Her Gift – Her Curse
A/N: Okay, unfortunately, I did not get over 200 reviews, so, this will not be an extra long chapter – sorry! (Only eleven reviews off though!) But the weird thing is, I had 188 reviews, then the next day, I had 187, then a while later, I had a new review and it got up to 188 on my stats thing, but it says 189 on the other thing… and I am SO NOT making sense am I? I'm sorry. I also apologise for the lateness of this chapter
Okay, new rule for my updated chapters: the number of words I write depends on the number of reviews I have then times by 100, so for chapter 7, I had 31 reviews, so for this chapter I will write 3,100 words – excluding the A/N's (I wrote the actual chapter on a different document, then pasted it into this one, so the actual chapter is 3,100 words), so don't worry. Does that make sense?
Question from larthawyn: Why didn't the Giant Squid get Lily?
Answer: James put her on the bank and was about to climb out when the Giant Squid pulled him back into the lake.
Question from Nightcrawler: The part when Sirius and James are walking on the grounds and both know Lily's in trouble...wouldn't Sirius want to help her as well?
Answer: No – It was a full moon; Remus would have turned into a werewolf, Sirius needed to help Remus. James blew off Remus to save Lily.
Question from Cherry: And why doesn't James reveal his "other side" to his friends like he did to Lily? Isn't the Room of Requirement on the third floor?
Answer: He wasn't actually planning on revealing it to Lily – it just happened! But I guess he didn't reveal it to his other friends because it made him seem…weak. About the RoR, I really have no clue… Haha.
Question from Tigra and Loup: Is Dumbledore the middle-aged man in the last bit, because I thought he was old?
Answer: Yes – he is… Well, he is kind of old in the beginning of the Harry Potter series, but if he was old there, I just thought he'd be a little younger in James and Lily's time. I mean, it would have been about 15-17 years after them that he met Harry, right? James and Lily wouldn't have gotten married STRAIGHT after Hogwarts, and what with all the OotP stuff and Auror training, they wouldn't have been able to have Harry straight away…
-×Chapter Eight×-
I lay in my bed, thinking of the past few days. To be honest, it had mainly been a blur. Professor Dumbledore had visited me again, and a girl from my class who I vaguely recognised as Alexia Drake – known mainly as Alex – had come to pass me the work from the lessons I'd missed. It was also the girl who I had seen kissing James – I'm surprised I hadn't realised it was her sooner, but I guessed it was because her face was usually…hidden.
I had acted like I didn't care about it, but she glared at me as if I was stealing him away from her or something, and then she dumped my books on my bed and stormed out. It had been like that for a while. Madam Pomfrey had insisted that I stayed put for another week. I swear I'd have either died of boredom, or fainted from the lack of education I'd been receiving, or at least received a broken leg from all the hard books being dumped on me with force.
I know it made me sound prudish, but education was a main part of my life, and if I didn't study hard my future as an Auror would be wasted – who cares if my gift would be an important help, if I didn't get the top marks required, I wouldn't be allowed to be an Auror anyway. Besides, reading and learning was what I'd spent most of my days at Hogwarts doing. I had no friends, so to speak of, for I wasn't allowed them, so books were my friends and my company.
I shut my eyes tightly. A tear fell out of the corner of my eye, and rolled to my ear. I felt pain overtake me. my body began to tremble. Cold sweat was emitting from every pore of my body…
"I'm on to you… I know where you are. I know what you are. I know who you really are. You're not a Mudblood like the rest of those who are a disgrace to the wizarding world; unlike those who deserve to die. Join me, and you will be great. Join me, and I will give you power beyond imagination. Join me, Lily… Lily…"
"Lily! Lily!" I heard a different voice yell. It was deep, but warm, unlike the terrifying cold one that I had heard before. My eyes snapped open as I panted like a fish out of water. My surroundings slowly came into focus: a pair of deep brown eyes were looking down at me.
"James?" I asked. My thoughts were a blur. I could barely concentrate on any thing but my dream. That voice – the voice that haunts my visions… Voldemort. He was after me. I had to tell Professor Dumbledore. Could it be true? He truly knew who I was? He even knew my name… didn't he? Unless it was James's voice I heard instead of his…? I sorely hoped it was. If he had found me, I wouldn't know what to do. I hoped beyond all hope it was just an empty threat – a way to lure me out, to make me think that he knew who I was so he could find me.
My eyes were blank and unfocused – I was blank and unfocused. So unfocused that I didn't realise James calling my name again until he shook me 'awake'.
"Lily! What's wrong?" he asked me. he seemed genuinely concerned. Genuinely…was that a word you could use to describe him? My thoughts darted away from my dream for a split second, and back to that night… the night I had heard about the prank, and what it drove me to do. I hated myself for it; for being so weak and for seeking death because of a boy, but I was weak, and there was no denying that.
My heart gave an unhappy tug. "N-nothing." I replied shakily. There were still little beads of sweat on my forehead, but they were evaporating and for that, I was grateful. I did not want James to see me like this; to see me weak and helpless.
"Are you sure? You don't look too well…" he trailed off as I stared at him in the eye with my hardened, cold ones.
"Please leave. I am fine." I said. My tone was harsh and it broke my heart to see the pain in his eyes – the same pain that I had felt on that night…
"Lily-" he began again. thank Merlin that Madam Pomfrey decided to burst in before he could continue. By the way she was looking at James, I was sure she would tell him to leave…but she didn't.
"Mr. Potter! You're finally here! Oh, good, Miss. Evans, I'm glad you're awake. Albus Dumbledore has asked Mr. Potter to keep an eye on you. Last time it was he who saved you, so Albus has no doubts that he will take good care of you, and keep you safe. I hope you are okay with the arrangements."
My eyes widened in disbelief. She must be joking…she has to be… or maybe I would just wake up to find it was just a nightmare. James had saved my life, and for that, I was grateful, but to have him look after me… wasn't that just an easier way to get closer to me and make me admit I like him, and win the bet?
But worse yet, wouldn't Professor Dumbledore have told him about my gift? I was suddenly panicked. I stared at Madam Pomfrey; the worry clear in my eyes. "Does he know…?" I asked.
Madam Pomfrey shook her head. I felt my heart rate go down as I began to calm. I looked at James. We caught each other's eyes, and I automatically averted my gaze, but not before seeing the guilt in his.
"You may leave the Hospital Wing now, but stick with Mr. Potter, okay?" She informed me. I reluctantly nodded and muttered a 'yes, professor'. I'd rather have stayed in the Wing than with James. Everything would just be too awkward.
-×-
The day had passed quickly. James had often tried to strike up a conversation, but I refused to listen and reply.
It was now dinner time, and we began to make our way to the great hall. Awkward silence was upon us once more. We were walking past the dungeons to get there, for it was a shortcut. To be honest, I was dreading it; the dungeons were the Slytherins' favourite 'hangout', and I was worried that one would jump out of nowhere and start assuming things when they saw us.
My suicide attempt had been hidden from everyone in the school. There were none apart from us that had known about it, and since James had been with me 24/7, rumours were springing up from every corner that we were dating, especially since his first ever apology was in front of the school AND to me.
When we reached the end of the dungeons all my suspicions and fears melted away, for we didn't get hijacked or anything. I was beginning to find this idea rather funny, and let out a small giggle. James turned to me, an expression of amusement on his face. I just smiled and walked on.
We spotted Sirius, and Pettigrew at the Gryffindor table, and I allowed James to lead us there. It was only when I heard James whisper to Sirius 'How's Moony?' that I realised: James must have left his best friend to save my life. Was I really that much of a prize that he'd rather let Remus go through agony on his own and save me instead so I would be grateful, and he would win the bet?
All of my thoughts were focused on the bet, until Pettigrew replied with 'Padfoot and I took care of him – we'll go to the Infirmary to pick him up later'. That's right… I had forgotten! How could I have been so stupid? Of course James would make sure his other friends took care of Remus whilst he went off to proclaim himself the winner. I guessed the reason I didn't see him in there was because he must have always had the hangings pulled around his bed.
I plunged into my food, gobbling it up as fast as I could manage.
"Woah… Lily… you're going to become a full-fledged Marauder if you keep that standard of eating up!" Sirius laughed at me. I shot him a mocking glare and continued to eat with the same amount of ferociousness.
"I have to go to the Library." I announced, after stuffing my face full of whatever I could find on the dinner table. I was hoping James hadn't finished eating, so I could just leave on my own, but to my horror, he stood up also, and said that he was coming with me.
"But you haven't finished your dinner…" I half argued. He just merely shrugged and said, "I'll go to the kitchens later."
I raised an eyebrow at him, and Sirius just laughed, saying, "He'll show you later, right, Prongs?" James nodded. My heart sank…again.
-×-
I left the Library almost as soon as I got there. I took out The Dark Arts and It's Defences, and left. James had escorted me absolutely everywhere. It was surprising that he had never asked me why I went and almost committed suicide, but I decided that James was considerate, and minding his own business, which I was insanely grateful for.
Since there was only five minutes left until the end of dinner, we both figured that going back would be a waste of time, so he showed me the way to the kitchens. I was so confused when he began to tickle a painting, but when the pear started giggling and opened a door to the side of it, I realised it was the way in to the kitchens.
We were instantly swarmed by house-elves, asking us what we would like. James seemed to be a frequent visitor for he began to chat to the elves whilst ordering everything that was on the menu for dinner. Soon, the table we had been given was piled high with food. Needless to say, we dug in.
I ate as if I hadn't eaten in years – not mere minutes. It was amazing how big my appetite was. James even commented on it, ("Lily, you must have an even more bottomless pit than the bottomless pit that Sirius has for a stomach – and that is saying something!") I just shrugged, smiled sweetly, and continued to stuff my face. Pretty soon, I had forgotten about my latest 'vision'. It was probably just a hoax anyway – it hadn't felt like a vision.
-×-
"Night, James." I smiled, as I closed the door on his handsome face. I was back in my Head Girl's room. It was weird how the day turned out. Before, I had been terrified that I might let my feelings run away with me, but as the day progressed, I had become more and more relaxed, and now, it just felt as if James and I were the best of friends, and not that I was trying to avoid him.
I stripped off my robes, and changed into my silky pyjamas. The day had been eventful in an uneventful way, and it felt strange that a day could turn out the way it had, but then again, I was glad that it turned out this way.
I walked to my desk, and pulled out my latest piece of homework. It was amazing how James had managed to keep my mind off homework all day; then again, I had been too absorbed in how to get rid of him. Now I knew how stupid I would have been if I had, and how much I would have regretted it.
-×-
"Join me, and I will give you great power… Join me, and you will be invincible…Join me…"
"Never!" I heard myself responding. Darkness was everywhere. I could hear his voice too clearly in my head. He was surrounding me, but I knew he couldn't see me, and he didn't know what I looked like. I knew it. It was a…Seer Instinct. "You murdered my parents – you murdered so many innocents – and you expect me to follow you?! Never." I hissed right back at him.
I heard laughter. It was an angry laugh, and yet it was amused. It knew who it was up against, yet it was confused. It knew I was strong, and it knew I was weak at the same time. It was the laughter that contained mixed emotions, but the one that was outstanding, was death.
"You know you will not live for long…"
"Bring it on." I spat. My eyes were mere slits. Words could not describe my anger. I saw red… was I that angry? No… the red slits were not my eyes. They were…
"Well, my pet… We have our next… victim." He whispered to the snake in front of me. I knew he could not see me, but it felt too real. I felt my knees buckle a bit. My breathing was quick and uneven. I backed away.
"You've already murdered half of my family. What do I care if I die too." I yelled, and closed my eyes, ready for the strike which would not come. Laughter rung in my ears: evil laughter.
"Your family… you think those muggles are your family?"
My eyes snapped open…
-×-
The room came into focus. I was back on my bed, in the Head Girl's dorm. My breathing was still quick and uneven. What the hell was that?! I thought to myself. I knew I had to tell Dumbledore, but I couldn't – I needed to sort myself out first.
"You think those muggles are your family?"the words went through my head another time… what on earth did he mean…did he want? I couldn't understand it. I'd ask Dumbledore first thing in the morning. I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. It was 1:30 a.m. and I clambered out of my bed, and walked out of my room. Where was I going? I had no clue. All I knew was: I needed to get out of here, away from my nightmares.
My legs were taking me to I-didn't-know-where, but I was just glad they were taking me somewhere. I was deep in thought. So deep in thought, that I never noticed the looming shadow behind me.
I looked up. My feet had stopped. I was in front of the Fat Lady. She was snoring very un-lady-like. I almost grinned, but my heart was too heavy to grin. I poked her. She sniffed slightly, and rolled over.
"Get up!" I muttered. I poked her again. I had no idea why I was so intent on waking her up – I guess I just needed something to pre-occupy myself with. "Get up!" I whispered desperately.
She snorted, and mumbled, "Go away, mother. Mmmm… green eggs and ham… man you're sexy." This time, I couldn't stop my lips from twitching upwards. As strange as I felt, smiling after an interaction with Voldemort, it still felt good to smile.
I poked her one last time, and she stirred, and opened an eye. "Good heavens, child!" she exclaimed when she saw me. "What're you doing up so late?" she asked. I rolled my eyes, and said, "Carrots and Potatoes" before she could ask anything else. She swung open, revealing the soft, fire-lit cosiness of the Gryffindor Common Room.
It felt good to be back. I hadn't known why I had taken myself here, but I had never felt so safe – under the walls of Godric Gryffindor, and the ever-watchful eye of Professor Dumbledore. I didn't know how he did it, but he always knew everything that was going on under these castle walls, and out of it. I knew he'd know that I had been out of my dorm at ridiculous hours today, but it didn't matter to me. I would explain to him later, but right now, I just wanted to wallow in my confused thoughts and my solitude.
About three minutes later, the entrance swung open again, shocking me. I turned, and my heart was beating fast. The figure was in shadows, but I could make out a lean stature… was it…
"James?" I asked, as he stepped into the light, or as light as it could get when the room was only lit by a small fire. He walked up to me, and I felt his warmth enclose me in a hug. My heart beat faster still. He wrapped his arms around my waist, and I felt faint.
I lifted my arms, and placed them around his neck, hugging him closer to me. My body seemed to be acting on its own. I had never directed it to hug him back, in fact, my brain was screaming for me to push him away, but I wasn't listening to my brain. I breathed in the scent of his intoxicating cologne. I hung on to him for dear life, afraid to let him go, and afraid that if I did let go, I would faint.
He breathed down my neck, sending shivers down my spine. "Don't you ever scare me like that again." he whispered sternly in my ear. I frowned in confusion. "Don't you ever leave like that without telling me, okay? What if something happened to you? What if… what if you left me?" he hugged me closer, but I pulled back, searching his eyes for any truth in that sentence. Did he truly mean it? Or was it just a hoax? My senses never lied… and they were telling me he wasn't either.
Suddenly I realised he was in nothing but pyjama bottoms. I blushed, forcing myself not to look at his gorgeous body, forcing myself not to look at him. He placed a hand on my cheek, and turned my face to look at him. He was leaning in. I could feel myself doing the same. Don't, Lily! I screamed at myself, but it wasn't working. For the first time, I noticed his eyes weren't the sort of brown I'd always thought… they were hazel. A deep hazel, which was disappearing beneath his eyelids, and I felt mine close too.
I felt his arm tighten around my waist, and his hand lifting my face up, and his face leaning down…
-×-
A/N: Haha! And that would be 3,100 words EXACTLY!!! Cliffhanger!!! MUAHAHAHAHA! See? More people should have reviewed. Oh well. Make sure you review, so the next chapter might be longer! Remember: The more reviews I get for this one, the longer the next chapter. :P
Thank you to those who reviewed! You know who you are! Until next time, L8r.
-3 Always,
-Cryst
AKA LivingDreams