A/N: Hey! I'm sorry for the really late update! The thing is, that my computer got (ANOTHER) virus (as said in the… A/N if you didn't read it…), and I lost ALL my HGHC files… even my plot! Sure, the plot is in my mind, but it's really hard to type without it, plus, I had also written extracts from the story in those plots – including my ENDING which is VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY important! And I've lost it! You have NO idea how ticked off I am… so, I have not been in the mood to write this. I even had the beginning of this written out too, but because of the STUPID VIRUS, that also got wiped out. I have a laptop now, and I'm typing it on my laptop, because I really don't trust the stupid computer.
Haha. Yup, I FINALLY got down on my lazy arse and wrote it. I was never really in the mood, so I forced myself to be in the mood. Aren't you glad of that? I finally got motivated again! And I'm now continuing to write this… ON MY BIRTHDAY! Aren't you all glad for birthdays? Haha. Yup, it's the 4th of April, my birthday, and over half a year since my last update. In fact, it's been so long since my last update, I had to read over what I had written 'cause I had forgotten most of it and I ended up finding out that I wanted to know what happened next (how sad is that!)! O.O;; Anyways…
Wah! 68 reviews for the last chapter! 68! That's amazing! However, I'm seriously regretting I said 'multiply by 100 thing and that's how many words I'll make the next chapter' thing because now I have to make this chapter super long (but I'm not going to—read on to see why) x.x; -dies- I never thought you people would be crazy enough to review that many for one chapter! Anyways, some of those are actually for chapter 9, which is my A/N, which I thought I asked people not to review on because it's going to be deleted, but uh… maybe not. My bad. Since I have reviews there, I won't delete it.
Anyways, I apologise for not making this chapter as long as 6,400 words, because if it was that long, I'd take even longer writing it and I have barely any inspiration these days, so I thought you guys would rather prefer an actual chapter rather than a dead long one which you have to wait two years or so for! ;; I'll try to make the next one longer, though.
Thank you to all those who reviewed, and remember, the more reviews I get, the longer the chapters will be… and I swear, you guys are TOTALLY crazy for reviewing so much! I mean, it's been over half a YEAR, and I'm still getting random reviews! Lol – you all rock!
Chapter Nine
I felt him leaning closer and closer. I wanted to push him away from me. I knew that was what I should be doing. Wasn't it just yesterday that I had personally heard him laugh with his best friend about how this was a mere prank to him? Wasn't that one of the things that finally drove me to end my life? Sure, I was glad that chose saving my life over accompanying his other best friend, but wasn't that just to give him an even bigger bonus?
If I gave in now, wouldn't I be helping him win? I wanted the best for him, even if it meant the worst for me, but I didn't feel I could let him use me like this. Besides, the best for him would be to leave me to my solitude forever, and never come near me again, for I would do nothing but put him in danger.
My heart clenched as I thought about the 'bet'. Did I really mean nothing to him? Did he only like…no…want me – I didn't dare think he'd like me… – because someone dared him to?
After all these years, my first friend had been a fake one…
A tear rolled down my face and fell. I strongly hoped that somehow, someone would suddenly burst in and give me the strength to be able to pull away from him and save me from being drawn in too deep, but I knew that would be impossible at this time of night. Besides… I knew I was already being drawn in too deep, and as I felt his soft lips touch mine, there was no way I could pull away.
All these years of longing swept into me. All the years of watching him from afar, never daring to even think that there'd be anything more than just me watching from afar, but here he was, his lips on mine, and mine on fire.
My heart was pounding so fast I could barely breathe. It was pounding so loudly that I was sure he could hear it; I was sure anyone within a mile radius could hear it pounding so loudly in my chest, let alone James, where there was barely any distance between us in the first place.
I felt my knees buckle under me, and if he hadn't wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me up and to him, I'm sure I would have fallen already. My heart screamed for this… my heart had been screaming for this for the longest time… for too long… and now that it was finally happening, I felt so many mixed emotions I thought I would burst.
His lips were so soft… so smooth that I felt myself melting at the gentleness of them. It was a tender kiss, but so many emotions flowed through them: hope, desire, and… love?
I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me, scared that this was all just a dream and would end soon, but wanting to enjoy it just a little longer before it ended, and it was only when I pulled him closer did he dare to deepen the kiss a little more.
I felt his fear of scaring me away if he kissed me too hard when the kiss began, and I knew that he probably never did this with any of his past girlfriends or flings. I couldn't help but think how sweet this was, and just for this moment in time, I wanted to forget that there had ever been a prank in the first place. For that moment, I wanted to believe that he was kissing me because he liked me, and because I was me and not because of anything else. For that moment in time, I allowed myself to experience true bliss.
It was still a soft and tender kiss. It was the second kiss I'd shared with him, but it felt like my first true kiss. These were the type of circumstances I wanted them to be under: nice and warm, and lit by the glow of soft firelight, his arms wrapped around me, and mine wrapped around him.
After what seemed an eternity, yet no time at all, we finally broke apart, but slowly, as if we never wanted that moment to end. I was never able to pull back fully and look at him properly before he pulled me into a firm embrace, hugging me close to him as if he was scared I'd suddenly disappear. I hugged him back. I felt tears forming in my eyes once more, but these were tears of joy, not sadness.
"Lily… I…'m sorry…" James whispered in my ear. I pulled back a little from his embrace to look at him, confusion written all over my face. He was blushing, and he wasn't looking at me. Was he sorry that he kissed me? Was that it? All of a sudden I felt a burst of anger.
"I know that… you know… about… the bet." He continued. My heart stopped, and my eyes widened.
"How do you know?" I asked. I was automatically curious. Surely he didn't hear Professor Dumbledore and I talking that day…! If so, how much else had he heard? I paled, and was suddenly glad he wasn't looking at me and thus wasn't able to see the colour of my face. Please, Merlin…I thought, please don't let that have been the case…please don't say he knows…
James paled a little. What was he going to say to that? How was he going to explain that he'd accidentally overheard her and Dumbledore talking the other day in the infirmary, and now not only knows that she knows about the prank, but also knows her biggest secret ever?
"I…" he began. He had to do some quick thinking. "I heard footsteps running away the other day, when Sirius and I were talking about it in the corridor… I turned the corner and saw someone with red hair running away, and I figured it might be you, and that you'd only heard half of our conversation… e—especially since you'd been cold to me the next day." He explained, hoping to Merlin that at least some of what he said was true.
It was true that he had heard footsteps running away from him, but in all honesty, he'd had absolutely no idea, nor would he even have considered the thought that it might have actually been Lily's footsteps, until he'd overheard Dumbledore and Lily talking about it.
Lily automatically seemed to breathe a sigh of relief and her face relaxed considerably, but not so much that he knew she was going to forgive him until he explained about the bet. He felt sad that her sigh of relief obviously meant that she had absolutely no intention of letting him know about her secret, but also couldn't stop breathing a little sigh of relief as well that she'd bought the excuse.
He continued hurriedly, "H-how much of it did you hear, anyway?"
"Enough." She replied in a harsh tone. James winced a little, and she sighed and decided to continue: "I heard him say 'So, how's the prank going?' I recognised his voice, and I knew that it was you he was talking to, because that brunette I saw you kissing before—(here, her voice crackled a little, and James winced)—had told me that you… only wanted me to say that I loved you, then you would turn me into yet another girl in your garbage disposal bin…"
James could see traces of tears in her eyes again as she said that, and how much it pained her to say it. He pulled his arms around her a little tighter, to embrace her again, but she pulled away completely, and turned away from him.
He came up behind her, and wrapped his arms around her once more, hugging her to him, and resting his head on her shoulder, he whispered into her ear, "If you'd stayed to listen a moment longer, Lily, you'd have heard me call the prank off completely…"
James came up behind me, and wrapped his arms around my waist again to hug me to him. I let him… I had no idea why I'd let him, but for the second time in forever, I allowed my heart to override my brain, and allowed myself to be selfish yet again.
I felt him rest his head on my shoulder, his warm breath tickling my ear, sending chills down my spine as he whispered softly, "If you'd stayed to listen a moment longer, Lily, you'd have heard me call the prank off completely…"
My heart jolted. Did I hear right? Had James just told me that he'd called the bet off? Was this all a dream? I turned to face him, and looked deep into his eyes, and all I could see there, was sincerity, and the guilt had disappeared… so this was what he'd been guilty about… he'd actually been guilty because of the prank…
My heart soared. James had felt guilty because of the prank… I know he'd done loads of them before, and never felt guilty for stringing anyone along, yet he felt guilty because he had been lying to me about it. Tears of joy stung at my eyes once more, and I allowed them to fall as I fell into James' embrace yet again.
"And James?" I said. "Thank you for saving my life," and hugged him closer.
I know this was going against everything I'd ever been taught or had taught myself, and everything I'd ever believed in or had done, but when it came to James, nothing seemed to matter anymore. Surely if I'd been living in misery for six years of my life, I'd finally be able to have on day, or one moment, of true happiness? And when I hugged him closer to me again, I knew I'd never be able to turn back, to build back those walls and barriers that had been there before…
×-
I woke up in the morning feeling lighter than I'd ever felt before. Last night – or some time in the morning – had felt like a dream, yet I knew it wasn't a dream. It had felt too good to be true, and yet I knew it was true, and I felt so thankful and glad for it. Even though things would never go back to the way they were before – me, loner and secluded – I was glad that James was the one who was my friend.
James had escorted me back to my room after a while of just spending time in each other's arms, in each other's company, enjoying the peaceful silence. He'd told me he had been following me since I left my room. He had been looking out for me, just in case anything happened to me, or if I was to do something stupid again, after all, it was Dumbledore himself who told James never to leave me alone as soon as I left my room… I did wonder what in Merlin's name Professor Dumbledore had been thinking. Wouldn't it be so easy for James to discover my secret if he was with me 24/7?
I was glad that I hadn't gone to Dumbledore's office to report another vision or something, because I didn't want James to follow me there and find out about my secret, but I was glad he had been looking out for me. He had followed me to the Gryffindor common room, and then followed me inside, and I was glad he did.
We'd cleared up the misunderstandings we had with each other, and even though I still hadn't told him about my secret, I was one step closer to trusting him more. Who knows, maybe one day, when I am no longer a threat, and when Voldemort has been defeated, I might just tell him that I had a gift, but for now, I wasn't going to put him in danger.
We had decided to become friends – real friends, and not friends because of completing a prank. James was my first real friend, and I was glad for it.
I know that I would never forget about the kiss, and I would never forget that it'd actually happened, but for now, we would only be friends. I would be too scared to have James as anything else but a friend – it would be too dangerous for him.
I know I wasn't allowed to have friends, and therefore hadn't had one since I'd entered Hogwarts, yet I missed having friends. I missed having them so much that I thought I'd die. Surely if Professor Dumbledore had told James to escort me everywhere, he would permit me to become is friend? I was so happy about that. I was happier than I had been in a long time, and for the first time in my life… I was actually ecstatic.
×-
We had gone down to breakfast (James by my side all the time) and I found myself sitting with the Marauders once again. I ate silently whilst James talked to Sirius and Pettigrew in hushed voices. I didn't mind that they were leaving me out, besides, I knew what they were talking about: Remus, and I definitely couldn't tell them I knew about Remus' condition.
I couldn't let them know that I knew their biggest secret, when none of them knew about mine – it wouldn't be fair on them. After all, what would happen if they wanted to know how I knew about it? What would I answer with, then? That I'd secretly liked James since the first moment I'd laid eyes on him, and had been secretly watching him, observing him from a distance, and during all that, I had been finding out everything there was to know about him, leading me to also find out most of the things about his friends, too?
No, certainly not. I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't let James know I liked him, because if he did, our friendship may be lost forever… I was sure he didn't like me more than that. Why else did he just suggest we'd be friends? But then… why did he kiss me?
I was so confused. For someone who'd spent practically her whole life watching him, I certainly didn't really understand how he thought…
"Hey, Prongsie, what happened? It was only just yesterday that the Flower was completely ignoring you, and now you seem smitten… Did you…?" Sirius leaned over and asked James with a famous sly Sirius grin.
"Shut up," said James, a little embarrassed. "We're friends, and that's it, and that's how it's going to be."
"Way to go, James! Finally got the Flower to accept you, eh?" Sirius grinned.
Peter, being dumb, said, "Yay! Now you're one step closer to completing the prank! And… didn't she already accept him, Padfoot?"
James instantly looked over at Lily to check that she hadn't overheard and misunderstood. When he found that she was calmly eating her food and showing no signs of having heard what Peter said, he turned back to him and glared.
"Wormtail, leave it. The prank is off. ("But—!") I'll tell you later when we visit Moony," James told him, then turned to Sirius, saying, "Speaking of Moony, how is he? Ready to go out of the infirmary, yet?"
"Yeah. Shall we go after breakfast?"
James nodded. "Lily can come, too, right? Just tell her that Moony accidentally caught what his great aunt got and had to go to the infirmary for treatment."
"Sure. Can't leave your Flower for one second now, can you?" Sirius replied with a grin, receiving another "Shut up" from James, then looked at Lily and said, "Hey, Flower, want to come with us to visit Moo – I mean, Remus now? He's ready to go out of the infirmary."
I nodded slowly, wondering why the Marauders were inviting me to go with them to visit their best friend, especially since they didn't know that I knew about their secret, right? They hadn't told me, and I had shown no sign of knowing of Remus' condition… it was then that I remembered that James wasn't allowed to leave my side when I wasn't in my room because Professor Dumbledore had asked him not to. I had never realised how seriously James took what Dumbledore had said before. In fact, I don't recall James ever taking Dumbledore seriously in the first place…
Sirius, however, took my look of confusion as a question to why Remus was in the infirmary and continued, "He was visiting his sick aunt—" Ah, I thought, so it's a sick aunt this time, eh? "—And wasn't careful, so accidentally caught her flu… He's better now. You finished eating? Shall we go?"
I smiled – I seemed to be able to smile a lot more and a lot more naturally now that I had James as a friend – and nodded. Sirius had obviously taken my smile as a 'Yes, Sirius, I buy your excuse' kind of thing. I could tell by the way he was grinning triumphantly at his other two friends. James rolled his eyes, and I couldn't help the corners of my mouth twitching a little.
×-
"Moony! We've come to fetch you!" Sirius said in a singsong voice upon reaching the hospital wing.
"Hey gu—" Remus began, but stopped upon seeing me with them. His eyes widened with shock, and looked at the others with a mixture of fear of the fact that I might know their secret, and confusion of why I was there.
Sirius cut in swiftly by saying, "Don't worry, Moony, we already told her everything about how you caught the flu off your aunt when you were taking care of her, and now that you're better, you're ready to come out of the infirmary, so she decided to accompany us. Right, Flower?" he asked, turning to me.
I nodded and smiled at Remus, saying, "I'm glad you're better," while admiring Sirius' lying skills.
"Thank you," said Remus.
That was when James spoke. "Hey, erm… guys… about the prank…" My heart skipped a beat. Remus, Sirius and Pettigrew all looked shocked that James was declaring something about the prank right in front of me, but then as Pettigrew put on a confused face, Remus and Sirius had a look that said 'I-knew-this-was-going-to-happen' triumphant one.
"Yeah, yeah, stop looking so smug. Anyway… it's off… Lily and I are friends now, and I want all of us to get along, and not just because of a prank, okay?"
"Sure. We'd be glad to have you around, Lily." Remus smiled at me kindly. I thanked him.
"Yeah!" hooted Sirius. "It'll be great!"
Pettigrew nodded enthusiastically.
And whilst I was tremendously happy, I knew I mustn't let myself become over friendly with them. One friend was already too much, but taking on three at once? I say three, because I still don't count Pettigrew as a friend at all. I still have a weird feeling that he would do something to betray us all. I hated that feeling, but I knew I could trust that feeling, yet how was I going to tell these friends that I had barely known a week that one of them who they'd known since the beginning was going to betray them?
They would never believe me, and they would want to know why they said that. They would want to know how I knew, and if I cannot give them a clear answer, they would accuse me of lying and trying to split them up if it didn't actually happen, then they would hate me forever, which was something I didn't want.
I was considering telling them.
Yes, them hating me wasn't something I wanted, but it was something I needed. If I could get them to hate me, then they would leave me be. I would be able to go back to being a loner, and they would never ask to become my friend again, and that, in turn, would protect them from being put in harm's way because of me and my 'gift'.
I decided against it. At least not for now, anyways. I wanted to feel what it was like to be liked, and to have friends like them who cared about me. Wasn't it what I'd always wished for? To have friends like them who care about each other so much? Wouldn't it be even better if I had them as my friends?
I decided. I would be friends with them for a week. Just for a week. Only for a week. Once that week was over, I'd tell them, and make them hate me, and have them leave me forever. Was it too much to ask for to let me have some great friends for a week? It would only be for a week… after that week, I would make sure I am not friends with them any longer.
I would control myself. No matter how much I wanted to continue to be friends with them, I would resist the temptation, and get them to hate me. After all, who knows? Maybe after that week, I wouldn't want to be friends with them anymore, right? It could happen. Even though I seriously doubted it deep down, on the surface, I was hoping beyond hope that that would happen. So, since I decided that I'd be selfish for only one more week, I may as well enjoy it, right?
I smiled at them, thanked them, and the next thing I knew, I was being squished into a hug and lifted up by Sirius and spun round and round. I laughed with Sirius and the rest of the Marauders, and when he finally put me down, my eye caught James'. He had a weird look on his face, as if he was angry and trying to hide it. Even when he laughed, it had sounded as if it had been forced. It was as if he was… jealous?
No, it couldn't be. Why would James be jealous of his friend, who did nothing except lift me up and twirl me around for a bit. I must admit, I'd never had so much fun before, and I knew that this would only be the start.
Meanwhile, in an office, a man and a woman were talking…
"Is it really a good idea? To have that boy look after her with all his friends?" the woman asked.
"He overheard the conversation, he now knows about it. What is wrong with letting him take away a little of Lily's burden by being close to her? I have warned him never to tell, and judging by the way he acts around her, he never will. Don't you think it's time Lily deserved a few friends?" said the man, with a familiar twinkle in his eyes, and the ghost of a smile upon his lips.
The woman nodded, deep in thought. "I suppose… but isn't it dangerous? What if he found him and interrogated him?"
"Have faith in the boy. Both his parents are Aurors, and that is what he is aspiring to be. He has had plenty of tips and training from them. He will not spill out her secret, even if it cost him his life. The others do not know, and even if they did, there would only be one who worries me among their group…"
And they both knew whom he was talking about…
×-
A/N: Oh my gosh… that kiss/fluff scene (major gag!—someone show me where the best place to puke is! -.-;) was SOOOOOOOOO hard to write! I thought of just quitting half way through it – I was totally NOT motivated to do a KISS scene! I mean, sure I was motivated, but not for a kiss scene x.x;;
ANYWAYS, now that that's over with…
Again, apologies for not making this chapter very long, I had to write LOADS and I didn't want to (even so, it came up to about 4,000+ words—9 pages—anyways), so I thought I'd put this chapter up instead of trying to get the length correct, right? I was having a kind of writer's block… I kept on randomly wanting to read manga half way though writing it (yes, I admit, I'm addicted to manga right now!), so yeah… it was kind of weird…
I was going to have Remus and Pettigrew asking about the prank, too, and have Lily misunderstand again, but I decided not to… Haha. I didn't really know what to put in this chapter, but yeah…
Does anyone know who the people in the office were? Have a guess? Go on – it's not rocket science! Haha.
And remember, the next chapter length depends on how many reviews I get, and I'd like some decent reviews please—if that's not asking too much, after all, I'm going to put quite a bit of effort into writing this to make it the length I'd promised with that thing…unless you guys would rather me just post up a chapter and not care much about the length? I won't make it too short, anyways. What'd you think? Review please. Thank you!
Oh yeah, I'll now be signing stuff off with —×Kuri×—, because Kurisutina is Crystina in Japanese (got it off a name translation thingy), so yeah. ;;
L8r,
—×Kuri×—
aka LivingDreams