mooncheese, Lanette (same for you too), mistyqueen, lacy, Nadia118
I must avenge IceSugarHigh's Kitties!!! -Avenges Kitties-:
The really fat orange cat.
The black cat with bright creepy yellow eyes.
The cat dyed to look like a stinky little skunk.
The grey cat with one ear that gives you the mad-eye.
The tan cat with three legs that likes to chew on your hair while you sleep.
-Poke- you still sane? :P
Man… I love all your reviews! (Hint, Hint)
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-Cryst
AKA LivingDreams
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